Beneath These Fields

by Ward Maia

  “You can’t sell,” Rudá said. “You see that, right? If you sell to the Madeiras, they’re going to destroy the farm, just tear everything down and pick everything clean to get to every last diamond in those pipes.”

  Rudá pointed to the window behind Ellis, toward the farm outside.

  Ellis studied the other man for a minute. Rudá’s face was strained, and his eyes shone with desperation and hope. They pleaded with Ellis to understand. To not disappoint him. Ellis looked away, unable to hold his gaze.

  Ina’s anger toward him made sense now. Why she said all those things to him and why Rudá stopped her from saying more. Because she knew.

  “Francisco managed to gather all the documents. I already set up a meeting with the Madeiras.” Ellis’s heart clenched and his voice faltered, the words more difficult to say than Ellis had anticipated.

  Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rudá stagger back. Ellis turned to look at him and saw the other man deflate, as if someone had cut his strings.

  Ellis fought the urge to go to him and comfort him. To hug him and chase away all his worries. To promise not to sell and that they could spend the rest of their lives here, fucking and eating the days away while the farm thrived around them.

  But it was just wishful thinking. The wayward thoughts of a lost mind trying to find a center. A dream. Nothing more.

  His life wasn’t here; it was elsewhere. But he couldn’t take Rudá’s lost look of utter betrayal pinning him to the leather chair.

  “Say something,” Ellis murmured.

  “What’s there to say?” Rudá asked, scoffing. “Do you want me to fall to my knees and beg? I’d do that if I thought it would make a difference. If I thought it would change your mind about selling your aunt’s home. Our home,” Rudá exclaimed, gesturing between the two of them.

  Ellis got to his feet and took a deep breath, wanting to say something but not knowing what.

  “Look, I—”

  “This would kill her, you know? If she was still alive.” Rudá’s eyes flashed with anger.

  Ellis’s hackles rose, and he gritted his teeth. He couldn’t help the hurt those words caused, and Rudá had probably said it fully intending it to cause pain.

  “Yes, so you’ve told me,” Ellis said dryly. Then he took a deep breath and ran a hand through his too long hair. “This isn’t my life, Rudá. I have a life. Back… back in Rio.”

  “Oh, I know. You’ve made that pretty clear from the start,” Rudá said, all his emotions reflected in those dark eyes. Sorrow and disappointment stared back at Ellis, and he selfishly wondered how much of those naked emotions were because of them, of what they would lose after Ellis left and not because of the farm he’d sell.

  “I-I should get ready.” Ellis looked away.

  There was so much he wanted to say, but he had no idea how to go about it. Ironic that someone who made a living by coming up with clauses and contracts suddenly didn’t know how to tell the man in front of him that he’d come to mean more to him than he could have ever anticipated. That the past few days were a dream come true, cliché as that may be. That the thought of waking up without Rudá made Ellis want to lock them both in his room and not come out for days.

  Ellis didn’t say any of that. He waited for Rudá to leave, his footsteps soft and uncertain as he made his way up the stairs and away from Ellis. Then, with a heavy heart, Ellis walked back to his room and began to pack.

  Chapter 18

  ELLIS WALKED down the familiar busy street. Even though he had a specific destination in place, his mind felt so out of focus he might as well be wandering aimlessly around.

  Walking down the crowded street, he might as well be invisible. People walked or hurried around him without even a sideways glance in his direction.

  Once upon a time, it had been a comforting feeling, being just another faceless person roaming the streets. Here, in the middle of the crowd, even in broad daylight, Ellis’s problems and regrets were small and insignificant.

  Forget looking up at the stars to feel small. Nothing put things in perspective like walking in a big crowd. Regardless of how much money Ellis had in the bank or his family’s status, out here, he was just another face in the crowd.

  The once comforting anonymity now felt cold and cruel. Because now Ellis knew what it felt like to be seen. Not because of his family’s wealth or because there was something to be gained by associating with him.

  Thinking about being seen made him think about Rudá. And their last interaction.

  He’d come out of his room, carrying his suitcase. Rudá sat on the steps, hat in hand, as he had so many times.

  Ellis’s chest ached at the realization it would be the last time he would see him like that. His eyes stung, and he found himself blinking back unexpected tears.

  Rudá stood as Ellis’s footsteps echoed through the front hall, a surprised look on his face.

  “I thought you’d already left,” Rudá said. “For the airport, I mean.”

  Ellis nodded. He considered leaving without saying goodbye. It would sure make things easier. But he couldn’t resist the urge to see Rudá again. Even if it was for one last time.

  “I wouldn’t do that. Leave without saying… something, I mean,” Ellis said.

  “But you are? Leaving?” Rudá crossed his arms in front of his chest and did his best to glare, but Ellis could see the hopeful undercurrent in his gaze. It killed Ellis to break his heart.

  “Yes, after, um, meeting with Francisco and….” Ellis trailed off, looking away, not wanting to see the betrayal and disappointment in the other man’s eyes again.

  Ellis expected Rudá to say another hurtful thing and storm off. Or even to maybe hit him. He didn’t expect Rudá to reach out and grab his hand, lacing their fingers together.

  “Okay,” Rudá said, and Ellis followed the up-and-down movement of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed.

  Ellis looked at him, memorizing every line and groove of his face. Rudá’s dimple was nowhere to be seen, much to Ellis’s disappointment. He wished he could see it before leaving but figured there wasn’t much cause for Rudá to smile right now.

  They faced each other, fingers interlocked. All the unspoken words weighing heavy between them.

  Ellis looked at Rudá. There stood a man who’d kept secrets and probably still had a few Ellis might never know about. There also stood a man Ellis found very hard to say goodbye to. So he didn’t.

  Ellis took the few steps between them, closing the distance. He leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together. He took a deep breath, wanting to imprint as much of his scent to memory as was possible.

  They stood like that, eyes closed, just sharing breath. Ellis gathered all the hopes and expectations he had—all the dreams—and tried to leave them here, with this man he’d come to love, despite his best efforts not to. Of course, it wasn’t as easy as that.

  He inhaled deeply again and let it out slowly. One last breath. He opened his eyes. One last look.

  Then Ellis forced himself to step back and let him go. He turned and walked out the door, looking back one last time as he reached the foot of the steps.

  There stood a man, hat in hand and heart in his eyes. There stood his love.

  A loud screech, followed by an even louder curse and the sound of hands slapping metal snapped him back to the present. Ellis turned to see a middle-aged woman banging her hands on the roof of a car she claimed, loudly, had almost ran her over.

  Ellis blinked and looked around, having no idea how he’d gotten to the coffee shop he invited his sister to meet him in.

  Somehow, while his mind had been lost in pointless reveries, his feet carried him to where he needed to be. And great, his heartache was making him uselessly poetic.

  Ellis sighed and pushed the door, rubbing his temple. A bell rang, announcing his arrival. He glanced around but didn’t see his sister anywhere. He’d clearly beaten her to the coffee shop.

  He chose a table farthest from
the door and sat facing it. He informed the waitress he was waiting for someone when she came to get his order. Her smile was blankly polite, and Ellis returned it.

  He took his time looking around the coffee shop. The scent of freshly ground coffee beans filled his lungs and heart with longing. Even though it was pleasant, there was something missing. The smell was too… sterile. It lacked the accompanying scent of earth, cut grass, and sweat.

  It wasn’t the coffee smell that was missing, it was Rudá. The way it smelled on his skin.

  Ellis remembered miles of dark brown skin he’d tasted and touched. Scars he mapped and learned the stories of. Lips of smoke and coffee kissing his and driving him to mindless pleasure.

  He shivered in his seat and blushed, pushing the thoughts away. There was no point in replaying those images. He knew that. For the hundredth time in the two weeks since he’d been back, he pushed any and all thoughts of Rudá out of his mind.

  He focused on the people around him and immediately regretted it. Couples. Lots and lots of couples.

  The coffee shop wasn’t huge, but it was a decent size. Ellis darted his eyes from table to table, wondering if he’d missed something. Was it Valentine’s Day already? He never paid attention to dates, so it was entirely possible.

  The bell jingled, and Ellis snapped his attention toward the door, desperate for a distraction from his miserable thoughts. Relief swept over him when his sister’s bright strawberry-blonde hair turned this way and that, looking for him. Ellis raised his hand, catching her attention.

  She nodded, letting him know she’d seen him, and made her way toward his table. Julia Campos was dressed as impeccably as ever. A gray tweed coat and sensible high heels. She took off her coat before sitting, exposing her form-fitting cream-colored dress. She smiled politely at Ellis and leaned over the table to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. Her flowery perfume filled his nose, and Ellis couldn’t help but think back on the way his aunt’s things smelled of tobacco and coffee.

  His heart clenched, and he cleared his throat against the well of emotions threatening to drown him.

  They exchanged niceties. Julia was an accountant at a prominent firm and married to one of the junior partners. Her enormous engagement ring reflected the fluorescent light as she spoke of her husband and his upcoming promotion. Ellis listened and nodded, interjecting whenever it was appropriate. He also filled her in on what was happening at work—the da Silvas had finalized their divorce in an amicable fashion, or as much as could be expected from those two, and were already planning their second marriages. Ellis had given both of them his business card, just in case.

  The waitress came and took their order. While Julia asked about teas and for a thousand and one substitutions on a simple sandwich, Ellis allowed his attention to drift to the people around them once more.

  There were couples of different ages and genders. Two women sat two tables away from theirs, heads bent together, sharing a slice of what looked like chocolate cake and laughing. Ellis felt his lips curling up in response. The way they talked and the soft smiles they shared spoke of intimacy and love. He looked away, not wanting to invade their privacy, and found his sister studying him. The waitress was nowhere to be seen.

  “So, how was your time off?” Julia asked.

  “It wasn’t a time off. I went to solve a… situation.” Ellis fiddled with the napkin, suddenly needing something to do with his hands.

  “And did you? Solve the situation, that is?” she asked, scrutinizing gaze never leaving his face.

  Ellis nodded, unsure if he wanted to talk about it. There was a beat of silence before she leaned back on her chair and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

  “Well, what did you do about the farm?” she asked.

  Ellis remembered Francisco asking a similar question.

  “Well, Mr. Campos, what are you going to do about the farm?” The lawyer’s thin mustache had almost quivered at the anticipation of hearing Ellis’s answer.

  Ellis had paced the small office, running his hands through his hair.

  “You knew about the diamonds,” Ellis said. It wasn’t a question, but Francisco answered all the same.

  “I did,” he admitted.

  “And what does it mean, exactly? Rudá explained, but I still don’t get it.” Ellis felt ridiculously stupid.

  “Carlos knows about the kimberlite, Mr. Campos. He’s been trying to buy the farm and that piece of land from your aunt for years. He already commissioned a geological survey and study of the area. I believe he fully intends to sell the rights to that land once he has confirmation of the deposits. There are a number of major mining companies that specialize in diamonds that would be very interested. They’d strip the pipes and the surrounding area of all vegetation and buildings and, well, essentially dig up the diamonds.”

  “Dig up?” Ellis frowned.

  “There are more things involved, such as dynamite to break open the rocks and facilitate extractions, but essentially, yes. They’ll dig up the diamonds and then sell them,” Francisco said and smiled sadly at him.

  Ellis felt his stomach clench. The house. The coffee stalks. The whole farm. All of it would be gone if he sold it. It pained him to think of that. The thought of all traces of his aunt’s farm obliterated from the map made him want to throw up.

  “When she tried to contact me, why did she go through my father?” Ellis asked, not really sure why he was asking Francisco of all people.

  Francisco took a deep breath and sat back on his chair, making it squeak a bit.

  “It was part of the deal,” he said.

  “Deal? What deal?” Ellis frowned in confusion.

  “When your aunt… left Rio, she did so under the condition she wouldn’t try and contact anyone. Especially you and your sister. That’s why she had to go through your father.”

  “He never let her talk to us,” Ellis murmured, more to himself than to the lawyer.

  “No,” Francisco said. “He didn’t.”

  Ellis didn’t know what to feel. On one hand, he understood where his father was coming from. He figured most people with runaway siblings wouldn’t want their impressionable young children talking to them. On the other hand, Ellis felt robbed.

  Robbed of a family member. Of potentially creating a real connection with someone related to him.

  Francisco leaned forward on his chair, and the squeak created by the movement pulled Ellis from his confusing emotions.

  “So, Mr. Campos, what are you going to do about the farm?” Francisco asked again, as if sensing Ellis’s turmoil.

  Ellis stopped pacing and turned to face the man. He wasn’t sure what to do. He wasn’t sure about anything. He knew what he wanted to do. He just hoped he was strong enough to follow through.

  “Ellis?” His sister’s voice broke through his memories, and Ellis blinked away the image of the lawyer’s small stuffy office.

  “Yes, sorry. Did you say something?” He shook his head slightly.

  “Is everything all right with you?” She reached across the table and covered his hand with hers.

  “Yes, everything is fine,” he lied, comforted by her unexpected touch.

  But when he turned his hand to squeeze hers, she pulled away, resting it on her lap. Ellis felt oddly saddened. He didn’t know why. His sister had never been the most affectionate person in his life, nor had he been to her. It wasn’t until he’d met Rudá, who seemed to have an addiction to touch, that he noticed just how long he’d gone without it and how much he craved it.

  “It’s been a long two weeks,” he said, hoping that satisfied his sister.

  “How… I mean, what was it like? The farm?” Julia asked, fiddling with her spoon, looking uncharacteristically awkward.

  “Beautiful,” Ellis said without hesitation. “And surprisingly well organized. Aunt Meredith was a stickler to keep everything in its place.”

  Ellis smiled, but Julia gave him a curious look. His smile diminished and he sighed. Her hair
was done in an immaculate bun, and her freckles were all but gone under the makeup she wore.

  “You look just like her,” he blurted out, thinking back to the first picture he’d seen of Meredith Campos. “Your eyes are the same shade of blue.”

  A small smile played on Julia’s lips. “Really?”

  Ellis nodded and pulled out his phone. He hadn’t had the heart to take the picture from the farm, but he took a few snaps with his phone. He slid it across the table, watched as his sister’s eyes widened in surprise and then ran over the picture displayed on his screen.

  “She had a lot of freckles.” Julia smiled up at Ellis before looking back down at the picture.

  For a brief moment, the harsh lines around her mouth and eyes softened and she looked ten years younger.

  “Yeah. She smoked like a chimney too,” Ellis said.

  “May I?” Julia reached for his phone. Ellis nodded and watched as she scrolled through the pictures.

  Her smile widened as she flipped through pictures Ellis took of the farm, the house, and the people. She chuckled and turned the phone so he could see the one of him and Dona Nenna Rudá took while she waved her ever faithful wooden spoon at the phone. Then she reached a picture and raised one eyebrow. Her smile faltered a bit, and she turned to look at Ellis. He noticed a blush creep over her cheeks.

  “Um, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to….” She slid the phone over the table, and Ellis saw a picture he hadn’t seen before.

  It was of him and Rudá. In bed. The covers pulled up to their waist, leaving their chests bare. Ellis had his eyes closed, presumably asleep since he didn’t remember the picture being taken. Rudá was curled behind his back, lips pressed to Ellis’s jaw and hand extended, holding the phone as he took the picture.

  Ellis flushed violently. He fumbled with his phone and almost dropped it, trying to lock the screen and put it back in his pocket.

  “It’s okay, um, it’s just a picture.” Ellis cringed internally at the high pitch of his voice. He cleared his throat and gave an embarrassed laugh.

  “Did you meet him there?” she asked tentatively.