Risk Assessment

by Parker St John

  His fingers didn’t seem to want to relax their grip when he tried to hand over the shirt, and there was a brief tug of war. It took all his willpower to release it.

  “Thanks.” Lucas tossed it onto a rolling cart. “How… how have you been?”

  Fucking miserable. “Okay.”

  “That’s good.”

  “Yeah.” Elliot cast around wildly for something better to say. “Did you have your last meeting with Arnold?”

  He saw his mistake instantly. Lucas’s expression shut down and his eyes grew cold. “I’ll always be a criminal, whether or not I’m on probation, Elliot.”

  It took every ounce of courtroom skill he had to keep from rolling his eyes and aggravating Lucas even more. “You’ll be a reformed criminal, technically, but yes, you will always have a record.” Elliot looked him straight in the eye. “That’s not a problem for me, Lucas. It never has been.”

  Lucas dropped his gaze and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s got to bother you somewhere deep down, Elliot. Age, education, history… we’re just too different.”

  Elliot swallowed the lump in his throat, but the damn thing wouldn’t budge. “Does it bother you?”

  “Yes.”

  He felt like he’d been kicked in the chest by a mule. But Lucas was right. He deserved someone younger, someone who had his future ahead of him. Whatever expression was on his face, it made Lucas take a step closer. He reached out to grab Elliot’s hand. “It bothers me because I know one day you’re going to wake up and see that you deserve better.”

  “I deserve to be happy. You make me happier than I’ve ever been. I mean that, Lucas.”

  Lucas looked as if he wanted to believe him, and Elliot’s heart fluttered with hope, only to crash when he shook his head. “You’ll change your mind. You’re going to want someone who takes you to fancy dinners and wears thousand dollar colognes.”

  “Like who?” Elliot strangled out. “Greg? I always hated his cologne. But I love the way you smell.” Summoning all his courage, he stepped into Lucas’s body and buried his nose at the base of his throat. His eyes closed as he breathed in the masculine scent, wishing for a pair of arms to wrap around him. “I’m sorry,” he croaked. “I’m sorry if it seemed for even a minute that I thought I was better than you. I don’t, Lucas. God, don’t you see it’s the opposite?”

  Lucas didn’t shove him away, but he remained frozen. His body was so hard it felt like Elliot was pressed against a stone pillar.

  He forced himself to step away and give the man his space. “I’m old and tired and starting over from scratch after a lifetime of disappointing myself and everyone around me. But you?” He gestured despairingly at the whole package. “You’re young, intelligent, and gorgeous. You own a business. You have friends. You know what you want out of life, Lucas. It took me forty years to figure that out and now the thing I want — the thing I need most — is about to slip through my fingers, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

  Lucas’s beautiful eyes dropped. “I don’t know how to stop it either,” he admitted. “I’m not even sure we should.”

  “For God’s sake, why? Things were going so well.” Elliot was aware he sounded like he was pleading. He couldn’t help it. He would beg if he had to.

  “Because I’ve already screwed it up!” he exploded. “And I’ll do it again. I don’t know how any of this shit works, Elliot. Don’t you see? This is the first week I’ve ever been a free adult with no one watching over me. I’m winging all of it. I’m winging it running this place, and I was winging it with you. That only gets a person so far.”

  “So you’ll learn. We both will. Learning together is what a relationship is all about.”

  Lucas clapped his hands over his face and scrubbed hard, as if he were trying to wake himself from a nightmare. “Some stuff you just can’t teach. Even if I wasn’t an ex-con, I’ll always be white trash. People like your asshole ex will try to use me to embarrass you for the rest of your life.”

  “I wasn’t embarrassed,” Elliot said calmly. “You were. You’re worried I see you the way you see yourself, but I don’t.” He cupped Lucas’s face in his hands and forced him to meet his eyes. “Baby, I don’t. I just wish you could see what I see.”

  It tore at his heart when he realized the gleam in Lucas’s eyes was fear. “I already fucked up.”

  “We both did. We both will again. That doesn’t mean we give up.”

  Lucas had one hand wrapped tightly around Elliot’s wrist. With his free hand, he brushed his knuckles down Elliot’s cheek. “I said such fucking awful things.”

  “I forgive you. Can you forgive me for not being more aware of how I was making you feel?”

  Lucas snorted and tried to pull away. “It’s not your job to monitor my feelings.”

  Elliot tightened his hold on Lucas’s head and yanked him forward until their foreheads were pressed together. “No, but it’s my job to care about them. I’ll care about them for the rest of my life if you’ll let me. Please, Lucas. Talk to me. Come home with me. Anything.”

  Lucas was silent for a long moment, just looking at him, and Elliot was too petrified to read his expression. But he didn’t need to guess what Lucas was feeling when Lucas yanked him into a bruising kiss. Elliot melted into the taste of his mouth, grateful beyond words for something he’d feared he would never have again. The soft sweetness of Lucas’s lips, the heat and strength of him, was something he knew he’d remember if he lived to be one hundred. It felt like it would never end. He hoped it wouldn’t.

  Eventually, Lucas broke their kiss. His breath was hot and rapid against Elliot’s wet mouth, and his eyes were burning. “Let’s go home,” he said.

  22

  Elliot

  They needed to talk. There were things Elliot needed to say, and more importantly, things Lucas needed to hear. But as he stood in his driveway and watched Lucas dismount his motorcycle, the intense need to hold him was overwhelming. He’d almost died today. He’d almost lost Lucas forever. He couldn’t wait another second to hold him. He reached out as soon as they got through the door, before Lucas had his jacket completely off his shoulders.

  “Got plans?” He allowed Elliot to pull him close. His grin was cocky. His eyes weren’t.

  “Can I touch you?”

  Lucas chuckled. “Hell, yes.”

  The nerves in the pit of his stomach were stronger than they had been the first time he’d led Lucas down the hall to his empty bedroom, but so was the excitement. Every time he looked at that handsome face and those expressive eyes, he felt a tenderness so intense it rocked him to his core. He’d never felt like this before. He’d never even dreamed it was possible.

  Lucas was already stripping out of his shirt and entirely focused on the way Elliot was divesting himself of his slacks. When Elliot was naked, Lucas reached into his jeans pocket and handed him a small foil square. “Put this on the end table,” he commanded. “Then lay down on the bed for me. Face up.”

  Elliot examined the condom in his palm. He tossed it aside. “I have your results. You have mine. I trust you.”

  Lucas froze with his hands on the snap of his jeans. “Baby…” he said hesitantly.

  “I trust you,” he repeated.

  Lucas swallowed hard, but he nodded, and Elliot sat down on the bed. He scooted up on the mattress and leaned back on his elbows so he could watch as the denim peeled away from Lucas’s strong thighs.

  It still felt strange laying stark naked and on display. It felt precise and honest in a way the close fumbling of his previous relationships never had. Lucas deserved to have Elliot’s body, imperfect as it was, laid out like a feast before him. Elliot wasn’t complaining about the chance to gawk at the luscious, hard muscles being slowly revealed as Lucas undressed. Lucas wasn’t an airbrushed body builder or a gym bunny. He was a warrior. He was steel.

  Elliot couldn’t help but take himself in hand and squeeze his rapidly hardening cock when Lucas discarded his jeans and stood at the
foot of the bed like an avenging angel. The kind of angel that blocked the garden of Eden with a flaming sword.

  “I could watch you do that all day,” Lucas growled as Elliot thrust up into his own fist.

  “Come and do it for me,” he gasped.

  Lucas cocked his head to the side as if struck by an idea. His pale eyes were gleaming in the dim hall light that leaked through the open door. “Okay.”

  He watched in awe as Lucas crawled onto the bed above him. He moved like a panther, and he didn’t stop until his long body was stretched full length atop Elliot. He grasped Elliot’s hand and drew it away from his aching shaft, lacing their fingers together and pinning his hand to the pillow.

  The heavy weight of Lucas’s body was both thrilling and reassuring. Elliot felt wild, yet safe at the same time. Hard muscle pressed him into the mattress, and the feel of every square inch of satin skin covering him was overwhelming.

  Lucas kissed him, lingering at his mouth while he aligned their hips so that the hard lengths of their dicks rested side by side on Elliot’s belly.

  Elliot couldn’t help himself. He rolled his hips to get a little friction against his aching length and was shocked at the sensation of Lucas’s cock sliding slickly against his own. “Fuck,” he moaned.

  “That’s right,” Lucas murmured. He caught Elliot’s earlobe between his teeth. “I’m going to fuck you, Elliot. I’m going to take you so hard and so deep that you’ll feel me in your throat. But I want to see you come apart beneath me first.”

  He nudged his hips against Elliot’s, then withdrew, and then slid his cock back up his dripping length once more.

  Elliot whimpered. His fingers bit into Lucas’s thrusting hips, digging in hard, but there was no speeding up the torturous rhythm he had set. “I need more,” he groaned. “Faster. Harder. Anything.”

  “Nah,” Lucas replied lazily. He licked a slow stripe down Elliot’s neck and began gently nibbling his collarbone. “You’ll do just fine like this. I promise.”

  Elliot threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut as Lucas feasted on him. Lucas sucked at the hollow between Elliot’s collarbones and licked his frantically beating pulse. All the while his hips kept up a slow rhythmic grind against Elliot’s that was simultaneously too much pressure and not enough.

  “Nnngh,” Elliot moaned. His cock was leaking so much that it slipped against his belly like it had been dipped in lube. Their balls rubbed together every time Lucas pressed his hips down and ground against him.

  Lucas panted into the hollow beneath his ear, and the sound of him losing control was enough to make Elliot shake. He kneaded the firm globes of Lucas’s ass, rocking up into him at every thrust. Their rhythm picked up speed as Lucas began to chase his own pleasure, instead of just teasing Elliot. He whimpered encouragingly, embarrassingly, and spread his thighs wider so that Lucas could nestle snugly between them.

  Lucas had made it abundantly clear on many occasions that he was a master of dirty talk. But the complete silence surrounding them was even hotter than that. There was only their rough breath quaking in the hot air between them, broken by half choked groans, and the wet slick sounds of their skin rubbing together. The moment was even more intense for its silence. They were humping together like animals, but it didn’t feel that way. It felt reverent. Holy.

  Elliot ran his hands up Lucas’s bare back, rubbing and squeezing every delicious bulge of muscle. He opened his mouth against Lucas’s throat and ran his tongue over all that salty skin. Lucas growled.

  The mattress rocked beneath them. Elliot began to sweat. His breath came faster. Lucas raised himself up onto his arms, his biceps and triceps quivering while he held the weight of his torso away so he could get better leverage against their cocks.

  Their hips slammed together now, hard and frantic. The skin of their thighs slapped. Pleasure began to sizzle at the base of Elliot’s cock, and he caught fire. He bit down on the meat of Lucas’s shoulder and cried out as every muscle in his body went into spasm at once.

  “Ah, fuck!” Lucas yelled. He ground his hips down hard and buried his face in Elliot’s hair. He went rigid, rock hard and frozen, in an attempt to stave off his own orgasm. He waited it out while Elliot thrashed beneath him and emptied himself between their stomachs.

  The orgasm was the most intense experience of Elliot’s life. He lost track of time — hell, he lost track of himself — as he lay trembling with his face pressed against Lucas’s blazing shoulder. He was wrecked, burned hollow from the inside, and all he could do was cling to the broad shoulders above him.

  It wasn’t until the blood stopped roaring in his ears that he heard the agonized rattle of Lucas’s breath. His chest was heaving with the effort to control himself as he remained frozen above Elliot. A trail of sweat ran from his temple to his jaw. Elliot had only to give a ghost of hip flexion, and he felt the iron bar of Lucas’s erection, hard and hot against him still. His restraint touched Elliot. The tenderness he felt was so powerful it took his breath away, and with it, shockingly, came a fresh spurt of arousal.

  “That took the edge off. But I want you inside me,” Elliot whispered. He licked Lucas’s jaw and captured his mouth in a sloppy kiss. “I need it.”

  “Prep.” Lucas’s voice was shredded. He seemed afraid to move even an inch, lest he lose himself completely.

  Elliot spread his thighs wide and canted his hips upward to open himself. “No prep,” he ground out. He’d had more sex in a month with Lucas than he’d had in the last two years combined, and Lucas was steadily leaking. “I don’t need it. Just fuck me.”

  “Elliot…”

  He grabbed Lucas by the hips and thrust up against him. Lucas gasped and dropped his head, letting it hang between the space of their bodies.

  “Now, Lucas. Please.”

  Lucas obeyed, rearing back onto his knees. He gripped Elliot’s thighs and yanked his legs open wider, positioning him to his liking. The blunt, slippery head of his cock prodded at Elliot’s opening. There was nothing in Elliot’s world but overwhelming heat and pressure and then, finally, the blissful relief of a hard length sliding home inside his body.

  “Christ, you feel good,” Lucas groaned. He pulled out an inch and pushed back inside. They both shuddered.

  Elliot squeezed every muscle he could tight around the iron flesh invading him. It brought his awareness to each centimeter of unyielding girth inside him, and it made Lucas hiss through clenched teeth. Then Lucas drew back and shoved into him hard, again and again.

  It was powerful, so powerful: the thrust and slide and squeeze of it, the slap of their flesh meeting with every lunge, the erratic breath in his ear and the heaving chest above him. Lucas’s hips jammed up against him almost violently.

  It was everything Elliot had always needed. To come apart at the seams, with everything pouring out of him in a violent rush, knowing he was held together by Lucas’s strong arms and nothing else. Knowing that Lucas was holding the frame of him and reshaping him into something better and stronger than he’d been before.

  “I love you,” he moaned.

  Lucas’s hips stuttered, and he went still. He raised up on one arm and stared down at Elliot with wide blue eyes. “Say that again.”

  Elliot’s eyes were wet, but he met Lucas’s gaze unflinchingly. “I love you.”

  “You love me,” he whispered.

  “Yes. I do.”

  Lucas’s hand wrapped gently around his throat, pinning him to the mattress. He leaned in to nip beneath Elliot’s jaw. It sounded like a stone was lodged in his throat when he said, “Say it again.”

  “I love you.”

  He pressed his face against Elliot’s neck and shuddered. He began moving again, and the power in his thrusts had Elliot’s eyes rolling back. He rocked his hips in unison with the deep penetration, squirming to get more of that delicious feeling.

  “That’s it,” Lucas rasped. “Fuck yourself on me. Use my dick to get yourself off. Do it.” His strong fingers dug int
o the flesh of Elliot’s pelvis, lifting him to a more receptive angle.

  Elliot did. He reached up and wrapped his hand around Lucas’s neck, dragging him down for a kiss that was clumsy and sloppy and so damned good that Elliot couldn’t let it go. He kept their mouths sealed as he rolled his hips and Lucas slammed into him.

  Lucas cursed, muffled by Elliot’s mouth, his hips jacking into Elliot with a desperation that signaled they were out of time. He rolled Elliot’s nipple between his fingers, twisting hard, and that was it. Pleasure sparked and shot down his spine, throbbing through his swollen cock before bursting out in creamy ropes all over his stomach.

  His orgasm triggered Lucas, who groaned and shook and pressed so deep, it was as if he were trying to implant himself into Elliot’s very core. Elliot shut his eyes in bliss at the pulsing heat that filled him.

  “So good,” Elliot murmured. He barely recognized his own voice. “I’ve never… never…”

  Lucas’s breath trembled as he kissed Elliot’s ear. “I know, baby. I know.”

  Those softly spoken words calmed every runaway thought and left Elliot’s mind dark and quiet. Whatever else might happen between them, and whether or not Lucas ever said the words, he knew that what they had together was worth fighting for.

  23

  Lucas

  “Here.”

  Lucas held out a mug, filled with steaming coffee and a splash of whiskey. Elliot looked up from where he lazed, stretched out on the carpet, covered in a chenille afghan from the back of the sofa.

  After they had recovered and showered, Lucas had made them omelettes. They’d eaten and turned on a game, only to end up making love on the living room floor during half time. Lucas couldn’t help but think of what they did together as making love now.

  He’d never experienced intimacy with another human being on the level he and Elliot had shared. It left his soul feeling quiet, weak and strong at the same time. He’d never been a particularly religious man, but he wanted to drop to his knees and thank God that he’d somehow found his way back to this place he’d thought he’d never be again. Even after all the mistakes he had made.