Burn Before Reading

by Sara Wolf

  "You've got the best grades in the sophomore class behind Fitz," Wolf finally said. "But in reality you're a complete idiot."

  "I'd rather be an idiot than a sadistic, spoiled little bully," I countered, my face turning red.

  "So that's how you think of me," He crossed his arms over his chest.

  "I don't think about you at all," I snapped, letting the anger and fear fuel my tongue. "Unlike the rest of the star-struck morons in this school, I think literally nothing about you, because, turns out, people who threaten me aren't high on my give-a-shit-about list. You wanna take my scholarship? Go ahead. Go cry to your daddy. But I'm sure as hell not gonna let it go easy. I'll fight you. I'll fight your stupid brothers. I'll fight your dad. I'll fight anyone who gets between me and what I want in life. So go ahead. Try me. But don't say I didn't fucking warn you."

  Spinning on my heel, I stormed away, my heart beating like frenzied bird against my ribs. Adrenaline scorched my veins, my body ready for anything. If he tried to run after me, I'd kick him in his nuts and run. If he tried to get close to me again like yesterday, I'd punch his face.

  If I wasn't certain about it before, I was now; I hated Wolfgang Alexander Blackthorn with every fiber of my body.

  But to hate your enemy better, you have to get to know him better. And I wasn't going to let a bit of newly-found despising get in my way of figuring out Wolf's whole deal. The more I knew about him, the better I could defend my scholarship from him.

  Ask anyone at Lakecrest Preparatory about the Blackthorn brother's personal lives, and they'll do one of two things; A. Pretend like they don't know you, or the Blackthorn brothers, or even where their own butthole is, or B. Become selectively mute for a minimum duration of three minutes while you stare at them expectantly waiting for an answer.

  I found this out at lunch. Or, I tried to. Turns out if you stand up to the school's golden boy, word gets around about it, and you accrue a few nasty looks and an entire dumpster's worth of being shafted. Even the usual lunch table I sat at with some non-threatening girls told me I couldn't sit there. My one haven in this hellish cafeteria - gone. A guy elbowed me into dropping my tray into the trash, his friends snickering from a table far away. I'd gone unnoticed - like cardboard, or a drab decoration no one cared about - and now I was public enemy number uno. People might've felt ambivalent about me before, but they sure as shit hated me now. But it was fine - I didn't come to this place to make friends, anyway.

  I asked everyone who didn't immediately wrinkle their nose at me what they knew about the Blackthorn brothers', and they all gave me the same answer. Coughs. Sniffing. A slight clearing of the throat. A few girls who didn't seem to hate me swooned extremely helpfully. Finally, I abandoned all hope of conversing intelligently with my peers and turned my sights on the teachers. More than several of them told me it was an inappropriate thing to ask and then kicked me out of their classroom before I could argue.

  I managed to strike gold with Mrs. Greene, though. A young-ish, overly polite teacher, she had a baby face and the most gorgeous shade of auburn skin that she played up with floaty blouses and skirts. She was the chemistry teacher, so it probably helped that when I interrogated her, she was half-distracted with pouring two dangerous-looking chemicals together.

  "The Blackthorn brothers?" She puffed. "Oh goodness, why are you asking me this now? Can't you wait until after class?"

  "Well, no. You see, I'm writing a history essay titled 'An In-Depth Look At Examples of Homo Sapiens With Their Heads Dangerously Deep Up Their Own Buttholes', and I need to turn it in. Next period. Because I forgot to do it."

  "You're the best student in my class, Bee. You can't expect me to buy that. Or that title." Mrs. Greene shot me a frown, and nearly dropped her beaker. "O-Oh, I don't know anything about them, alright? Even if I knew, Mr. Blackthorn is on the school board, so I couldn't just tell you. He'd have my head."

  "I know a lot of people would probably have your head for mixing some very scary looking chemicals in the same room as one of your students. While I don't have protective gear on," I singsonged.

  Mrs. Greene's mouth dropped. "You barged in!"

  "Still," I squinted at my hand. "Is that a bit of acid I see, eating away at my skin? Help! Someone help!"

  "Alright!" Mrs. Greene hissed, putting the beakers down. "You don't have to yell. I know they lost their mother when they were young."

  I suddenly felt awful about snooping. Almost awful enough to stop. Keyword here being 'almost'.

  "I know every year they take the school day off on January 8th, without fail. Mr. Blackthorn said once during a meeting that it was to visit her grave." Mrs. Greene grunted. "There. Are you happy now? Please leave, I've got a lot to prepare for lab today."

  "Did Mark Gerund really stop coming to school after he got in a fight with Wolf two years ago?"

  Mrs. Greene suddenly looked nervous. "Yes. Well, I was new here when it happened, so I don't remember it very well. But yes, I think he dropped out around that time. Now please, if you don't mind, I have to get back to work."

  "Right. Um. Sorry. I wasn't going to actually tell on you -"

  She sighed. "I know. I won't tell on you, either."

  "For what?"

  "For being too clever for your own good. Now get out!" She marched over and shooed me out the classroom door, slamming it behind me with a muffled; "Thank you!".

  I turned it over in my head for the rest of the day; the Blackthorns lost their mom. I couldn't imagine life without my Mom - she's a rock, an island, the whole thing that keeps our family together. If any of us - Dad, or Mom, or me - wasn't there anymore, we'd fall apart.

  It gnawed on me, sometimes - that Dad would leave. It was a natural part of studying a lot about depression and suicide, I guess. He swore to us he'd never do it, but I was always afraid I'd come home one day and he'd be in the bathtub, or hanging from the ceiling, or -

  I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. Not now. Get those thoughts out of your head, Bee. They're not helping.

  "Ms. Cruz, are you with us?"

  The sound of Mr. Brant calling my name snapped me out of it. I straightened in my desk and nodded.

  "Yes. Sorry."

  "Can you tell me what we were discussing just now?"

  My eyes darted to my textbook, to the whiteboard, but there was nothing on it. I chewed the inside of my mouth, the feeling of a dozen eyes on me making me queasy. I always had an answer for Mr. Brant. That was, like, my thing. History is my best subject.

  "I can't remember."

  "Well perhaps you'll remember better if you listen next time." Mr. Brant insisted. I nodded as a murmur ran through the class. In the very back, I could see Fitz, hair sleep-mussed, his chin on his folded arms as if he'd just looked up from his usual place sleeping on the desk. His green eyes caught mine, and I quickly looked away.

  The last thing I needed right then was Blackthorn attention. But I got it anyway. After class was over, Fitz walked up to my desk.

  "Hey there, scholarshipper," He smiled. "I don't think we've been formally introduced yet."

  "Unfortunately, I already know who you are," I said, hurriedly stuffing my books in my bags. "And triple unfortunately, I've got another class to get to across campus. So if you'll excuse me -"

  He put his body between me and the door. I tried to make my glare imitate a sawblade, but it didn't faze him at all. He just kept smiling.

  "You haven't even told me your name."

  "You know my name." I said.

  "Well, sure. I mean, I'm the one who hacked my dad's computer and stole a copy of your essay."

  My mouth dropped open a little. "What?”

  "You heard me." Fitz laughed, green eyes twinkling. "His passwords are always super easy to guess. I knew your name weeks ago. But I'd like to hear it from you all the same. You know, pretend we're normal people being introduced to each other for the first time?"

  "We wouldn't have to prete
nd if you didn't hack your dad," I hissed. "Why did you wanna know about me so badly anyway?"

  Fitz shrugged. "Wolf asked me to. He's always asking me to research the incoming new kids."

  "Why? Is he that paranoid one of them is going to ruin his precious school?"

  "Oh, you sweet, naive, badly-dressed baby."

  "Badly dressed?" I sputter.

  "Listen - this school is already ruined," Fitz ignored me. "You just haven't been here long enough to see that."

  "Are you talking about the mind-blowing materialism? Or the stuck-up attitudes?"

  "That's just the surface stuff. Small time crime." Fitz shook his head. "In case you haven't noticed, money makes people feel entitled to doing stupid things."

  "Like your brother and his red-cards."

  I'd learned early on in my Lakecrest career that Fitz never frowned. His face went to neutral, and maybe even bored, but he never, ever frowned. Except this time.

  "Wolf is the only one doing anything good for this school."

  I laughed, but stopped when I realized he wasn't joking.

  "Sorry, I thought you were trying out a stand-up comedian routine. Is that not what's happening here?"

  "I don't expect you to believe me," Fitz shook his head. "You clearly hate Wolf, after all."

  "The only thing I hate is people assuming how I feel about other people."

  "Honey dearest," Fitz put on a sickening smile as he mocked me. "No one's assuming. Your hate for him this morning was as plain as the sky is blue."

  "Alright, you caught me. I hate arrogant bullies. Weird, huh? No one else here seems to."

  "I'd tell you to give him a second chance, but you're clearly not the forgiving type," He said.

  "Wolf and you are a package deal," I managed. "So I'll tell you this only once; I don't want anything to do with you. Or him. Or the tall one, either. Or your rich-ass dad. Just leave me alone, and stop threatening my damn scholarship."

  Fitz's smile grew wider, impish-like in its curl. "It's a shame you'll be gone soon - I haven't had this much fun in a while. Even Burn looked a little less dead inside at your antics this morning, and that's saying something."

  My stomach drops. I'd be gone soon? Did that mean -

  "It's weird," Fitz pressed. "We're always a little fashionably late. But today, Wolf insisted we get to school early to reap the red-card from that freshman, like he wanted to avoid you, or something."

  "Why is that weird?"

  "I thought you hated him," Fitz's smile darkened into a smirk. "Look at you, asking questions about him like you care."

  "I don't care! I just want to - ugh! Fine. Don't tell me. Just stay away from me." I threw my backpack on my shoulder and started towards the door. Fitz's voice stopped me.

  "He never tries to avoid people, Beatrix. The opposite, actually. He confronts them constantly. But for some reason he wants to avoid you."

  I looked over my shoulder at him. "Tell him the feeling's mutual."

  I left the classroom, adrenaline shaking me up again. Every time I talked to one of the Blackthorn boys face-to-face, I got so nervous I could barely see straight. It's the scholarship. I knew it was. They had the power to take it from me, to cut my hard work out of the picture with a snap of their fingers. They could guillotine my life apart, and I was just waiting for them to drop the blade. They did it to Mark Gerund. They could do it to me.

  I opened my locker, a slip of red paper waving on the inside. I picked it up and read the word I already knew was on it.

  STOP.

  I looked around for any sign of the brothers. They had to be nearby, ready to swoop down for the kill. I knew exactly what Wolf wanted me to stop doing. He'd made it abundantly clear this morning. This was just a formality. He wanted me to stop interfering.

  But like hell I was going to do what he wanted. Everyone else did. Everyone probably would, for the rest of his spoiled life. But I wasn't going to give him that satisfaction. Nobody deserves Beatrix Cruz's respect - they have to earn it.

  I poised my hands to rip the red card in two when a deep voice scared me shitless.

  "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

  I looked around to see Burn, somehow half-hidden in the shadow next to the lockers despite his towering height. His close-cropped, curly hair swayed in the breeze, his eyes tiredly watching me with none of Wolf's venom or Fitz's amusement. He just looked utterly bored.

  "Jesus on a cheese platter! You scared me!" I hissed.

  "Sorry," He muttered. "Wasn't my intention."

  "What is it with you Blackthorn boys and annoying me today, huh? Is it 'bother Beatrix forever' day? Did you not hear me when I told you all to keep away from me?"

  "I heard you," Burn said, voice getting softer even as mine got louder. He was so calm I felt somehow foolish for getting so worked up. I took a deep breath.

  "Did Wolf put you two up to this?"

  Burn's face didn't make many movements, but he quirked a bit of an eyebrow for this occasion.

  "Us two?"

  "Fitz talked to me, too. Tried to tell me how weird it was you guys got up early, or something? I don't know, I stop listening to condescending voice tones when they go on for more than five seconds."

  I heard a chuckle, and blinked. That couldn't have been Burn. I'd never so much as seen him smile, let alone laugh. But there it was - the smallest of grins on his face, though it faded quickly when we locked eyes.

  "When Wolf first started, I didn't agree with his methods," Burn said. "I still don't. When he told me what he planned to do, I tried to talk him out of it."

  "That obviously didn't go too well."

  Burn kept on, his voice steady. "I didn't help him, at the beginning. Neither did Fitz. It was a fool's errand, we thought. But then we saw it."

  His jade-green eyes got a little distant, like he was deep in a memory.

  "Saw what?" I tried.

  "The school. It...transformed. It got better. Everyone was scared of Wolf, and he knew it, and he used that. The red cards made people think twice about doing terrible things."

  "Sorry, I'm must be slow or something, because I'm seriously not understanding what's so great about bullying people into making them do what you want."

  Burn studied me - not devouring me whole with his eyes like Wolf did, but a slow, even stare straight to my face. No fire, no acid. Just neutrality.

  "I hope you stick around, Beatrix," He finally said.

  "Why?"

  Burn was quiet again, and then he murmurs, almost to himself; "I've never seen Wolf get that close to someone."

  I furrowed my eyebrows. "What?"

  "He doesn't...do the whole touching thing." Burn said. "And he hates getting physically close to people. But you - that day with Eric and the red card -"

  He trailed off, but the moment he was talking about hit me in vivid memory. Wolf's body heat, the way his shadow danced over my skin. He'd gotten way too close. But apparently that wasn't a thing with him.

  "Burn, what the hell -"

  "Just...do me a favor," Burn said. "And stay in this school. If you can."

  Without another word, walked away. I sputtered into the air, throwing my hands up in confusion. Not only were the Blackthorn brothers annoying as hell, they were obtuse. All three of them were very different, but they shared one thing in common - never stopping to explain themselves.

  "Fine." I shoved my books in my bag. "Fine! Don't explain anything ever, that's fine and dandy and definitely something normal people do!" I moved to tear the red card up in my frustration, but something stopped me. If I did, Wolf would be more pissed, wouldn't he? He'd lower that guillotine blade down on my head even faster. Argh! I hated that I was making any decisions because of him in the first place! It was bullshit, and he was bullshit, and -

  My bag buzzed, and I took out my phone. Dad was calling me. I gripped the phone hard, the plastic of its edges sinking like teeth into my palm. I told him I
was almost home, and was running late for the bus. Which I was, thanks to a certain Blackthorn brother. I hung up with a hot knot of dread in my stomach.

  "I'm not at Lakecrest for me," I rested my chin on the cool metal of my locker and muttered into it. "This isn't about me. This place is for Dad. NYU. NYU. New York University, Bee. Don't get it twisted. That's all that matters. So what if you hate Wolf's guts? Just ignore him. Ignore him, and do what you have to do to get out of here with a shining college resume."

  I repeated it to myself the entire walk to the bus stop. If I said it enough times, it would cement itself in my brain as truth, and I could stop catching on offended fire every time I saw Wolf's face. In theory. But dear god, my theories had been awful lately.

  I brought out one of my psych books and started pouring over it, so I didn't notice the sleek black limo pull up to the curb. Even if I had, I probably would've just thought it was somebody getting picked up at school by their private driver - something I'd seen way too many times at this point to be surprised by. So the low voice startled me when it said my name.

  "Miss Cruz?"

  I looked up to see the handsomest older man I'd ever seen sitting in the backseat of the limo, his window rolled down. His hair was nearly all white with age, but his face had fine, deep lines that somehow made him look more regal. His brows were thick and his nose was slightly hawkish, and his lips formed a smile.

  "So you are Miss Cruz. Forgive me for the intrusion. My name is Nathaniel Blackthorn. I serve as Chairman of the School Board for Lakecrest Preparatory."

  Wolf's dad. The guy I submitted my essay to for the McCaroll scholarship. The guy Fitz hacked to get that same essay. I'd been so worried about impressing him when I was trying to get into this school. My heart suddenly felt like it'd been home-runned straight into my voice box. I stood up and smoothed my skirt.