Blood Loss

by Kerena Swan

  ‘I only found out today that Grace is my biological daughter. She had the letters I’d written to Rosemary Butcher.’ Mum’s voice is low but the words cut my heart like razor blades.

  Grace! Oh, my God. I want to hold my hands over my ears and shut this distorted, terrible world out, but Mum wraps me in her arms and rocks me gently.

  ‘Sshhh. It’s okay,’ she murmurs. ‘I’m still your mother and I love you.’

  The shrill ring of my mobile sounds as loud as a fire alarm and we both jump. I grab it, see Ellis’s name and try to silence it, but my shaking fingers touch the answer button instead. I’m about to hang up when I hear his panicked voice.

  ‘Jenna? Are you there? It’s Ellis. You need to come to the hospital. Lucy’s had a car accident.’

  Chapter 66

  October | Grace

  Anger runs through my veins like a molten river looking for an exit. My stomach is clenched with tension and my breathing is tight in my chest. I tear down the drive, skidding in the gravel as I brake to check the road is clear, then I put my foot down and race towards Bletchley.

  Damn Jenna fucking Winterbourne, or should I say Sarah fucking Butcher? Because that’s who she really is. Always in the way. Stealing the time, the love, the life that should be mine. Maybe even stealing my sister from me, because Jenna couldn’t take her own car to the garage. Oh, no, she had to leave Lucy to take it and now…

  I wish Jenna was dead and there’s an exquisite sort of pleasure in picturing her end – my hands tightening around her throat or thrusting out with a knife. I overtake a parked car too fast and shoot across a zebra crossing. A woman jumps back in alarm.

  I fight to get a grip on my thoughts. My feelings. Pushing Jenna from my mind, I focus on looking for Lucy. I need to know she’s all right but she isn’t answering her phone. My sister, not Jenna’s. I couldn’t go after her before, because I couldn’t leave Mum, but now I can.

  Where would she go for an MOT? Fenny, probably. I drive up and down Fenny Stratford High Street then along side streets looking for an MOT garage. I find one but Jenna’s car isn’t in there so I pull into a lay-by and get out my phone. I type in MOT and servicing near Bow Brickhill to see if I’ve missed any other garages. There’s one listed in the next village of Little Brickhill and another, Pikesleys, in Woburn Sands.

  I turn the car around and head along the A5 through Little Brickhill. The garage is quiet and there’s no sign of Jenna’s car, or an accident. I turn off for Woburn. My only emotion now is fear. Where’s Lucy?

  I loop around the back lanes to Woburn Sands and find Pikesleys garage on the High Street. There’s no evidence of a car crash here either. I pull into the nearby petrol station and get out of the car to look at Pikesleys forecourt and service area but the vehicle isn’t there. Where did Lucy go with Jenna’s car? Perhaps she realised the brakes weren’t working properly and slowed to a standstill. I hope so. I don’t want any harm to come to my sister.

  I drive along the Leys towards Bow Brickhill and pull up in a queue of traffic. A diversion sign has been set up and vehicles are being sent down Theydon Avenue. Cold dread fills my veins.

  A woman with red hair walks along the pavement towards me, three pugs tangling their leads around her legs. I lean across and unwind my nearside window.

  ‘Excuse me. Do you know what the hold-up is?’ I ask.

  ‘There’s been an accident. A car has ploughed into parked vehicles. It must have been going at quite a speed. Looks nasty.’ She shakes her head in disapproval and carries on walking.

  No, no, no. This wasn’t meant to happen. I bury my hands in my hair and squeeze until the pain becomes unbearable and brings tears to my eyes. After a short wait the traffic begins to move so I inch the car forward, craning my neck to see what state Jenna’s car is in as I turn off the road.

  There are too many emergency vehicles. Their lights burn my retinas and the policeman urging me forward stops me from seeing anything. Is Lucy still alive? Have I already lost her when I’ve only just found her? Will I have any family left soon?

  I drive back to Mark’s house in a daze. I’ve ruined everything.

  No, I haven’t ruined anything. That bitch Jenna has. I want to call my mother and tell her Lucy has had an accident but I can’t because she’ll wonder how I know. I suppose the police will go round there soon enough. They’ll check out the number plate or find something in Lucy’s bag or on her phone.

  I’m relieved to see Mark isn’t home yet. I need time to sit in my bedroom and think through what has just happened and what I should do next. I let myself into the house and go straight up to the guest room where my clothes and shoes are stored. I must plan for my future but I can’t think straight. I can’t decide whether it’s safe to go back to Bow Brickhill or not. Will the police examine the car and discover water in the brake fluid?

  God, why was I so stupid? Acting on impulse again. Now that Fiona and probably Jenna know my true identity they may suspect me of the attempts on Jenna’s life. Has Jenna told her mother about them?

  I can’t go back. I double over as a wave of grief hits me. Yet again Jenna has stolen something from me – the right to be there for my mother’s last days. I desperately want to return but it’s too big a risk. Despite my earlier thoughts I really don’t want to go to prison now I finally have a glimpse of a positive future. I’m so bloody stupid not to have thought this through properly.

  If Jenna had been driving, it would have been less suspicious because she’s a reckless driver so no one would have been surprised if she’d crashed. No one would have been surprised to hear there was water in the brake fluid either, because she’s so ditzy and could easily have mixed up the windscreen washer with the brake fluid reservoir. Lucy is the opposite. She’s a cautious driver who always sticks to the speed limits. People will wonder what happened. They’ll ask questions. And if the water-brake fluid mix-up is discovered, Jenna will be around to deny she had anything to do with it.

  People might not believe her, of course. They might think she’s just trying to divert blame from herself. On the other hand, they might believe her because she’s so honest. I can’t rely on her being disbelieved and neither can I rely on the possibility of the car being too smashed up to examine properly. I need to get away.

  I think of my mother hearing the news that Lucy has been killed or injured in a car crash, and my heart squeezes with pain. It wasn’t meant to be like this. All I wanted was to get rid of Jenna so I could care for Fiona in her last few weeks. I wanted time alone with her to bask in her love, not share it with that bitch. And when it was all over Lucy and I would have supported each other in our mutual grief. I’d have had the loving sister I’ve always craved. We’d have sold the barn and divided the wealth between us. I’d have bought a little house near Lucy and been an auntie to her future children. Now everything is ruined.

  I hear a car pull onto the driveway and a quick glance out of the window confirms Mark is home. Damn. He can’t see me in this state. I dash into the bathroom to brush my hair and put a little make-up on.

  ‘Hello, beautiful,’ Mark says, as I force myself to walk slowly down the stairs. ‘Shall we go out for a meal? I want to talk to you about the plans for France.’

  ‘Perfect,’ I say, sketching a smile onto my face. ‘I want to talk to you too.’

  ‘Have you got a firm date yet?’ I ask Mark, as I twizzle a ribbon of pasta onto my fork.

  I have no appetite but I force a few mouthfuls down. Mark will suspect something is wrong if I don’t eat. I excuse myself after a few minutes and head to the Ladies’ toilet to check the local news on my phone. There’s no mention of a car crash in Woburn Sands. I look at the village Facebook group instead and there it is. Local people gossiping about the careless driver who trashed parked cars, and indignant individuals calling for greater speed restrictions. No mention of the driver having been killed. I feel dizzy with relief as I make my way back to the table.

  The restaurant is busy
for a weekday and voices bounce off the walls, jarring my brain and making my head ache. It echoes too much in here. I look around at the wooden floors, large glass windows and simple furniture. They need more soft furnishings to absorb the noise. I’m struggling to hear what Mark is saying, so I lean forward and watch his lips as well.

  ‘I need to be there in two weeks, ready to start, but I was thinking of booking leave to give us time to explore the area and feel more settled. Would you be ready to leave in a week’s time?’ He looks worried and reaches across the table to rest his hand on mine. ‘I’ll understand if that’s too much of a rush for you. I could always delay renting the Milton Keynes house out by a few weeks, and you could join me later?’

  I cover his hand with my other hand and give it a gentle squeeze. ‘I think I’ll be ready to leave next week. Fiona doesn’t have much time left in this world and I might find it a struggle to cope with her last days. I’m finding the work quite stressful, to be honest.’

  ‘I thought you wanted to make a career of being a Doulah?’

  ‘Not anymore. I’ve realised I’d rather do something more uplifting. My life has been dark enough already. Maybe I should train to be a midwife instead. Be there at the start of life rather than the end. There aren’t enough decent midwives around.’

  ‘That sounds like a brilliant idea. I’m happy to support you through your training.’ He smiles widely. ‘This is exciting, isn’t it? A whole new life for both of us.’

  ‘You won’t let me down, will you?’ I gaze directly into his eyes. ‘I don’t cope very well when people let me down.’

  Chapter 67

  October | Jenna

  I see Ellis as soon as I push open the double doors to A&E. He’s sitting with his elbows on his knees, but he straightens as a doctor appears through a set of doors to his left. The doctor walks past him and he slumps forward again. I wonder how long he’s been waiting. It’s taken me an hour to get here and I still feel dazed by all that has happened. I needed to find someone to sit with Mum but thankfully our neighbour was willing to go round as soon as she’d dished up her family meal. I wouldn’t ask Grace. I never want to see her again.

  Ellis looks up as I approach and jumps to his feet. He folds me into a rough hug and I squeeze his skinny frame then pull away.

  ‘What’s the news?’ I ask, noticing the tears in his eyes for the first time. Oh God, please don’t let it be bad.

  ‘She’s gone for a CT scan to see if there’s any visible brain damage, but it’s just a precaution. She hit her head on the steering wheel and was unconscious when help arrived.’

  ‘Is she conscious now?’

  ‘Yes. She’s got a broken ankle so needs to have it re-set and plastered. The nurse said she’d fetch me when the scan’s done. I came out here to wait for you.’

  ‘What happened? Lucy’s such a sensible driver.’

  ‘She said the brakes were useless. The MOT would have picked that up, I suppose.’

  I feel a prickle of guilt. The brakes have always been a bit soft but I’ve got used to them. I wish I hadn’t asked Lucy to take the car in for me now.

  A nurse appears by Ellis’s side. ‘Is this Lucy’s sister?’ she asks.

  No. No, I’m not her sister. A riptide of emotion takes me by surprise and threatens to pull my legs from under me. My eyes fill with tears. Oh God. Lucy isn’t my real sister. Today has been the worst day of my life.

  ‘Yes, this is Jenna,’ Ellis says, putting a hand on my lower back and gently pushing me forward. ‘Can we see Lucy now?’

  ‘Of course. She’s in a side cubicle for the time being. We’ll be sending her up to the ward once we’ve plastered her ankle and have the results of the scan.’

  The nurse leads the way and we hurry after her. She pulls aside a curtain and there’s Lucy, white-faced, black-eyed and attempting a weak smile. I rush forward and lean over to kiss her gently on the cheek. It tastes of salt and I realise it’s from my own tears dripping on her face. How ironic that we haven’t been getting on well, but since I’ve learned we’re not related I realise how much I love Lucy and couldn’t bear to lose her.

  ‘I’m okay,’ she says, patting my arm. ‘I was lucky.’

  ‘Are you mad? How can this be lucky?’

  ‘It could have been so much worse, Jenna. Your brakes were soft when I reversed out of the drive but after that they’d completely gone. Thankfully it’s only one road from Bow Brickhill to Woburn Sands and the approach is uphill so I was slowing down for the thirty speed limit. I tried to avoid a car coming the other way so had to hit a parked car instead. I’m afraid your car’s a write-off.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter as long as you’re okay.’

  ‘It’ll save the cost of the MOT and tyres as well.’ Lucy gives a small laugh then winces and puts a hand to the side of her head.

  Ellis is hovering behind me so I step back to allow him to get nearer to Lucy. But then it hits me like a punch to the gut. Lucy hadn’t said the brakes were soft. She’d said they failed completely. I reach for the chair and sit down, remembering the way Grace had attacked me in the kitchen. Remembering too the pâté, the malicious phone call to the twins’ mother, the carrier bag in the woods… Lucy had nothing to do with them. They were all the work of Grace. She hates me. She wants me out of the way so she can take my place.

  ‘Jenna?’ Lucy’s voice breaks through my wild thoughts.

  ‘Sorry, what did you say?’

  ‘How’s Mum? Who’s looking after her? Not Grace?’

  ‘No.’ Does Lucy know about the swap? Does she know how much Grace loathes me?

  Lucy glances at Ellis then back at me. She does know something, but she doesn’t want to say it in front of Ellis.

  ‘Mary from next door is with her. She’s fine.’

  The curtain moves aside and the nurse reappears but this time she’s accompanied by a policeman in uniform. ‘Ten minutes,’ she says to him as she leaves.

  He introduces himself to Lucy as PC Thorn. ‘Your doctor has given me permission to interview you and I’m afraid I need to breathalyse you.’ He looks apologetic. ‘Standard procedure in circumstances like these.’

  Lucy frowns. ‘I haven’t been drinking,’ she says.

  ‘We need to eliminate that possibility in case it goes to court.’

  ‘Court? Oh God, I hope not.’

  The policeman looks at Ellis and me. ‘I’ll just ask her a few questions then you can come back in ten minutes,’ he says.

  I want to stay with Lucy but he’s as good as dismissed us. Should I tell him about my suspicions over Grace? I don’t know what to do. I need to talk it over with Lucy first because we can’t drag Mum into this when she’s so frail.

  Ellis and I sit in silence in the waiting area with tasteless cups of coffee watching the clock hands as they barely move. As soon as ten minutes has passed, we both jump up and head back to Lucy’s bedside.

  The policeman turns to Ellis. ‘We’d like to see Miss Winterbourne at the police station as I’ll be reporting this as possible dangerous driving pending further evidence. We need to take fingerprints, photos and a DNA sample.’ He turns to Lucy. ‘Your DNA sample will be stored in the National DNA Database.’

  ‘I’m not a dangerous driver! The brakes didn’t work properly. In fact, they didn’t work at all. I’m a sensible driver.’ Lucy’s face has drained of all colour, highlighting the emerging bruises even more.

  ‘Then you have nothing to fear. We’ll certainly check the brakes and I’ll record everything you’ve said in your statement. Now breathe into this, please.’

  I watch the policeman follow his procedures and we’re all relieved when the result is clear. I wonder again if I should say anything about my suspicions of Grace. I don’t want Lucy getting into trouble. I catch her eye and open my mouth but she must be able to read my mind because she gives her head a little shake.

  ‘Ellis will bring me to the station as soon as I’m discharged from hospital,’ she says. ‘Won
’t you, Ellis?’ He nods but looks bewildered by everything.

  The policeman is gathering up his things when the consultant arrives. He tells us that the scan shows no abnormalities but they’ll be keeping Lucy in overnight for observation. We all visibly soften with relief – even the policeman, who is clearly uncomfortable with his tasks of questioning and breathalysing Lucy.

  I leave the cubicle to call Mum and tell her that Lucy is going to be fine. She cries with relief and talks for a minute or two, but she sounds exhausted.

  ‘Can you come home soon? I really need to go to bed and I don’t want to burden Mary with helping me.’

  ‘I’ll leave in a few minutes.’

  I kiss Lucy goodbye with a promise to visit her again tomorrow, whether she’s still in hospital or back home, then I call a taxi.

  As I approach home I keep a wary lookout for Grace’s car but there’s no sign of it. I ask the driver to take me up the gravel drive and right to the front door. He looks at me as though I’m lazy but I don’t care. I need to be extra vigilant and every shrub or low garden wall is a potential hiding place.

  Once I’m indoors I thank Mary and see her to the door, then I double-lock and bolt it. I help Mum into the bathroom then go around the house to check the windows and patio doors are locked. I help Mum into bed and fetch myself a drink and snack to have in my room. I try reading a novel but I’m too distracted and distraught by everything that has happened, and my brain can’t absorb any new information.

  I get up and tiptoe to Mum’s bedroom. Her nightlight glow is welcoming, and her breathing is steady and reassuring. I walk around the bed and slip under the duvet, trying not to wake her. She turns over and wraps me in her arms.

  ‘Jenna,’ she whispers, ‘my beautiful daughter.’

  I close my eyes and savour the feel of her close to me.

  Chapter 68