The Smallest Man

by Frances Quinn

  The food came and went, and still Crofts hadn’t moved. I looked down the table and he happened to glance up at the same moment. He looked across to Arabella, then pushed back his chair and sauntered over.

  I stared at my plate, not wanting to see their faces when he spoke.

  ‘Henry,’ he said. ‘Just wanted to let you know about something.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘It’s quite important.’

  Laughter bubbled behind his words.

  ‘Well, tell me then,’ said Henry.

  Crofts bent down.

  ‘Hello, Nat,’ he said. ‘Didn’t see you there. Then again, you’re easy to miss.’

  He sniggered, and glanced back towards his friends.

  ‘What did you want to say?’ said Henry.

  ‘Oh, yes. Message from the stables. That grey you wanted to take out hunting tomorrow, she’s lame. You’ll need to choose another mount.’ He murmured into my ear. ‘What did you think I was going to say, pie boy?’

  When he got back to his seat, he said something to his friends and they all fell about laughing.

  ‘What did he say to you?’ asked Arabella.

  ‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘Just one of his stupid remarks. He’s an idiot.’

  * * *

  I should have known Crofts wouldn’t have his fun all at once, not when he’d found such an entertaining game to play. At dinner, he’d sometimes stroll up to our end of the table, seem to hesitate, then walk on to speak to someone else. Once he came up to Arabella and pretended he had something important to tell her, then apologised and said no, he had the wrong person. And if he passed us on the stairs or in the gardens – which he did very often now – he’d be humming this or that song about a disappointed suitor, or a secret love, and smiling to himself.

  Every day, I woke up thinking, ‘Will it be today?’ But he would choose the time and place, and all I could do was wait.

  Chapter Forty-five

  He chose the night of my thirtieth birthday. Henry had gone with the queen to see a financier in Arras, so neither of them were at dinner. That should have made me wary but Crofts had been leaving me alone lately, and I foolishly hoped he’d tired of the game. At dinner, a toast was drunk to my health and as the cheers died away, Crofts said:

  ‘Thirty years old. About time you were married, I’d say, Nat.’ He glanced round at his friends, all smirking like fools. ‘Perhaps there’s a lady you have your eye on?’

  I’d already decided that when it happened, I’d go along with the joke. Arabella would see through it but if I could maintain some dignity in front of everyone else, I’d at least cheat Crofts out of some of his fun and perhaps make it less embarrassing for her too.

  ‘Why do you want to know?’ I asked. ‘Are you worried I’ll be so popular there’ll be no one left for you?’

  It wasn’t much of a joke but it didn’t take much then. Laughter rang round the table and someone yelled out:

  ‘Watch yourself, Crofts, you’ve got competition.’

  ‘Let me reassure you,’ I went on. ‘That hairy-faced kitchen maid you’re so keen on? I’ll happily leave her to you.’

  Everyone laughed and Crofts’ cheeks reddened. So far I was winning but he held the best cards. He put his head on one side and grinned, then stood and strode towards me.

  ‘I think we should find you a wife now,’ he said, gesturing round at the table. ‘Perhaps there’s a lady here who’d like a husband she could dress up like a doll?’

  With one quick movement he stepped forward and plucked me out of my seat. Stupidly, I hadn’t expected it; it was years since anyone had done that to me. He held me in front of him, my legs dangling. Any attempt to get free would only make me look more comical, so I rolled my eyes as though this was a small inconvenience, held out my hands and said:

  ‘Don’t blame me if you’re trampled in the rush. Miniatures are very fashionable this year.’

  The faces round the table laughed.

  ‘Good answer!’ someone shouted.

  ‘So,’ said Crofts, ‘let’s see what we have here.’ He took my right wrist between his finger and thumb and held out my arm. ‘Full complement of limbs, somewhat small but in working order.’ He gestured towards my head. ‘All his own teeth, plentiful hair. But here’s the rub…’ He pointed at my breeches and laughed. ‘Not so good in the—’

  ‘Put him down,’ said Arabella.

  I couldn’t look at her but her voice told me she was shaking with anger.

  ‘Put him down,’ she said again.

  Crofts turned to her. Now it’ll come. I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to see her pity. But before he could speak, she poked him hard on the shoulder.

  ‘What is wrong with you? Nat is the queen’s Honorary Captain of Horse. He saved her life when you were messing about, pretending to be a soldier and never getting near a battle. He nearly lost his life. He didn’t run away when things got difficult, like you did. Now put him down.’

  Crofts sniggered and glanced around but the laughing had died away, and people were looking down at the table or whispering among themselves. He set me on the table with a shove.

  ‘As for the rest of you,’ Arabella said, ‘none of you, not one, has been as brave as Nat. He’s a better man than most of you will ever be and you should be ashamed of yourselves for not showing him more respect.’

  Crofts leaned down and muttered in my ear.

  ‘Seems you have an admirer, pie boy. But I doubt she’d be so keen if she knew you and your tiny cock wanted to get into her bed.’

  He stalked off, snatched out his chair and threw himself down in it. Arabella sat too, and people started to talk among themselves, as if they wanted to pretend nothing had happened.

  ‘Why did you have to do that?’ I said, my cheeks burning as I clambered down from the table.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Why did you have to humiliate me?’

  ‘I humiliated you?’ she said. ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘I was all right. I was making a joke of it. I didn’t need you to save me.’

  She threw up her hands.

  ‘I’m your friend, Nat, I’m not going to stand by and watch while—’

  ‘You made me look stupid. Having to be rescued by a woman. It’s just given them something else to laugh at me for. Next time just leave me alone.’

  * * *

  I regretted what I said even before I got to the door of the hall but I walked out anyway. I stomped back to my room and lay on the bed, my face hot with shame. If Arabella had said those words in any other situation, I would have been walking on the ceiling. She meant them too; Arabella didn’t give fake praise. She usually didn’t give praise at all, and I shouldn’t have thrown it back in her face. But it wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Men were supposed to rescue women, not the other way around. If I felt less of a man being dangled like a doll by Crofts, having her come to my rescue just made it worse. And he wouldn’t let this go, I was certain of that. He’d be even more determined to humiliate me now.

  It took a long time to fall asleep that night, and as I lay in my bed, reliving the evening over and over again, I made a decision. I wasn’t going to wait for Crofts’ next move. I’d taken him on before and I’d do it again. This time, though, it wouldn’t be a horse race.

  * * *

  I was only halfway through telling Henry what I’d decided to do when he shook his head.

  ‘I’m not letting you risk your life for that fool.’

  ‘It’s not for him, it’s for me,’ I said. ‘And I wouldn’t be risking my life. We’ll fight to first blood, not to death. I’m a good shot and so is he; we both know where to aim. A flesh wound, that’s all – and I don’t intend it to me be that’s wounded.’

  ‘Even if you could guarantee that, which you can’t, you know as well as I do what they think about duelling here. For God’s sake, Nat, men have been executed for it.’

  He was right. In the years before we’d arrived
, duelling had become so common in France that people said you couldn’t walk through the streets of Paris for an hour without seeing two men set on killing each other with pistols or swords. The government had responded with a string of decrees promising ever stronger penalties, and now if your opponent didn’t kill you the law might instead. But only if you were caught.

  ‘No one will find out,’ I said. ‘We’ll do it at dawn, out in the forest.’

  ‘This is madness, Nat. Why don’t you just tell the queen about him baiting you? She could put a stop to it in an instant.’

  ‘Is that what you’d do, if it was you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then you know why I won’t do it either. I know Crofts: if I can beat him, in front of his friends, like I did before, he’ll leave me alone. So will you be my second, or not?’

  He looked at me for a long while.

  ‘All right,’ he said. ‘But I don’t like this, Nat. I don’t like it at all.’

  Chapter Forty-six

  The morning of the duel dawned crisp and cool; a haze of dew still covered the trees as we rode into the forest just outside the city. The appointed spot was a clearing not far in, flat and wide but hidden from the outside by a ring of fat oak trees.

  Predictably, Crofts laughed when I issued my challenge. But when he realised I was serious, he liked the idea. Crofts was a born sportsman and this was his chance to get back at me for beating him all those years ago. We agreed to duel with pistols on horseback – the closest we could come to fighting as equals – and the contest would be won when one of us wounded the other.

  Henry and I sat on a fallen log for fifteen minutes or so before they arrived, neither of us speaking. I ran through my strategy in my head. I had a bigger target to hit than Crofts, but the closer we got to each other, the smaller that advantage would be. So my best chance was to get in the first shot, as quickly as possible. I had no qualms about taking advantage of my size; Crofts’ bigger, stronger hands helped him when it came to holding the pistol steady and I considered that made us even.

  They came riding through the trees, Crofts and half a dozen of his friends, and they were all laughing together as they dismounted.

  ‘I thought you’d chickened out,’ I said. ‘You took your time.’

  ‘I’m ready,’ he said, patting a bag that was slung over his shoulder. ‘Got my weapon right here.’

  ‘Better watch out, pie boy,’ said one of the others. ‘He’s dangerous with that thing.’

  They all laughed; I should have seen then that something was afoot.

  Crofts’ second and Henry had a quick conversation to make sure we were all agreed on the rules.

  ‘Right,’ said Henry, when they’d finished, ‘I call the duellists forward to show their weapons.’

  Crofts winked at his friends and walked forward. I took out my pistol and held it in front of me. He dipped his hand into the bag he was carrying, and it was only then that I realised. Whatever’s in there, it’s too big to be a pistol. The whole gang of them burst into gales of laughter, but for a moment I couldn’t make out what he was holding. Then I saw it. A water squirt. They were kept in the stables in case of fire, but the stable boys played with them, soaking each other in mock battles. I’d challenged him to a duel and he’d brought a toy.

  I stood there as Crofts wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. He waved the squirt around his head, shouting ‘Bang, bang!’, and one of his friends yelled out, ‘Watch out, pie boy, you could drown if he shoots!’

  Their laughter echoed round the clearing and hot anger rose through me. You are not going to cheat me of this.

  ‘Are you turning down my challenge?’ I said.

  He looked down at me, a smirk playing around his mouth.

  ‘Never could take a joke, could you, pie boy? You can’t seriously think I’m going to fight you.’

  ‘I beat you once,’ I said. ‘I can do it again. Someone here must have a pistol you can use, so are you going to accept my challenge or back out like a coward?’

  He narrowed his eyes at me.

  ‘You really want to do this?’

  ‘I said so, didn’t I?’

  ‘Right. Let’s do it.’

  * * *

  We faced each other, on horseback, pistols raised, waiting for the signal. I was so filled with anger and bitter humiliation I could barely think. Calm down. Don’t lose your advantage. Henry raised his arm, then let it fall, and we charged forward. I lifted my pistol and aimed it at Crofts’ shoulder. He had broad shoulders, Charles Crofts, plenty of room to graze the skin and do no real harm. I held my hand steady. Get the first shot. He pounded towards me, I squeezed the trigger and something – I never knew what, a bird flying out of a tree perhaps – distracted me. I lost my focus and my arm swung out. The recoil from the shot knocked me off balance, I fell and, as I hit the ground, everything went black.

  Chapter Forty-seven

  When I opened my eyes, I was lying in the damp grass. I tested my limbs; nothing broken. No bleeding either. Henry was crouching beside me, and I couldn’t read the look on his face. Had I won or not?

  ‘He missed me,’ I said. ‘Did I get him?’

  Henry bit his lip and looked down. He started to speak, then someone shouted:

  ‘No, wait for the doctor. You’re wrong, he can’t be…’

  Across the clearing, Crofts’ friends were standing in a circle. One moved aside and there he was, on the ground. He was lying completely still, a cloak laid over his chest, and the cloak was soaked with blood, so much dark red blood I couldn’t tell what colour it had once been. His cousin was kneeling beside him. He looked up at the man who’d shouted, and shook his head, then took the cloak and lifted it gently over Crofts’ face.

  I scrambled to my feet and shook off Henry’s attempt to stop me going closer. One of Crofts’ boots must have caught in the stirrup when he fell from his horse; it was half off, hanging crookedly from his foot. I wanted to put it back on for him. He always liked to look sharp, Crofts, he wouldn’t want to lie there dishevelled. But when I moved towards him, my stomach churned and I had to walk away into the bushes, where I vomited, over and over.

  I had hated him in life, but I’d never intended this. And I couldn’t even find my hatred of him anymore. Why had it seemed so important? Now all I felt was pity for his poor broken body and hot, searing guilt for what I’d done. It had been my hand holding the gun. It had been me who’d suggested the duel and then insisted on going through with it when Crofts turned it into a joke. It was my fault. My stupid pride had caused a man’s death.

  Henry took charge, quietly and efficiently organising a messenger to fetch transport for Crofts’ body, and asking Crofts’ friends to stay quiet about what had happened so he could tell the queen first.

  ‘What will happen now?’ I asked him as we finally rode back to the palace.

  ‘To be honest, Nat, I don’t know. Everyone there knows you didn’t mean to kill him. They all saw it, just as you said – something startled you and you missed your aim. It could just as easily have gone the other way. But—’

  ‘But it didn’t. I killed him. I’ve got to pay for that.’

  ‘The queen will do her best for you, you know that. But I don’t know if she can get you out of this one.’

  * * *

  She’d already heard what happened from Henry, but she listened patiently as I stood in front of her, too ashamed to look up, and gave my account. I didn’t say why I’d challenged Crofts to the duel, only that there had been a disagreement between us.

  ‘I swear, your majesty, I didn’t mean to kill him,’ I finished, ‘but I know I deserve to be punished.’

  ‘Oh, Nathaniel, how could you be so stupid?’ I looked up. Tears glistened in her eyes; were they from sadness or anger? ‘To risk everything for a stupid quarrel. I swear, to the end of my life, I will never understand men.’

  ‘What will happen now?’

  ‘I don’t know. It’s not up to me – I have n
o status here but what they choose to lend me. And you know the problems duelling has caused in France.’ She sighed. ‘You’ve been a good friend to me, Nathaniel. Almost a brother. And I believe you when you say this was a horrible accident. I’ll do what I can for you. But please, don’t hold your hopes too high. There will be a price to pay.’

  * * *

  For the next three days and nights, I stayed in my room, ashamed to face anyone. Whenever I closed my eyes, I saw it all again: Crofts riding towards me, so stupidly sure he was invincible, then lying dead on the ground, his face white against the garnet-red blood soaking his cloak. The second night, I dreamed it had all turned out differently, that I’d woken to see Crofts lying on the ground, but then he’d leapt up, laughing: ‘Fooled you, pie boy! Did you really think you could hit me, you little runt?’ And then I woke, and the truth came seeping back in like cold water running through my veins.

  Arabella came and knocked on the door, I don’t know how many times, but I told her to go away. If I hadn’t been so stupid as to fall in love with her, when she could never love me, Crofts wouldn’t be lying dead in the palace chapel. How could I let myself look at her, knowing that?

  On the evening of the third day, Henry brought me the queen’s answer.

  ‘She’s persuaded them to let her deal with the matter, but they’ve made it plain she’s to punish you as seriously as they would.’

  I’d expected that; I couldn’t blame them.

  ‘So she says you’re to go.’

  ‘Go?’

  ‘Leave France. She’ll give you a letter of introduction to her sister’s court in Savoy, but you’re to make it look as though you escaped. Then she can say she knew nothing about it.’