The House on Findlater Lane

by Helen Goltz

  For a dead guy, Alexander was radiating a lot of nervousness as he and Holly approached Meghan’s small unit in the Lilac Fields Retirement Resort. Holly had attempted some conversation along the way but Alexander couldn’t focus, so eventually she let it go and they drove in silence. She pulled into the car park, parked under the shade of a magnificent large oak tree and alighted. Holly grabbed the bouquet of flowers from the back seat… one should always arrive with something, she thought.

  She checked out the premises; it was a neat little place, safe and with lovely creek views. Holly wondered if lilacs would appear in the field in the right season, hence the name of the “resort”. Alexander wondered what Meghan would be like now and if he could remain in the same room without breaking down.

  They arrived at the front door and Holly hesitated before knocking. With a quick glance around to make sure no-one was watching them, she studied Alexander.

  ‘Are you okay?’ she asked.

  ‘No,’ he said, but nodded.

  Holly frowned. ‘You know the rules?’

  He crossed his heart. ‘You can count on me.’

  She frowned, ‘Okay, but I’m worried about you, not just about what you might do.’

  He rolled his eyes and Holly smiled. That’s better, she thought, he’s back in character.

  She took a deep breath and knocked, and then the door opened.

  A dignified, trim woman with shoulder-length salt-and-pepper hair opened the door. She

  was dressed neatly in a pale blue shirt and cream pants which she wore well.

  ‘Holly,’ she said, brightly.

  ‘Mrs Austen,’ Holly said, not quite sure how to address Meghan. She pushed the flowers towards her.

  ‘Please call me Meghan, and thank you, how delightful. Do come in.’ She stood aside and indicating for Holly to leave her shoes on, having no idea that she closed the door on her first husband, Alexander.

  Holly almost said something, then realised, of course, that Meghan couldn’t see him and in a matter of moments, Alexander stepped into the room. He was transfixed, his eyes glued to Meghan, taking in all her features and remembering them when they belonged to a young woman.

  ‘I hope I won’t embarrass you but I have to tell you, you are as beautiful now as your photo was then,’ Holly said, stunned by the attractiveness of this senior woman with her creamy skin and bright eyes.

  ‘Oh, Holly, you are very kind,’ Meghan said. ‘What woman would be embarrassed by such a compliment! Thank you. I’ll put these beautiful flowers in water and then will you take tea?’

  ‘Yes please, I’ll help.’

  The apartment was open-plan and Alexander watched as Meghan made tea and Holly put the cups and milk jug on the small table near the open door. It had a beautiful view of the gardens and creek.

  They spoke about their ancestors, Holly told Meghan about the village today and Meghan marvelled at the changes and how some of the older folk were still there, especially at the nursery and library. They both relaxed – although, mused Holly, it would be hard not to relax in Meghan’s warm company. Alexander, however, remained frozen, and Holly cast him a sympathetic glance.

  After forty minutes of general talk, tea and biscuits, the subject of Holly’s visit arose.

  ‘I debated whether to share the information or not,’ Holly admitted. ‘Sometimes things are best left as they are, I imagine, but I tried to put myself in your place and I think I’d want to know.’

  ‘I think you are right,’ Meghan said. ‘I truly loved Alex and it took me many years to get over his death. I was angry at him for going, angry at the circumstances, angry at the British government, the military, pretty much anyone in the firing line was the victim of my wrath,’ she said, shaking her head.

  ‘I’d be the same, I’m sure,’ Holly said. She took a deep breath. ‘I found out quite a bit, so please stop me anytime if you have had enough and don’t want me to continue, or you need a break.’

  Meghan nodded and Holly began telling her all she had unearthed – Andy’s actions in finding a mole, thinking it was Alex because of his family connection, and how later he found out that he had “assassinated” the wrong man.

  Meghan listened with wide-eye attention. When Holly finished, she sat back and took it all in. Alexander remained motionless beside her, as if in solidarity.

  After a short while, Holly spoke. ‘I’ll make a fresh pot of tea, shall I?’

  Meghan leaned forward and patted her hand. ‘It’s okay, my dear, I’m alright. I just wonder what I would have done with that information all those years ago. How I might have felt about it.’

  ‘Did you suspect?’ Holly asked.

  Meghan shook her head. ‘I believed what they told me… that he was lost in the battle. There were a lot of animosities, it was very complex. But I am pleased to know, Holly, thank you.’

  Holly nodded and gave Meghan a small smile.

  ‘Did you ever go back to Findlater House, like on your anniversary?’ Holly asked, knowing full well the answer, but hoping for an explanation.

  ‘No. Not once. Initially, I couldn’t bear to be there without Alex. We had so many plans and that was where it all came to an end. We had been happy at Findlater House, very happy,’ she said, and smiled at the memory. ‘Then, as time went on, it became harder and harder to return until there seemed no point. Alex was no longer there for me, he was here,’ she said, and touched her heart.

  Alex drew a sharp breath beside Holly and she avoided looking his way. She wanted to touch his hand but that was impossible on a number of levels.

  ‘I hope this meeting won’t derail you, Meghan. I’d hate to leave you today and know I caused you to revisit a lot of pain,’ Holly said.

  ‘No, I’m pleased to know the truth, relieved even. Alex really liked Andy, too, considered him a friend. He would be devastated if he knew that he was killed by the hand of his Staff-Sergeant. I just wish some justice had been served.’

  ‘It could still be,’ I assured her.

  ‘It could,’ she agreed. ‘But it won’t just affect Alexander or me – the impact on myself and the families of everyone involved at that time will be considerable. If I were a younger woman, I’d fight the fight. Now, I’ll leave the good Lord to administer justice.’

  ‘I understand,’ Holly said. She glanced at Alexander and he gave a small but discernible nod.

  ‘Well, I’d best be going,’ Holly said, ‘but not before I issue you with an invitation to come back to Findlater House. You’re welcome anytime, even just to have tea with me.’

  Meghan smiled. ‘Thank you, Holly. Can I offer you a small piece of advice from a woman nearing the end of her life, to a beautiful woman full of life and just beginning?’

  ‘Please, yes.’

  ‘For a long time I thought Alex was my great love. His death wounded me and I carried that around with me.’

  Holly saw Alexander put his head in his hands.

  Meghan continued. ‘I carried it for so long that when I met my wonderful second husband, I didn’t really allow myself to love him fully. I was scared of putting all that love out there again and the risk of the pain.’ She took a deep breath. ‘We had a son who passed away as well… an illness… so for the decades we were together I lived on the surface.’

  Holly didn’t interrupt; she had no words that would suffice.

  ‘It wasn’t until the last decade of our life together, when he first became ill, that I realised he was the love of my life, my soul mate and I had missed decades of that depth of feeling because of fear and misguided love,’ she said, and then Meghan took a deep breath and brightened. ‘So my dear, love with wild abandon. Love deeply every time. If you get hurt, you get hurt, but you’ll never regret what you put in, only what you don’t.’

  Holly wiped the tears from her eyes, and in her peripheral vision she saw Alexander had disappeared.

  Goodbyes and hello

  Holly drove home alone. She felt surprisingly relieved and at peac
e; she wasn’t expecting to feel that way. She thought it would be a dramatic meeting and full of angst, but Meghan’s words had empowered her. She knew, however, that Alexander might be suffering from Meghan’s words. But realistically, their life together had been so short, it was only natural that Meghan eventually moved on and how wonderful it was that she had loved again.

  Holly took Meghan’s words on board; she would love deeply. She had briefly told Meghan about her ex-husband, but that was life and learning and, as one very clever person said, it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. And that’s how she would look at it from now on.

  It would be nice to be back in Findlater House, she thought as she drove home. She felt satisfied – two jobs finished successfully. Now she would throw herself into Abby’s job. She listened to some music on her car stereo and pondered if she would see Alexander again. Meghan wasn’t coming back to the house and maybe he wouldn’t, either. She dreaded the thought of him just disappearing. He had kept her sane in those first few months on her own, alone.

  ‘Come back and say goodbye to me, at least,’ she whispered, hoping he would hear her. That would be painful, she admitted, but it was always inevitable and it might make her get out there more and do a bit of socialising.

  As she was driving along, Holly’s phone rang. She accepted the call hands-free.

  ‘Megan, it’s Timo, how are you?’

  She heard his lovely French lilt and felt a rush of pleasure.

  ‘Timo, it’s so good to hear from you.’

  ‘You’re driving, can you talk safely?’ he asked.

  ‘I can, I’m hands-free. It’s safe to say anything you like,’ she teased. ‘How are you?’

  ‘I’m well, just back from a week’s tour and preparing for a London trip.’

  ‘Did you hit all the right notes?’ Holly asked, and Timo laughed.

  ‘I think so, and if I didn’t I tried to bluff it.’

  ‘Ah, you are way too modest, I bet you were great,’ Holly said.

  He laughed again, and sounded unaccustomed to praise. ‘So I have some news,’ he continued. ‘I’m coming to London for a performance and I was hoping to catch up with you there. If not, perhaps a visit to a seaside village might do me good.’

  ‘That would be wonderful,’ Holly said. The timing was perfect and just what she needed, some good company and something to look forward to now that she was probably going to be very much alone. ‘But you must stay with me. I have a lovely guest room and I’ll give you the tour of the village. It should take fifteen minutes.’

  Timo’s laughed again. ‘Great!’

  ‘Will Astrid be coming with you? You are both welcome,’ Holly asked. Hmm, was that too obvious? she wondered.

  ‘Ah, no, we’ve broken up, so if you are happy to just give me the tour alone?’ he said.

  ‘I’d love to. I’ll get my tour guide umbrella out in case you lose sight of me.’ They both laughed at the image that painted.

  ‘We might end up with a complete tour group… pick up some stragglers along the way.’

  ‘I have been known to find things,’ Holly told him.

  ‘So, I could organise a couple of tickets for you, if you’d like to come to the London concert. Perhaps you and your aunt, or with your friend, Juliette?’

  ‘Thank you. I am sure my Aunt would love to come with me, and then you could drive back with me if that worked out for you,’ she said. Then she got serious. ‘Timo, I hope the necklace didn’t cause your break-up. I’m sorry for my role in that, if it did.’

  ‘No,’ he assured her. ‘Although Astrid felt I should have been more supportive of her, I guess, but I believe it went where it should have gone – home.’

  Home, Holly thought. Her new home. Later that day, as Findlater House came into view, she realised that she had found something else very valuable… herself.

  Holly turned into her street as the last light was fading. She was hoping to have a walk on the beach just before the sunset. As she pulled up and cut the car ignition, she noticed the interior lights were on.

  Alexander!

  She entered, not expecting to see him there, but he was sitting on the couch with a glass of red wine in his hand. On the table were fresh flowers.

  ‘You’re here!’ she said.

  ‘I live here,’ he teased.

  ‘That you do,’ she grinned, relieved, really relieved. ‘Well, I’m pleased. I wasn’t sure if and when I’d see you again.’ She put her handbag down. ‘I’ll join you for a glass of wine.’ She went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass.

  ‘Let’s sit outside and watch the last of the light,’ he suggested, heading to the door. Holly followed him out and they sat in their usual positions. She was aware of how odd it might look for her to be sitting there with two glasses of wine, but Holly was way past worrying about that in this quirky town.

  ‘Big day,’ she said, and clinked her glass against his. They sipped in silence for a little while and watched the red ball of the sun sink into the ocean.

  ‘Thank you, Holly,’ Alexander said.

  She smiled and turned to him. ‘And thank you.’

  ‘What for?’ he scoffed. ‘Dragging you around the country, putting you in danger with Andy Davies, rating all your guests and scaring you half to death with my sudden arrivals?’

  ‘Well, there’s that,’ she agreed, and he laughed. ‘Alex, I was lost when I came here and you’ve been my constant friend. Made me feel safe and happy.’

  He nodded.

  ‘So what now?’ she asked, fearing what he would say.

  He kept his eyes focused on the ocean. ‘Well, I guess it is time to go. No reason to stay now.’

  ‘Are you okay about seeing Meghan? You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,’ Holly said, and raised her hand in a reciprocal wave to a passing neighbour on their evening walk.

  He shrugged. ‘You know, it’s been a long time. I guess I was pretty stupid thinking that, after a mere eight years together, Meghan would live another forty-plus years pining for me. Of course she was going to grieve, deal with it, move on and find love. I’m the one who didn’t move on. But I’m just glad she knows the truth now.’

  ‘I’m glad you both do. Although I’d like to see some justice.’

  They sat for a while again in silence and then they both spoke at the same time.

  ‘You know, I –’

  ‘Of course if it –’ Alexander stopped. ‘Ladies first.’

  ‘I was just going to say that you needn’t hurry away on my account, just because you have your answer,’ Holly said.

  ‘I was just going to say that if it helped for a while to have me around, you know, I’m up for that.’

  ‘I could use some help with the business, too,’ she suggested.

  ‘Yeah. I’ve got some insights into that stuff you’re doing for the gothic library chick.’

  ‘Abby. Great, thanks! So, you’ll stick around.’

  ‘Housemates,’ he said, and raised his glass.

  ‘To housemates,’ Holly said, and grinned, thrilled. ‘Can I have one last question?’

  He rolled his eyes. ‘Here it comes. Yeah, I guess so, you deserve it. Go ahead.’

  ‘Is my grandmother, Lily, happy up there?’ she said, and looked towards heaven.

  Alexander held up his hands to tell her to wait and slowly faded before her eyes. She waited, sipping her wine and giving a small shiver as the cool of night crept in.

  Moments later, he reappeared and smiled.

  ‘Suffice to say,’ he began, ‘I think all the Hanlon women are happy tonight.’

  Holly laughed. ‘Wonderful, thank you. Now, I was hoping to take a beach walk to shake off the day, if I can find a bodyguard.’

  Alexander jumped to his feet. ‘At your service. But if that shifty guy with the dog approaches again, I’ll be sending him packing. There’s something I don’t like about him.’

  Holly rolled her eyes.

&
nbsp; Everything was as it should be.

  THE END

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  About the Author

  After studying English Literature and Communications at universities in Queensland, Australia, Helen Goltz has worked as a journalist, producer and marketer in print, TV, radio and public relations. She was born in Toowoomba and has made her home in Brisbane.

  Visit her website at: www.helengoltz.com

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  Follow on Twitter at: @helengoltz