by Alyson Noel
I sighed, longing to move past it, but one look at her face made it clear that was not going to happen unless we finished this first. “I didn’t say anything.” My gaze held fast to hers so she’d know it was true. “Dacian told him there was no one around by that name, that he had the wrong party, and should be on his way.”
“And he did? He left?” Messalina asked, clearly on edge.
“He’s gone. Not to worry, I doubt he’ll return.”
I looked away, bit down on my lip, struggling with the urge to take it all back, confess to my fib, tell her that he actually said just the opposite, leaving me to believe that he would return at some point. The war between the truth and the lie waging within me, until I saw the way her face softened, her shoulders slumped and relaxed, as she plucked an especially ripe-looking date from the tray and tossed it my way.
I plopped the squishy, puckered fruit into my mouth, closing my eyes to better savor its wonderful sweetness. The stranger’s image blooming in my mind, unable to make sense of why I lied to my friend, why I clung to his promise of return—I only know that I did.
“So, what was the kiss like?” Messalina asked, returning to my favorite topic. “You are going to tell me, right? I want to hear every last detail!” She held a pillow to her chest, wrapped her arms around it and leaned toward me, urging, “So go ahead—what was it like? Was it as romantic as you hoped it would be? I mean, after all, it was your first kiss, right?”
I reached for my own pillow, took a long time fussing with it, getting it just right. Though that was all pretense—buying the time that I needed in order to erase the memory of the green-eyed stranger and replace it with an image of Dacian. Then, once that was set, I was free to concentrate solely on the questions she’d asked.
I snuck a smile onto my face, plucked another date from the tray, and said, “The sky was sprinkled with stars—it couldn’t have been more romantic.” I closed my eyes, desperate to see it again. “There was even a shooting star—I’m so sorry you missed it.”
“Did you make a wish?” Her voice so urgent my eyes snapped open just in time to see the serious look that crossed her face. “You should have,” she said, nodding as she added, “you really, really should have. Most people wish for the moment to never end—or at least for the feeling to never end—and the wish is always granted, it never fails. They get to relive the experience again and again. Beautiful, isn’t it?” She sighed and looked at me, and all I could do was nod in agreement.
16
The next morning, Messalina woke me by jiggling my arm and giggling in my ear as she said, “Wake up sleepyhead—we’ve got a big day ahead!”
I ran a hand through my tangled mass of curls, lifted myself from the massive pile of pillows, and joined her at the trunk filled with what seemed to be an infinite amount of gorgeous, silky things she urged me to choose from.
“Go ahead! Pick something pretty!” She smiled brightly as she watched me riffle through it. Lifting a glossy stream of pink silk woven with intricate gold bits, only to have her snatch it away, and say, “Not that one.” She fought for control of her face, tried to soften the edge, to not look as angry as her voice had already betrayed her to be. “I should’ve told you, I’ve already decided to wear pink today. And since I’m sure you’d prefer to stand out in front of Dacian, you’ll need to choose another color.”
I gazed longingly at the pink. Now that it was forbidden, I wanted it more than ever. Hoping to sway her when I said, “But we are like sisters, right?” I gazed at her from under my lashes. “Well, if we both wear pink then we can be even closer—almost like twins!”
The argument was a good one, sure to win her over, but Messalina wouldn’t budge, wouldn’t even pause to consider. She quickly dismissed it with an impatient wave of her hand, and reached for a dress that gleamed with the deepest shade of cobalt with traces of green woven in.
“This—this is the one, there is no doubt in my mind.” She held the dress before me, urging me to agree, but my excitement was no match for hers, I was still mourning the loss of the pink. “With some sapphire jewelry, or maybe even lapis …” She pressed a finger to her chin as though seriously deciding between the two. “Well, either way, this one will serve you well, of that I’ve no doubt. It’ll bring out your gorgeous blue eyes, to be sure. Dacian won’t know what to do with himself when he sees you!”
Dacian.
The boy who kissed me.
The boy I was really beginning to like—wasn’t I? Messalina seemed to think that was the case.
I fought to keep the facts straight—and yet, every time I tried to retrieve a memory of him, all I could see were swoopy brown bangs, odd clothes, bright green eyes, and a face so comforting yet unfamiliar I couldn’t place it no matter how hard I tried.
I shook my head, desperate to rid myself of the thought. Messalina was staring, sensing a change in my mood, and not wanting to explain to her what I could barely explain to myself, I reached for the cobalt blue dress and slipped it right over my head. And once the complicated array of sashes and ties and jewelry and hairpins were all finally in place—once we were both shiny, and gorgeous, and elaborately dressed—Messalina linked her arm with mine, and said, “And now, let the games begin!”
The Colosseum was amazing, like nothing I’d ever seen before. My head forced to swivel from side to side in an effort to take it all in. Following Messalina into a private, shady box where all of Roman nobility sat, I turned to her and said, “Wow, look at all of these people! Is it always this crowded?”
“It is when Theocoles appears.” She studied me carefully.
I nodded, vaguely familiar with the name. He was a champion. Went by some crazy nickname. Though I was quick to dismiss it, hardly interested in those particular details. I was more interested in finding Dacian.
“I hear Dacian’s been asking about you all morning.” Messalina smiled as though she’d just read my mind. “I hear he arrived early in anticipation of seeing you again.” She leaned closer, giggled softly into my ear. “So let’s not disappoint him, let’s make sure everything is in place, shall we?” She stood before me, held me at arm’s length as her gaze moved over me. Checking to make sure all was in place as she brushed a finger over my brow, saying, “Perfect. You are just perfect! I hope you enjoy the show, Aurelia—and believe me when I say that one never forgets their first time at the games!”
She pushed me toward Dacian who reached for my hand and guided me to our seats where he immediately began chattering about the day’s program.
The procession came first, quickly followed by games that were every bit as violent and gruesome as I assumed they would be. And yet, it wasn’t long before I found myself sliding toward the edge of my seat, caught up in the same excitement as everyone around me. Cheering, and clapping, and stomping my feet—fully engrossed in the spectacle of horrific, unimaginable death, as one after another, the carcasses—both animal and human—began to pile up.
And when Theocoles took center stage, it became immediately clear why he was so revered. He was charismatic, magnetic, a bright and shining star in a sea of charmless brutes. The type of warrior one could easily pin all of their fantasies on.
The battle began, and I rooted along with the rest of them—greedy for more carnage, more slaying, more wounding, more bloodshed—consumed by an insatiable appetite for destruction that the previous battles had merely whetted. Torn between an eagerness to see Urbicus fall—torn to small, bloodied bits—and an eagerness for the show to go on, and on, and on so I could always feel so engaged.
My gazed riveted to the arena, eagerly following every blow, every leap, every swing of Theocoles’ sword—until someone moved into the space right before me and blocked it from view.
“Excuse me!” I tapped him hard on the shoulder, wishing Dacian would step in and handle this for me, but his view was clear and his eyes were glued to the arena, not missing a thing. “Do you mind? I’m trying to watch the battle, much as you are, but u
nlike you, I can’t see a thing, you are completely blocking me!”
The stranger turned, pushed his flop of hair away from his piercing green eyes, revealing himself to be the one from last night, only dressed far more appropriately in a blue-and-white toga that fell to his knees.
My mouth grew dry, my throat went all hot and tight, as my head swirled in a way I couldn’t quite identify.
I mean, yes, he was cute.
Seriously cute.
Incredibly cute.
But no cuter than Dacian.
No cuter than my new boyfriend Dacian.
So why did I care? Why was I feeling this way? It just didn’t make any sense.
“I didn’t realize you were such a fan of the games, Riley. Usually you get completely grossed out by that much blood and gore. Usually you have a lot more respect for human life. I guess I misjudged you.”
“My name isn’t Riley,” I snapped. It was the only thing I was sure of.
“Isn’t it?” He looked at me, regarding me closely. “Well forgive me then, you remind me an awful lot of someone I once knew. Someone I’m very worried about. Someone I’ve been searching for.”
“My name is Aurelia,” I said, unable to break my gaze from his.
“Ah.” He nodded. “And I am Bodhi.” He reached for my hand, though as tempted as I was to take it, I held back. Dacian may be engaged in the games, too busy to notice, but I still wasn’t sure if I should go through with it.
“You two together?” Bodhi asked, his eyes darting between Dacian and me.
I nodded, rubbed my lips together, and then nodded again.
“I won’t keep you then,” Bodhi said. “Still, I’m very pleased to meet you. I don’t know many people in these parts, so it’s nice to see a familiar face.”
“Familiar?” I quirked my brow, unsure if he said that on purpose, or if it was an honest mistake.
But he was quick to dismiss it, laughing easily as he said, “Is that what I said? See, I guess you really do remind me of my friend, Riley Bloom. I meant to say friendly. It’s nice to see a friendly face around here. This can be a tough crowd, in case you haven’t noticed. Though you’ve seemed to fit in quite easily, haven’t you?” His eyes squinted when he smiled, and he offered his hand once again.
I peered at Dacian, seeing he was still engrossed in the games. I reached forward and placed my hand in Bodhi’s. Watching as he lowered his head, brushed his lips against the top of my hand, then lifted his eyes to meet mine, shooting me a saddened look that was soon interrupted by the roar of the crowd.
Theocoles had gone down, and the next thing I knew, the stranger, Bodhi, was racing toward the arena, racing toward Theocoles, as I turned to Dacian and said, “What is going on? What is he doing?”
“He’s fallen,” Dacian said, shaking his head in pity. “The Pillar of Doom has fallen.”
I glanced from Dacian to the arena, saying, “No, I mean that guy, the stranger from last night—what is he doing down there?”
Dacian squinted, his brow creasing in confusion when he said, “I have no idea.”
I jumped to my feet, pushed my way to the edge of the box where I watched as Bodhi knelt beside Theocoles, speaking urgently into his ear.
“I don’t understand,” I said, turning to Dacian who’d made his way to me. “What are they doing down there? What’s going on around here?”
My eyes darted wildly, wondering why no one else was bothered by what I could so clearly see.
“I think the heat and spectacle has gotten to us.” Dacian laughed, grabbing my hand as he led me away. “It’s a tragic turn of events, completely unexpected, to be sure. What do you say we find someplace quiet to sit, someplace where we can cool down. Night will fall soon, and once it does, we can search for our favorite constellations again.” He looked at me with a face so open and hopeful it seemed impossible to resist.
And yet, I managed to pull away, managed to push my way back to the front of the box so I could peer into the arena. Surprised to find Messalina down there, following Theocoles, who followed his own dead body as it was dragged out of the arena and back behind those heavy iron gates. As Bodhi remained standing in the middle, his gaze locked on mine, telling me something I couldn’t quite read no matter how hard I tried.
Our gaze broken when I heard a rush of laughter and noise, felt a light touch first on my arm, and then on my forehead, as I turned to find myself in the middle of a party with Messalina giggling beside me, as she introduced me to a super cute boy who went by the name of Dacian.
17
I needed air. Needed a break from the crowd and the noise. And, as cute as Dacian was, I needed a break from him too.
“Wait for me here?” I smiled, slipping a hand into my hair, making it fuller, poofier, knowing just from looking that he was so besotted with me, he’d do just about anything that I asked at that point.
“I’ll come with you,” he said, moving to follow.
Halted by the finality of my firmly stated, “No.”
He stepped back. Shot me an injured look.
“Please,” I said, resenting the need to lighten my tone but knowing it was necessary. He was nice, he was cute, there was no need to upset him. “I just need a moment alone. I’ll be back before you know it, I promise.”
He nodded reluctantly, but it was enough to release me. And though I was tempted to run, I forced myself to walk as I wound my way through the maze of party guests and found my way out the door.
I leaned against the balcony, leaned my head back, and lost myself in the night, hoping the cool air might work a bit of magic by finding a way to cure my confusion—all the strange feelings nagging inside.
I had everything a girl could want, and yet, something felt lacking, missing, though I had no idea what.
I gazed up at the sky, my eyes searching for constellations, easily finding Cassiopeia, Draco, but stumbling when it came to Andromeda.
“Andromeda is right there.”
I stiffened, expecting to find Dacian, and surprised to find a stranger instead.
“How’d you know I was looking for Andromeda?” My eyes moved over him, taking in a swoop of brown hair, bright green eyes, and an odd green object he clenched in his teeth.
“Because Andromeda is your favorite.” He smiled, taking another step toward me.
“And how would you know that?” I asked, my voice more than a little bit testy.
“Good question.” He nodded, pretending to think. “How would I know that?” He moved until he stood right beside me, whispering, “Think, Riley. Just close your eyes, block all this out, and think as hard as you can. How would I know that? Try to remember if you can.”
“I—I don’t know …” I looked all around, suddenly regretting my decision to be out on my own. “And why do you call me Riley?”
“Because that’s your name.”
“My name is Aurelia,” I said, though there was no mistaking the doubt creeping into my voice.
“Is it?” He cocked his head, slipped the green object across his front teeth, and stared at me intently.
“Listen, I don’t know what you …” The words died on my tongue as a beautiful, yellow-haired animal ran up beside me, wagging a fluffy tail with excitement, and happily licking my fingers. “What is it?” I said, unsure if I should be flattered by the beast’s attention, or disgusted by the way it slobbered all over me.
“That’s Buttercup. He’s your dog, and he’s very happy to see you. You’ve been gone a long time, Riley. Too long. We’ve both been very worried about you.”
“Worried? About me? Why would you be worried about me?”
“Because I …” The stranger paused, forced himself to look away for a moment before he retuned to me and started again. “Because it’s my job to worry about you.”
“Your job? What are you, like my guardian angel or something?” I laughed at the thought.
“I’m your guide. Not quite the same thing, though they do share certain similariti
es.”
“Do you have any idea how crazy this sounds?” I shook my head, telling myself I should leave, find my way back into the party, and to do it quickly.
But somehow I couldn’t.
Somehow I just remained right there in place.
“Just because something sounds crazy doesn’t make it any less true.” He ducked his head, gazed up at me through a thick row of lashes. “Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith, tune out what you see before you, what other people tell you, and focus on what you know deep down inside your own heart.”
I gazed between the stranger and the beast, then started to turn away, stopped by the sound of his voice when he said, “You’re quite a vision, Riley. Truly.”
My breath hitched, as chills ran over my flesh.
“I can see why you’ve chosen to stay. The first moment I saw you like this, you took my breath away.” He shook his head, ran a nervous hand over his chin. “And now that I’ve said that, I can only hope that when I find a way to break you out of here, you will not remember it.”
I twisted the rings on my hands, unable to remove my gaze from his. Carefully committing his words to memory, sensing they were far more meaningful than they first seemed—sure that I’d once longed to hear them—though I had no idea who he was.
Or did I?
I could no longer be sure.
“You know it’s not real, right?” His voice was gentle, his eyes filled with kindness. “You know you have to accept that—you have to find your way out. You can have all this and more. In fact, you are well on your way. You just have to be patient, Riley. It will come. I promise you that. You can have everything you want in the Here & Now—you don’t have to be here.”
That tingly feeling his words had brought, vanished just as quickly. He was wrong. I did need to be here. Everything I was depended on it. He had no idea what he was talking about.
“Listen,” I said, my gaze leveled on his, my voice full of venom, “I don’t know who you think you are, but—”
“My name is Bodhi.” He nodded. Then pointing at the beast he said, “I am your guide, Buttercup is your dog, and you are not Aurelia, you are Riley. A twelve-year-old Soul Catcher who resides in the Here & Now. You are visiting Rome on assignment. You are meant to find a gladiator named Theocoles and convince him to cross over. You are not from this time. This is not your home. These people are not your friends. And, that is not how you look in real life. You are dead. And it’s time you find your way out of here and get on with your afterlife.”
