She Died Famous

by Kyle Rutkin

  I turn the television off.

  Not tonight.

  The drugs will assist me with the fantasies, not the nightmares. Not the tragedy. Not the blood. Give me the bluebirds. Our beloved leading lady. I want the good stuff. I want the stuff that numbs. I know Bob will come for me. But not now. Not when I’m high. Not till the very end. The drugs will hold him off for a while. This will just take a second…

  Ahhh, much better.

  When I close my eyes, the blood in the mansion washes away. The marble is white and polished. The darkness is penetrated by rays of white light. Outside, puffy, animated clouds float gently across blue skies. It is all so beautiful. Kelly appears in her pajamas. I see a breakfast spread on the dining room table. Every box of cereal you can imagine. Everyone is there: Jez, all the regulars. Kelly beams and passes me a bowl. The sun gleams brightly through every window. I hold her hand underneath the table.

  We were driving to Barry’s office. I watched her in the passenger seat. She whispered, “Thank you.”

  The end was in sight.

  It would be a fresh start for both of us. We could get clean together. We could go somewhere tropical and warm. Far away from Hollywood. Away from fame. She squeezed my hand, gazing up at the blue skies. She took a deep inhale, closing her eyes, letting the sunlight drip across her face. She was remarkable that day. There was something underneath it all. This stillness. Something I wanted to capture. The best version of herself. I kept watching. Even if I knew deep down that the impending storm was on the horizon. I held on just a little longer. Before the blue faded. Before the sun retreated behind the black clouds. Before singing birds turned to circling crows.

  “Do you believe in fairy tales, Kaleb?”

  “Huh?” I snapped out of my daze. “What do you mean?”

  “Do you believe in happily ever after?”

  I smirked. “Whatever helps you get up in the morning.”

  “That’s not what I’m asking.” She smacked my arm playfully. “I’m not talking about hope. I’m asking about the reality of everlasting love. Complete freedom from pain. Do you think that’s possible?”

  Her energy was infectious.

  “Could be.”

  “Your book and my movie, you know, they might seem very different, but they share a common theme,” she continued. “Just like the princess and AJ, people like you and me, humanity in general, we’re cursed. There is darkness inside us all. Sometimes, it makes us want to go into a tower, alone, and drown in that despair and shame. But the darkness can be defeated. Every curse was meant to be broken.”

  I looked at her, puzzled. “Where is this coming from?”

  “Don’t you see?” she insisted. “The darkness isn’t real. The humble knight broke the curse because love was the only thing that could show fear’s true nature. It was just a curse. It wasn’t who she was. Just like it’s not who we are. Love can dispel our darkness. Isn’t that why AJ did what he did? His love for Alice surpassed his greatest fears.”

  She looked forward, grinned. “He wanted Alice to have a happily ever after.” She turned toward me. “But why didn’t you give AJ a happily ever after?”

  She squeezed my hand. “You do deserve it, Kaleb.”

  We were walking on the street, heading toward Barry’s office building.

  A young girl skipped toward us. “Kelly, Kelly, can I have your autograph?”

  Kelly bent down so she was eye level with the girl. “Of course, sweetie. What’s your name?”

  “It’s Tiffany.”

  “And what do you want to be when you grow up, Tiffany?”

  “I want to be a star like you.”

  Kelly laughed and then looked up at the girl’s mother, who shrugged, smiled.

  Kelly stared back at the girl. “You are a star,” she said. “Because you’re full of the greatest characteristic of any star…light. You are perfect as you are.” She signed and handed the piece of paper to the girl. She reached for the girl’s hand. Both of them were beaming.

  The tall office building cast shadows across our faces.

  Kelly took a deep breath. “Now we ask for the evil king’s blessing.”

  Lizzy: You don’t just fire Barry Monroe. Kelly knew better. He wasn’t going to make it easy.

  Jez: That was supposed to be the day that Kaleb and Kelly rode off into the sunset. Instead, it became the night that Kaleb truly battled her monster.

  Lizzy: Barry had pictures. Horrifying pictures.

  Jez: I don’t know anything about Kelly’s mom.

  Lizzy: It was an overdose that killed Kelly’s mother. They didn’t find her body for three days. She was pale and bruised with track marks covering her arms. I knew those photos would break her.

  Jez: Kelly didn’t say anything about pictures.

  Lizzy: I imagine she withdrew to her tower after the meeting. And once she retreated, nobody could enter that room. I tried. I really did, back during those months she went missing, I knocked on that door. I screamed. I tried to get in. But that was the birthplace of her madness. That was where the sickness overtook her. If I couldn’t get her out of that tower, no one could.

  Jez: Kaleb did. He climbed that tower. And because of his efforts, he solidified his role in our story. They had an agreement. Forged by love. What was the agreement? I’ll let him tell you that.

  The Blog of Kaleb Reed

  July 25, 2019

  I’ve ingested it all. The last of the drugs. It was a bit excessive. I’m not sure my psyche will survive the madness. It doesn’t take long to start feeling the effects. The colors. The light. The vibrations. My hands are bigger, stronger. I feel powerful. The carpet is moving. Everything is starting to burst into life. I’ve cued Kelly’s movie on my laptop. The enchantment is coming. The whimsical music. The joy. The happiness. The magic. The animation swirls out of the screen. It takes on a life of its own. The characters frolic around the motel room, spinning, singing, laughing. I dance. I float.

  Everything is alive.

  It’s all so beautiful.

  The walls of the motel room are melting away. My world is transforming. I can’t help but laugh. I open the curtains. Water is rising behind the glass. The last bit of sanity is being swept away. I keep laughing and laughing. It doesn’t matter. Let the visions come. Ocean waves crash against the motel windows. I look in the mirror. My eyes and face blur. Distort. Animate. I am wearing a full suit of armor, shield and sword in hand. Her silver sparrow necklace is around my neck. My lady’s favor. A token of love.

  I will fight for you, Kelly. Yes, I believe. Do you hear me, Kelly?

  “I’m coming for you,” I sing.

  “He’s coming for me,” my princess sings back.

  I will find you.

  I will protect you.

  The window can’t hold the water. Cracks shoot across the glass.

  BOOM. The water bursts through. Sweeping through the room. Rising up the walls. I swim…

  My head emerges into gray skies. The waves are thick and choppy, devouring me, drowning me. I cough out saltwater, keel over in the wet sand. Gasping. I’m alive.

  The dark towers of Castle Heart loom above me. Shadows move across my face. She is in there, my princess. I rise and begin my ascent up the winding stone steps, through the castle archway. Hideous carvings of gargoyles and beasts stare down upon me. Crows circle overhead, cackling at my intrusion.

  “Hello,” I call out as I enter the cold and rocky fortress. My words echo back.

  The last remaining rays of light withdraw from the stained-glass windows as shadows stir across the stone floors like jungle vines in a ruin. I light a torch, moving slowly through the desolate halls. A strange mist rolls across the cold stone. The curse brings the castle to life. The gargoyle fixtures hiss. Snakes slither along the walls. Blood drips down the oil paintings. My sword is drawn. Black vines with thorns grow and twist across the floor. I chop frantically, fighting through the barbs, as I stride through the darkness.

  T
he curse will end at first light. It is not real. The princess warned me. I would find her. No matter how dangerous the quest. It was the promise I made.

  I am a defender of the weak.

  I climb the narrow steps to her tower. The air turns bitterly cold, snuffing out my torch. The monster is inside; its powers grow stronger in the darkness. My breath moves in and out in puffs of cold air. I arrive at her tower door. A serpent doorknocker spins and swirls, its eyes aglow in the darkness.

  “Who goes there?” the voice hisses.

  “It is I, the humble knight.”

  The serpent cackles. “You dare enter the monster’s lair. You will die! You will die!” A wicked smile twists across the snake’s face. “You may enter, Sir Reed.”

  The flame on my torch reignites.

  The door creaks open, and a wave of frigid air strikes my face. It makes me sick. Pure evil resides inside these chambers. I take careful steps, my sword extended. The canopy bed is empty. The princess’s beautiful voice rings from a small box where her golden heart rests.

  I need him here

  My humble knight

  Help me destroy my fear

  This heart of mine

  Is all I hold dear.

  He is coming for me.

  He is coming for me.

  I can feel the monster’s dark presence, its wicked soul, the source of evil. The window is open, and the curtains rip in the stormy winds. I peek into the next chamber, and my knees buckle under the weight of my armor. A powerful vibration barrels into my heart, and darkness and fear grip my body. I hold the shaky torch, imagining the carnage. Imagining the monster standing over the princess in victory, his fangs dripping with her blood.

  “Princess,” I whisper.

  No answer.

  “Princess,” I whisper again, creeping a little closer.

  “Kelly,” I murmured in horror.

  She appeared on a sea of white that spread across the floor. She was naked, rocking back and forth. Her knees pulled to her chest. She was perched on a mountain of white pills. They were everywhere, hundreds and thousands of pills, spread out on the carpet. Her hair was uncombed, her eyes swollen and lost. Overrun with shadows. Her face was bright red, her teeth chattered.

  I said her name softly. “Kelly.”

  Her head turned. Her eyes narrowed. Her body convulsed with fury.

  She screamed, “Get the fuck out!”

  I walked backward. Her naked body lunged toward me at full force.

  “I’m the biggest fucking star in the world,” she seethed. “Everyone will fucking love me! You’re a nobody. I will kill you quicker than I made you. Fuck you—get the fuck out of my house. Fuck you. Fuck you.”

  She pushed me, and I didn’t fight back. It wasn’t Kelly. It was the darkest part of her soul. Its wicked fangs. Its horrible eyes. All the brokenness. All the malevolent fear and shame. Fighting. Breathing. Enjoying its time in power. Draining its host. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her. I needed to catch a glimpse. Give me those blue eyes. Let me see the real you. Come back to me.

  She collapsed, struggling in my arms. I squeezed her body. Come back to the light. Another surge of rage pulsed from her body. She kept pushing, clawing, fighting. I would protect her. I put my hand to her cheek. She slapped it off and scratched my face. “Fuck you. You piece of shit.”

  I shoved her naked body onto the bed, and she pounded her fists and screamed. “You druggie fucking loser, you’re a nobody. You’re pathetic. You’re weak! I am Kelly Trozzo. I am Kelly Trozzo.” Her energy was waning. “I will be bigger and better than everyone,” she cried and curled back into herself.

  “Get the fuck out,” she whispered.

  She sobbed.

  “Get out.” Even softer.

  I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door. I pushed down the lock. There was a large plastic container overturned in the corner. The mound of prescription pills had spread across the tile.

  The song kept playing.

  The humble knight sang.

  We shall fight this curse together

  She pounded on the bathroom door.

  The monster cannot be real

  “Let me in! Let me in!”

  For love will overcome all odds

  Her pounding subsided.

  Your golden heart shall heal

  “Let me in…” I could barely hear her.

  I’m coming for you. I’m coming for you.

  And then she stopped.

  I collapsed and rested my head against the door. I heard her go back to the bed. More screams. I listened closely. The music stopped. An hour went by. The house was muted. Stillness. My eyes went heavy. I was jolted awake at 6:00 a.m. to the sound of a dying phone battery in my pocket. I poked my head out the bathroom door. Fresh rays of morning sun seeped through the closed blinds. Kelly wasn’t on her bed. I hurried down the stairs. Tiptoed into the kitchen. The tile was white and clean. I knew where she was.

  I lingered in the doorway of her study. She was perched in a meditation pose. As if the curse ended at first light. As if she could be cleansed and start over. But I knew the truth. The monster had retreated, but it would return. Each time, it struck harder. We shoved it deeper into our souls. Suppressed it. Covered it. Hid. Dulled. We pretended that we would never have to face that dark entity again. The root of our pain and destruction.

  If we wanted it to end—one day, we would have to look. We would have to face the worst fears inside our hearts. These trapped shadows. This energy that fights and claws to get out. This living, breathing thing that has taken residency inside us. This broken world created it. We buried it. Only light and love and God can destroy it.

  I stood in the doorway. Kelly turned toward me. Her face was still pale, exhausted, maybe scared. So was I. She didn’t say anything, but her eyes were asking for something. Save me. Help me. Rescue me.

  I nodded. Then a weak smile.

  I was her loyal soldier. Until the very end.

  I walked out of the mansion that day. The morning was crisp. The sun was bright. Fresh dew shimmered on her perfectly manicured lawn. My hands were shaking. My mind was tired. Still, I felt strong. Powerful. I was a new man. Redemption was coming.

  One day sober.

  The Real Kelly Trozzo

  TheInsideJuice.com Interview 2019

  INSIDEJUICE: Your performance at the VMAs shocked the world.

  TROZZO: I knew it had to be memorable—something that would send shockwaves across the internet. Something my fans could rally behind. I have to say, it was everything I imagined. I can still feel the heat of the spotlight on me as I came out in that leather bikini. Then, as the beat awakened, so did the greatness inside of me. I enjoyed the power coursing through me as I climbed on top of the dark male dancer, scratching my nails into his chest. I knew this wasn’t in rehearsal, and the network would pay the price, but I couldn’t care less.

  When it was over, the stage went dark, and the crowd roared. My lungs were throbbing, and my heart pounded like it had never pounded before. It was the greatest feeling in the world. When the last pulse of the beat faded, I knew everything had changed. I saw the shock and intrigue on everyone’s faces—the whispers of “slut” and “whore.” Exactly what I wanted—the world witnessing my rebirth.

  Then I looked over to Barry. It was a look I will always cherish—pure bewilderment. He finally understood how strong I had become.

  Lizzy: It’s true. The performance did shock the world. But that wasn’t all Kelly had planned. That wasn’t enough for her.

  Jez: Kissing her on stage was one of the greatest moments of my life. I will cherish that kiss forever.

  Lizzy: Kelly summoned Noah into the dressing room an hour before the performance. She handed him a knife.

  Jez: I don’t know what you are talking about.

  Lizzy: It was that book. That ridiculous book. It twisted her damn mind. She thought true love was some sort of ultimate sacrifice. She asked Noah to put a dagger in Barry’s
back. Kill for the girl he loved. Some bullshit like that. I don’t care how much Noah loved her. Look at what she was asking!

  Jez: I was with Kelly the entire time. I know, because I had to calm her down in the dressing room. Oh my gosh, she was so nervous. It was so cute, pacing around in her little bikini, blowing into a paper bag. No, I never saw Noah. Why do you keep asking that?

  Lizzy: Think about it. It was the perfect ending—Kelly gazes into Barry’s eyes as the performance ends, and the knife is thrust into his back. Then he would know the truth. That Kelly orchestrated all of it. Don’t you see? This wasn’t my best friend anymore. I didn’t betray her. She betrayed me.

  Jez: That sounds like something Lizzy would make up. Anything to alleviate her guilt. You’ll see, detective. You’ll see. Ask her where she was on the night Kelly died. Ask her!

  The Blog of Kaleb Reed

  (Continued)

  “It’s been a tough month,” I confessed, three days after leaving Kelly’s mansion. Three days sober. I was sitting in a circle with my NA group. “I’ve done it all. Ecstasy. Coke. Pills. Probably some other shit I don’t remember.”

  I could feel the eagerness of my fellow participants.

  “But I’m sober now.” I looked over to Nathan. He didn’t glance up. “I have a purpose now. It’s been three days. The cravings are settling.”

  The meeting ended. I went to get coffee. I expected his presence, his grunt, his patronizing remarks. Instead, I glanced back over my shoulder to see the gymnasium door shut. He left without a word. Good riddance.