The Doctor Who Has No Chance
Soulless #11
Victoria Quinn
Hartwick Publishing
Hartwick Publishing
The Doctor Who Has No Chance
Copyright © 2021 by Victoria Quinn
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
One
Dex
My life was so fucked up right now.
I hated myself for what I’d done to Sicily, for making her cry like that, for hurting a wonderful person who deserved to never be hurt. I hated myself for getting involved with her in the first place, for being spontaneous, for getting jealous of Dom, for finding her drop-dead gorgeous in the blue dress…when I knew I was too broken.
When I knew damn well I’d never be able to give her anything real.
It was the most fucked-up thing I’d ever done.
We promised we would always be professional, that we wouldn’t let whatever happened between us personally affect our jobs, but I didn’t expect her to keep that promise.
She didn’t owe me a damn thing.
So, when I showed up at the Kline Clinic and my morning coffee was on my desk, along with my favorite breakfast, I was surprised. Slow-cooked oats with chunks of strawberries and bananas. When I took a seat, I saw my morning schedule, my call list, and everything else that needed my attention.
But I didn’t see Sicily.
After breakfast and notes, I went to my lab and worked until lunch. I wasn’t as focused as I usually was, because my mind was half on the conversation I’d had with Sicily last night…and half on Catherine.
Getting married…un-fucking-believable.
At lunchtime, Sicily didn’t come into the lab to inform me of anything, so I excused myself and returned to my office.
She was there, perfectly dressed and done up like nothing had happened the night before. She placed my food on the desk along with a couple papers she needed me to see.
I stared at her, but I didn’t know what to say.
What the fuck was I supposed to say?
When she turned around, she gave a slight jump, because she obviously hadn’t been expecting me there. A flash of rage moved across her expression, but she quickly covered it up, adopting a look of indifference…with just a touch of rage.
I blocked the doorway so she couldn’t get out.
Her hands came together in front of her waist, and she stared at me, waiting for me to say something.
I felt like shit. Lower than shit. “I’m surprised you’re still here.” I didn’t want her to quit, because she was a godsend. She made my life manageable, helped me reach my full potential, understood me so well that I never really needed to explain anything to her. But I would never ask her to stay.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
I didn’t answer the question. “I want you to know you aren’t obligated. You don’t owe me anything.”
Her expression quickly changed, disappointment creeping into her beautiful features.
“What?”
She cleared her throat before she shook her head. “Nothing.”
Maybe she hoped I would apologize and change my mind about the whole thing, but I never would. Being a terminal bachelor was the only option that made sense. Maybe it was possible to have a successful relationship, but I was too broken to have one now. I was permanently fucked up in the head.
“Unless you want me to quit?”
“No,” I said quickly. “No, I don’t. I just…don’t want you to feel obligated to keep your word.”
“I don’t feel obligated. You broke your word, so I can break mine.”
I winced slightly at the insult. “I told you I would try—”
“And you didn’t try.” She kept her voice steady, as if we were talking about something less emotionally explosive, the weather or sports. “You gave up. But that’s fine. Whatever. The reason I’m staying is because I believe in the work you do, and this isn’t just a job to me, but a way of life. My personal opinion of you is poor, but professionally, I still admire you as much as I always have.”
And just like that, she made me feel worse…without even trying.
“Let’s just move on, alright?” Instead of waiting for me to step out of the doorway, she squeezed by me, turning her body so she wouldn’t have to touch me at all, getting to the other side, her heels tapping against the floor less and less the farther away she disappeared.
With no motivation to work out, I just went home and lay on the couch. Sometimes I watched TV, but most of the time, I just stared at the ceiling. The year after my divorce was the worst year of my life, and now it felt like I was repeating it…round two. “How could she do something like that?”
A knock sounded on the door.
It was too much effort to talk, so I chose to stay quiet, just hope that the visitor walked away.
“Son?”
I closed my eyes and sighed.
He gave another knock, this one a little louder.
Derek had obviously told everyone. Now another intervention was on the way.
“I have a key. Should I just let myself in?”
I opened my eyes and sighed. “May as well…because I’m not getting up.”
He made good on his threat and used the key I didn’t know he had to let himself into my apartment.
I stayed on the couch, my feet up on the opposite armrest, my hands folded together over my chest, like I was dead inside a coffin.
I certainly felt dead.
Dad didn’t come to the couch and stand over me. He went to the armchair and took a seat where my face could be in his line of sight and his in mine. He got comfortable as if he intended to stay awhile, separating his knees and propping his elbow so he could rest his cheek against his closed knuckles.
Then he stared at me, like he didn’t know where to begin.
I shifted my gaze back to the ceiling. “What’s new?”
He acted as though he didn’t hear the question.
We sat in silence, my apartment dark because the sun was gone and I hadn’t bothered turning on any lights. That was how I chose to spend my time now, staring at the ceiling while the glow of the city came in through the windows.
He sat there for at least fifteen minutes before he said anything. “I’m sorry, Dex.”
I shrugged. “Whatever…it’s fine.”
“Just because she didn’t appreciate you doesn’t mean she diminished your value. I can only imagine how much this must hurt, but you can’t sit around wondering what went wrong, how you could have fixed it, if you’d still be together if you weren’t Allen’s surgeon. It doesn’t matter.”
“Easy for you to say. What if this was Mom?”
“The question is irrelevant because she isn’t like Mom. What you had isn’t what your mother and I have. It’s not the same—at all.”
It had felt that way…at the time.
“It isn’t what Derek has with Emerson either. There seems to be a trend in this family, where the first one never works out, only the second. I’m afraid you’ve fallen into that pattern.”
Hoped Daisy didn’t.
“Son, you can’t let this defeat you. We’d made so much progress—”
“Dad, I’m not dropping everything.” I pulled myself up and swung my legs over so I could sit up and lean back against the cushions of the couch. “I’m not leaving medicine or abandoning my patients. I just…don’t unders
tand. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind because what we had was real, you know? We were happy…really happy. I never came home to her and thought she didn’t feel the way I felt. I guess…honestly, I expected her to come back at some point. I expected her to realize her mistake and beg for forgiveness. The fact that she’s getting married tells me that she’s never felt doubt or uncertainty about her decision, that she doesn’t have any regrets, that leaving me really was the best thing for her.”
Dad stared at me for a while, his eyes filled with pain. “So, if she came back to you, would you take her back?”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“But would you?”
I shook my head and gave a shrug. “No, not now. But before, like six months ago…maybe.”
Dad stared at me in silence, not passing judgment, at least not verbally.
“This is in a scenario where she apologizes to me and says it was the biggest mistake of her life. You know, shows up at my doorstep in tears and begs me to change my mind, an admission that our relationship was as perfect as I remember it being…”
He clearly didn’t know what to say.
“But it doesn’t matter, because obviously, it wasn’t real. She’s committing to some other guy for the rest of her life, telling him she loves him every day, having his kids, moving on with her life like it isn’t her second marriage, but her first.” I stared at the rug between my feet, half living in the past, half living in the moment.
“So, this doesn’t affect you and Sicily?”
The mention of her name made me look up. “I ended things.”
He stared me down, his eyebrows slightly lifted in disappointment.
“I have nothing to offer her, so I didn’t want to waste her time anymore.”
“That’s not true. You have a lot to offer her.”
“No, I don’t,” I said quickly. “I’m not interested in ever giving my heart to another person. I’m not interested in marriage, in having a family, and frankly, I’m incapable of it. The last thing I would ever do is trust someone again. Catherine’s engagement just makes me realize that I’m not ready—and I’ll never be ready.”
Dad dropped his gaze and rubbed his hands together.
“All I feel toward Sicily is regret. She’s such an amazing person, and I was a selfish asshole who couldn’t resist her. I should have respected her. I should have done the right thing by her. But I didn’t.”
“I disagree with that. You tried to move on.”
“But I always knew, in the back of my mind, that I would never be able to.”
“Because you needed more time—”
“Because I wasn’t ready.”
He released a quiet sigh.
“If I were ready, Catherine’s engagement wouldn’t bother me. As pathetic as it is, I’m still in the same place I was a year ago. Still heartbroken, still fucked in the head, still…traumatized.”
Two
Sicily
I held my head high and maintained as much dignity as I could muster when I was around him, but behind closed doors, I was a mess.
Completely blindsided.
I didn’t expect Dex and me to be serious anytime soon, and I knew it would take a long time for us to get where I wanted—probably years—and I was absolutely fine with that. I was absolutely fine having a man with baggage, taking things slow because he was still newly divorced. I would be patient for a lifetime. I was fine being with a man who wasn’t really over his ex. I just tried not to think about it. Men like Dex didn’t pop up very often, and I knew I had to swoop in instead of waiting for someone else to take my place.
But it was a risk…and I lost everything.
Catherine took her stupidity a step further and decided to marry someone else.
Who the hell could ever compare to Dex Hamilton?
Was she marrying a woman? Because that was the only thing that could possibly make sense.
I spent my evenings on the couch, surrounded by wet tissues…and not the good kind. I ordered in a lot, watched TV, worked on my laptop while trying to ignore the fact that I worked for Dex, the man who broke my heart.
But maybe it was my fault.
Maybe I brought this on myself.
I shouldn’t have stepped into the office and basically professed my undying love for him.
So fucking stupid.
After he saw his last patient of the day, I escorted them to the front desk and gave them a rundown of what the next steps would be. Then I walked them to the elevator, said goodbye, and when I returned to the desk, Andrea departed for the day.
After the final patient was gone, she had no professional purpose, so there was no reason for her to stay. I let the cleaners in so they could vacuum the lobby and the couches and sanitize the patient rooms.
I knew Dex ate another dinner later in the evening at his apartment, but he had a big appetite, so I always brought him food at the end of the day. He must burn all those calories with his brilliant mind.
I set the tray on his table, a veggie burrito stuffed with roasted vegetables and black beans with a little bit of cheese inside. He wasn’t a picky eater, but I tried to give him balanced nutrition so he wouldn’t eat shit all the time. His perfect body was created in the gym, apparently. “I have all the billing information for the month if you want to go over that.”
He’d stopped being an asshole and treated me the way he did before, always giving me attention when I asked for it, making eye contact, and making me feel like a colleague rather than an assistant who worked for him.
“Unless you have other priorities that require your attention…” It was a bit awkward whenever we interacted, and it would probably always be a little uncomfortable. This man had seen me naked, had fucked me, had made me come more times in a few days than some of my lovers did in months. That was another shitty thing about this. Whenever I started to see someone new, they were guaranteed to be a disappointment.
“No, it’s fine.” He turned to his food and started to eat while I took a seat in front of his desk. “After all the expenses for the month, plus whatever we collected from insurance, the accountant said this is what you’re left with.” I placed the papers on his desk. Even when Dex provided most of his services pro bono, he still pulled in an incredible salary. Just having a couple patients pay in full made his bank account fat. It made me realize that other surgeons who didn’t care to do so much volunteer work were really rolling in the dough, but Dex didn’t care about that.
He glanced at the paper and kept eating. “Okay.”
His paycheck was almost a million dollars, and he didn’t seem to care. “If everything looks okay, I’ll have the accountant initiate the direct deposits.”
“That’s fine.” He pushed the papers back toward me.
“You know, you don’t seem that excited about this…”
“Because I’m still broke.” He cut into his burrito then stabbed a few veggies with his fork. “Every check goes to paying for this place until my debt is repaid.” He continued to eat.
“I’m sure your parents don’t expect you to reimburse them as quickly as possible.”
“I’m sure they don’t expect me to pay them back at all, but I just want to be done with it. I don’t need much money anyway. My apartment is paid off, so I don’t have a mortgage anymore.”
It wasn’t my place to give him advice about his finances, so I let it be. While other surgeons were driving their fancy cars and going on big vacations, Dex was working nonstop, indifferent to the money he could be spending on himself. “Alright. I’ll talk to the accountant.”
His hand went back to his mouse, and he shifted it so the screen would light up again. He glanced at his food to take a bite, but most of his attention was on whatever he was reading.
“I have your schedule for tomorrow.” I put the papers on his desk. “You have a heart valve replacement scheduled with the residents. It’s scheduled at ten, so you can sleep in a bit. I’ll have your breakfast d
elivered at eight thirty, so you can get a good meal before you have to scrub in. Any requests?”
He shook his head. “Everything you pick out is good.”
“Great.” I gave a slight smile, still enjoying his positive feedback even when I should just be angry with him. It was the weirdest thing. I wasn’t really angry with him at all. I was just sad, sad that I’d lost this man, lost the best thing that had ever happened to me…even if that relationship only lasted a few weeks. It felt like a lifetime. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”
“Good night.” He continued to look at his computer and then started to type. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you this, but your notes have dropped my charting time by like seventy percent. It’s really helpful.”
Maybe he was just trying to smooth things over by kissing my ass, but it was still nice to get a compliment about my work anyway. “I’m glad I can be of service to you.” I grabbed my things then departed his office. “See you tomorrow.”
His voice followed me as I stepped out. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”
I went to the Trinity Building on my way home to check in with Cleo. She was my unofficial boss, still helping and giving me advice because I’d only been working with Dex for three months. Her husband ran his own company, so she’d taught me so much about running the office and how to address Dex’s needs as efficiently as possible.
But when I approached her desk and took a seat, it was obvious she knew everything about what happened with Dex and me because of the look she gave me.
Our relationship was over so quickly that I hadn’t even had the chance to tell her we were together in the first place. I sat in the chair and stared at her, feeling like I was with my own mother, a woman who loved me and hurt when I hurt.
She moved her hand to my arm and gave me an affectionate squeeze. “I’m so sorry, honey…”
It hurt even more that she talked to me the way she talked to Dex, like she had the same affection for me that she did for her own children, like I was part of the family. “I’m okay…”
The Doctor Who Has No Chance (Soulless Book 11) Page 1
