#1 Love

by T Gephart

  I all but threw myself out on to the sidewalk, desperate to get into my apartment before the thirst took real hold and I’d be forced to chain him to a chair and use him as a dildo.

  Pretty sure that was illegal.

  “Maya, wait!” he called out after me, forcing me to turn back.

  My heart thumped, almost hopeful he was going to tell me he didn’t want the night to end either. Or needed to touch me. Or kiss me. Or make me come so hard I forgot my own name. Fine, I was being optimistic, but it had already been a super strange night.

  “Your wine.” He held up the bottle he’d stolen over the weekend and given me earlier in the day. “You forgot it. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were reneging.”

  I’d completely forgotten about it to be honest, and it wasn’t wine—stolen or legitimately bought—currently on my mind either.

  I reached back into the car and took the bottle, not really wanting it but because I had already agreed. “Fine, but next time I’m implicated in a crime, I want to at least have participated in it.” It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I wanted him to make a dishonest woman out of me, not that I could admit that to him out loud.

  “Something tells me that won’t be a problem.” His low husky voice was back and I was in serious trouble.

  “Okay, bye.” I turned around, forcing my feet to move. His car continued to idle, only driving off once I’d disappeared from view.

  It was a relief when he was gone, my body pressing against the stairwell, needing a minute before I climbed. I never understood why women in old black and white movies threw an arm across their eyes while breathing rapidly like they were going to faint, but I was quickly finding out.

  It was so you didn’t have to look at yourself when you dissolved into a white-hot mess over a man.

  But no amount of hiding was going to save me.

  IT HAD BEEN A MIRACLE I’d been able to sleep at all, but thankfully exhaustion did its thing and biology took over. Not that closing my eyes stopped me from seeing him or thinking about him, my dreams flicked from one Alex-filled dream to the next.

  Heels and a pencil skirt stopped me from racing down the stairs to see him the next morning, but he was rather amused by my animated shuffle.

  Like the morning previous, he came bearing gifts. Instead of stolen alcohol, this time it was two coffees and two doughnuts from the shop in Encino my mom used to go to.

  “You went to Hole-In-One?” My eyes lit up at the brightly colored box. “I can’t believe that place is still open.”

  He nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. “I figured it might have been a while since you had one, and I didn’t have time for breakfast so figured we could eat in the car.”

  I narrowed my eyes in suspicion. “You didn’t have time for breakfast, yet you had time to drive to Encino before coming here?”

  “I know, I’m a saint.” He smirked.

  I didn’t disagree.

  The drive seemed to end too soon, his sainthood and my love for doughnuts only a fraction of what we discussed.

  It wasn’t like how it used to be.

  It was better.

  As I waltzed into work—floating on a cloud of happiness, sugar and caffeine—I was in a pathological good mood that had no business in a law office that early in the morning. All I needed were those obnoxious cartoon birds whistling around me, and an urge to skip.

  “Looks like someone had a good night.” Stefan lifted his head, already working at one of the desks, his smile dripping with suggestion.

  Mike cleared his throat, not bothering to look up. “Can’t say that, dude. Sexual harassment.”

  Stefan rolled his eyes as he swiveled his chair to Mike. “All I said was it looked like she had a good night, it’s not like I asked if she got laid.” He rotated back to me. “And I wasn’t asking. It was an observation, I’d have said the same thing to Mike if he walked in here with a big grin on his face.”

  “It’s fine.” I lowered myself onto the seat next to him, maintaining the big grin I was allegedly wearing. “Besides, I want to hear about your good night.”

  Their evening had been different to mine, the two of them falling in love with some dive bar that had awesome food. I promised I’d tag along some other time and we went about our day.

  And when the day was over, Alex was waiting downstairs as usual. I tried to act casual, when really I just wanted to leap into his arms and kiss him. My stomach and heart doing weird aerial gymnastics in my body that I was sure wasn’t good for either of them but I managed to keep the craziness contained.

  He suspected absolutely nothing when we stopped at a bistro on the way home and ate dinner, my hands, mouth and body kept to myself the entire time. I may have—not confirming or denying—given him a playful hug when we made an extra stop for ice cream before he took me back to my apartment. But that was gratitude and therefore allowed. Him reciprocating didn’t help things though—encouragement would probably be my downfall.

  Again, our goodbye was bittersweet.

  “Hello?” I answered my phone, a smile still plastered on my face as I closed my front door.

  “Oh, you’re alive,” Jackie deadpanned. “I’d already picked out the black dress for the funeral.”

  “Har-Har, I sent you a text yesterday.” I kicked off my shoes, stripping off clothes as I made my way to the bedroom.

  “You mean the thumbs up emoji in response to my message? Sweetie, last time I checked, you spoke in whole sentences so I assumed some asshole must have stolen your phone from your dead fingers.”

  I knew she was being sarcastic, but I had been quieter than normal. Between work, Alex, and overanalyzing everything, it didn’t give me a lot of time to check in. “I’m sorry. I’ve been really busy.”

  “You’ve been busy or you’ve been getting busy?” she asked. “Did your blast from the past become your blast of the present? Come on, Maya, I’m an information girl and you’re not coming up with the goods.”

  I sighed, flopping onto my mattress as I stared at the ceiling and proceeded to tell Jackie every last detail. Not that there was much to tell, we seemed to be spending a lot of time being in the car, eating and talking. The law clinic was kind of special and the doughnuts. And maybe it was all just really “nice” and that was all it would ever be.

  She listened but thankfully refrained from offering unsolicited advice. And when I was done, we switched our focus to her and how she was enjoying New York.

  When she was satisfied I hadn’t been taken over by an alien life form, we said our goodbyes. It was late in L.A. and her wake up time was a hell of a lot earlier than mine considering the time difference.

  “Uuughhhhh,” I groaned loudly into my empty room.

  It was going to be another long, sexually frustrated night.

  The days that followed didn’t deviate from the routine, every morning and every evening, my days made infinitely better with Alex being in them. Work was great and I was really starting to find my feet, but spending time with him was a cherry on top of a delicious brownie sundae. Ironically I wanted to lick them both—Alex and the sundae—having to be content with touches and hugs that weren’t overly sexual.

  I was dying.

  Wound up so tight inside that when I did finally give up—let go of the fantasy and sleep with someone less perfect—I would pass out. They wouldn’t even have to be very good at this point, just be a human man with a hard-on. It was probably better they didn’t talk too, then I could keep indulging in my fantasy.

  Oh, God. I seriously needed help.

  “Drinks. Sports bar. Food that isn’t anywhere close to being good for you.” It was Stefan’s turn to try to convince me, he’d oscillated with Mike extending the invitation every night for a week.

  And every single time I turned them down.

  But it was Friday, and everyone was getting ready for the weekend and my excuses were starting to sound lame. I didn’t need to spend every single night with Alex, but like a
drug addict with a coke habit, I couldn’t make myself stop.

  I was just about to give my usual excuse of “sorry I have plans,” when Stefan stopped me. “We’ve survived our first week, something that definitely needs to be celebrated.”

  “I know, and I agree that celebratory drinks are required. Maybe we can go tomorrow night?” I offered. “Then we won’t have the early morning to distract us.”

  “It’s Friday, we don’t have an early morning tomorrow.” Mike grabbed his satchel. “But okay, Saturday it is. No more rain checks, your position in the crew depends on it.”

  Stefan shook his head. “Relax, Maya, I won’t let him kick you out.”

  “I promise. Saturday. No more rain checks,” I assured them, crossing my heart in a show of commitment. At least I wouldn’t be sitting at home on a Saturday night alone, there was a positive.

  They followed me into the elevator, Mike pressing the down button while he checked emails on his phone. Stefan’s cell was still tucked away in his pocket, looking at the closed metal doors as we descended to the ground floor.

  While limiting screen time and interacting with humanity was usually commendable, I didn’t need that kind of attention at the moment. Especially not when I wasn’t sure if Alex was already waiting downstairs.

  I needed him to check his Twitter.

  Or text that girl he’d been flirting with since Wednesday.

  Or develop a temporary blindness that miraculously disappeared the minute I did.

  Anything would do, I wasn’t fussy.

  “Something wrong?” Stefan asked, my concentrated effort to will a distraction causing my forehead to wrinkle.

  I shook my head, trying to look casual. “Nope, just thinking. The Clayton merger.”

  He shrugged, either buying the lie or deciding he didn’t want to get involved in my crazy and continued to stare at the door that would open at any second.

  Please let him be circling the block, I prayed. Let the entire block be filled with vehicles, not a vacant space for at least a mile.

  The metal doors opened revealing my prayers had gone unanswered, Alex Larsson standing in the foyer with his hands in his pockets, waiting.

  Shit.

  He looked amazing, his jacket from the morning MIA with his cuffs rolled to the elbow. His blond hair was slightly ruffled, sticking out in sexy angles that just made him more alluring.

  And he was looking directly at us.

  Short of some seismic activity courtesy of the San Andreas Fault, there wasn’t a distraction big enough to divert from that view.

  Pretending if I walked fast and got out of the door I could remain inside my bubble, I accelerated my pace to almost a jog, reaching Alex and grabbing his arm.

  “Hey, how are you? You parked out front? We should go.” My hands yanked, pulling him toward the exit.

  It was like moving a tree; his big feet rooted to the floor while he looked at me like a lunatic, probably wondering what the hell was the rush.

  “Maya, are you okay?” His perfect face tilted down to me as an amused smile played on his lips. “Did you have a good day?”

  There was a time and place for chitchat and in the lobby of Palmer and Loft was not it.

  “Great. Fantastic. So good.” I nodded, hoping if I answered the question we could go.

  Turns out, we couldn’t.

  I heard the laugh come from behind us, reminding me that I hadn’t magically turned on my invisible juice when I’d powerwalked to Alex. Anyone who happened to be around was able to bare witness to my crazy, and currently that audience consisted of Mike and Stefan.

  “She’s exaggerating. It was boring and long.” Stefan appeared beside me not bothering to wait for an introduction. “And now I see why Maya is continuing to blow us off. I’m Stefan, and this here is Mike.” He thumbed over his shoulder to the guy who was no longer interested in his phone. “And you are?”

  Dead.

  Not Alex of course, but me. And not for the reason most people would have suspected.

  I wasn’t worried about them assuming he was my boyfriend—please, that little rumor could only give me street cred. Plus I’d glanced at my mom’s emails about manifesting bullshit into reality. And if Janine from Ohio could manifest herself a shiny new Range Rover then getting Alex to consider a relationship—where we kissed—didn’t seem like that big of a stretch.

  No, my concern was about something else and sadly didn’t just affect me. If they found out who he was—and about his collection of famous siblings—then I had no doubt the sideshow would follow. Or at least that was what I guessed happened whenever he mentioned his last name and who his family was, we’d been strangely immune to it in our ride/chat/eat bubble.

  I didn’t want that for him, to become a thing that people saw as a commodity. And as weird as it sounded, I wanted to protect him, keep those speculative eyes and curious glances away from him. And I sure as hell didn’t want to be the reason for it.

  “This is my friend, Alex.” I deliberately left off his last name. “He works around here too and is giving me a ride home.”

  As far as explanations went, that one sucked. Not only did it sound like the words of a five-year-old, but it made me look even more suspect than if I’d just introduced him like a normal person. Oh well, too late for that now.

  Stefan gave me a sideways glance, picking up the weird vibe immediately as he threw out his hand. “Hey friend Alex, nice to meet you.”

  It wasn’t only Stefan who was looking at me strangely, Alex was too, his mouth hooking in a grin as he reached for Stefan’s hand. “Likewise. Now tell me about Maya and her blowing you off.”

  It sounded dirty, and I knew it was probably intentional. Not because I thought Alex was flirting with me, oh hell no. He just liked to watch me squirm, probably wondering why since walking back into his life I was acting like an extra from American Horror Story.

  “We invited her for celebratory drinks all week. She told us she had plans. Rain checked us every night, but failed to mention a boyfriend,” Mike added, joining in on what seemed to be a united effort to make me feel awkward. He was grinning too, and here I thought he was the nicer one.

  I laughed, trying to sound casual but failing miserably. “Alex isn’t my boyfriend. We’re just friends. We grew up together. When we were kids.”

  It was ironic that I was trying to convince them of the same thing I had been trying to convince myself. We were just friends, no chance of him ever being my boyfriend. Blah, blah, blah—Lord, I hoped it didn’t sound as lame as it did in my own head.

  With zero time to even process what was happening, an arm wrapped around me and pulled me closer. The full length of Alex’s delicious body was pressed against mine—or was it mine against his?—as he grinned. “Come on, Maya. Don’t lie to your friends. It’s totally fine to tell them how much you love me.”

  If it was possible for a heart to dislodge itself from its place in a chest and catapult into a throat, I was sure mine would have done it. Even knowing how impossible it was, I was positive mine was trying to attempt it, my lungs feeling like they were on fire from the effort.

  I was about to demand to know how he’d suddenly developed mind reading abilities, or deny it and accuse him of having severe narcissistic tendencies—I hadn’t decided which—when he laughed. “Which is probably the only thing stopping her from tearing my balls off right now. She is right though, we’re really good friends.”

  Relief and disappointment both filled me, because as glad as I was he couldn’t see into my brain, he had confirmed friends was probably all we’d ever be.

  “Interesting.” Stefan grinned. “Well, offer stands and you’re welcome to join us as well.”

  The words were already in my throat, ready to assure Stefan that I’d—singularly, without my friend—happily grab that drink tomorrow as we’d planned. Hell, I’d even meet them in the morning, start the day with mimosas and then move to liquid lunch before drinks in the evening assuming they
didn’t think I was encouraging them to become alcoholics. But my “thanks, some other time,” was halted by Alex’s “Sure.”

  “We can grab a drink with your friends before dinner tonight.” Alex turned to me, his hand remaining on my hip. “Unless you don’t want to.”

  The grin forced its way onto my lips. “Nope, I just don’t want you to feel weird drinking with people you don’t know. I’m fine with drinks.”

  I couldn’t be any less fine.

  “Well to be honest, does anyone really know anyone?” Stefan picked that moment to dabble in philosophy, funny he’d never shown an interest before. “Aren’t we all just friends we haven’t met yet?”

  If he started quoting Maya Angelou, I was going to throw up.

  He was enjoying it, flicking his eyes between Alex and I, trying to gather evidence while I retained my 5th Amendment rights.

  “Stefan and I both graduated the same year and barely spoke, I thought he was an arrogant asshole,” Mike added, clearly no longer believing that to be true as he “backed up” his buddy. Both of their points of view were extremely unhelpful.

  “Gee, thanks Mike. Sounds like you are joining us after all.” Stefan smirked. “Meet us at Bar Six. You need directions?”

  Alex shook his head. “Nope, I know where it is.”

  With my fate sealed, the objective had shifted. Fall out had to be minimized at all costs.

  “Great, we’ll see you there then.” I grabbed Alex’s hand and hoped this time when I tugged he’d move.

  Praise Jesus, a miracle.

  His feet unglued from the floor, the forward motion continuing as we walked to the door. We didn’t talk, Alex moving his hand to my lower back as he guided me towards his car.

  He’d clearly made a deal with the devil. If looking good wasn’t bad enough, he’d managed to secure a parking spot right in front of the building every single time. “Wow, what do you have to do to keep getting prime parking? It’s like they know you’re coming and clear out a spot.” I chuckled, sliding into the passenger seat of his BMW.