Resurrection

by Karina Bliss

  “We haven’t got time for this.” Moss gave her a little shake. “I need you, Lily. I need you to help me decide whether to tell the judge.”

  His urgency cut through the fog of self-recrimination. “Why would you?”

  “Right now, only you and I know the story’s going to break…correct?”

  She nodded.

  “Which leaves us with two choices. We go in there and say nothing and I get sole legal and physical custody and we deal with any fallout later.”

  She looked at him in dawning horror. Stormy Hagen screwing Moss McFadden was suddenly the least of their problems. “I’ve been looking after Grace.” Why hadn’t this occurred to her earlier? They’d been so immersed in the adoption issue, and then with each other. Stupid. Stupid. The danger was obvious now the damage was done. There was deception, however innocently begun.

  “All your childcare qualifications and references are under your legal name. You’re living under your legal name—”

  “Not quite.” She felt sick. “My first name is Irene; Lily is my middle name.”

  “You’re not hiding a criminal record,” he argued. “I don’t see why you’d have to disclose your modeling alias or history, or that either would trigger a court review.”

  He’d hired Stormy Hagen to look after his baby. Could she cost him Grace? She fumbled for a chair and sat down. “Ask Lincoln.”

  “No. I don’t want him implicated. If there is a problem, we’ll need him.” That explained his earlier comment about her mother’s ‘accident’.

  Lincoln tapped on the door. “Let’s go, guys.”

  “And the second option?” she said quickly.

  “We tell the judge the truth now, before the story breaks, and get this done. No more running, Lily, for either of us.”

  “And take our chances that justice will prevail? Oh God, Moss, the risk.”

  “Letting it slide now is easier,” he conceded. “If things turn to shit, we’ll have time to built a good legal team. But is that how we want to start our life together as a family? Fuck, I don’t know.” He crouched by her chair, caught her chilled hands. “You’re my moral compass, Lily. What should we do?”

  “I thought I had morals.” Her shaky laugh held a note of hysteria. “Values and standards. Dee Dee didn’t set any, I had to work them out as I went along.” She gripped his fingers. “But I would do anything to protect you and Grace. Lie, cheat, whatever it took. I’m so afraid that they’ll take her away from you because of me, that I can’t think straight.”

  “When I looked at the couple I wanted to give Grace to, they were decent, compassionate, open-hearted—like you, Lily. The kind of person I’m aiming to become.”

  Oh, he made this hard. But what worth had values if you didn’t hold onto them? She met his anxious gaze, trying to convey steadiness in her own. “Okay, we tell the judge. No matter what he throws at us, we don’t get defensive. We stay calm and reasonable.” She hugged Moss and stood, pulling him to his feet. “We have to make it as easy as possible for him to say yes.”

  “In that case,” he said, “maybe you should do all the talking.”

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Judge Pearce was a man who’d grown old in office. It was evident in the sigh with which he’d settled into the worn leather chair as if it was his personal La-Z-Boy rocker; in his ability to lay his hands on any documents he needed without looking; and in the long-jowled weariness that suggested he was longing for retirement.

  He also had a habit of enunciating words he disliked. “You were a teenage runaway. and soon you’ll be a touring rock star. That might have concerned me had I presided over your original request for temporary custody. Now you’re telling me your daughter’s caregiver has an alias and is involved in a highly publicized sex tape. You can understand why the court has concerns.”

  “Yes.” Moss tried to look empathetic. The hearing wasn’t going as well he’d hoped. The judge had said Lily wasn’t listed as attending and he’d call her in if he needed to. Linc was present, but had been told not to speak unless spoken to. “You’re the one applying for sole legal and physical custody,” the old man said to Moss. “You’re the one I want to hear from.”

  It’s all on you. Moss pushed the thought out of his head, along with, “You dumb fuck, you shouldn’t have told him.” Too late now.

  “Mr. McFadden, will you answer my question?”

  He hadn’t heard it. “I’m sorry Your Honor, I was distracted. Can you repeat it?”

  His loose jowls quivered with irritation. “Ms. Stuart’s alter ego and connections weren’t disclosed at the time you applied for temporary custody. Why not?”

  Because I was so horrified at being a father. “It had no relevance, and still doesn’t, to Lily’s role as Grace’s caregiver. She’s qualified, with glowing references and no criminal record under either name.” Lincoln had someone in his office frantically collecting proof of that. He was sitting beside Moss, and he wasn’t happy. “And I believe the case manager’s report is also glowing,” he added.

  Moss might be avoiding meeting his lawyer’s eye but he could gauge how Linc thought he was doing by the creaks and squeaks of his chair. Right now, Lincoln was agitated.

  Had he sounded impatient? Certainly, the judge was looking unimpressed. Screw this. He stopped second-guessing himself. “To be honest, Your Honor, neither of us gave it a thought at the time. Grace’s arrival was such a shock. But if it had crossed my mind, I would have worried about prejudice. Would the court be swayed by the social media hype surrounding the stolen sex tape?” It was a risk asking the question and also a reminder. Everyone has biases.

  The judge’s sharpened focus suggested he was well aware of Moss’s ploy. “The law does not—thank heavens—concern itself with the vagaries of social media.”

  “No, Your Honor.”

  “Nor is it prejudicial, Mr. McFadden, to tell the truth.”

  “With all due respect, my experience as a teenage runaway taught me that telling the truth doesn’t always serve.”

  “So why are you doing so today? You must have been aware this hearing was largely a formality.”

  “I want to be a good role model for my daughter. And support Lily the way she deserves.”

  “Huh,” the old man grunted. “This does make me wonder what else you haven’t divulged.”

  “I asked Lily to marry me a few days ago. I think that’s everything.”

  Linc’s chair nearly fell over.

  Judge Pearce was made of sterner stuff. “Did she say yes?”

  “We’re engaged to be engaged.”

  “Is that a new trend?”

  “No, sir, Lily is stalling me. She knows the video makes her a target for the paparazzi and she wants to protect Grace and me from the press as long as possible.”

  “I would have thought the best way to protect you would have been not to take a job caring for your daughter,” came the dry response.

  “I didn’t give her much choice, Your Honor. And Lily came to stay with us weeks before Grace arrived, when the sex video was first illegally uploaded.”

  “Us?” The judge laid his hands on the relevant papers.

  Moss reminded him anyway. “Myself, Dimity Graham, and Seth Curran—Ms. Graham is Lily’s best friend. Our romantic relationship began recently but we’ve known each other over two years.”

  “Again, wouldn’t Ms. Stuart have avoided media more successfully if she’d sought refuge among friends with lower public profiles?”

  Civilians never understood what it was like to live on the frontline of public consciousness. “The paparazzi can be relentless when they smell a story. Not only do we have personal experience of what Lily’s dealing with, we have the security systems to counter it.”

  “And this is the world in which you intend to raise your daughter?”

  The collar of Moss’s shirt was restricting. He undid a couple of buttons. “The media will be interested in Grace if I get sole legal custody, and
we’ve planned for it.” He outlined Lily’s strategy for a magazine exclusive and why they’d chosen it, including donating proceeds to the drop-in center.

  Aware that it could help his case, he reluctantly outlined his work there. “If need be, they’ll vouch for me. Your Honor, everything I’ve been through makes me very conscious of protecting my daughter. And after the initial press release I’ll adopt a ‘no comment’ policy. It works for my bandmate with his two kids. You’ll see that Lily worked for them last tour.”

  He waited while the judge read the relevant papers, biting his tongue on further arguments. Let the evidence make its case for you. Beside him, Lincoln nudged his foot in approval. He began to hope.

  The door opened and a clerk came in, and handed the judge a note, which he read impassively. “Tell her to come in.”

  Lily entered, looking pale and resolute. She didn’t look at Moss. He began to get a bad feeling about this.

  “Would you repeat what you’ve written here, Ms. Stuart?”

  “Your Honor, if my continued presence negatively influences your decision on full custody, I will resign my job as Grace’s caregiver and—”

  “Lily, no!” Moss pushed back in his chair.

  The judge held up his hand, still looking at Lily. “I understand you have a romantic relationship with Mr. McFadden.”

  She lifted her chin. “Which I’ll also end if it hel—”

  “The hell you will!” Moss had heard enough. “You’re not throwing yourself under the bus for us.” On his feet, he turned to the judge. “A private recording was stolen and illegally uploaded. Anyone who watches it, knowing that, is far more morally suspect than its two participants, who never intended their make-out session for public viewing. And she should be ashamed? Seriously? That video should have no impact on your decision.”

  “Thank you, Mr. McFadden, but I believe I’m better qualified to make that call. Please sit—”

  “I’m not choosing between Lily and Grace.” Despite Lincoln pulling on his arm, Moss stayed on his feet. “If you decide not to award me sole legal custody I will contest that decision,” he said passionately. “Whatever it takes, whatever money I have to spend in court, the three of us will be a family.”

  “Your case is not served by inflammatory remarks.”

  “You wanted all the facts, Your Honor. That’s another of them.”

  Lily had come over to take his hand. “Breathe,” she advised quietly.

  He breathed. Oxygen fueled his fear but he managed to speak like a rational man. “Your Honor, I believe I’ve demonstrated that I can and will do everything to ensure my daughter’s welfare and act in her best interests. Lily is in Grace’s best interests. And mine.” He loosed her hand to put his arm around her. “Whatever she calls herself, she’s the same woman she’s always been—a kind and loving person who didn’t hesitate to offer to help with Grace when I desperately needed it. She’s the reason I’m confident I can be a good father, and I’m not the only person who counts themselves blessed to have her in their life. Read her testimonials again.”

  * * *

  The judge kicked them out so he could do just that. They sat in the same anteroom, waiting. Lincoln excused himself to “take other calls,” and Lily didn’t blame him. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

  Moss was furious at her, and twice as pissed at himself. For ever suggesting they tell the truth; for Lily daring to consider leaving him and Grace; for his fiery tirade to the judge. That he might have made things worse.

  She was equally angry—that she hadn’t been allowed to make the offer surreptitiously; that she’d provoked Moss, who’d provoked the judge; that this stubborn man didn’t see how important it was to her to protect him and Grace. That she might have made things worse.

  “Stop looking at me as if I betrayed you,” she snapped. “I told you I’d do anything for you and Grace.” They’d had a short, sharp, low-voiced argument as they’d left the courtroom, which had scared them both so much they’d held their tongues since.

  But the anger still smoldered. It flared in Moss’s eyes before he pulled out his cell. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Of course you don’t!” That was unfair, but the knowledge that she’d deeply wounded him was unbearable. This day, this awful day. Would it never end? “I’m going for a walk,” she said abruptly. “I won’t be long.”

  Not looking up from his cell, he jerked his head in acknowledgment. She didn’t ask him to join her. They needed time apart to settle their ragged nerves and Moss had already been recognized by a fan—hence the private anteroom. Fortunately, the young guy had been too excited by the encounter to ask Moss what he was doing here. Lucky, too, that the rocker’s habitual expression was a scowl, Lily thought as she stalked the corridors, powered by frustration.

  There was no comforting mahogany wainscoting and red brick in this building. It was all steel curves, geometric tiles, and plate glass. And worried people walking or waiting in endless halls.

  How long would the judge take? He must have another session shortly. Could he defer the decision until tomorrow? And if he did, could their blood pressure handle it? Needing to do something useful, she texted Kayla to say they’d been held up. You know what bureaucracy’s like. Kayla responded with a thumbs-up, which Lily deleted.

  She found a restroom and applied some color to her pale cheeks. Look optimistic, even if you don’t feel it. A lipstick was in the bottom of her bag, a cheerful blush-pink. Her life as Stormy had made her an expert at camouflage. In two minutes, the mask was on.

  She stared in the mirror a few moments and bowed her head, bracing her hands on the basin for support. Her motives had been so pure in making the offer to leave, but she’d driven a knife through Moss’s heart. Between them, they’d done everything wrong.

  Realizing she was chewing her lipstick off, she pressed her lips firmly together. They’d done the best they could. It would be enough or it wouldn’t.

  “Get a bad verdict?” said a woman washing her hands three basins along.

  “What? No.” Jerked out of her reverie, Lily managed a small smile and picked up her purse. “Still waiting.”

  “Good luck.”

  “Thank you. You too.”

  “I work here, so it’s all good.”

  Lily left the restroom and kept walking. What had Moss said about Stormy? “Whatever she calls herself, she’s the same woman she’s always been—a kind and loving person…” Had she been too hard on herself?

  Yes.

  Her mother had raised her to accentuate her physical assets—her daughter’s appearance was the only thing Dee Dee wholeheartedly approved of—so of course she’d default to using them to get ahead.

  She poked a little deeper into old hurts. What was she ashamed of, really, in the failure of her relationship with Zander? That she’d been prepared to settle for less than true love. It had always been a dream she’d been embarrassed by. Growing up, love had never been in plentiful supply, though her mother lavished the word on every loser she’d brought into the house.

  She came to the end of the corridor and turned around, slowly retracing her steps. She’d come to believe her longing for love was a weakness, a self-delusion that she needed to excise. So she’d tried to tame it, neutralize it, make it safe by becoming Stormy, who held the power. Zander’s casual affection had raised her hopes for more, and when they crashed and burned she’d punished herself for her stupidity by hooking up with Travis.

  And then came Moss, and she couldn’t deny her truth. She believed in love with all her heart, believed in it as a transformative force that changed the lives of those willing to stay its course. And that belief wasn’t misguided, pathetic, unrealistic. Or subject to outside events. That belief was something pure and strong and hopeful inside her and she needed to embrace it and fight for it. Not like a wimp but a warrior. Love is my superpower.

  The revelation was as bright as the sun streaming through the plate glass. She cou
ldn’t influence Judge Pearce’s decision; she couldn’t stop Toby posting her new identity and the press vilifying her. But she could repair the damage to Moss’s trust in her.

  She picked up her pace, eager to act on the thought immediately.

  Ultimately, love was an act of faith. A conviction that required compassion, renewal and perseverance and a willingness to see past the bad and know that good was still possible on the other side. As long as she saw herself clearly, and her truth was reflected in the eyes of the people she loved, to hell with everyone else. Let them come.

  Yes, they might have screwed up today, they might have to fight for Grace, but she and Moss had been tempered in steel. They could cope.

  This section of the corridor was unfamiliar; she’d taken a wrong turn somewhere. Frustrated by the delay, she jogged back to the last intersection.

  She’d wanted someone who would see her clearly, flaws and all, and be on her side. She’d wanted to do the same for them. And now she had that chance if she had the guts to remain an idealist in a cynical world. And she did. No more organizing her life around her insecurities.

  Turning the corner, she saw Moss striding toward her and broke into a run, throwing herself into his arms and holding tight, oblivious to the curious glances of passers-by.

  “Lily,” he began hoarsely, but she cut him off.

  “I was wrong to suggest I’d leave you and Grace. I’ll never leave you, ever. And if we have to fight for her, we’ll fight. And we’ll win, because we are unbeatable together.”

  “We won’t have to. He said yes.”

  She pushed away from him, stared. Opened her mouth to speak. Nothing came out.

  “Did you hear me? Grace is ours.” Grabbing her hand he twirled her in a circle, around and around until she was dizzy.