A Rake's Redemption

by G. L. Snodgrass

  “John?” she began to ask.

  “Shush Angel,” he said as he sighed heavily, his hand resting on her stomach, halfway between her breasts and her core.

  What now? she wondered as she bit her tongue to stop herself from asking a thousand questions. No, she thought to herself. Just let him rest. Heaven knew he deserved it. But she also knew that she would never rest again. Her body felt alive. Every nerve tingled and throbbed with energy.

  No, she thought again as she scrunched back into him. She would deal with the pain of losing him later. Now she should just enjoy this moment, enjoy it so much that she would never forget it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lord Warwick closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing heart. The woman was remarkable. In so many ways. Like no other woman he had ever known. She had responded to him with passion and energy, taking and giving as an equal. Never manipulating, eager to learn, eager to experience.

  The only thing she demanded was him. His body, his mind. Not his title, not his wealth or his families name. Just him.

  Once, she had said. Just tonight, she had said. A man’s greatest wish. She had even offered to raise their child alone if necessary. A fact that he would never allow. But there hadn’t been a need to tell her that at the moment. No, he would cross that bridge if it came.

  No, she had only wanted him for that night. She had wanted to experience something. He had fought to give her what she wanted. To make it special and memorable. And in the process, he had become lost.

  The woman twisted his thoughts and heart into a tight mess. What was he going to do? How could he pretend this had not happened? How could he go through life knowing this woman was not in his bed?

  Yet, she would demand marriage. No, she deserved marriage. Amanda would never demand anything from him. Yet she would be no man’s mistress. She had too much pride for that. No, she would feel free to search out other lovers. Men who would treat her as an equal. Not an object to possess.

  The sudden realization made his muscles grow tense at the thought of another man ever touching her. No, he couldn’t allow that.

  What then? He wondered. What was their future to be? She would never be his mistress. He had sworn to never marry. His life, his work had no room for a wife. And even if he wanted to. Would she agree? She had no need of a husband as she had more than once informed him.

  No, they were not meant to be together. Their lives had conspired to make them incompatible. At least on the exterior. But at the individual level. Two people had probably never been more compatible, he thought.

  She was more intelligent than himself. But he could accept that, he had other skills. She was more beautiful than any woman he had ever known. Not in that classic sense. No, in a more important, more feminine way. He had more wealth, but he doubted that made any difference to Amanda. She didn’t view the world that way.

  There was his title of course. But again, Amanda could care less about such things. She had no aspirations to climb the social ladder. It was one of the many things he found endearing about her.

  One thing he knew for sure. He could protect her. He would die before he let anything happen to this woman.

  Why? He wondered. How had this woman become so important to him?

  She twisted slightly in his arms. “What are you thinking about?” she asked over her shoulder.

  He smiled back at her, “How pretty your derriere is and how well it fits against me.”

  Amanda blushed prettily then scooted herself back into him. Pushing herself at him.

  He sighed heavily. A few minutes more and he would take her again. Be careful, he reminded himself. She is an innocent. Or was up until a few minutes ago. He must be tender and gentle. But he must also have her again. Every part of his soul demanded it.

  Sighing, he kissed the back of her neck as his hand drifted up to cup her breast. Maybe he needn’t wait.

  Moaning softly, she twisted to take his lips with hers.

  No, he needn’t wait. And as for their future. Who could worry about such things with a woman like this in his arms?

  .o0o.

  Amanda found herself ensconced in a warm haven. Nothing had ever felt so right as his arms around her, holding her as if she were a treasure. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open to see a faint beam of light peeking in around the edge of the curtain, morning, she realized as a distant noise reached her ears.

  Molly! It was her maid’s step coming up the stairs that had woken her.

  Her mind jumped into full force as she scrambled to get out of bed. She had locked both bedroom doors during the night for just such an eventuality. But now, what should she do.

  “Mum, the door is locked,” Molly said with a surprised tone from the other side of her bedroom door. “Are you well?”

  Looking back at Lord Warwick, her insides turned over. So handsome. Even in sleep, his strong face made her body quiver with nervousness.

  “Mum?” Molly said again, her voice rising with concern.

  Amanda scampered into her room, “Just a minute,” she said as she pulled the connecting door shut behind her. Please stay quiet, she silently prayed. Although part of her wanted to tell the world about what had happened last night. She knew in her very center that people would disapprove. Molly most of all. The thought of her maid’s look of disapproval made her shudder.

  Scampering, she slipped into her robe then hurried to open the door. Molly studied her with a deep frown. “Is everything all right Mum?” she asked.

  Amanda fought to calm her racing heart. Pulling her robe closed, she tried to smile.

  “Yes, everything is fine, I just overslept. A restless night.”

  Molly continued to stare at her with a questioning expression. It was obvious the maid was not satisfied. Finally, though, she seemed to accept it as she held up the bundle of folded clothes in her hand.

  “Your note said to dispose of these Mum. Are you sure?

  Amanda nodded quickly. “Yes, I don’t like that dress anymore.” Please, she thought to herself. Just go. If Warwick woke now he might call out for her. Her world would shatter if that happened.

  Molly continued to frown as she hesitated, obviously worried about something.

  “Could I have it Mum?” the young woman asked, her eyes silently pleading. “The dress?”

  Amanda forgot her fear of discovery for a moment as she frowned. “Of course, but why?”

  Molly again continued to hesitate then she set her shoulders and said, “Mr. Anderson has asked me to step out with him. A walk in the park on my afternoon off.”

  Amanda gasped, “The doctor’s assistant. Isn’t he a little old for you Molly?”

  Her maid blushed and shook her head. “If I’m to marry I must find someone soon. Most of the girls I knew are married with children.”

  Amanda’s heart sunk. At sixteen the girl was worried about finding a husband. Once again she was reminded of how fortunate she was to have inherited her independence.

  “But Mr. Anderson,” Amanda said. “He is so … big.”

  Molly smiled broadly, “Yes, he is. Isn’t it wonderful.”

  Amanda could see by the wistful look in her maid’s eyes that the girl was more than merely interested. She might be looking for a new maid in a few months. A thought that troubled her. She and Molly had grown so close. But the girl deserved to find her own happiness.

  What about herself? She wondered. Did she deserve to find her own happiness? A sadness filled her as she realized that she wouldn’t. Not now.

  “Tell Cook I will be down in a little bit,” she told her maid as she frantically tried to come up with some plan of getting Lord Warwick out of the house without being discovered. Not only out of the house, but out of the neighborhood.

  Once again she was filled with sadness. She would not even have a moment to savor the memories of the previous night. No, instead her morning would be filled with hustle and bustle.

  “Very well, Mu…”

  A distant thum
p echoed through the room. Amanda’s stomach fell as her maid froze, her brow creasing in confusion.

  “What was that?” she said as she made a move to pass.

  Amanda quickly put a hand out to stop her. “I opened a window last night, I hoped the fresh air would help me rest. Something outside I should think.”

  Please, she silently begged. Please be quiet you big oaf.

  Molly frowned as she studied her mistress, finally though, she nodded and stepped back. “Of course, Mum. I will inform Cook. And again, thank you for the dress.”

  Amanda’s insides relaxed just the tiniest bit. Oh, how she wished she could spend time with Molly, discussing Mr. Anderson. Two women talking about a man. There was nothing more interesting. But no, she needed to get her away before everything was ruined.

  “Thank you, Molly,” she said as she slowly closed the door then leaned her back against it until she heard her maid's footsteps taking the danger of discovery away. Sighing heavily, she returned to ‘His’ room.

  Looking down at him, her heart melted once again. He was so handsome, so big, he seemed to take up most of the bed, one strong leg exposed outside of the blanket. She had noticed that about him last night, he always had one leg outside of the blanket.

  It had been so strange to sleep in the same bed as someone else. Especially a man. Strange, but wonderful. Reassuring, less lonely. Besides, he was warm. She had thoroughly enjoyed cuddling up next to him and soaking in his comforting heat.

  What was she to do? How could she face him this morning? Here, like this. What did he think of her now? Had he been satisfied with her? Had he found her desirable? What happened now?

  Her face grew warm thinking about the night they shared and her stomach turned over as she stood there studying him, frozen in place, unable to move.

  As if aware of her presence his eyes opened, capturing hers, pinning her to that spot.

  “Good morning Angel,” he said with a smile that made her feel weak.

  “Shush,” she whispered. “Molly is downstairs. You have to leave before she finds out.” Amanda wanted to pace, the nervous energy bubbling inside of her needed an outlet, but his stare still held her in place.

  He frowned for a long moment then slowly lifted the blanket. “Come back to bed Angel.”

  Amanda caught a brief glimpse of his full erection and her heart slammed into her chest as she felt the need inside of her build. The man wanted her. The man desired her.

  “If we are careful, no one need ever know,” he added with that saucy smile of his that conquered all her fears and trepidations. “Besides, a little danger will only enhance our time together.”

  This would be her last opportunity, she realized. Her one last chance. Before she could talk herself out of it, she let her robe slip to the floor and hurried to join him.

  His smile grew as he pulled her into his arms.

  The man was right she learned, the thought of being discovered did add to the experience.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lord Warwick watched as Amanda bent over to retrieve her robe from the floor. God, did the woman know what she was doing to him. That perfectly round rear end called to every part of him. Demanded his full attention.

  Looking over her shoulder she shot him a quick glance that let him know she knew exactly the impact she was having.

  “If you are not careful I will pull you back into this bed and you won’t leave until your next birthday.”

  She laughed as she slipped into her robe.

  “It is over,” she said with a sad smile. “I know that, but now I have to go on with the rest of my life. And you have to leave. I will be honest, I dreaded your leaving. But now, after this morning. I realize it is necessary.”

  He winced, her words had hurt more than he had expected. “Oh, so that is how it is to be,” he said. “Now that you have used me for your desires. I am to be cast aside like last week’s garbage.”

  She smiled as she came back and sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at him with adoring eyes.

  “Lord Warwick,” she said. “We both know that there is no room in your life for a woman like me. A commoner, with no family connections. Besides, Lord Liverpool has first call on your attention.”

  Who was this woman and why couldn’t more women be like her? Normally, in a situation like this, they would be wondering when they would be together again. Demanding his full attention. Upset when he didn’t give it.

  No, not his Angel. She understood. Yet, the thought didn’t please him as much as it should have. Instead, he felt a slight anger. How could she dismiss him so easily? Their night together had been one for the ages.

  They fit perfectly. Like two pieces of a puzzle.

  “Come,” she said as she patted his hand. “I will dress and call both Cook and Molly into the dining room to discuss something. I can keep them there but a few minutes before they become suspicious. You must sneak out without them knowing.”

  He nodded, it made perfect sense, yet, it felt wrong. Very wrong.

  “And take the maid’s uniform with you,” she added. “If Molly found it she would know something was amiss.”

  He frowned and slowly shook his head. “That’s it then?”

  She smiled sweetly and nodded. But behind her eyes, there was something else. A hidden pain that tore at his soul. His heart turned over as he stared at her. Remarkable he thought once again.

  “Amanda,” he said, as his stomach clenched up. It was important for her to understand what he was about to say. “I want you to know. If you ever need anything. Anytime, anyplace. Please don’t hesitate to call on me. This is not an idle offer. I mean it. If you are ever in need. I am to be informed.”

  She smiled sadly for a moment, patted his hand, then got up to go to her own room. He watched her close the door behind her and sighed heavily.

  This was not how he had expected the morning to go. One moment they were entwined in the greatest of passions. The next she was dismissing him.

  What now? He wondered. Would they only see each other at the occasional gala? One night, she had said. That was all she had wanted. But how could that be? He wanted more, many more such nights.

  His mission, he reminded himself, pulling himself back to reality. He must focus on his mission. Liverpool was demanding results and quickly. Every day, information continued to flow to the French. Information that could turn the tide of the war against them.

  No, Amanda was right, he didn’t have time to become involved. He couldn’t risk what it might do to the mission. Besides. It would also put her at risk. If his enemies knew of his feelings for her, she could be used against him.

  Sighing heavily, he got out of bed and got dressed. Yet as his fingers fumbled with his buttons he stopped for a moment and remembered their night together.

  A soft click next door let him know she was headed downstairs.

  No goodbye, no farewell kiss. The sense of loss hit him hard. Why couldn’t she have taken a moment to see him off?

  Finishing getting dressed. He opened his door and peeked out in time to see the top of Amanda’s head disappearing down the steps.

  Giver her a moment, he thought as he snatched her maids uniform from the floor. Give her time to get her people into the dining room. Then he would be away.

  Once again, a sense of loss flowed into him. This was not right. On so many levels, this was not right.

  .o0o.

  Amanda fought to keep her head high and a tear from her eyes. If she started crying now both Cook and Molly would never rest until they found the truth. Biting the inside of her lip, she settled into her chair and asked Molly to get Cook so that they could talk.

  Molly shot her a quick questioning glance but held her tongue as she curtsied and hurried to do as she had been told. A moment later, she and Cook returned to the room.

  Amanda held her breath, this was it. Was Warwick ready? Could he get out without being discovered? Would he make any noise? No, not him, the man moved lik
e a large cat. Like a lion stalking its prey.

  She looked at her two servants. Both of them looked back at her expectantly. Why had she called them in? What did she need to discuss that demanded their attention at that moment.

  Her heart jumped. Was that the creek of a floorboard?

  Molly had heard it as well, the curious expression on her face as she turned towards the sound confirmed it. Amanda’s stomach fell. No, Please God, let him get away.

  “I’ve decided to hire a footman,” she said hurriedly, pulling their attention back to her. Both of them smiled, obviously pleased with her decision. Please, she said in her mind over and over as she tried to hide her fear from the two other women.

  “That will be nice Mum,” Molly said.

  Amanda sighed, there had been no more noises from the hall. Had he made it? Was he gone? A sudden sense of sadness washed over her, pulling her away from what she should be focused on, keeping their attention.

  “Yes,” she continued. “I don’t want to go to an agency. Not if I don’t have to. I wondered if either of you might know someone.”

  Both of them looked at each other. Cook shrugged her shoulders. “I’d ask my Harry, but I can’t tolerate the idea of the both of us working in the same house. Having him here all day and at home too? It’d drive me round the bend.”

  Amanda laughed. Cook’s husband was a sweet, kind man and she knew for a fact that the woman adored him. But she liked to pretend that he was a bother. Shaking her head, Amanda smiled to herself, whoever knew the inner workings of a married couple. She wondered. Each must come to their own arrangement.

  Molly bit her lip as she hesitated to say anything.

  “Go on, Molly,” Amanda said encouragingly. The longer they talked, the better chance Warwick had to escape.

  “I could ask Arthur, Mum.”

  “Arthur?” Amanda asked.

  “Mr. Anderson, Mum. I know he would like to find different work. The only reason the doctor has him is to move people around. He finds it … not enough.”