Room to Breathe

by Liz Talley

  Rachel nodded, seemingly appeased. “Sure. I’ll finish this up. You better go if you’re going by a bakery.”

  Ellery rushed through the return rack and settled the receipts with the manager. If she were fast enough, she could stop by Maggie Anne’s bakery before it closed and pick up the salted-caramel cupcakes Josh loved along with some coffee. Oh, and she could get extras for his study group. She envisioned herself arriving with the treats and everyone acknowledging how lucky Josh was to have her. He’d beam at her, give her a cute kiss on the nose or maybe a pat on the bottom. Ellery Witt, epitome of the understanding fiancée. Even though she really, really wished he’d push away his notes and pull her into his arms and give her his full attention. His cadaver got more action than she did.

  “Thanks, Rach. I’m off,” she called out to Rachel, who’d stopped to chat with Fiona at the makeup counter. Fi was showing Rachel the new Christmas gift sets that came with the purchase of a perfume. Normally, Ellery would be all over the new shades of eggplant and olive eyeshadows, but she had the role of best future wife ever to play.

  After she hadn’t gotten the internship and resigned herself to coming back to Shreveport, she’d rationalized that being with Josh would be a great testing ground for their upcoming marriage. She wasn’t giving up on her dream, but since her fashion goals were on hold, she would work on balance and providing emotional support for her future husband. This would be another step in creating a solid relationship, one like she’d thought her parents had.

  When Daphne and Rex had asked to speak to her before she went back to college for her junior year, she’d been shocked to learn they were getting a divorce. Her parents had seemed rock solid. Well, at least until her mother had gotten a new life, one that didn’t include her or her father. Ellery couldn’t lie and say it hadn’t hurt to feel as if she’d been relegated to the back burner and left there while her mother went to book festivals, conferences, and three-day meetings with attorneys and her agent. Overnight her mother had become a different woman. Like literally. Her agent talked Daphne into writing under a different name. Two blinks later, the former preschool teacher had a fan club and multiple offers from networks looking to adapt her children’s books for a new television series. Suddenly her mother wasn’t just her mother. She was Dee Dee O’Hara.

  Ellery hadn’t realized her father felt the same way—forgotten. Her father had gone to therapy to deal with being abandoned and set aside for her mom’s unexpected career. He’d told her all this when they were at the beach, about how he’d felt diminished and lonely. Ellery had always been under the impression her father had ended the marriage, but Dad had implied that things had gotten so bad that he thought leaving was the only avenue left to him. Sitting there that night on the beach, her father had wiped tears away when he told her he’d driven away hoping that his action would wake her mother up to the problems in their marriage, but Daphne hadn’t seemed to care. She’d shrugged and said she didn’t love him anymore. Ellery had felt something inside her break at the sadness in her father’s voice.

  And then he’d told her about his suspicions . . . about how secretive Daphne was. About the man who’d answered the phone one morning in her hotel room.

  Until that moment, she hadn’t realized how hurt her daddy had been. He hadn’t asked for his wife to become the next Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators rock star, and when Daphne refused to change her new direction even the slightest or fight for their marriage, her father had no recourse but to step away in order to protect his own mental health.

  Well, Ellery wasn’t going to stop fighting for her and Josh.

  She had all the pieces she needed to put together both a successful marriage and eventual career. What was happening now was a speed bump, and she knew how to roll right over those. Nothing between her and Josh had changed. When they’d graduated from UGA, they’d sat under a big oak tree, holding hands, grad gowns tangled about their legs, and declared that they were in this together. Whatever came their way, they could handle. She even remembered his words.

  “We’re doing this, right?” He’d looked so intense at that moment.

  “Yeah. I think as long as we stick together, everything we’ve ever wanted will be at our fingertips,” she’d said, squeezing his hand, her heart so full at having this man’s love. Josh made her so happy.

  “I know you think coming with me is right, but I think you should go to New York.”

  “I can’t. I don’t have a job, Josh.”

  Josh looped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. “Babe, it’s going to be hard my first couple of years. The classes are intense, and I’ll have to study a lot. Go to New York and do your thing. If you go with me, you won’t see me much. I know the deal with that Krause woman fell through, but there are tons of other designers. You are charming, beautiful, and determined. You’ll get something.”

  “It’s too late. Everything’s filled. Besides, how pathetic would I look schlepping in and dropping off résumés like some loser? I’d end up as a temp or in the mail room. I can’t afford to live in Manhattan on that kind of pittance.” Every time she envisioned herself in NYC, it had been with J.J., being the Andy to her Miranda Priestly. It would be hard but worth it to wear the sample sizes, meet fabulous people, and become absolutely necessary to the fashion icon. She wasn’t going to answer phones for some start-up that would probably close in five years, all the while dining on ramen noodles.

  “You’re being remarkably stubborn.” He rolled his pretty eyes.

  “I can go to Shreveport with you, save my money, and get some practical experience at Selber’s. My dad’s girlfriend is best friends with Charlotte Rolfstein, who owns the store. Her mother, Mrs. Catherine, is well respected in the right Manhattan circles, and she can get me some looks from some houses next year. It’s called a gap year for a reason. Plus, you’ll need me to make you homemade mac and cheese and rub your back when you’re super stressed.”

  Josh had smiled, looking so handsome she’d almost whipped out her phone and snapped a picture. Look at my boyfriend. Cat’s meow. #solucky #eatyourheartout #prettierthanme.

  “Fine. Do whatever you want. You’re going to do it anyway,” he’d said, drawing her into a hug.

  So she’d done just that, and it wasn’t so bad.

  But it’s not good, either. None of your best friends are in town, you hang with your mother, and you make ten dollars an hour. Oh, and your fiancé hasn’t had sex with you in forever and a day.

  Cupcakes would work. Those salted-caramel ones made everyone feel a bit frisky. Or at the very least, Ellery could pretend there was magic in sugar.

  Thirty minutes later she pressed the button on the elevator that would take her up to the gross anatomy lab. The security guard had given her a hard time about not having a student ID with her, but she’d flashed her baby blues, given him a cupcake, and left her car keys at the front desk. Oh, and she’d also been patted down just in case she was a nutcase with a gun. They’d had those before. Psych patients who’d masqueraded as doctors or students. Ellery didn’t want to think about the words necrophilia and cannibalism, but she’d heard rumors about both happening at other medical centers. Reality was sometimes stranger than fiction.

  The smell of formaldehyde assaulted her when she stepped onto the floor. She knew that the fluid was necessary to keep the cadavers viable so the students could properly learn anatomy, but it literally permeated the entire floor . . . and all of Josh’s clothing. Poor dead people. They were essentially pickles for first years to poke and label. Ellery would never consent to donate her body to science. She’d heard the nicknames the med students had secretly given their cadavers.

  No way.

  She balanced the coffee—four piping-hot autumn blends with cream and sugar on the side—with the box of cupcakes. Thank goodness she’d sold her wine to her mother, because the dang cupcakes had cost an arm and a leg.

  Better not to joke about body parts up here.
>
  She stared at the double doors to the anatomy lab. Did she knock?

  Someone appeared to her right.

  “Hey, you looking for someone?” The person asking her the question was tiny, Asian, and wore smart glasses that made her look adorable. She didn’t look like a med student. She looked like a middle grader.

  “Uh, yeah. Josh Prince? I’m his fiancée, and I brought him a study snack.” Ellery lifted the box and gave her a smile. Aren’t I the best?

  “Oh, yeah, he’s not in there. I think he and Drew are down in Dr. Spell’s lab studying. They already finished with their study group, like, an hour ago,” the woman said, pointing down the hall before pushing into the lab. The closing door shut quickly, causing a puff of air to blow Ellery’s hair. The smell was . . . indescribable.

  “Ugh,” Ellery said, trying to not make a face. After all, dissecting bodies was necessary for future physicians. They had to know what nerves, tissues, and organs looked like. Unless they were going to be psychiatrists. Ellery could see herself as a psychiatrist, legs crossed, the cute glasses the med student had been wearing perched at the end of her nose. Now tell me, Mr. Mahoney, why did you sneak into the school and eat the left pinkie of cadaver number thirteen?

  Eh, maybe not.

  Ellery started down the hall, peering at each placard, looking for Dr. Spell’s name. Finally, she found it at the end of the squeaky hallway.

  She rubbed her lips together, hoping her lip gloss was still glossy, and tossed her golden mane so it fell into place and didn’t look flat. Stomach in, smile donned, she pushed the door open, and immediately thumped into something.

  A yelp and crash ensued.

  “Oh no!” she exclaimed as Josh yanked the door open, his eyes wide in alarm.

  “Ellery,” he breathed, his gaze darting to where Drew sat at the table, notes spread out before him. Another notebook sat beside it, obviously Josh’s place. “What are you doing here? You scared me to death.”

  “I’m sorry. I was just bringing you a snack for studying.” She held up the box of cupcakes and set the tray of coffee on the small table near the door. When she’d pushed the door open, she’d knocked a rolling desk chair into the table holding some sort of equipment.

  “Oh,” Josh said, his face flushed and his hair a bit mussed. He always twisted his fingers in his hair when he studied, and it was sort of adorable. “Why didn’t you just knock? I was rolling the chair to the other side when you opened the door. You could have caused a serious accident or broken something.”

  Ellery felt flustered herself. And hurt. She hadn’t meant to make a scene. “I’m sorry, honey.” Ellery handed Josh the box and grabbed the chair, pulling it from where it had wedged between two lab stools. “I wanted to surprise you.”

  Josh glanced back at Drew, who looked not at all rattled by the chair slamming into the table. Drew held out his hand. “I’ll take a snack.”

  Her fiancé handed the box over to Drew and then picked up the coffee and set it beside his notebook. Then he grabbed the chair from her hands. She let it go without a fight. “I shouldn’t have overreacted. You just startled me, and I’m just tired and cranky and—”

  “—mad I came by,” she finished for him, a slight catch in her throat. She shouldn’t have come and interrupted him. Josh was so serious about his studies. Cupcakes now seemed like a stupid idea.

  “No, I’m not mad, babe. Just trying to keep my heart from A-fib. You should have called.”

  “I did. I texted you, like, three times.”

  He glanced down at his phone, which sat near his notebook. “We were doing a lot of texting with McCurdy’s group. Sorry. The texts probably got buried.”

  Drew seemed oblivious to the tension and pulled out a cupcake, licking his fingers. Icing had gotten on the sides when she’d jumped back seconds before. “Damn, I love these freaking things.”

  Josh had met Drew at orientation and had raved about how funny the guy was. Drew was tall and broad shouldered with a cleft chin and dark-brown hair that was cut a tad too short for his wide face. He had sideburns and a bad habit of picking at his teeth, but he was nice looking in a rugged, rough-around-the-edges way. He and Josh were mirror opposites, with Josh polished like a new penny and Drew more like a crumpled dollar bill discovered in the pocket of sweaty gym shorts.

  Josh took her by the elbow and moved back toward the door. “Sorry I didn’t call earlier. We’ve been swamped, but it was very thoughtful of you to do this for us, babe. I’ll see if some of the other guys want some, too.”

  He wanted her to go.

  She hadn’t expected him to take the coffee and cupcakes and escort her out in mere seconds. No, a little time together wasn’t too much to ask. Maybe a mini make-out session in the stacks? There was a library somewhere in the building, wasn’t there? “You’re welcome. I was hoping that maybe we could go somewhere and talk?”

  Josh’s color had returned to normal, but she still made a mental note in her future-spouse notebook that Josh didn’t like surprises.

  “Why? Is everything okay?” he asked, glancing back at Drew, who had already polished off one cupcake and was working on another. Ellery tried not to frown at the sight of Josh’s friend wolfing down the expensive cupcakes she’d bought for her fella.

  “I thought you could take a little break. Hey, maybe you can show me your cadaver.” She didn’t want to see a dead, cut-up body. Definitely didn’t want to see that, but she would if it meant he threw her some attention.

  “You aren’t allowed in there, babe.” Josh directed her back toward the door. “Here. I’ll walk you to the elevator.”

  “Oh, okay. I guess this is goodbye.” Ellery turned and waved to Drew. “Enjoy the treat.”

  Drew saluted and, with his mouth still full, mumbled, “I will.”

  “Be back in a minute,” Josh said, holding open the door for her.

  Drew had already gone back to his notes. Josh shut the door behind them. The hallway was thankfully empty.

  “Josh, I’m sorry if I distracted you. I thought you might want to see your girl. I haven’t talked to you in, like, days.” She wasn’t truly sorry, though. Distraction had been her goal. That’s why she’d unbuttoned the top two buttons on her blouse, a Nanette Lepore silk blouse in a gorgeous raspberry that looked terrific next to her peachy skin tone.

  “Oh, come on, Elle. I see you every day . . . and I sleep beside you,” he said, walking more quickly toward the bank of elevators than she would have liked.

  “Josh,” she said, grabbing his elbow. “Stop for a minute.”

  He did. “What?”

  “You say you see me, but you don’t. Not really. We spend hardly any time together. Don’t you miss me? Don’t you miss us?” she asked. Her voice sounded pathetic, but she couldn’t seem to help it. He’d ignored her for days, slipping out of bed and taking a shower before her alarm clock even sounded for the first round of “punch the snooze button.” She’d finally rise, only to stumble into the kitchen to find an empty coffeepot and crumbs from his English muffin on the counter. This morning he’d left a note on the fridge, and her heart had leaped in expectation of something sweet, but it had merely been a reminder to get more milk. They were like an old married couple who weren’t even married yet.

  Josh pulled her into his arms. In the weave of his lab coat she could smell formaldehyde, his citrusy cologne, and something she couldn’t place, but it didn’t matter because she was in his arms. “Of course I miss you. I totally do, sweetheart, but I told you this year would be grueling. It feels as if there are not enough hours in the day for all the work I have to do.”

  “You’re telling me,” she drawled and looked away from him. She didn’t want to be hurt. They’d talked about what med school would be like, but she hadn’t realized that she’d be this damned lonely.

  “You know I would rather be home with you, watching Netflix and nibbling on these delicious earlobes.” He playfully nipped the shell of her ear and gave an exaggera
ted growl.

  Ellery closed her eyes and snuggled into him. “I know. It’s terrible, but it will all be worth it in the end. I know it will.”

  He gave her a final squeeze and then released her before dropping a kiss on her forehead. “I’ll be home soon. Maybe another hour or two more. Take a bath and open some of that good wine. We’ll toast to being survivors and do more than sleep in that bed, okay?”

  “Really?”

  He brushed his lips across hers. “Really. We’ve got this, right?”

  She nodded. “We do.”

  “Good girl. Now scoot. I’ll put my nose to the grindstone and be out of here before ten.” He glanced at the TAG Heuer watch his father had given him for graduation. “Maybe ten thirty.”

  Ellery stepped onto the elevator, gave him a winning smile, and then unbuttoned her shirt, exposing her lacy white bra. She ran a hand between her breasts. “I’ll be waiting.”

  Josh laughed as the doors closed. “Vixen.”

  Ellery’s own laughter echoed in the tinny elevator, small company for a lonely woman with her blouse undone. She made herself presentable just as the doors parted in the lobby. Donning a determined grin, she walked toward the security desk.

  “Mission accomplished, Ernie. I fed a few med students and partially seduced my fiancé,” she said, holding out her hand.

  Ernie shuffled around to the back side of the desk and pulled her keys from the drawer. “Well, he’s a lucky guy.”

  “Only if he stays awake for what I have planned,” she said with a conspiratorial wink. Her words were empty, but she tried to sell herself on them. Ernie didn’t care. He still had ten more hours on his shift.

  “Like I said, lucky guy.” Ernie grinned, flashing a bit of silver. He looked like that guy on Home Alone. The short one. The one that lost the crown.

  “Good night,” Ellery said, pushing out into the darkness. Her car sat alone beneath the strained glow of the fluorescent light. A few other cars sat far away, and Ellery figured it was indicative of her life. Alone but not alone.

  When she climbed into her car and pressed the lock button, she pulled out her phone. Nothing from Josh. No sweet “thank you for being the bestest fiancée in the world” text. That was the old Josh. The one she’d fallen in love with when he left her flowers he’d picked in a field beside the gas station on her front porch. The one who was obviously long gone.