by Harlow James
My hand reaches up to stroke my strands as I take my seat across from him. “Oh, yeah I did. Last week actually. It was like this at the boys’ graduation, but I did have it up that day, so I guess you couldn’t tell.”
“Well, it looks lovely. Are you hungry?” He hands me a menu, bright-eyed and grinning like a fool, instantly making me suspicious. I’ve seen this look on him before. He’s complimenting me, making me feel at ease so when he strikes, I don’t expect it.
Reaching out to intercept the menu, I reply, “Yes, thank you.”
“Good afternoon. Can I get you two something to drink besides water?” Our waiter stops by, greeting us now that we’ve both sat down.”
“I’ll take an iced tea, please,” I say.
“Same here. Actually, make that three. We have another person joining us,” my father adds, spiking my curiosity even further.
“Who is coming?”
“So how’s work?” he responds, avoiding my question entirely.
“Work is work, Dad. Who is coming to lunch?”
“There you are George,” a voice calls from behind, eerily familiar and raising my awareness in a flash. As I turn to seek its owner, I’m greeted with a smarmy Andrew Benton striding toward us as a match of fury strikes against my sternum.
“Andrew. Great to see you, son. Please … come sit. We just order iced teas, but haven’t chosen an entrée yet.”
I stare down at the menu, avoiding making eye contact with Andrew as I clench my jaw tight and seek deep, calming breaths through my nose.
“Hello, Sydney. You look radiant as always today.” The fervor of Andrew’s voice makes my stomach twist, knowing he’s putting on a show in front of my father. He’s been open about his attraction toward me before, but he likes to lay it on thick while other people are around.
“Andrew,” I grate against my teeth, still pretending to read the menu while determining how I’m going to escape this hellhole I’ve found myself in. Of course there was an ulterior motive to this lunch. I don’t know why I wanted to believe that the opposite could be a possibility.
“So, you two … let’s decide on what to eat and then I can tell you why we’re all here today for lunch.” The salt and peppered hair of my father sways as he adjusts himself in his seat, continuing to smile as we determine our orders. But I’m seething beneath the surface, sure that I’m about to be backed into a corner I can’t get out of.
Once we place our selections with the waiter, my father slips into his manipulative mode.
“Isn’t it nice to be sharing a meal together?” He stabs the lettuce of his salad with a fork before placing the bite in his mouth.
“Pretty sure we just did on Saturday, Dad.”
“Well, Andrew wasn’t there. It would have been nice if he were though, wouldn’t it, Sydney? Couldn’t you see Andrew being a part of our family?” he asks with a lift of his brow and a dart of his eyes between Andrew and me.
“I would love nothing more than to be part of the Matthews clan, Judge Matthews,” Andrew agrees with an abundance of enthusiasm.
“Andrew, I think you have something … right … here,” I say, motioning to the tip of my nose with my own fingers.
“Oh. Really?” He swipes at his face while I try to hide the smile forming on my lips. He’s such a freaking brownnoser. I’m beginning to wonder if his nose actually does see the crack of my father’s ass on occasion.
“You’re fine, son.” My father shoots me an irritated glare as I smirk and reach for my glass of iced tea. A moment later, his phone rings as he glances at it on the table to see who’s calling. “Excuse me you two. I need to take this. Feel free to make the most of your time together.” He winks before swiping across the screen and addressing the person on the other end of the line.
With a heated tone and a clench of my jaw, I turn to Andrew and give him a piece of my mind. “You just can’t take a hint, can you?”
“This wasn’t my idea. It was your father’s. Like I said a few weeks ago, Sydney … I don’t understand why you keep trying to fight this.” He moves his hand from his lap to rest on top of mine on the table, stroking his thumb across my skin. I watch the movement, nausea building in my gut as a shadow comes over us through the window. The hairs on the back of my neck salute with awareness as I turn to see the source that blocked out the light.
But when I see Javier’s face staring right back at me—more accurately at Andrew’s hand placed on top of mine—my stomach threatens to revolt before guilt rests at the bottom of my heart, right beside a longing for the man that won’t ease up.
His eyes lift from our hands to my eyes as his narrow and then he slowly shakes his head at me, as if the disappointment he seems to feel is warranted at all.
He’s the one that said we were done. He’s the one that pushed me away. So why does he have the right to feel angry at seeing me with another man? Not that anything is going to happen with Andrew anyway, but still—it’s the principle of the matter.
Just as my bottom lips falls and a sharp intake of oxygen hits my lungs, he turns and walks away with his fists clenched at his sides. His construction uniform was on, which makes me wonder if he is working nearby or maybe he just came into town for lunch. Either way, the last thing I expected was to see him today and get a reaction like that out of him.
“Was that a friend of yours?” Andrew questions, pulling my attention back to him as he releases my hand and takes a drink of his iced tea.
“What? Oh … uh …”
“Is he why you won’t give me a chance?”
My neck snaps back at his bold assessment. “What makes you think there’s anything going on between that man and me? All you saw was him looking through a window. He could have been looking in here at anyone.”
Andrew scoffs. “Please. I’m not stupid, Sydney. And neither is your father. He knows you’ve been seeing someone, at least that’s what he’s disclosed to me. But he also believes that you and I together would benefit us both greatly and hopes that you’ll finally pull your head out of the sand and realize that yourself.”
I tilt my head to the side, studying him as he looks across the restaurant smugly. “Let me ask you something, Andrew ….”
He shrugs and then loosens another button on his navy blue blazer as he gets comfortable in his chair. “Sure.”
“Do you honestly care so much about your reputation and career that you are willing to marry someone you don’t love?”
He stares at me with a slight upturn of his lips, either hiding a smile or covering up his indecisiveness. “I think we could both benefit greatly from our union…”
“That’s not what I asked. I asked you if you are willing to marry someone you don’t love as a sacrifice to your career and reputation.”
I can sense the hesitation on his face, but he quickly hides it through a squint and a slimy smile. “Yes, I think I am …”
I shake my head and then sigh, moving to grab my purse from the floor beneath the table. “Well, I’m not. Please give my father that same message since I no longer have time to waste on this lunch.”
“He’s not going to take your dismissal kindly, Sydney. I’ll be fine. I have other women I can choose to fill your role. But your father is worried about you.” Suddenly his face softens and there’s a hint of concern in his features. “He’s afraid you’re going to make a mistake with who you give your heart to. Sometimes it’s better to leave emotions out of things.”
As I stand, my eyes bounce all around the restaurant as I process Andrew’s words before they land back on him. “Well, that’s my mistake to make. And I’m a big girl and can deal with the consequences. I hope you find what you’re looking for Andrew. I’m just not her.”
“Good luck, Sydney,” he says with a mock salute as I turn and head straight for the exit of the restaurant. As soon as my feet hit the pavement outside, my head spins as I search for any sign of Javier.
Is he still nearby? Did he translate what he saw as me moving on with someon
e else already? If the man weren’t so stubborn, he’d know that he was the one I wanted, in every possible way. Somewhere along the line, my need for him became beyond physical. I looked forward to every interaction, every moment when I got to see his face. I anxiously awaited his random texts because they meant that he was thinking about me.
And after seeing the look on his face, the betrayal reflected in his golden eyes as he stared at me through the window, I know we need to talk. I don’t want him to think that he is replaceable or that Andrew is the man I want.
All I want is him.
I glance down at my phone to check the time, cursing the hour when I realize I don’t have time to chase him down. I’m due in court in an hour and a half and still need to prepare. I rush back to the office and try to block out the lunch while also waiting for the phone call from my father reprimanding me for leaving yet another meal with him.
But I just can’t be concerned anymore. If he won’t listen, then I no longer feel the need to give him an explanation.
When the clock strikes five, I run from the office out to my car, heading straight for Javier’s house, but then remember that it’s Thursday, which means he will be at the gym until nine. Deflated and irritated, I turn around and drive home, allowing me to take pause and at least change before I head over later.
I will not let this carry on any longer. We need to talk and if he won’t listen, then I will make him listen. I am not about to sacrifice the comfort and pleasure I feel with him, especially after my conversation with Andrew today. I don’t want to end up with someone who is ‘just fine’ or doesn’t make my cheeks burn from smiling so hard at the thought of them or my heart ache when we’re apart. And every time I thought of Javi or heard his voice, that’s what happened—and I can’t let that go.
Knowing I’ll probably be ambushing him just as he pulls into his driveway, I get back in my car and race to his place, pulling into the gravel driveway while searching for his truck. Sadly, he’s not home yet, so I decide to park and wait for him.
As I sit in my car and scroll through my phone, my nerves jump around in my body, reminding me that facing him tonight is risky and the unknown of how he’s going to react could make this situation worse.
Headlights flash in the rearview mirror, alerting me to his arrival as the sound of the rock being crushed by the rubber tires gets louder as he pulls up next to me. Feigning courage, I rise from my car and close my door just as Javi does the same on his truck. He walks around the front of it and we arrive in the same spot, just a few feet from each other.
“What are you doing here, Sydney?”
“I think we need to talk,” I say on a shaky breath.
“About what? I thought we did all of the talking we needed to the other night,” he spits over his shoulder as he walks to his door and unlocks it. I follow closely behind so he can’t slam it in my face, but surprisingly he holds it open for me. Huh, for someone who doesn’t think we need to talk, why is he letting me inside?
I place my keys on the counter and then my hands on my hips. “No. You did all the talking the other night. You never let me tell you how I felt or what I want … you just made that decision for me, just like my father does.”
That catches his attention, the words that remind him exactly of the issues I’m facing in my life. He narrows his eyes at me, glaring while my skin itches with heat. Then he stands tall, crosses his arms over his chest, and widens his stance, his aura claiming possession of the room and reminding me of the presence he keeps, both in and out of the bedroom.
“So what is it that you feel, Princess? What is it that you want?”
Without hesitation, I cross the room to where he’s standing by the arm of the couch, inching closer as if someone is pulling a string between us as painfully slow as possible. When I arrive merely inches from his chest, the warmth of his body radiating off him in waves, I lock my eyes on his and raise my right hand to cup his face, caressing his stubble-lined jaw while running my thumb across his cheek. He relaxes under my touch, but his eyes don’t give me anything. They’re still cold, angry, full of a hesitancy to believe anything I say next.
“Learning about your past doesn’t change how I feel about you, Javi. I don’t care that you’ve been to prison, as long as you didn’t murder someone. Although, by how old you are and the fact that you’re not currently in prison, I’m guessing that wasn’t the case anyway. We’re all allowed to have a past, and believe it or not, I’m not the type to judge people on theirs because I’ve been on the receiving end of that judgment far too many times.” I hope his mind veers back to his previous assessments of me with that statement. “But more importantly than that, and the fact that your record doesn’t define you as a person, the only thing that I really wanted you to know that night was that all I want … is you.”
His nostrils flare as a new wave of reluctancy passes over him. I can see the denial in his eyes, the disbelief in the slack of his lips, the tension leaving his arms as his fists unclench and he stands before me, searching my eyes for the truth.
And I give it to him—the unwavering notion that no matter how or why this started, I’m not done with him yet. I don’t want this to be over too soon when we’re just getting started. We’ve established a physical connection, but there’s an emotional one here too—and I want to explore that with every thump of my heart.
“What do you have to say, Javi?” I press, stroking his cheek with my thumb. “Do you want me too?”
“I …” He starts, but then cuts himself off. “I don’t know what I want.”
I’m taken aback by his response because judging by the way he glared at me earlier today, I was sure he was jealous. Did I read him wrong? Was coming here a big mistake?
“Who was that guy earlier?” he says, his voice filled with stark demand.
I let out a laugh and then drop my hand from his face. “Is that what matters to you? Is this just about you not wanting me, but not wanting me to be with anyone else either?”
“Answer the question, Sydney.”
“That was Andrew Benton. He went to school with us too. My father has been trying to set us up for months, but I keep pushing him away and declining his advances, especially after things started happening between us,” I say, motioning with a wave of my hand.
“Then why was he touching you? What I saw looked awfully friendly.”
“He put his hand on me, Javi. I didn’t ask for that.”
“Seems like that’s the type of guy you want.”
“Ha!” I mock, stepping away from him now, growing angrier with each accusation. “I just told you that you are the one I want, and you accuse me of wanting someone else?” I throw my hands up in the air in frustration. “I don’t know how I could make that any more clear.”
“I won’t be made a fool, Sydney …”
“And I have no intention of doing so. Just tell me, Javi. Tell me what you want. Because if you and I have been sharing the same interactions, I’d say you know the answer. You know what you feel. You know that this isn’t just one-sided. Tell me … do you want me as much as I want you?”
He stalks toward me now, punishing footsteps hitting the hardwood as I back up against the wall behind me, waiting for his next move. With inches between us, he bends his knees so our eyes are on the same level, his hot breath whispering across my lips as he breathes harshly while our chests heave between us. His eyes are focused on my lips, his gaze so intense my core starts to throb just from watching him decide—waiting for him to take what he wants.
“Admit that you want me, Javi. Just give in. Admit it and we can figure everything else out later,” I whisper just as his eyes lift and find mind, reeling with confusion—but also, possibilities.
And then his restraint snaps and he barrels forward.
“I want you so fucking much, Princess, it kills me. I can’t stop thinking about you, no matter how hard I try. I thought that pushing you away was the right thing to do. But seeing you with th
at guy today, it rattled me. I thought I was going to lose my shit. I don’t want any other man touching you. No one gets to touch what’s mine,” he growls, pushing his body into mine, pressing his hips against my own.
“Then kiss me, Javi. Claim me. Make me yours …”
I barely get the words out before his lips are on mine, searing our need for one another in a touch so powerful, I never knew a kiss could feel like this. It’s ironic, really, how we’ve been sleeping together for this long now and have never done this. But now that we have, that we are, I’m overtaken by the rush of sensations climbing all over my body and the fireworks booming behind my eyelids.
Javi’s lips are soft yet firm, just as I suspected. And his kiss is demanding, just like every other touch he’s given my body. I have no choice but to give in to each purse of his lips, each swirl of his tongue, each groan of pleasure that he elicits as our arms wrap around each other and we dive head first into this kiss.
It’s cementing our need together, intertwining our desires as one, altering the entire connection between us with such a simple yet intimate act.
And yet, there is nothing simple about this kiss whatsoever.
Javi works my mouth with his own, pulling away just when things get too heated, only to take a breath and dive back in for more. Our tongues tangle and bend with each swipe and Javi directs my head around so he can change the angle and control the kiss.
I’m intoxicated by him, wondering how his kiss is changing me more than the life-altering sex I’ve experienced with him. And now that the realization hits me, I know I need him in that way too.
I break free from his command just long enough to declare, “I need you, Javi.” I reach down between us and stroke his cock through his shorts, warming my entire body to the level of an inferno.
“Fuck yes, Princess. I fucking missed this body,” he growls against my neck as his hands find the waistband of my leggings and he pushes them down along with my underwear to the floor. “I missed you,” he whispers in my ear when he returns from the ground just as my hands untie the string on the waistband of his shorts and I help him remove them as well, joining my bottoms on the floor.
