Only the Beginning: Only You, #4

by Thorpe, Elle

  I laughed, loving his playful tone. The pain I’d been harbouring since we’d been apart fading away. A bright future full of happiness taking its place. I took his hand and moved it to my little belly. “I wasn’t talking about the proposal. I meant this. You’re the father, Riley. Not Jerome.”

  Riley stilled.

  “What?” He spat the word out like it tasted bad.

  And with that one word, my overfull heart deflated and then broke as he snatched his hand away, his expression going blank.

  33

  Riley

  My baby.

  That was my baby she was carrying. Which could only mean that it had been conceived five months ago. Five whole months. A bitter taste rose in my mouth, and I took a step back.

  “Riley?” she asked, a tremble in her voice. She stepped towards me, but I held up a hand to stop her coming any closer.

  “I don’t understand. I thought you’d be happy? You just said you loved me…”

  A devastated laugh tumbled from my lips. A choked noise even I didn’t recognise. It sounded wrong. So full of hurt and pain it should have been a sob. Bianca flinched.

  “And you said you loved me.” I choked on the words, because suddenly everything she’d said meant nothing. She was a liar.

  She shook her head, her beautiful blue eyes filling with tears, a sight that tried to undo me. My body wanted to reach out and touch her, soothe her, but my brain yelled accusations of betrayal, reminding me she was just like Eliza. Someone willing to keep my child away from me. Would she have even told me at all if I wasn’t here, standing in front of her? Would she have just stayed in LA forever? My blood boiled.

  “I do love you,” she cried.

  Ha. More lies. “You don’t. If you did, you would have never waited five months to tell me you were having our baby, Bianca. Five months! You know how much what Eliza did broke me, and yet here you are, just repeating the same thing.” I shook my head and turned away from her, unable to look at her now I knew she’d never really cared for me. Never really known me at all. How could she keep something like that from me?

  “I’m an idiot.” I picked up my backpack from the floor and slung it over my shoulder. But I couldn’t make my feet move. Despite everything, despite my brain yelling to get the hell out of that room, I didn’t want to leave her. That was my baby she was carrying, and like a fool, I knew with certainty that none of this could stop me loving her. But how could I stay? When she thought nothing of keeping something so huge from me?

  Bianca let out a huge sigh. Then she closed the gap between us, moving with determination, and pulled the bag from my shoulder. I fought with her half-heartedly until she gave me a look and yanked it from my grasp. I let her.

  “Riley. Look at me.”

  I didn’t want to. The flash of anger had subsided into plain old hurt. I was trying desperately to get the anger back, but I couldn’t do that if I looked at her. I’d get lost in her eyes and I’d forgive her instantly. And that would make me an even bigger fool than I already was. I shook my head stubbornly.

  She grabbed my face between her hands. “Riley Clarke. Listen to me and listen to me good. I love you, but you are stubbornly stupid sometimes.” There was laughter in her eyes. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why. Did she care so little that she thought laughing was an appropriate response to my heartache? Jesus. That was cold.

  “I didn’t call you because I didn’t know. I found out on Friday, Riley. Friday. As in three days ago. If you go into my bedroom, you’ll see that everything I own is packed into a suitcase. And on the bedside table, you’ll see a plane ticket to Sydney. It leaves in five hours.”

  Hope rushed in despite my attempts to tamp it down. “You were coming back?”

  She nodded. “And I was planning to take the first Uber straight to your house. I wasn’t keeping the baby from you. I wouldn’t do that. I just couldn’t tell you over the phone.”

  Relief filled me. Then guilt. I’d just yelled at the mother of my child. My stomach rolled at the thought. I knelt on the thick hotel room carpet, circling my arms around her waist, resting my head against her belly. “I’m so sorry, I just thought…”

  A surge of protectiveness rose. Her fingertips ran through my hair as I tried to process the myriad of emotions without breaking down and crying.

  “It’s okay. I know you. I knew exactly how big this would be for you, which is why I was coming back. You can be as involved with this baby as you want.”

  “Marry me,” I mumbled into her belly. “Does that tell you how involved I want to be? I meant what I said. You belong with me. You and our baby.”

  She sighed, and when I glanced up at her, my heart sank at the sad look on her face.

  “I can’t. It’s too soon, and this is all too crazy. We haven’t even dated! We’ve just been one whirlwind of disaster after another. I need to know we can get our shit together before I can commit to marrying you. Because when I do marry you, I want to know it’s forever. Don’t you?”

  That was true. And at that point, I didn’t even care. I’d give her whatever she wanted. I’d do whatever she needed. If she needed time, I could give her that. But there was no doubt in my mind. She was the one for me. And someday, she would be the one wearing a white gown, who met me at the altar.

  I stood and ran my hands through her hair, tilting her head up to me. “I already know, Bianca. I’ll keep asking, and one day, you’ll say yes.”

  “You’re awfully cocky for someone who just got turned down.”

  I grinned, then clutched my heart dramatically like she’d shot an arrow through it.

  She placed one of her delicate hands over the top of mine and leant in. “You know what I will say yes to right now?” she whispered in my ear.

  I quirked an eyebrow.

  “Getting naked with my man and showing him exactly how much I’ve missed him.”

  I scooped her up into my arms, her squeal of delight in my ear, and stormed towards the bedroom. “Funnily enough, I’ll say yes to that, too.”

  34

  Bianca

  Riley insisted on taking a shower before getting down to it, and I’d pouted at him as he’d disappeared into the bathroom, leaving me alone in the bedroom. With one sweep of my arm, all the clothes and the suitcases on my bed fell to the floor in an untidy heap, and I stripped out of my workout clothes. I stared down at my sports bra and cotton underwear and decided that…nope. That was not what I was going to be wearing when I hadn’t seen Riley in five full months. I stripped out of the daggy underwear set and riffled through the pile on the floor, searching for something sexier, but then the water in the bathroom stopped. I whipped my head up and stared at the en suite door, but it didn’t open. Abandoning my search for lingerie, I laid out on the bed, completely naked, figuring that was the end goal anyway.

  Riley rattled around in the bathroom, but the door still didn’t open, and eventually my gaze wandered to my belly. It seemed like a small bump for five months. But it was noticeable. And now that I knew, I felt stupid for not realising sooner. My breasts were fuller, my nipples darker. I’d put on a little weight around my hips and thighs. That was probably courtesy of the late-night binge-eating more than the baby. But suddenly, I realised that Riley was going to see me naked. I didn’t dislike the way my body had changed. I’d starved myself for years to get the sort of figure I ‘needed’ to be an actress, and now I had a few curves. But what if Riley wasn’t attracted to this version of me? Even as I thought the words, I knew how ridiculous they were. I was having the man’s baby. And he’d just told me he loved me. I knew that had nothing to do with what I looked like naked. But still.

  I suddenly felt too bold, too on display, lying on the bed like some wanton sex goddess. So I pulled back the covers and slipped beneath them just as Riley walked out of the shower with a white towel wrapped low on his waist. Those delicious lines ran either side of his hips and down beneath the towel. My mouth watered.

  I sat up
, forgetting my momentary lack of body confidence, and prowled across the bed on all fours. I couldn’t help it. I’d always been so damn turned on by him, that even when we were screaming at each other, all I wanted to do was rip his clothes off.

  I sat on the edge, and he came to stand in front of me. I spread my legs so he could stand between them and he sucked in a sharp breath as he no doubt got a glimpse of my bare pussy. But before he could do anything, I untucked the edge of his towel and let it fall to the floor. His thick cock was already gloriously hard beneath it, and I ran my hand over the head and down his length. I took my time, refamiliarizing myself with everything I’d missed over the last five months

  Wetness pooled between my legs, and like a magnet, my gaze was drawn to his face. He had his eyes closed, his chin resting on his chest, his abs contracting as he fought with himself. I wanted him to let go. I wanted to see him unravel.

  I reached between his legs and cupped his balls, squeezing them lightly and stroking over them. Then I lowered my head and added my mouth to the assault. Riley’s head rolled back, and he groaned long and loud. I sucked one ball into my mouth, now using my hands to work his cock, making him clench. Then he sharply pulled away.

  “Jesus, B, stop. I’m going to come if you keep that up. And I’m not coming before you do. Lie down.”

  I bit my lip. There was that rush of self-consciousness again. It was one thing to be sitting in front of him, but if I laid back on the bed, he was going to see every inch of me. Damn it. Why had he not turned up late at night when it was dark?

  I shuffled back on the bed, drawing my knees to my chest.

  He frowned.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. My head is just full of voices that don’t deserve any credit.” For so many years, I’d had people telling me what my body should look like. Slim but not skinny. Fit but not muscly. And for ten years, I’d listened. It was part of my job.

  He kneeled on the bed, his expression soft as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. I reached for his cock again. I wanted to go back to concentrating on him so I didn’t have to think about myself. But he moved out of reach, and I pouted at him. He tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear and smiled gently at me.

  “I can make the voices go away.” He kissed one of my knees that I still had pulled to my chest, then my fingers which were locked tightly around them. He tugged at my wrists, and I let my hands drop to the mattress.

  His big hands rested on my knees, then he whispered. “Now lie back.”

  I did as I was told, reminding myself over and over that this was a man who loved me. Who had spent years worshipping my body and knew it better than I did. The man whose baby grew in my belly.

  My back hit the soft blankets, and Riley gazed down at me. I watched his gaze wander over my face, then lower to my breasts then the swell of my belly. It lingered there a long time before he lifted his head again. And the look in his eyes took my breath away. Pride, protectiveness, love—everything was there in his eyes while he stared down at me. He swallowed hard. His broad shoulders pushed my knees wide. And this time, I let them fall open easily, welcoming the sight of his big body looming over me. He held himself on his arms, supporting his weight and lowered his mouth to mine. His lips were soft, and the kisses he gave me were gentle. My heart swelled. His lips parted, his tongue slipping inside to meet mine. I pushed up, wanting more, wriggling so his cock brushed against my entrance. I moaned when the tip of him touched my clit.

  His kisses trailed off my mouth, to my neck and lower to my breasts. He cupped them both, his fingers flicking over my nipples, pleasure shooting through me. Until that moment, I hadn’t noticed how sensitive they were. But now I revelled in it. When Riley sucked one nipple into his mouth, I arched my back, urging him on. I wanted to watch him as he discovered my new body. I wanted to watch and make sure he liked what he saw, but the feelings unfurling within me wouldn’t allow me to. My eyes fluttered closed, and sensation roared through me.

  Still palming one breast, he used his other hand to travel lower, and I thanked the lord, because my core was throbbing for his touch. But he stopped at my belly. And then he sat back, in the gap made by my wide-spread thighs. His fingers trailed over my bump. So softly, he traced every inch of skin, then cupped our growing baby with both hands before lowering his head to kiss me just to the side of my navel. My heart doubled in size. I hadn’t planned on having a baby. I didn’t know how to be a mum. But if I was doing this with anyone, I was glad I was doing it with him. No one else would ever look at me the way Riley did.

  He didn’t say anything, just continued his path south, kissing and licking his way over my mound to my folds. He didn’t hesitate for a moment. He ran his tongue straight through the centre of me, making me cry out. If I’d thought my nipples were sensitive…

  “Still thinking?” he asked.

  His tongue ran over my clit, and I shook my head violently. No. I wasn’t thinking. Not about whether my body would still turn him on anyway. I’d seen the evidence of that in every look and every touch since he’d laid me down. Now, all I was thinking about was the orgasm I knew was coming.

  His tongue dipped low, and he licked in long, slow strokes, occasionally pushing his tongue inside me, just enough to make me beg for more. He made tiny noises of satisfaction when my hips rolled, trying to get more friction against his mouth. Then he slid two fingers inside me, immediately searching for that spot that we both knew would be my undoing. Five months apart hadn’t changed anything. He still knew all my sensitive places. Still knew exactly how to get me off. His fingers moved in and out of me while he sucked on my clit. Over and over again he hit the parts where I wanted him most, until my internal muscles clamped down on his fingers and blinding pleasure soared through me.

  I cried out, jerking and clutching his head, his shoulders, anything I could to ground myself as I rode out the wave of pleasure. When it subsided, his cock replaced his fingers, and he was sliding in and out of me with ease. He kissed me, and I tasted myself on his lips, but I tasted him, too. He was warm and familiar, and we moved together, my hips rising to meet his, his gaze holding me in place as he thrust into me in.

  “I love you,” he whispered in my ear.

  Tears welled in my eyes. I pressed my fingernails into the skin of his back and held him tight.

  “I love you, too.”

  He stilled and looked down at me. “We can’t fuck it up this time, B. I’m done with all that. If you push me away again, I’m not going. Anytime you want to run, I’ll follow. I need you to know that.”

  I nodded and pulled him back to my chest as he picked up the pace again. He pumped in and out of me until he groaned my name, his wet heat spilling inside me.

  I stroked my fingers over his skin, over the planes of his body. I knew. But he wasn’t going to have to chase me. I was done running. I was done pushing him away. I was home.

  35

  Bianca

  After fifteen hours, the plane drone had finally lulled me into a restless sleep. Before that, our trip home to Sydney had been quiet. Riley and I sat together, holding hands, both of us lost in our own thoughts. So often I found myself subconsciously rubbing my belly. Every time I ran my fingers over the swell, a little spear of panic shot through me.

  Unwilling to be separated from Riley again, I’d cancelled my original flight, and we’d spent the last few days in a bubble. But now we were heading back to reality, and coming home meant facing our future. There were so many hurdles to jump. Sadie, and the fact she hated my guts, was a big one. My job on Ocean Bay, another. Tangie had assured me my role was safe, but the producers didn’t officially know about the baby yet. Though, I could guess they’d seen the tabloids. I couldn’t imagine they’d be too pleased to be writing an unplanned pregnancy into the storyline of the twenty-something pure and innocent I portrayed on the show.

  But the one overriding thought was the baby. And the pure terror that wrapped itself around my throat ev
ery time I thought about bringing a baby into my life.

  I traced the bump. So tiny. How was I supposed to keep something so small and precious safe? The world I lived in was brutal. Ready to cut you down at the first sign of cellulite or a pimple. Your every move under a microscope. Things might have died down a little while I was overseas, but as long as I was acting, my indiscretions were out there for the whole world to see. Was I really going to bring an innocent baby into this mess?

  After too many hours to count, the plane bumped and skidded along the runway, and we shuffled to the exits. Keeping my frustration with the slow-moving line in check was difficult. I just wanted some fresh air and to be away from crowds for a while. My neck ached, and I had knots in my back from sitting in the cramped space for so long. Fatigue made me slow as we waited for our bags and eventually made our way out of the airport.

  “You have no idea how grateful I am to see your beat-up old junk bucket,” I said, sinking into the ripped fabric seat of Riley’s jeep. He’d left it in the long-term parking area, and I was glad we didn’t have to wait for a taxi or an Uber. I just wanted to get home. I put my hand on his thigh and squeezed it gently, loving that I was allowed to do that now. “You sure you’re not too tired to drive?”

  He shook his head. “I’ve had that much coffee and Red Bull, I’m surprised I’m not having heart palpitations.”

  “Let’s get out of here then. I’m ready for my own bed.”

  He leant across the centre console and kissed me below my ear, making me shiver.

  “You got it. Sleep, then we’ll get an appointment with your doctor, okay?”

  I nodded. While we’d been in LA we’d realised that I’d had no prenatal care. That was a scary thought, but there’d been no point seeing a doctor in LA when we’d be leaving in a few days. So I’d put it out of my mind and promised Riley we’d see someone as soon as we got back.