by Emily Wilson
“She's beauti—”
Azrian clears his throat loudly and holds up a hand. “Just focus on your studies. It's almost summer, you can chase Miya around then. But also, don't chase her. It's rude.”
“You seem to like it. Maybe she will too?” Kato bites back the grin threatening to show and then tries to save it before Az can give him the look. “I’m kidding. What he said, school, then girls... or boys... or anyone. Whichever you’re in the mood for.”
Ronan looks like he's never been more offended about anything. His shoulders slump and his chest deflates, but he grabs his pack and runs a hand through his hair. “Okay, okay. But can I stay with her on the weekends still?”
“As long as it's still okay with her mom and also Kato, it's okay with me.”
His face lights up and he gives Kato a pleading look that would rival Azrian’s own. “Please, Kato? I'll be good, I promise! I just like to be near her. We’re not...”
“Not the whole weekend. One night a week, but you can go over in the daytime the other days too once we finish the second house. You don’t have to tell us details, but you have to be safe. You’re too young to procreate.”
Ronan covers his ears and shakes his head, looking as if he wants to jump out a window. “Please stop. We haven’t — I haven’t — can I go to school now?”
“Hey, now you know how we feel,” Azrian says as he pulls Ronan in for a one-armed hug. “Do you want us to walk you to school?”
He shakes his head quickly and almost violently, then heads for the door on his own. “I'll be home after. See you guys!”
“See you.” Kato has to chuckle at his embarrassment; he’s starting to really remind him of Az even if he is going to be taller soon. “He’s a good kid. I think he’ll be smart about it.”
Azrian stares at the door for a long moment and bites his bottom lip. “I hope you're right.”
Kato hopes he is too, but in the end, that’s all they can do — hope. Ronan has had to see more in his young life than people twice his age have, and he’s handled it all impressively well. Every time Kato thinks something will be too much for him, Ronan has proved him wrong... and he’s never been prouder of him.
KATO CAN’T BELIEVE he nearly forgot how hard building a house is. They’ve barely laid out the foundation, and as he stares down at the amount of work they still need to do, he can’t stop the sigh that escapes.
Then there’s the other side of it. The excitement of seeing progress is enough to keep them moving every day, and knowing it’s something they are accomplishing together feels amazing. Teagon’s been doing more than Kato expected him to do, but he has a feeling his brother is enjoying it. He took the day off with Aleon and Rone, so today is just Kato and Az, and honestly, he couldn’t be happier.
Holding steady, Kato watches Azrian bring his hammer down with precision and smiles with each and every nail his boyfriend adds to their home. “It’s getting hot out, you should take off your shirt.”
“We both know we won't get anything done if I do that,” Az retorts as he uses his tunic to wipe sweat from his face. “It'll go easier now that the hard part is done.”
After shoving away yet another inappropriate joke about hard parts, Kato internally admits he’s the one that’s probably been hanging out with Teagon too much. They get back to work until it’s time to break for lunch and once their bellies are full, Kato makes Azrian lay on the grass so he can continue drawing him.
Drawing inanimate objects will always be easier, but drawing things with a heartbeat always feels more important. Like once they’re gone from this world, those are the drawings he wants to carry on his memory.
Nut waddles over and plops in the way, but he can’t find it in himself to tell the raccanis to move, so he doesn’t. He just adds his fat little body to the portrait and grins at how cute they both look. “He’s getting chubby again, Az. Maybe we should find him some workouts.”
Kato ignores Nut’s offended chitter — and whatever he yelled into his mind — so he can hear Azrian’s response.
“Let him be fat. He's slower this way and easier to catch when he tries to run off with my stuff.”
Kato laughs at that, and even harder when Nut scratches Az and slaps his face with his tail as he runs in the house. Lucky for Kato, he already finished that section of the drawing. He’s about ready to do Az’s face, but he decides it’s time to go back to work instead. “Ready to get back to it? We should make our room bigger.”
“You know, I was going to suggest we build a bed big enough for all of us, but not after that.” He winces and wipes some of the blood off his cheek. “I give up with him.”
“Come here.” Kato crosses his legs and pats his lap. “Let me fix you.”
When Az gets settled, he shivers as Kato heals him and leans in to kiss him slowly. “Thank you. I still don't forgive Nut, but I forgive you for not disciplining him.”
He hums his response, kissing him again and again until his cheeks are nice and flushed before pulling back. “About that bed. I think we should. More room for us to play when they’re outside.”
“Like I'm ever going to say no to that.” Azrian sighs and forces himself to get up, then grabs his hammer again. “I suppose we should get to it. It's not going to build itself.”
“Unfortunately, it isn’t. Maybe we should befriend a Tactare.” Kato stands to gather his supplies. “Why do all the ones we meet have to be stults?”
“Excellent question. But I guess it'll mean more to us once it's finally finished?”
“Definitely will.” Kato may not be a Viribus, but he’s pretty strong so it’s rare they even have to bother Rhix for the heavy lifting. He offers help most days anyway, and in the end, this house will be special for Kato and Azrian because they built it together — with the help of the ones they love most in the world.
THEY ENDED UP BUILDING a bed that could fit not only them, but Nut and Axis, too. As much as Axis pretends he loves sleeping outside, they sure catch him in their bed often and now that they have finished the house, they all deserve the rest.
Carrying Az back after a long day’s work, Kato smiles at their full bed. He sighs heavily, letting the weight of the world leave his body — even if just for the night.
“Azrian scoot,” Nut complains, trying to weasel his way in between them.
“I’m too tired to tell you what they say every five seconds so here...” Kato connects all their minds and tells Nut to repeat himself. When he does, Kato snorts at Azrian’s offended face.
“How about we build you a bed in the shed?” Azrian threatens. “I should've installed door handles that you can't get your grubby little hands around.”
“No shed. Like it here,” Nut argues, plopping a little leg onto Azrian as he cuddles closer to him.
“At least he’s cute right?” Kato asks, trying to ease the tension.
Axis rolls on his side and yawns. “Cute isn’t the word I’d use. But he isn’t the worst animal I’ve come across in my time.”
“Yeah, but did you give the other animals a chance? Or did you just eat them?” The silent response Axis gives him makes Kato chuckle. “That’s what I thought.”
“Figures,” Azrian says with a sigh. “Where was that energy when I needed someone to eat Nut?” He pins the raccanis to the bed before he can get scratched up again, then laughs. “I'm just kidding! I'm glad he didn't eat you.”
“Nut glad too,” he agrees, this time climbing up on Azrian’s chest and settling in.
“See... he loves you.” Kato grins, leaning over to kiss both of their foreheads. “I’ll see you in the morning sun.”
When Kato wakes up in the morning, he’s alone. He doesn’t feel panic like normal though, and that realization settles something in him he didn’t think would be resolved any time soon. He’s actually smiling as he leaves the room, and it only grows when he opens the door and the smell of sweetbread hits his nose. “Azzy.” Kato rushes forward to pick him up and squeezes him tightly.
“Shh!” Azrian hisses as he pats his arm quickly. “Put me down, I need you to eat this before they come back. I asked Axis to take Nut somewhere far away for a little bit so he didn't try to steal it, but I don't know how long they're going to be gone.”
“Thank you.” After setting him down, Kato steers his way toward the bread and begins stuffing his face. “It’s so good!” he mumbles around his food and walks back over to feed Az a bite. “You must have woken up early.”
Azrian slowly pulls the bread between his teeth and looks a little nervous. “You don't have a birthday. So... this is your birthday now. I have a gift for you, too. The sweetbread is just the beginning.”
“Birthday?” Kato tilts his head and chews a little slower. “Can I see?”
Azrian nods and steps in, letting Kato sort through his memories. Some of them are dark and not at all something that reminds Kato of a celebration, but when Azrian squeezes his eyes shut, things change. He sees decorations, wrapped boxes, ale, singing, and people dancing under Cettia's light to the beat of a drum.
Kato smiles at the happy faces and makes a mental note to do something special for Az on his birthday, too. “What kind of gift?” Kato asks, his mind already roaming to all the possibilities. “Do I have too many clothes on for this gift?”
“It's not that kind of gift. You're getting that kind on a regular basis; I don't think it would mean much. Come on.” He takes Kato's hand and leads him to the guest room, then makes him cover his eyes before pushing open the door and guiding him in. “Okay, you can open them. It was really hard to keep this a secret from you.”
When Kato opens his eyes, he sees a wooden easel with some of the finest parchment he's ever seen, and a desk laid out with brand new pencils.
“Azrian!” Kato walks in with wide eyes, his hands sliding over everything as he takes it all in. “I—”
“Happy birthday, Jellycrai. Now you can properly decorate these walls. I had Aleon take me to Bonefell for this stuff, so it should all be high quality.” He walks over and opens the curtains to let more light in. “And hopefully this is just the beginning, we can get you more supplies.”
Kato scoops him up once more, but this time all he does is hold him close. It takes a while to peel himself away, and his eyes are glossy from the emotions threatening to spill out of him. “Thank you. I’ve never... no one’s ever...” Azrian shuts him up with a kiss and Kato melts into him like there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.
When they finally make their way back to the kitchen, Kato eyes Azrian suspiciously. He already knows he won’t tell him. “When’s your birthday, Az?”
“Hey, did you see all those pencils?” he asks without missing a beat. “Maybe we should bring Axis and Nut back, hold on, I'll go get them.”
“You know I can just look, right?” Kato threatens, but there’s no bite to his words and Azrian doesn’t even flinch.
“It's not anytime soon and that's all you need to know. Now come on, maybe we can fit in a not present before the rest of them get back.” Azrian smirks and takes off for their bedroom, and Kato runs after him without a moment’s hesitation.
“It looked like fall... I saw the leaves in the background, Azzy.” Kato tackles him to the bed and starts tickling him. “Tell me. Is it early fall or late?”
Azrian squirms and tries to talk through his laughter but can't get a single word out until Kato finally stops. “I could tell you, or I could put my mouth to better uses. You pick.”
“You fight dirty, Azrian Mihr.”
“I swear to Cettia, I'm going to change my surname if you all don't knock it off,” Azrian says with a growl.
Kato just laughs, not believing him for a second. Surnames may not be common in Athoze, but Azrian having one has always been something Kato thought was special. Special just like him. He has a passing thought of sharing Azrian’s surname with him in the future, but that’s a conversation for another time.
Azrian’s mouth really could be put to better, less bratty uses, and Kato’s willing to drop the birthday subject for now. He’ll figure it out one day.
AZRIAN’S NOT SURE WHEN the switch happened. All he knows is that in the time since Kato’s birthday, things have gone downhill, and downhill fast. He glances around at the faces of those he loves: Kato, Teagon, Aleon, Ronan — but all he can see is what they’ve lost. Teagon might be getting better with his prosthetic, but Azrian sees how forced his humor is now.
When they first got to Embermeadow, everyone was fine — burying their grief and plastering smiles on their faces as they adjusted to life and built the new house — but now that a couple of months have gone by, Azrian can see the way that weight is starting to settle again. Aleon’s features twist from concern for Teagon, to grief for Zeto and the others, to longing for a love he’s now separated from — and Az can’t imagine how hard that must be hitting him. Ronan’s seen too much for his young age, and Kato... Kato is once again bearing the entire weight of the world on his shoulders. It’s admirable to a fault, but Azrian gets the sense that the weight will never truly leave him now, no matter what they manage to accomplish in the days to come. Paired with his own immeasurable grief and the grief he feels from those around him, Azrian’s in awe that Kato is still standing at all when he can barely manage it himself.
“I’m going to go for a walk, okay?” He kisses Kato quickly and ruffles Ronan’s hair, then waves goodbye to Teagon and Aleon as he grabs his coat and heads for the door. The cool night air feels good on his neck as he pulls his hair up, but he’s going to need more than a light breeze to help him relax tonight. There’s something brewing — he doesn’t know where, or why, or even how he knows it — but he knows it. He can feel it in his bones.
Azrian surrounds himself with Videre light as he heads toward his favorite spot by the river, takes a seat, and smiles to himself for the first time when he sees the way that light dances on the surface of the water. Though he’s gone rounds with his powers and who he truly is, he’s starting to accept the fact that it’s not all bad. The light is gorgeous in its purity and useful in more ways than one, even if it is the very thing that turned his life upside down.
“Do you regret it, Azrian?”
Unsurprised by the sound of Cettia’s voice, he simply shakes his head. “Nah, I don’t think so. Not anymore. I just wish I understood a little bit more about what you all expect of me... I kinda thought you’d take my powers again after we dealt with Syphon.”
“But you didn’t deal with Syphon,” she says, and Azrian swears she’s being snarky with him.
“Uh... yeah. We did. There was a whole battle; you gave me Dawnreaper. People died. We dealt with him and now he’s locked up in Deadrun under the protection of the Atarax, which... you guessed it, we pulled off an island in the middle of the Wastes.”
“There are things—”
“Say something cryptic ending in my full name, I dare you,” he mutters. “Just tell me what you want to tell me so I can enjoy some peace and quiet.” The silence that follows nearly makes him laugh. He can almost see the offended look on her godly face, but he quickly reminds himself that offending her isn’t a good idea. “Sorry, sorry. Go ahead.”
“There are things you cannot see. Events that cannot be undone—”
“See? I knew it was going to be cryptic and dramatic,” Azrian says without thinking.
Instantly, his Videre light disappears. The darkness threatens to swallow him whole as he scrambles to his feet and hurls a hasty apology to the sky, but it still takes her several seconds to return his power to him. This time, he sits back down and keeps his jaw clamped shut.
“This is why you’ll never be my Dawn.”
“Then what am I? Why did Dawnreaper and the Atarax both respond to me? What was with that ursin, and Axis, too for that matter? I don’t understand and you’re not telling me anything! You wonder why I have a little bit of an attitude. My friends are dying and you won’t even tell me why!” he yells.
&nbs
p; “You’ve been told. You just don’t want to believe it. But if you’ll stay quiet for two minutes... I will show you what I mean when I say you did not handle Syphon as well as you think you did. Watch.”
He squints, but not ten yards from him, the air begins to glow and stretch until a portal opens up. Startled and a little afraid, Azrian takes hesitant steps forward until he’s standing right in front of it and staring into the cell he used to occupy at Deadrun. “Cettia? What is this?”
Syphon is standing in the middle of the room and talking to someone that Azrian can’t see or hear — but with each passing second, the smile on his face grows. Az watches in horror as the scene in the portal shifts just enough to show Syphon’s eyes glowing purple and the door swinging open. But no matter how many times Azrian yells at him to stop, or for someone to come help, it doesn’t work — Syphon walks to the center of Deadrun and glances at the ceiling, then smirks as he turns his attention to the ground.
“Cettia, do something!” Az screams as he tries to shove his way through the portal — but it’s not a portal at all, it’s just a vision, and there’s nothing he can do but watch as Syphon bends down and wraps his hand around the orb holding them all inside those walls. Any last shred of hope that it wouldn’t work for someone like him fades entirely as he holds it high above his head and yells something Azrian can’t hear — but it matters little, he knows exactly what’s about to happen. If Syphon has the Atarax, Deadrun is lost, and everything they’d worked so hard for is going to come crashing down around them.
“He is coming, Azrian Mihr. You shouldn’t have left without Dawnreaper.”
The sudden realization that he left their only true weapon hidden inside a mountain halfway across the world has his legs giving out and the breath leaving his lungs.
“Oh, shadows.”
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