She’d thought she would have it with Jordan, but now, she wasn’t so sure.
She leaned against the doorframe. She was being unfair—she needed to give Jordan time. Clearly, she was expecting too much. It was going to take more than a few days for him to settle back into Linder Creek, into their district. Who knew what he’d had to bear in prison? Who knew how hard it had been on him? How could she expect him to come back and pick up as if nothing had happened?
She didn’t think Jordan had counted on a time of adjustment either. They’d both been unrealistic. But now she knew. And she was going to give him the time he needed. Her dear Jordan would get back to himself, and she would be there, waiting.
She stood up straight and smiled again at her sleeping parents. Then she went into the kitchen and picked up the lantern. She’d use it to go upstairs and return it in the morning. She climbed the steps carefully, avoiding the ones that creaked. She didn’t want to wake up her parents; although, they were both going to have stiff necks.
The upstairs also seemed eerily silent as she went about her business of getting ready for bed. Her sisters and brothers would be home soon, though Stuart and Kara might be late. Which girl had Stuart offered a ride home to? Doris really wanted to know. And she prayed that Kara was riding with Mark Lapp—perhaps at that very moment.
Doris crawled into bed and pulled the quilts up to her chin. It was going to be cold that night; it already was good and cold upstairs. No matter. The quilts would keep her warm.
* * *
Matthew turned on the heater before even hitching Blackie to the buggy. He wanted it nice and warm in there for Annie. This was the third time they would ride together. Things were going well, and Annie seemed to like him fine.
How odd that Jordan had showed up at the singing late like that. He’d come through the barn doors with a huge scowl on his face. For a moment, Matthew had thought that Doris would be with him, but she wasn’t. He wondered why not. Surely, if Doris knew Jordan was going to attend the singing, she would have come. For a fleeting moment, hope slammed through him. Had they broken up? Had Doris dumped Jordan?
But he realized he was being foolish. Just because she hadn’t come to the singing didn’t mean she and Jordan were over. Matthew was annoyed with himself. He needed to stop thinking about her. Just when he felt like he was actually making progress, something would happen—like Jordan showing up alone—and he’d be plunged right back into his hopes and yearnings.
It was downright maddening.
Thank goodness, he had Annie to think about now. He liked her. She was sweet and kind, just like he’d thought she would be. Her personality was softer than Doris’s…
He grimaced. There he went again. Comparing. Always comparing. How did a person stop doing that? He had no idea, and he wasn’t about to ask anyone. That would require admitting that he liked Doris, and he could never, never do that.
Like Doris?
That was an understatement, but he couldn’t dwell on that right now. Annie slipped from the barn and approached him as he was hitching Blackie.
“Ach, I’m sorry. I thought you’d be finished.”
He smiled at her. “No matter. Climb on in. The heater is on.”
She gave a soft laugh and let herself into the buggy. He finished hitching Blackie and climbed in to join her. “Do you want to go straight home, or would you like to ride about a bit? I don’t think the roads are bad, but if they are, I’ll take you straight home.”
“We can ride about a bit,” she said, and he was glad.
He snapped the reins and clicked his tongue. At the end of the Masts’ drive, he turned east to take them further into the countryside. It wasn’t completely dark, what with the intermittent streetlamps and the few stars about. There were thick groups of trees between the farms, giving shadowing silhouettes, looking like lurking groups of men. Matthew scoffed inwardly at such a fanciful thought.
“Thank you for giving me a ride home, Matthew,” Annie said.
He loved the way his name sounded on her tongue, so soft, almost like a song. He could get used to that.
“You’re welcome.”
“What do you think of Jordan Lehman?” she asked abruptly, stunning him. What in the world had she brought him up for? Did she know how he felt about Jordan? About Jordan and Doris?
Ach, but how could she? He hadn’t said a word.
“Why do you ask?”
“Well, it’s on everyone’s tongues these days.”
He swallowed. “That’s true.”
“I just wondered what you thought about it. About him.”
“I-I…” He hesitated.
“And I heard something, Matthew. I’m not sure if you’re aware, or if it’s even true. It well could be a rumor.”
In the shadowy interior of the buggy, he could barely see her bite her lip, as if she didn’t want to continue. He didn’t say a word and after a long moment, she went on.
“I heard that your cousin is sweet on Jordan.”
He let out his breath. And there it was—what Doris had been trying to avoid. Or had she been avoiding it? It would be just like her to announce it on the street corners. Yell it from the rooftops. She was just that bold and just that stubborn. It would be her way of daring people to disapprove.
His hands tightened on the reins. Doris had courage. And despite himself, he admired her for it.
He shook his head. He didn’t even know if that was what had happened.
“Did you know?” Annie asked him.
He sighed. “I knew.”
“You must be awful upset.”
He sucked in his breath. Dear Lord. Did she know he loved Doris? Did she? “Why do you say that?”
“After what Jordan did,” she said, resting her hand on his arm. “Poor Doris. She must be suffering so. Perhaps Jordan deceived her somehow, and that was why she fell for him. I’m sure she’s cut if off now, though. Despite what folks are saying.”
Matthew clenched his jaw. What did Annie know about Doris? Or Doris and Jordan? And did Annie believe that the minute there was trouble, a girlfriend should desert her beau? Was Annie only a fair-weather girl?
It was clear she didn’t know Doris at all.
“Matthew?”
“What?” he asked. He cringed when he heard his abrupt tone. What was the matter with him? He thought Doris should dump Jordan, too. Why in the world was he getting defensive about it? Doris didn’t need him to justify her behavior. In truth, she wouldn’t want him to.
Annie sighed softly. “I’m sorry. You are upset about it. Poor Doris. Is there anything I can do to help?”
He looked at her. “Like what?”
“I-I don’t know. I don’t know Doris well, but she seems such a nice person. We’ve never become gut friends. I’m not sure why.”
I know why, he thought. Doris was too big of a personality for Annie. Doris would swallow Annie whole. He blanched. Goodness, but he was out of sorts that evening. He was thinking crazy things.
“Y-you would like her,” he finally said, although he was quite sure she probably wouldn’t. Which was why he liked Annie so much. She was different from Doris. Completely different. And Annie was what he needed.
Annie smiled. “I’m sure I would. I know you’re fond of her. I have a special cousin, too. She lives in Illinois, though, so I don’t get to see her much.”
“That’s too bad,” he said, now wanting to change the subject in the worst way.
“I’ve always noticed how close you and Doris are. Truth be told, I’ve been envious.” She sighed. “I know that’s a sin, but it’s true.”
“Envious? But why?”
She took a long moment before answering. She removed her hand from his arm and folded her hands in her lap. “Because I wanted to be close to you.” She gave a shy laugh. “I know it’s silly to be envious of a cousin. After all, you’re kin to Doris. Of course, you’d be close. I’m just being silly.”
He tugged back on the reins a lit
tle, slowing Blackie to a walk. Had Annie liked him for some time now? Was that what she was saying?
She made a soft noise in her throat. “I’m sorry. Please forget I even said that. I shouldn’t have admitted to such a thing. You must think poorly of me now.”
Ach, but she was sensitive. “Nee,” he said quickly. “I don’t think poorly of you.”
“Gut. I’m glad.” Her voice lightened. “I really enjoy our rides together.”
“As do I,” he said. He loosened the reins and Blackie sped up. They were getting pretty far out now, and he looked for a place to turn the buggy around. He finally found one, and they headed back toward Annie’s home.
When Matthew pulled Blackie to a stop at the end of Annie’s drive, she turned to him. There was a streetlamp close by, and he could see her face fairly well. She was smiling warmly at him.
“Thank you, Matthew.”
“Thank you, Annie.”
She giggled, a sweet musical sound. He leaned close and pressed his lips to her cheek. He felt her soft skin, warmed from the heater in his buggy. He breathed in her faint scent of shampoo. At first, she tensed at the touch of his lips to her cheek, but then she relaxed. He drew away and their faces were so close. She was beautiful, was Annie. A truly beautiful girl.
She smiled and gave him a quick kiss back on his cheek. And then, in a flash, she had opened the buggy door and run off up her drive. He stared after her disappearing shadow. She liked him. She truly liked him.
And he liked her. He reached over and pulled her door closed. Then he picked up the reins and headed toward his own house. Her kiss had been sweet and impulsive. He liked that.
But on the way home, he couldn’t stop himself from wishing that it had been Doris kissing him. And him kissing her. But not on the cheek. No. He yearned with everything in him to press his lips to Doris’s and to feel her warm response. Feel her arms curl around him, returning his embrace with equal passion.
Chapter Seven
Jordan was spitting mad when he left the bishop’s house. The old man had done nothing but lecture him for a good hour. Jordan had known it was going to be bad, but he hadn’t reckoned on such harsh words. The bishop was also adamant that Jordan needed to join church. Either join or leave. In truth, he could hardly believe the man would take such a hard stance. Never had Jordan heard of such pressure being put on anyone.
It wasn’t their way. Joining church, being baptized into the church, was a completely personal decision, made when the time was right for that person.
Clearly, that wasn’t going to be the case with Jordan. The bishop was pressuring him and pressuring him hard. Jordan wondered if his father had put the bishop up to it. His dad had been on him for the better part of two years to join the church. But then, Jordan couldn’t quite imagine the bishop bending to his father’s desires. Their bishop was a hard man, one who did what he thought was right, regardless of others’ opinions. Jordan wasn’t even sure how much he listened to the deacons, let alone whether he would listen to his dad.
So now Jordan was supposed to meet weekly with the bishop until the bishop felt Jordan’s punishment was complete. Jordan nearly growled as he turned his buggy toward home. What would the bishop do if he didn’t show up? Jordan couldn’t be shunned. Only members could be shunned.
Jordan allowed his mind to play with the notion of simply not going to his meetings with the bishop anymore, and he grinned at the thought. But then, he realized how it would hurt his mother. It would bring shame to his family all over again because the bishop wouldn’t remain quiet about it. Could Jordan actually do that to his mother again? Shame her publicly?
No. He couldn’t. He’d already heard her crying over him enough to last a lifetime. Maybe the bishop was right. Maybe, Jordan should just leave.
But what about Doris? Would she go with him? Lord, but he didn’t want to hear her lectures about it. She was nervier than most Amish girls—which was one of the reasons he’d been drawn to her in the first place—but he didn’t think she wanted to leave the district. Even for him. Or maybe she would. She’d stayed with him through his prison mess, hadn’t she?
But she’d gotten on his nerves something terrible the last time they’d been together, and he didn’t relish the thought of risking another ugly confrontation. Maybe, he should just leave quietly. That might be better for everyone concerned.
But where would he go? How would he live? It wasn’t like he had any money saved or any way to make money. The Englisch friends he had wouldn’t welcome him. Not since he’d stolen Jessie’s car. He slapped the front of the buggy. Why had he done it? He’d told Doris that he was sure Jessie wouldn’t mind him using the car.
That wasn’t exactly true. Nor was the reason he’d given for taking the car in the first place. He’d lied about both things. But the lies weren’t really his fault. Doris had pushed him. Asking and asking for more details, so he had to tell her something, and he could hardly tell her the truth. So, he’d manufactured the story about buying her a grandfather clock because he knew she’d soften at that. If she thought he’d been trying to do something nice for her, something for their future, then she would remain staunchly on his side. It had worked, too.
But now she thought he was ready to propose.
Stupid, stupid, stupid, he said to himself. He hadn’t really thought his lie through very carefully. He should have planned it out better. Now, she was waiting for his proposal. Well, maybe she wasn’t anymore. Not after how they’d parted the last time.
The whole truth was that Jordan had become enthralled with Jessie’s girlfriend. She lived a good spell north of Linder Creek—closer to Meadow Park. Jordan had stupidly thought that if he could see her—without Jessie there—he could convince her to spend some time with him. But she hadn’t even been home, and Jessie had somehow gotten wind of Jordan’s plans and was furious. That was why he’d called the police. That was why he wouldn’t back down from prosecuting Jordan.
“Stupid,” he said it aloud this time. He had been a fool. A complete fool. And now, his life was a mess. Nothing was going right for him. Not one thing.
And this bishop thing. This going every week and subjecting himself to long, painful lectures was hardly making his life any better.
Jordan doggedly guided his horse back home. He didn’t want to go back. His mother would undoubtedly ask him how it went. There would be hope gleaming in her tear-filled eyes, too. She’d been praying and praying that Jordan would straighten out his life. She’d likely have his favorite pie sitting there, too. Then she’d talk about Christmas coming up and wouldn’t it be nice if he was a member of the church before Christmas.
Ach, he couldn’t bear it. He yanked one rein and pulled the buggy into a wide spot on the road. He couldn’t go back home. Not yet. He needed to fortify himself somehow. He knew of a bar on the outskirts of Linder Creek. No one would see him there. No one he knew would likely even pass by and see his buggy parked out front. No, no, he couldn’t park it out front. That would be insane. He’d try to hide it, maybe around the back. Feeling better now, he snapped the reins, turning the buggy back in the direction from which he’d come.
* * *
The candles sitting about in the front room were pine scented. Doris’s mother always bought some for the holidays. Her father allowed very few Christmas decorations, but her mother had declared, “We use candles anyway, so what’s the harm in buying green ones that smell so pretty.”
Doris enjoyed the scent and laughed every year when her mother lit them during the day when no extra light was needed. But the sky was overcast that afternoon, so the extra light was welcome in any case. Doris was embroidering pillowcases for her parents for Christmas. A very simple pattern, one her father wouldn’t object to. She had about an hour of safety to work on them before her parents returned from town.
“Doris? Where are you?” Kara called.
“In here.”
Kara came into the front room and walked over, looking down at Dori
s’s work. “It looks right nice,” she said.
“Thank you. What did you want?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to go to the Feed & Supply when Mamm and Dat get home with the buggy.”
“Why? What do you need?”
“Uh, well, I thought that maybe I’d buy some more cinnamon for our Christmas baking.”
Doris’s eyes narrowed, and she studied her sister. “Go all the way to the Feed & Supply in this weather only for cinnamon? Why didn’t you just ask Mamm to pick some up while she’s out?”
Kara’s face turned red. “I-I just realized we needed some.”
Doris laughed. “I think you just realized that if we take the long way to the Feed & Supply, we’ll have to pass Mark Lapp’s farm.”
Kara scowled. “Nee. I just need cinnamon.”
Doris nodded slowly. “Right.”
“All right, fine,” Kara said impatiently. “Maybe I do want to pass the Lapps’ farm.”
“In hopes that Mark might be wandering about his yard and wave fondly as we pass by?” Doris worked to stifle her giggles.
Kara stomped her foot. “Do you have to be so disagreeable?” she blared.
Doris did laugh out loud then. “Nee, I don’t. I’m sorry, Kara. Actually, I would welcome a trip to the Feed & Supply. As soon as Mamm and Dat get home, we’ll go.”
Kara was smiling now. “Thanks, Doris.” She hesitated. “I s’pose it’s silly of me to hope Mark will see us pass.”
“Not silly. Completely normal.” Doris couldn’t help but think of Jordan. She could see herself doing the very same thing Kara wanted to do. Only not anymore. She wouldn’t want to pass by the Lehman farm, looking for him. He’d turned too disagreeable. Besides, she wanted to give him time to get back to himself. She knew that today had been his first meeting with the bishop. She wondered how it had gone and prayed it had gone well. Maybe the bishop had been able to make Jordan see some sense.
The Punishment (Doris's Christmas Story Book 2) Page 4
