My Blue

by Jacobs, Emery

  Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep. “I promise.”

  28

  Ella Blue

  “Are you sure you’re up to going to a funeral?” Gracie asks as she parks herself in the oversized leather chair located in the bedroom I call mine.

  I mentally check off every reason why I shouldn’t go to the funeral of a friend from high school. I remember Wade; he was always a good friend to Leo and a good friend to me. Plus, Leo is hurting right now, so I want to be there for him.

  “I’m perfectly capable of going to the funeral of an old friend of mine. I even asked Dr. Bryant this morning.” I decided to go in and see the doctor before my scheduled appointment because of all the memory surges I’ve been having. I just wanted to make sure everything I’ve been experiencing is normal. He seemed to think I’m doing okay, but to be on the safe side, he referred me to a psychiatrist, because the type of amnesia I have is different from someone who develops it from trauma or a brain injury.

  “I don’t know, Ella.”

  “What do you not know, Gracie?” I blow out an exasperated breath and then walk over to the small closet that houses most of the clothes I brought for the summer. I also have some in boxes. I guess when I planned to stay for three months, I brought everything I owned.

  She bites her bottom lip and tugs at a few strands of hair that have escaped her messy bun. “I’m just worried about you. After all the shit that went down with Asa…I mean, you remembered the breakup so clearly. You also told me about the memory your dad triggered. It was terrible listening to you relive it as you told me everything about the night he sent you away. I really hate to say it, but…” She hesitates a breath.

  “Then don’t. If you hate to mention something and you think it might upset me then please, Gracie, don’t say it,” I beg. I know what she’s going to say; I just don’t want to hear it. All of my memories have been bad. The only happy reminders of my life before were recalling the song I hummed the night at the bar and Jenna, the girl I met at the bar the night of the concert. Other than that, my life is just one big bad memory.

  “Okay, I won’t say it, but I still don’t think you need to go.”

  I grab a cute black dress and jerk around to face my friend. “Please, Gracie, just stop. I’m going to the funeral. I want to be there for Leo. He’s basically put his life on hold for me. I can’t turn my back on him when he’s hurting.” I lay the dress on my bed and dig around in a basket full of shoes in search of something cute but also funeral appropriate.

  “Is he making you go?” she asks reluctantly.

  “I can’t believe you just asked me that. No, Leo is not making me go. He doesn’t make me do anything. Actually, he said he would understand if I didn’t want to go, but I insisted.”

  She shoves out of the chair and walks over to me. “Ella, I’m sorry. I feel like I’ve been a complete bitch during this entire ordeal, but it’s only because I’m trying to protect you. I don’t know Leo. I didn’t know Wade. You never mentioned anyone from this town other than your grandmother.” Gracie leans against the wall as I continue to look for shoes.

  “Not to sound like an ungrateful bitch for everything you’ve done for me, but I don’t remember you. It’s Leo and Wade that I know—or in Wade’s case, knew.” I grab a pair of cute black and silver strappy sandals and toss them on the bed next to my dress.

  “I get it. I just don’t understand why you never talked to me about your past.”

  I gnaw on my bottom lip as my mind races. I’ve thought the same thing at least a hundred times since I developed amnesia. This isn’t the first time Gracie and I have talked about why I failed to mention a previous life, especially Leo, because he was such an important part of my existence.

  “Maybe I didn’t want to think about what I was missing because it hurt too much. You have to understand that I loved Leo, I mean, really loved him for most of my life. Everything I did after that I’m sure was just me getting by the best way I could.”

  “I understand, and I’m sorry I keep upsetting you. I promise we are the best of friends, but that doesn’t mean we don’t disagree—a lot.” She laughs. “I’m really happy you found your way back to Leo. I just hope you can find your way back to me.” Gracie leans into me, and I give her a hug.

  I sigh. “Thank you for everything. You have really been a good friend through this entire shit show.”

  “Thank you for saying that, but here lately I feel like I’m failing miserably. I just wish I had been inside the building after you guys walked off stage, and then maybe—”

  “Don’t even say it. What happened to me is not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. Now help me get my shit together so I can be ready when Leo gets here.”

  * * *

  I walk outside onto the porch of my rental as Leo climbs the three steps to meet me. He’s dressed in a snug black button-up shirt and gray slacks that fit him perfectly. His hair is messy and wavy, and he’s wearing dark shades. God, he’s so beautiful.

  “Hey, Blue. Thank you for going with me. I know you would probably rather not spend your afternoon this way.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. “You look beautiful,” he whispers against my skin, and a chill rushes up my spine.

  “Thank you. So do you. I mean—you look nice, too.” He laughs this extremely sexy laugh and my knees go weak. Inhale. Exhale. Just breathe.

  He takes my hand as we walk down the steps toward his car, which reminds me: “I’m so happy you got your car back. I just wish you would have told me about it being stolen from the beginning.”

  He shrugs. “I didn’t think it was that important, especially with everything you were going through.”

  “Promise me you’ll tell me everything from now on. I’m not so fragile that I can’t handle bad news.”

  He stops walking and turns to face me. “I know you’re not fragile. You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, but everything happened so fast. I saw you on stage and then less than five minutes later my car was missing. I met with the cops as quickly as I could and then rushed back in to you, but it was too late. Your band was already backstage, and by the time I was able to get back there, nobody knew where you were.” He slants his lips over mine for a long sweet kiss before pulling back and looking into my eyes. “The next call I got was from Gracie telling me you were in the hospital and were asking for me. After I saw you lying in that bed, my car didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered but you.” His voice is full of emotion, and I’m sure a lot of it is because of Wade.

  He’s about to bury one of his best friends. This time, it’s me who leans in and covers his mouth with mine. He’s so good—too good. Our tongues tangle in a rhythm foreign but yet familiar. He’s gentle and hard at the same time.

  He pulls back and gives me one last kiss on the cheek. “We need to go. I don’t want to be late.” He takes my hand and leads me to the passenger door of his car.

  We both reach for the handle at the same time, and I giggle. “I can open my door,” I tell him, and he grins.

  Leo cups my face and kisses the tip of my nose. “I can always count on you to make a shitty day so much better.”

  My heart jumps in my chest. I feel kind of guilty being happy on the day of Wade’s funeral, but I can’t help it. Leo makes me happy, so happy. I grab the handle and pull the door open before leaning over to climb in.

  “Come on, babe, hop in. Let me take you for a quick ride.”

  I shake my head. “No. I don’t have time. Gracie’s waiting.”

  “Fuck her, Ella. We won’t be gone long. I just need a few minutes with you—to talk.”

  I look behind me at the big metal door of the bar. Then I scan the empty parking lot. “I can’t.”

  “Yes, you can, come on—climb in and buckle up.”

  “I said no. You need to leave.”

  “You know I hate that you’re always so close but won’t even look at me.”

  “There’s a reason for that. It’s because
I can’t stand you.” I suck in a deep breath and exhale slowly. “I don’t have time for anymore of your games, and I don’t know where you got this black Corvette, but you better take it back before somebody misses it.”

  My heart jerks in my chest as a high-pitched sound from across the parking lot grabs my attention.

  “Get in the fucking car, Ella. Now!” he yells, grabbing my arm and pulling me inside. He reaches across me and pulls the door closed. “Put your fucking seat belt on!”

  He throws it in drive and slams on the gas. My head hits the back of the seat and I can’t breathe.

  “Blue, are you okay?” a familiar voice asks.

  “Leo, is that you?” My head is swimming and my vision is blurry.

  A strong arm wraps around my waist and helps me to lower myself into the cool leather seat. “You’re shaking, Blue.”

  I close my eyes and inhale then exhale. Inhale and exhale. “I’m okay.” Not really, but I can’t tell Leo anything until I put the memories together myself.

  “You’re not okay. You’re shaking and pale, and I’m sure there’s a reason for your eyes being closed.” He leans inside the car and brushes his fingers across the bare skin of my neck. “You’re clammy, too.”

  I open my eyes and look at him. My vision is better, clearer, and the dizziness has resolved. “No, I’m fine. I just don’t like funerals. I mean, who does, right?”

  “Are you sure nothing’s wrong? You didn’t have a memory or anything, did you?” His voice is calm but stern. He wants the truth, not the lie I’m going to tell him.

  “It was nothing. I think I got too hot.” I cough in an attempt to clear the lump in my throat. “I’m fine. Let’s go. I don’t want to be late.” I force a smile.

  “If you have another one of those episodes, I’m taking you to the emergency room.”

  I nod. What else can I do other than tell him bits and pieces of a memory that may or may not be true?

  Leo stands, closes my door, and walks around to the other side of the car.

  29

  Leo

  Today has been one of the worst days of my entire life. When my grandparents died, it was hard. Then when my dad died, it was worse than hard. It was like my entire world imploded. I felt like I’d lost everything, and it took me a long time just to learn to live day to day without him. I’m not sure how to even adapt to being without Wade, knowing he’ll never beat down my front door at two in the morning because he had his hook-up for the night drop him off at my place so she wouldn’t know where he lives. He’ll never call me from some hole-in-the-wall bar to come pick him up because he’s too drunk to drive, and I’ll never see him smile that goofy-ass grin when he talks about his upcoming plans. “Fuck!”

  “Hey, man, you okay?” The sound of Luke’s voice pulls me out of my head.

  “Nope, not okay. Don’t think I ever will be again.” I push off the rail I was leaning against. The cemetery is beginning to clear out. Everyone is heading over to Wade’s parents house, but I’m just not in the mood to be around anyone but Blue. “I think I’m going to skip the meet-and-greet part of this shitty day.”

  “Yeah, me, too. I think I need time to process, alone,” Luke says as we both head toward the parking lot.

  Blue decided to wait in the car. She said she was a little overwhelmed and tired.

  “Maybe we can grab a drink after work one day next week,” Luke suggests.

  “Sounds good. Shoot me a text.” I turn toward my car. Blue is leaning against my Vette, scrolling through her phone when I finally make it across the lot.

  “Hey,” I mumble, leaning in and kissing her lips.

  She wraps her arms around my neck and squeezes me tight.

  “Everything okay?” I ask her.

  She pulls back and smiles. “Yeah, I’m good, especially now that you’re here.”

  Man, I fucking love this girl. Just seeing her smile makes everything better.

  “So, what do you want to do?” I ask as I open the car door for her, and she giggles just like earlier.

  “You know—”

  I cut her off. “Yeah, I know—you can open your own door.”

  She slides onto black leather seat and buckles up.

  I make my way to the opposite side and climb in. “Where to?”

  She leans over and whispers against my ear, “Let’s go back to your place and make out like teenagers.” Her lips are warm against my neck as she makes her way to my jaw and finally my mouth. Heat surges through me, her kiss is a promise of more—so much more. She pulls back and her gaze meets mine. “Let me love you, Leo.”

  “Yeah, okay.” I’m tired of fighting my feelings. I’m ready to let her love me, because I know I’m ready to love her.

  30

  Ella Blue

  We pull into the long driveway leading up to Leo’s grandmother’s house. It’s taken every ounce of strength I have to keep my hands and mouth off him on the trip that brought us here—to the house we hung out all day every day during the summer when we were kids. I mean, I’d love to see his grandmother again, but not right now.

  “So, you’re bringing me to see your grandmother and then we’re going to your place? I mean, if you’d rather, we can go back to my rental. I can make Gracie leave.” I rub his thigh, giving it a tight squeeze.

  The car stops in front of the house and he leans across the console. “This is my house,” he whispers before brushing his lips over mine.

  “Your house?” My question is laced with confusion.

  “Yeah, my grandmother passed away the summer after you left. After graduation, Beau and I gave it an overhaul.”

  “Oh my God.” I slap my hand over my mouth. “Your grandmother died. Leo, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s been almost eight years. You weren’t here, so you didn’t know.” He kisses me again before unbuckling my seat belt and nodding toward the door. “Let’s go inside.”

  My stomach somersaults a couple of times before a thousand butterflies take flight. Remember to breathe. I slip out of the car, shut the door, and follow Leo into the house.

  My heart skips a beat or two as I step inside. The door slams behind me, and I turn around to find Leo watching me.

  I cock a brow, and a smile tugs at my lips. “Are we gonna just stand around and stare at each other all day, or are you going to rip my clothes off and remind me of what I’ve been missing all this time?”

  He pounces on me like a wild animal would its prey, touching, kissing, nipping, biting, licking, and tearing every stitch of clothing from my body. He lifts me in his strong arms and carries me down the hall into a big room with an even bigger bed.

  “Leo,” I whisper as he lays me down onto the mattress.

  My body is humming with electricity as he climbs onto the bed and hovers just above me. His dark eyes watch each rise and fall of my chest. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. His lips touch my bare skin, and I feel it in my soul. Leo brings his face down beside mine, his mouth near my ear. “Blue, are you sure? Is this what you want?” His breath is hot on my face. His words burn into my mind, and it takes me back to another place and another time…

  “Blue, are you sure? Is this what you want?”

  “Leo…I want you to be my first and my last…my forever. Will you love me forever?” A tear rolls down my cheek, and he kisses it away.

  He smiles and kisses me slowly. “Me loving you forever is something you never have to worry about.”

  “Tell me,” I whisper against his mouth.

  “I’ll love you forever, Blue. Forever.”

  “Yes, I’m sure. I’m always sure with you.”

  Leo stands, takes his clothes off, and then climbs back onto the bed. His eyes flash with a familiar desire that feels like yesterday. His fingers trail down my body slowly, gently, softly, and a fire burns inside of me as his lips follow his touch.

  When his eyes meet mine again, I offer him a small smile. I love you.

  His mouth touches my shoulder before
moving to my breast. He flicks my nipple with his tongue once before pulling it into his mouth and then he moves to my left, slowly repeating the same movements.

  “Now, Leo. I want to feel you inside of me.” My voice is raspy, my tone is demanding.

  He lifts off me, and my eyes travel across every single inch of his body. Leo is no longer the awkward boy with a long lanky body. He’s still tall and thin, but he’s definitely a man—thick in all the right places.

  He rolls the condom on his cock. Long, thick, heavy—it’s beautiful, just like the rest of him. Everything about Leo Matson is beautiful both inside and out.

  My eyes meet his, and he smirks. “Caught me looking?” I wink as he moves his hard body over mine.

  “I like that I caught you looking.” He kisses my right breast and then moves to my left. Leo’s movements are slow and tender, and I’m growing impatient. I’m needy and achy, and I want him to make it all go away.

  I slide my hand down his chest across his tight, toned stomach until I reach his erection. I lift up slightly, feeling his hardness nudging at my opening. “Now, Leo. I need you now.”

  Leo grunts, and I groan as he thrusts forward, filling me over and over again, his movements slow and purposeful at first. “Fuck, Blue, I’ve missed you,” he says as his lips meet mine.

  We move together in a familiar rhythm of push and pull, slow and fast, hard and soft until I feel a deep pulse shoot through me, my orgasm nearing, waiting to take me over the top. The ache starts in my belly and moves between my legs. A shiver skitters down my spine, my breath catches, and my heart misses a beat.

  “You are so beautiful.” Leo’s words fall from his mouth, his gaze never leaving mine. I lift my hips to meet his every thrust. His movements become reckless, and I want to give him that feeling, the best feeling in the world. “Fuck, Blue, I’m coming,” he says on a long, slow groan. Leo falls against me, and all is right in my world again. I love you so much.