William Shakespeare's Star Wars Trilogy

by Ian Doescher

  That our great Emperor himself dissolv’d

  The Council—now the final remnants of

  The Old Republic fade away like dew.

  TAGGE

  But marry, ’tis impossible! How shall

  The Emperor maintain control without

  The crimson cord of vast bureaucracy?

  VADER

  [aside:] O, how these politicians irk me so!

  Of governors and territories care

  I not! But I retain their company

  For mine own purposes, and though their talk

  Doth tire my mind I do confess that naught

  I’ve found hath on their counsel yet improv’d.

  For ev’ry human bond is meaningless:

  All family doth leave, and friends betray,

  And lovers fail, and teachers turn, and thus

  Among the politicians shall I dwell—

  Where lies, deceit, and garr’lous talk do make

  The universe go ’round. But yet, I vow:

  I’ll not be govern’d by the governors,

  No policy of politicians heed.

  Instead, myself and my dear Emperor

  Together shall pursue our destiny.

  TARKIN

  The governors of all the regions now

  Have sole control o’er their especial lands,

  And fear shall keep the people all in line—

  Fear of this very battle station, aye!

  TAGGE

  But what, pray tell, of the Rebellion vile?

  For if the rebels have the plans to this

  Good station stolen, possible it is

  They may have found a weakness, which, in haste,

  They shall exploit. Pray, Tarkin, mark my words.

  VADER

  Those plans shall soon recover’d be, fear not.

  MOTTI

  Attack upon this station pointless is,

  Regardless of the data they have found.

  I speak not rashly when I here aver:

  This station now hath power ultimate

  O’er all else in the vast, wide universe!

  And now, I prithee, let us see it us’d!

  VADER

  [to Motti:] Nay, peace! I warn thee, man, be not too proud

  Of thy great terror technological.

  A weapon for the mass destruction of

  A planet—even to destroy it whole—

  Is no match for the power of the Force.

  MOTTI

  Thou shalt not ’tempt to frighten us with words

  So like a man of magic, Vader. Nay,

  Thy sorc’rer’s act is tir’d and overdone.

  The sad religion thou dost cling to hath

  No pow’r to conjure up the stolen plans.

  Nor dost thou have a third-eye’s sight to make—

  [Vader begins to choke Motti using the Force.

  CHORUS

  The power of the Force is now unveil’d

  As Vader holds the Admiral in check.

  The Force that Motti with his words impal’d

  Now hath a wampa’s hold about his neck.

  VADER

  I find thy lack of faith disturbing.

  TARKIN

  —Cease!

  No more of this! Good Vader, let him be.

  VADER

  As is thy will. [Aside:] My point hath well been made

  Upon his prideful, unbelieving throat.

  [Vader releases Motti.

  TARKIN

  Enough! This endless bickering shall end.

  Lord Vader shall provide the setting of

  The errant rebel base before the time

  This station shall be operational.

  And then, my friends, the Empire shall rejoice—

  Rebellion shall be crush’d in one swift stroke!

  Now get ye gone, fulfill this purpose grand.

  [Exeunt Imperial generals and Senators, including Admiral Motti and Commander Tagge.

  VADER

  My troopers on the planet Tatooine

  Have trac’d the creatures who have found the droids.

  We shall retrieve those plans.

  TARKIN

  —’Tis well, ’tis well.

  Thou ever wert a faithful servant to

  The Emperor, Lord Vader. Prithee, go,

  And take with thee a gov’nor’s gratitude.

  [Exit Darth Vader.

  There goes a man who hath a mind to serve.

  The Emperor doth hold him in his grasp,

  And lays a claim upon his heart and soul.

  Well I recall when, as a younger man,

  The Emperor and Vader with me stood

  And contemplated our shar’d destiny.

  Now Vader, split ’twixt manhood and machine,

  Fulfills a vital place within my plans.

  Aye, though I fear the Force, he knows his place.

  He knoweth he and I stand side by side—

  Together wrapp’d in power’s warm embrace—

  Our Emperor to serve until, at last,

  The final curtain of life’s play is dropp’d.

  As history hath made this Tarkin great,

  This battle station now shall make me fear’d.

  I am as constant as the Endor moon,

  And shall rebellion crush, and do it soon.

  [Exit Grand Moff Tarkin.

  SCENE 4.

  The desert planet Tatooine.

  Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, and R2-D2, surrounded by Jawa corpses.

  LUKE

  It seemeth that the Sand People have done

  This wretched deed—yon gaffi sticks and tracks

  Of bantha, aye. But ne’er in all my years

  Have Tuskens gone awry so far as this.

  OBI-WAN

  And they have not, though they who this vile deed

  Have done, would make us think Sand People did.

  But hark! Take note, and look ye thereupon:

  Yon tracks are side by side, yet Sand People,

  ’Tis known, e’er one behind the other ride,

  So better may they hide their numbers large.

  LUKE

  These Jawas are the very same who sold

  C-3PO—and R2-D2, too—

  Unto mine uncle not two days ago.

  OBI-WAN

  And these marks here, these blast points, are too fine

  And accurate for Sand People, ’tis true.

  For only stormtroopers by Empire train’d

  Are so precise and cunning in their work.

  [Aside:] Survey’ng this scene, I fear what cometh next,

  For certain have the troops more evil done.

  Good Owen and Beru no doubt are slain,

  And though it breaks my heart to think on it,

  It may be that their deaths will spark Luke’s soul,

  And lead him unto good rebellion’s cause.

  So by their death may others yet find life.

  LUKE

  But why, say why, would these Imperi’l troops

  Have aught to do with Jawas? Wait, I see—

  The droids! If they have trac’d them here they may

  Have soon discover’d whom they sold them to,

  Which—O, my soul!—would lead them to my home!

  OBI-WAN

  Pray, patience, Luke! ’Tis far too dangerous!

  [Luke runs to his landspeeder.

  CHORUS

  Now flies Luke off in his landspeeder quick

  And finds his home engulf’d in flames of red,

  Then spies amid the smoke, so black and thick,

  The bodies of his aunt and uncle, dead.

  A sadder, wiser man he cometh back,

  With noble purpose now his life’s imbu’d.

  By wrongful, vicious, cowardly attack,

  The Empire hath Luke’s passion quite renew’d.

  OBI-WAN

  ’Twas nothing thou, Luke, couldst have done had thou

 
Been there. Thou murder’d would have been as well.

  Aye, also would the droids now captur’d be

  And would be in the Empire’s evil hands.

  LUKE

  Thou knowest, friend, what I have seen today.

  No sorrow like to this have I e’er known.

  I wish to come with thee to Alderaan,

  For nothing have I here on Tatooine.

  Then shall I learn the Force, and shall become

  A Jedi like my father. Thus I vow.

  So let’s prepare and go upon our way,

  With haste may we escape the troopers vile.

  [Exeunt Obi-Wan, C-3PO, and R2-D2.

  Adventure have I ask’d for in this life,

  And now have I too much of my desire.

  My soul within me weeps; my mind, it runs

  Unto a thousand thousand varied paths.

  My uncle Owen and my aunt Beru,

  Have they been cruelly kill’d for what I want?

  So shall I never want again if in

  The wanting all I love shall be destroy’d.

  O fie! Thou knave adventure! Evil trick

  Of boyhood’s mind that ever should one seek

  To have adventure when one hath a home—

  A family so kind and full of love,

  Good, steady work, and vast, abundant crops—

  Why would one give up all this gentle life

  For that one beastly word: adventure? Fie!

  But soft, my soul, be patient and be wise.

  The sands of time ne’er turnèd backward yet,

  And forward marches Fate, not the reverse.

  So while I cannot wish for them to live,

  I can my life commit unto their peace.

  Thus shall I undertake to do them proud

  And take whate’er adventure comes my way.

  ’Tis now my burden, so I’ll wear it well,

  And to the great Rebellion give my life.

  A Jedi shall I be, in all things brave—

  And thus shall they be honor’d in their grave.

  [Exit Luke.

  SCENE 1.

  Mos Eisley, on the desert planet Tatooine.

  CHORUS

  Now, in her cell the princess doth remain,

  With hope and trouble written on her face.

  At times she faces torture, horrid pain.

  With these tools Vader seeks the rebel base.

  While Leia in her captive state is kept,

  Young Luke and Obi-Wan set on their way.

  Approaching town, they hope to intercept

  A pilot to transport them sans delay.

  Enter OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, and R2-D2, riding in landspeeder.

  OBI-WAN

  Mos Eisley spaceport. Never shalt thou find

  A hive more rank and wretched, aye, and fill’d

  With villainy. So must we cautious be.

  Enter STORMTROOPERS.

  TROOPER 3

  I prithee, speak, how long hast thou these droids?

  LUKE

  ’Tis three or, mayhap, four full seasons now.

  OBI-WAN

  We are prepar’d to sell them, shouldst thou wish.

  CHORUS

  Now is the Force to noble purpose us’d—

  Not as the Sith, employing it to smite,

  Hath through the dark side rank the Force abus’d—

  Good Obi-Wan shall use the Force for right.

  TROOPER 4

  Pray, show me now thy papers.

  OBI-WAN

  —Nay, thou dost

  Not need to see his papers.

  TROOPER 4

  —Nay, we do

  Not need to see his papers.

  OBI-WAN

  —True it is,

  That these are not the droids for which thou search’st.

  TROOPER 3

  Aye, these are not the droids for which we search.

  OBI-WAN

  And now, the lad may go his merry way.

  TROOPER 3

  Good lad, I prithee, go thy merry way!

  OBI-WAN

  Now get thee hence.

  TROOPER 4

  —Now get thee hence, go hence!

  [Exeunt stormtroopers.

  Enter JAWAS as OBI-WAN KENOBI, LUKE SKYWALKER, C-3PO, and R2-D2 dismount landspeeder.

  C-3PO

  O, how those Jawas vex me!

  LUKE

  [to Jawas:] —Get thee gone!

  [Exeunt Jawas.

  Now by my troth, I cannot comprehend

  How we those threat’ning stormtroopers did ’scape.

  Aye, verily, I thought our end was nigh.

  OBI-WAN

  The Force hath mighty power o’er the weak

  And simple-minded of this universe.

  LUKE

  Dost thou believe we shall therein, in yon

  Dank place, discover any pilot who

  Hath means to transport us to Alderaan?

  OBI-WAN

  A goodly crew of freighter pilots here

  May oft be found. But prithee, take good care,

  This small cantina hath an ill repute.

  LUKE

  I find myself prepar’d for ev’rything.

  OBI-WAN

  [aside:] The youth hath vigor—hopef’lly judgment, too.

  [They enter the cantina with many beings and an innkeeper.

  CHORUS

  Now mark thee well, good viewer, what you see,

  Such varied characters are on display!

  For never hath there been such company

  As in Mos Eisley gathers day by day.

  The creatures gather ’round the central bar

  While hammerheads and hornèd monsters talk,

  A band compos’d of aliens bizarre:

  This is the great cantina—thou may’st gawk!

  INNKEEP.

  [to Luke:] A word! Herein we shall not serve their kind—

  Thy droids! They must depart beyond these walls.

  LUKE

  [to droids:] Good friends, pray wait beside the speeder now,

  For we desire no conflict here today.

  C-3PO

  I do with all my heart agree, dear Sir.

  [Exeunt droids.

  Enter CHEWBACCA, speaking with OBI-WAN and two beings speaking to LUKE.

  BEING 1

  Negola d’waghi wooldugger!

  BEING 2

  —I say!

  He liketh not thy look.

  LUKE

  —Forgive me, Sir.

  [Aside:] Nor do I like his face, yet do I groan?

  BEING 2

  I do not like thy look. Indeed, young lad,

  I bite my thumb at thee. Proceed with care,

  For we two men are wanted by the law.

  Aye, I have earn’d the penalty of death

  In many systems, and would gladly earn

  It here as well, if thou provoke me to’t.

  LUKE

  [aside:] I would, mayhap, be fearful if this man

  Hath even shoulder height on me attain’d.

  [To Being 2:] Tut, careful shall I be.

  BEING 2

  —Thou shalt be dead!

  [Obi-Wan approaches.

  OBI-WAN

  Pray, peace, this little lad’s not worth thy time.

  Now come, let us be friends, my goodly Sir,

  Then shall we to thy health and welfare drink.

  [Being 2 strikes Luke; Obi-Wan brandishes his lightsaber, injuring Being 2 and severing Being 1’s arm. Exeunt Beings 1 and 2.

  OBI-WAN

  [aside:] I have no wish or purpose here to fight,

  Yet have these drunkards left me little choice.

  But there is yet a lesson to be learn’d:

  This Obi-Wan, though old, hath still the gift.

  [To Luke:] Chewbacca here doth service as first mate

  Upon a ship that may our purpose meet.

  Enter HAN SOLO, who joins CH
EWBACCA, OBI-WAN, and LUKE at a table.

  HAN

  Han Solo at thy service, gentlemen,

  The great Millenn’um Falcon is my ship.

  My first mate Chewie telleth me ye seek

  Safe passage to the system Alderaan.

  OBI-WAN

  Aye, true, if ’tis a vessel swift of flight.

  HAN

  “A vessel swift of flight,” thou say’st? Hast thou

  Not heard of the Millenn’um Falcon, Sir?

  OBI-WAN

  [aside:] Now shall he boast. But if his ship we’d have,

  Some boasting we’ll endure. [To Han:] Nay, should I have?

  HAN

  ’Tis but the ship that hath the Kessel run

  Accomplish’d in twelve parsecs, nothing more.

  Imperi’l starships have I slyly ’scap’d,

  But nothing more of that. And neither do

  I speak about bulk-cruisers small, but vast

  Corelli’n ships, yet nothing more, no more.

  I shall not brag about her speed, good Sir.

  Suffice to say the ship shall fill thy needs,

  As she’s the fastest e’er. But nothing more.

  LUKE

  [aside:] Aye, nothing more, I wish he’d hold his peace.

  This man, it seems, doth love his ship far more

  Than ere I saw a man his woman love.

  HAN

  Pray tell, what shall the cargo be?

  OBI-WAN

  —Myself,

  The boy, two droids, and ne’er a question ask’d.

  HAN

  ’Tis what, a touch of local trouble here?

  OBI-WAN

  Nay, let us simply say it thus: we would

  Imperial entanglements avoid.

  HAN

  Aye, there’s the rub, so shalt thou further pay.