Teacher I Want To Date

by Kayla, Mia

  Abort the baby? My whole body tensed, and a part of me, a piece of my heart, shattered. That had never once crossed my mind. I wasn’t a religious guy, but knowing that part of me was in that child, I could never. Her uncontrollable sobbing had me taking a step toward her. Then another step.

  “I’m sorry.” Janice’s lips quivered as she fell into me, and I let her because even though we weren’t a couple, in the end, we’d still have to get through this together.

  As I held her, I should’ve been thinking of Janice and the child and the well-being of the both of them, but I wasn’t. I couldn’t get Gabby’s face out of my mind, and I couldn’t help but feel this horrible dread in the pit of my stomach. What am I going to tell her? How would she react? More importantly, how would we make it through this?

  * * *

  I found myself driving back to Barrington, to Charles’s place. Hell if I would ask Brad for advice. He’d lecture me on condoms and birth control and all the things I knew but clearly hadn’t done.

  We’d been in a serious, monogamous relationship for years, and Janice was on birth control—or so I’d thought—so there was no need to have condoms on hand. She’d said she had been taking them still. Who the hell knew if that was the truth? All I knew was, I had to deal with it now.

  I pressed the garage door opener, parking in my regular spot in the six-car garage. Lo and behold and to my utter annoyance, Brad’s car was here.

  Now that his girlfriend is pregnant, did he all of a sudden live here?

  I sighed loudly and debated on backing out and driving straight home to wallow in a bottle of scotch. But what would that do other than make me feel shittier than I already did?

  Brad and Charles were seated at the kitchen table when I walked in.

  Brad lifted the beer bottle to his lips. A cold one looked good right about now. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  “Was in the area. Where is everyone?”

  It was nine in the evening, and it was eerily quiet in a place that was never quiet. There were no sounds of footsteps padding through the house or children bickering.

  “Don’t you remember? They went to Wisconsin this weekend,” Charles said.

  “Oh, yeah. That.” I was usually in the loop with family events and the family calendar. Recently, I’d been too involved with Gabby to notice anything but her.

  I walked to the fridge to grab myself a beer or two or a whole pack. Guessed I’d be spending the night here. When my hand reached the handle of the fridge, I stilled and peered at my brothers at the table.

  Déjà vu hit me in the face, slapping me so hard, I blinked.

  Holy hell. Hadn’t I been right here weeks ago? Except I’d been sitting in Brad’s spot. We’d officially switched roles. I remembered he had been freaking out, and I had been using all my energy to keep jealousy at his perfect life under wraps.

  I grabbed a beer from the fridge and plopped down in my regular spot. They were talking about winning a packaging contract with one of the biggest candy factories.

  Tuning them out, I thought of my future with Janice, and all I could picture was an every-other-weekend pick-up and a beautiful child shared by two people who no longer knew each other. And above that, I couldn’t ignore this ache in my chest of having to tell Gabby this. Why couldn’t I have been smarter about this? Why couldn’t have I kept my dick in my pants? Broken up meant fucking broken up.

  I slammed my beer on the table and ran both hands through my hair, elbows on the table, and my stare focused at the vase in the center. It was the vase that Mary had made in kindergarten. I should know. She’d wanted me to buy flowers for it for a whole week after she brought it home.

  “Janice is pregnant.”

  There. Said. Ripped off the Band-Aid.

  When silence met my outburst, I lifted my head. Charles’s mouth was slightly ajar. Brad … yeah, the asshole smiled. Fucking smiled at my misfortune.

  “Do you think this is funny or something? Because it’s not. It’s horrible. I’m with Gabby. With, with her, and now, I’m having a baby with a woman I am no longer romantically involved with, a woman who never saw herself with children to begin with.”

  Charles rubbed at his brow and exhaled. “What are you going to do?”

  I watched him for a second, wondering what he was getting at. “We’re keeping it.” I reached for my beer and tipped it back again. It would take an entire case to dim this feeling. I hadn’t gotten drunk since college, and I guessed it was due time. I pointed the bottle at Brad. “And why the hell are you still laughing?”

  “Because I can’t believe you’re falling for it.”

  “Falling for what?”

  “She’s lying.”

  I rubbed my eyes, already tired of a night I knew was far from over. How I wished. But I knew her; she wouldn’t lie. “She’s not. She showed me the ultrasound.”

  “Fake ultrasound,” he said, still amused.

  I was going to beat him later for enjoying my misery.

  “You’re an idiot.” I didn’t want to hear him anymore. The dull ache of a headache was coming. I could feel the impending beats in my temple getting louder and louder.

  Brad lazily pointed his beer at me. “If you think Janice is going to walk away from her golden ticket without giving it a hard-fought fight, then you’re an idiot.”

  The energy left my body, and my shoulders slumped, my stare focused on the beer bottle. I could argue with Brad all night, but what was the point? That wouldn’t change my current situation. “She’s not lying, bro. Janice might be all the things you say, but she’s not a liar. I know that much. Trust me on that one.”

  Finally, the smile slipped off his features. “You’ve never seen her for who she really is.” Brad’s brow furrowed, and then he stood and walked to the fridge. “Fine. We’ll need more than a few beers to get through this.”

  Charles exhaled a heavy sigh. “I know this is new, but you should figure things out before the baby comes. You need to contact our lawyer, figure visitation and child support beforehand to prevent fights or ugliness after the baby is born.” Charles pushed his pointer finger into the table for emphasis, leaning into me, getting into my line of sight. “ ’Cause when that baby comes, you’ll be busy enough, and you’ll want joint custody for sure. Things might be okay with you and Janice right now, but they could go south real fast.”

  “Things went south, way down south.” Brad grabbed his dick. “That’s been the issue since the beginning.”

  “Shut up.” Charles threw Brad the older-brother look, and then his steel focus was on me. “You need everything you agree on in writing, drawn up by Lionel.”

  Brad placed another beer in front of me. “Lionel is really getting paid this month.”

  Charles threw him another look, and Brad shut up fast. “If you want me to get the ball rolling, I can. I can tell Lionel the situation and have him start drawing up the docs, so Janice and you can sign the papers. Just let me know. Right now, your priority is that baby.”

  This was my oldest bro in his best form, down to business.

  Moving my neck from side to side to release the tension, I took another long, cold sip of my beer. “First things first,” I said, dread stirring up again within me. “I need to tell Gabby.”

  Chapter 25

  Gabby

  My eyes focused on the clock right by the whiteboard. The kids had their heads bowed down in the books they were reading. Thirty minutes until the bell would ring, and another twenty minutes before I was in Mason’s arms.

  I peered over at Sarah. She was chewing the top of her pen. Our relationship since she’d found out that Mason and I were together was awkward at best. I hoped that, with time, she’d open up to me, entertain the idea of me and Mason, because I could see us together long-term, and Sarah was very important to the both of us.

  When the bell rang loud and clear, I stood and knocked on my wooden desk once. “Okay, remember the Halloween dance is next week, Friday. If you haven’
t gotten your permission slips in yet, make sure you do that.”

  After the kids left, I tended to my rotational bus duties, making sure the kids got safely on the correct bus, grabbed my stuff, and scurried out the door. I debated on going home to freshen up and change out of my work clothes, but the need to see Mason was overwhelming.

  Hooked? Yeah, you could say that.

  I reached for my phone and dialed his number, wanting to hear his voice. That sexy voice, it did things to me. It caused my heartbeat to pitter-patter in my chest, my pulse to tick, tick, tick in tempo.

  “Hey, baby. I’m heading to your place. I can’t wait to have dinner at Roma Roma,” I cooed like the lost and in-love bug that I was.

  “Could we stay in today?” The sullen tone in his voice caused me to pause.

  “Yeah … that’s fine.” My stomach rolled with a queasiness. “Is everything okay?”

  There was another long pause right after my question. So long that I could have asked two more questions and answered them myself.

  “Mason?”

  “Yeah. Everything is fine. We just have to talk about something.”

  It was as if tiny spiders were crawling up my arm, causing goose bumps to form.

  I gripped the phone tighter. “Mason?” His name was a question on my lips, an open-ended question meant for him.

  “I just have to tell you something.” He forced his tone to lighten, but I knew it was purely for my benefit. “It’ll be fine.”

  But will it really? Because when your significant other started a conversation with “we have to talk,” when was that ever a good thing?

  I swallowed hard. “Okay. Be there soon.”

  The ride to Mason’s place was the slowest and hardest one I’d taken in a while, just because of the anticipation of what he had to say. The worst part of anxiety-ridden speculation was not knowing.

  When he greeted me at the door, he wrapped his arms around me and brought me close to his chest. It was a long, lingering hug, and I wrapped my arms around him as hard as I could. Because this was perfection. And in this moment, right before he told me whatever he needed to tell me, I’d remember that this was us, wild and broken and odd, but perfection like two lost puzzle pieces finally finding each other. I buried my nose in his shirt, taking in the clean scent of his detergent. I was debating on buying the same kind, just so I could have him with me everywhere, on my clothes, on my sheets. I had been spending more nights at his place than mine, but it didn’t matter because I wanted a part of him with me all the time.

  He shivered against me. “I love you. You know that.”

  I held him tighter because whatever he had to tell me, it was going to be bad. I knew it in the way the heavy breaths left his body, the way he crushed me into him as though he never wanted to let me go, but there was that underlying tension as though he would … like he’d have to. My heart slowed to a sluggish beat, and I braced myself for the impact because I wanted to cry.

  But why? Why, Mason?

  I was the first to pull back, and I searched his face, cupping my hand against his cheek. “Baby, what’s the matter?” I bit my cheek, stopping this overwhelming tornado of emotions trying to overtake me.

  Deep, dark circles outlined his eyes, and his hair was a disheveled mess as though he had run his hands through it multiple times instead of using a comb.

  “Did someone die? Is everything okay with your family?” Panic threatened to choke me.

  “No one died.”

  He’d said the words, but why did it feel like someone had?

  He reached for my hand, like he’d done what seemed like a million times before, but this time, his grip was tighter, his palm sweaty. After leading us to the couch, he took my other hand and faced me, our knees touching.

  “I have to tell you something, and I don’t want you to freak out. I just need you to listen and hear me out.” He held my stare, his eyes vulnerable and honest and all the things that were my Mason.

  I was prepared. I pushed back my shoulders and readied myself for anything, but there was no way that I could have prepared myself for what he was going to say next.

  “My ex-girlfriend … she’s pregnant.” He paused, swallowed. “And it’s mine.”

  I blinked at him. I could hear the heater running in the background. A car from the outside was honking its horn. I’d remember everything about this moment. Every single detail. Most of all, I’d remember this sinking feeling in my stomach and the way the air got knocked out of me as though someone had literally punched me in the gut.

  He cleared his throat and rushed on. “It happened before you and I were together. You have to believe me, Gabby. I was never with her when you and I were talking. She and I ended before I even met you.”

  And I did believe him. Because Mason was not the lying type. I bit my cheek harder this time and blinked back tears, my whole body shell-shocked into numbness.

  “And I love you so, so much, Gabby.” His voice broke at the end. “I want to make this work. Me and you.”

  I exhaled, slow and controlled, though I felt the complete opposite on the inside. My gaze dropped, and I stared down at our intertwined hands. It was as though my hand, my fingers were meant only to be in his. I thought of how we’d gotten here. The heartbreak that I had just experienced months before, a heartache to last a lifetime, and then to find this man, this man who was opposite me in so many ways yet perfectly made for me. You’d think the heartache would end, that the universe would cut me a break.

  “How would we make that work?” Warmth prickled the backs of my eyes. In about a hot nanosecond, tears would fall down my face.

  He dropped to his knees, never letting go of me, his eyes pleading. “We’ll make it work.” Determination was set deep in his eyes and in the strong set of his jaw. “She’s going to have this baby and I’m going to be the best dad possible and you and me, we’re going to work. We’re going to make it because I love you, Gabby. I love you so much, and I picture you in my future with an endless amount of kids running around. Little girls who look like you and little boys who love math like me. This news … what’s happening right now is not going to change how I feel for you or how I picture our future.”

  Our future.

  We’d barely started our relationship, and now, his ex and a baby they shared would be in the picture.

  “Just tell me you’re still with me,” he begged. “That you’ll stay with me through this.” He kissed my hand. “Because, Gabby Cruz … I need you in my life. I’ve never needed anything more.”

  And as I looked down into Mason’s eyes, I nodded. “Of course.” Because he was what I wanted, he was what I needed.

  But deep down, uncertainty gnawed at my gut.

  * * *

  Torturing myself, I drove to the one place I shouldn’t have—Mike’s home, the home that he’d once shared or maybe currently shared with his wife and two young children.

  I sat right in front of the three-story town house and the row of pink and red roses that lined the pathway up to the front door. I didn’t know how long I had been sitting there, and I didn’t know what I was expecting. But when the sun set in front of me, Mike and his family emerged from the house, and a deep ache pressed on the middle of my chest.

  They were still together. Ironically, this didn’t surprise me.

  Mike, Carla, and their two kids walked to their car. One girl, one boy, no more than grade school age—maybe five or six—and my heart sank at the thought that I had been so close to breaking this beautiful family up.

  And then I wondered, Had my father debated?

  Debated between the new woman in his life and his family? Had the new woman forced my dad to leave us? I knew it took two to tango, but what if … what if she’d had the integrity to deny him, just how I’d denied Mike? Would he have stayed?

  I froze and ducked down further in my car, so I wouldn’t be seen, and when they drove past, I followed because I was going crazy. Adrenaline rushed through me as I
made sure I was always two cars behind Mike because he would recognize my car.

  I’d officially lost my mind, but I was in search of something … I just didn’t know what yet. My heartbeat raced, and my pulse pounded at my temples as I followed them for ten minutes until they parked in Elgin Plaza, right by the ice cream joint, and walked right in. I didn’t know why I wanted to torture myself. I should leave. I knew I should leave, but there was something in their interaction that wouldn’t allow me to leave.

  I was rooted in my spot, taking them in, like watching a video of a picture-perfect family. Their marriage wasn’t perfect, but the kids, being kids, seemed as though they didn’t feel a thing. It was in the way Mike held the little girl’s hand, swinging it between them, in her blinding smile as she glanced up at him, and in how the little boy skipped beside them.

  Mike had said they were in a loveless relationship, but seeing Carla light up when she looked at him, I wondered if he had ever told me the truth or if I had just been some side chick he could get off with.

  When they walked into the ice cream joint, I stepped out of my car, hands sweaty and heartbeat pumping in my chest.

  This was crazy.

  What are you doing, Gabby?

  You need to leave!

  But I couldn’t. I was fascinated—or more so … obsessed. Teenagers loitered outside of the tattoo shop at the end of the strip mall. A woman pushed a stroller past me, and a couple walked their dog to the pet shop right next to the ice cream shop. I inched closer until I could see them through the glass. I hid behind a tree—not like the tree would cover me, but I was far enough away where they wouldn’t notice me.

  After getting their ice cream cones, they sat by the window, in plain view. The little girl was on Mike’s lap, laughing at something he’d said. A moment later, she kissed his cheek, ice cream remnants and all. The whole table started to laugh, and when he wiped his cheek, the little girl did it again. Mike wiped his cheek, took a bite out of his ice cream, and kissed the little girl’s cheek. The action was endearing, and it slammed me directly in the chest, where it made it difficult to breathe. I leaned against the tree, using it for support as the first of deep, sullen emotions hit me in the gut.