by Alyson Noel
Dead?
Dead!
I shut my eyes tightly, fought back the surge of crystalline tears that threatened to pour down my cheeks. Gathering my skirts and shaking my head, I looked at him once more and said, “No! No.” Though my voice sounded tired, broken, bearing not a single trace of conviction. “No way. You need to leave. You need to leave now—and you need to take your …” I swallowed, regretting the words before they were out. But I had no choice. I was desperate to hang onto Aurelia, and the longer they stayed, the more impossible that would be. “You need to take your smelly beast with you before I scream for help and have you both dragged away.”
The beast looked at me, its eyes slanting, tail sinking low between his legs, the moment he heard me call him smelly. And though the sight saddened me, I didn’t apologize. I needed to be rid of them, find my way back inside, my new life as Aurelia depended on it.
“Riley, please—”
Bodhi, the stranger who claimed to be my guide, reached for me, touched me, his fingers circling my wrist, inviting me to follow—and I almost caved—I almost did, until Messalina appeared out of nowhere, with Dacian standing beside her.
“Is there a problem?” Her gaze narrowed in anger.
I yanked free of Bodhi’s grip, wiped the warm place on my arm where his fingers had been as though I couldn’t wait to erase every last trace of him.
“Everything’s fine,” I said, stepping forward to take Dacian’s side. “He’s found his way to the wrong party, mistaken me for someone else, but now that he knows the truth, now that he knows I’m not the girl he’s searching for, he and his beast will move on. Won’t you?”
I narrowed my gaze on Bodhi’s, holding it for as long as I could. My heart plummeting, a sick feeling invading me, fighting the urge to run after them, when he turned and left, dragging the dog along with him.
Messalina, satisfied with their departure, left me in Dacian’s care the moment they were gone. The two of us gazing into the vast night sky, pointing to our favorite constellations—including the one he’d named just for me. And it wasn’t long after that, when he closed his eyes, leaned forward, and kissed me.
18
When Theocoles fell, the entire Colosseum went silent.
I glanced at Dacian, seeing his face go slack, his mouth hang wide, then I glanced at Messalina behind me, noting how she was the only one among us unable to watch.
When Theocoles rolled over and his eyes searched for Messalina’s, the crowd was quick to recover—quick to turn on him and chant, “Kill!”
And when Urbicus lifted his sword, waiting for the emperor’s consent—when Messalina had already fled, unable to watch her lover’s slaughter yet again—when a stranger moved before me and fought to meet my gaze—I dropped Dacian’s hand and leaped, jumped, and fought my way to the center of the arena—overcome by a drive and a strength I didn’t know I possessed.
“Theocoles!” I called, knowing I had to move fast as there was no time for subtlety, no time to waste. “Theocoles—stop!”
I dropped to my knees, knelt right beside him, registering the shocked look on his face as he took in the gruesome state of his sad, headless corpse.
Repeating all the same words I’d said before—but just like before I was unable to get through to him—he resisted me at every turn.
“I will win their favor—they will worship me once more!” He shouted, rising to his feet, reaching for the helmet he sunk onto his head. “I will not be forgotten! I will be remembered! I will gain their admiration again!”
He retrieved his sword, picked up his shield, and I was just about to address him again, when Messalina sprang up behind me and said, “You’re much tougher than you look.” Her gaze burned on mine as she made her approach. “You’re surprisingly resilient for a young girl your age.” She stood before me, her words pointed, chosen carefully, and I knew without looking that the magic was gone.
I was no longer gorgeous, teenaged Aurelia—I was back to being skinny, scrawny, little Riley Bloom. Drowning in a pool of silky blue fabric that hung in unflattering droops, as Messalina shook her head, tsking in pity as her tongue clicked the roof of her mouth.
“What would Dacian say?” she wondered aloud.
Dacian.
I sighed, sure that he wouldn’t say much of anything if he saw me like this. Heck, he wouldn’t even recognize me in my current state—definitely wouldn’t cross rooms just to meet me—much less name constellations after me—never mind attempt to hold my hand and kiss me.
But then a new thought occurred. Something so horrifying I hesitated to voice it.
Forcing the words from my mouth when I said, “I don’t know Messalina, what would Dacian say?” I brought my finger to my chin, screwed my lips to the side as though deeply contemplating. “My guess is he would say whatever you make him say, since, after all, he is your creation, isn’t he? As soulless as the guests at your never-ending party, as soulless as the Roman nobles who crowd your uncle’s box.” I stared hard at her, wanting her to know that while it may hurt to realize my boyfriend had been fake, I refused to be devastated. “As soulless as everyone here, but you, and me, and of course, Theocoles.”
“Is that what you think?” she asked, her voice low and soft.
I shrugged. I mean, I wasn’t absolutely sure of it, I had no real proof, but it seemed like a pretty good theory.
“I miss our friendship,” she said, moving right past that, refusing to either confirm or deny. “You and I were such great friends, weren’t we?” She smiled slowly as though lost in the memory. “Believe me when I say that it was truly the most fun I’ve had in a very long time. There is nothing you can say that will make me think otherwise.”
“You enchanted me!” I shook my head, hardly believing what she’d just said. “You had me under your spell. And every time I’d start to find my way out—you brushed your hand across my forehead and put me under again!”
“Yeah? So?” She shrugged. “Do you mean to tell me you didn’t enjoy yourself?”
I mashed my lips together, buried my hands in the folds of my skirt, knowing that I had. I’d enjoyed myself far more than I cared to admit. Enjoyed myself so much, I’d chosen to stay, to pretend, even after Bodhi and Buttercup had managed to wake me.
Messalina’s world was alluring, tempting—it allowed me to live my own fairy tale—the kind of life I’d always dreamed of with fancy parties, pretty dresses, and a really cute prince by my side. If I’d stayed under her spell, I’d be happy for a very long time, perhaps even eternity. I’d live the same day over and over again, sure, but it’s not like I’d know the difference.
But while her world was soft and comfortable, offering everything I could ever want, it all came too easy. There was something to be said for patience and hard work.
There was something to be said for realizing your dream the old-fashioned way, by actually earning it.
“It doesn’t have to end, you know?” She smiled, lifted her hand. “You’re the little sister I always wanted, we can return to that easily, just say the word and it’s done.”
My bangs lay limp against my forehead, while the bodice of my dress sagged in the most embarrassing way—providing two very good reasons to give my consent, along with a whole heap of others that lined up behind it. All I had to do was allow her to brush her finger across my brow and I could dissolve into bliss. Though as tempting as it was, still I said, “No.” My face stern, eyes narrowed, so she’d know that I meant it. “Besides, I already have a sister, and someday, we’ll be together again. But for now, I’m content with the memories.” Memories and occasional visits to the Viewing Room, not to mention Dreamland. I nodded toward Theocoles, then returned my gaze to hers. “You know I have a job to do. You know I’m here to get through to him—to help him move on.”
“And you know that I can’t let you do that,” she said, her face sincere with regret.
“Then it seems we’ve reached a stalemate,” I said, watching as s
he turned away from me in favor of him.
Returning to a scene that had first taken place handfuls of centuries earlier. The one where Theocoles stared in bewilderment when he followed his own dead body as it was dragged from the arena.
My voice calling after her as I said, “It doesn’t end here! I will not give up until I’ve finished what I came for!”
The words falling on deaf ears as the gladiator and his girlfriend disappeared behind the big iron gates.
19
“Riley!” Bodhi called out to me, reached for me, but I just kept going, swerving right past him, right past poor whining Buttercup as I found my way out of the Colosseum and onto the street.
“You were great back there,” Bodhi said, running to keep up with me. “Really, as your guide I have to say I was truly impressed.”
I slumped down onto a big stone slab and buried my face in my hands, mumbling, “Yeah? Well, you shouldn’t be. The whole thing’s been nothing but a big, fat, colossal fail since the moment I got here.”
“How do you figure?” Bodhi sat beside me, as Buttercup tried to sniff and lick at my fingers but I pushed him away.
“How do you figure?” I asked, knowing I was acting like a brat, but unable to voice the real reason behind it.
It was the way Bodhi had looked at me when I was Aurelia—versus the way he looked at me now. The two were polar opposites, worlds apart, as different as me and, well, as different as me and Aurelia were.
“You found your way out,” Bodhi said. “You’re the first Soul Catcher to accomplish such a thing.”
“I didn’t accomplish anything,” I told him. “I found my way out because of you, and Buttercup. Your showing up while I was out on the balcony triggered something in me, though I did my best to fight it so I could continue to live as Aurelia.” I lifted my head, and searched for his eyes. “And, for the record, I heard everything you said. I remember all of it.” I shot him a pointed look, wondering if he understood what I was referring to—the bit when he confessed that I, or rather me masquerading as Aurelia, took his breath away. I shook my head and groaned, waved my hand before me, wishing I could erase what I’d just said. There was no point in going on about it. “The only reason I didn’t let on is because I didn’t exactly want to be out. Before I agreed to enter her world, I made her promise not to trap me. But, once she did, I didn’t fight too hard to get out. Messalina gave me everything I ever wanted and more. And, at that moment anyway, the Here & Now just couldn’t compete with the fairy-tale life she’d created for me.”
“So, what changed your mind?” he asked, his voice gentle but curious.
I started to say, “You.”
Started to say that the thought of being around him, even stuck as little Riley Bloom, the girl he’d never take seriously, was what did it—but I just couldn’t get to the words.
So instead, I swallowed hard and said, “Buttercup.” I patted my lap, invited my big lug of a dog to jump up. Grasping him tightly to a chest that was once again sunken, I said, “I missed Buttercup.” And then I buried my face in his fur, mumbling my apologies into his ear. “I’m sorry for calling you smelly, because you’re not—or at least not in a bad way, not in the way of the ludus. You smell like fresh air and sunshine and …” I scrunched my nose deep into his neck. “And strawberries! Have you been rolling in a field of strawberries?” I peered into his big brown eyes, hoping to find a hint of forgiveness. And when he barked in excitement, when he licked my face and left a pool of slobber all over my cheeks, I knew we were good once again.
“So what now?” Bodhi asked, his question so broad I wasn’t sure if he meant: What now after the weird thing we experienced?
Or more like: What do we do now—what’s the strategy for getting what we came for?
Choosing to stick with the least uncomfortable of the two, I gazed down at my dress, tightened the braided gold sash around my waist, and said, “Well, I’m pretty sure we can find Messalina and Theocoles in either one of two places—at the party, or the games. From what I can tell, they just relive the same two experiences over and over again.”
20
I was really hoping we’d find them at the games since I’d had enough of that whole party scene. And, in all honesty, I was hoping to avoid Dacian as well.
Partly due to vanity—I couldn’t bear the thought of him seeing me as myself—my real self as opposed to my future self. And partly because I was pretty sure he wasn’t real anyway. I was pretty sure he was nothing more than a manifestation Messalina had made to better distract me. The fact that she refused to either confirm or deny it, the fact that she just slid around the question, only proved it.
But, as luck would have it, when we arrived the party was in full swing, Messalina was already down in the ludus, and there was no sign of Dacian, which only confirmed my suspicion. Dacian was a fake. Otherwise, he would’ve been there, caught up in the same, lame routine. But since I was no longer a participant, Messalina was free to delete him from the guest list. And yet, even though I already suspected, I’m not gonna lie, it still hurt like heck.
Hurt in a way that surprised me.
My fairy-tale romance was not only completely superficial—not only based on a lie—but, in actuality, it didn’t even exist.
My first real kiss wasn’t real at all—it had come from a soulless aberration disguised as Prince Charming. And I’d wanted so badly to believe it was true that I bought right into the illusion Messalina had made.
How’s that for pathetic?
We made our way down the stairs, pushing through the crowd of raging gladiator ghosts, until we came to the second-to-last cell, and I motioned for Bodhi to peek through the small square opening at the top, to take in the scene I knew all too well.
“Wow, he really is stuck,” Bodhi whispered, turning away from the door and glancing at me.
I stared at him, suddenly struck by something I hadn’t noticed before.
“What?” Bodhi’s brows drew together as Buttercup tilted his head and stared at me inquisitively.
“Say it again,” I urged. “Repeat exactly what you just said, in the exact same tone of voice.”
He looked at me like I’d lost it, though he was quick to go along, whispering, “Wow, he really is stuck.” Then staring at me, waiting for the big reveal.
“That’s it!” I pulled him away from the door, and motioned for Buttercup to run alongside me, glancing over my shoulder to say, “Listen, when we get to the top of the stairs we’ll find ourselves in the Colosseum. I don’t know how it happens, I just know that it’s always happened that way in the past, so I’m sure it’ll happen again. So just follow my lead, okay?”
Bodhi nodded, his trust in me complete. And as I tore up the stairs and found my way to the landing that’s when I learned that I really was in Messalina’s world—and the rules of the game could change in an instant.
21
I stared in confusion, having no idea how this could’ve happened. We weren’t at the games, weren’t anywhere near the Colosseum from what I could tell. The only thing I knew for sure is that Messalina was messing with me. If she couldn’t keep me under her spell, then she’d keep me trapped in her maze.
Bodhi cocked his head, looking to me for direction. Figuring since I’d spent so much time here I must know the way, and at that moment, I suddenly understood his job better—the huge responsibility involved in guiding others. I also understood how horrible it must’ve been for him to be stuck as my guide, when I tended to fight him every step of the way, ensuring his job was anything but easy.
Surely being stuck in a maze of empty white rooms that all looked the same, feeling about as lost as it gets as my dog and my guide waited for me to lead them to escape, was nothing more than the payback I so richly deserved. Though payback or not, I had no choice but to overcome it, to do whatever it took to find our way out.
I forced myself to go quiet and still, on the lookout for any signs that might help, and it wasn’t long befo
re I heard a burst of noise drifting from a place nearby, motioning for Bodhi and Buttercup to follow alongside me. We crept down a series of corridors, through a succession of identical rooms, progressing toward the sound of laughter, music, and chatter that seemed to grow louder and louder with each passing step, though no matter how far we went, we couldn’t locate the source, never got any closer than when we began.
I stopped, coming to such a quick and sudden halt that Bodhi bumped right into me, and Buttercup into him—the chain reaction knocking me off balance, forcing me to reach toward the wall to steady myself.
“Sorry,” Bodhi whispered, starting to say something more when I raised my finger to my lips, shooting him and Buttercup a warning of silence.
Listen, I thought, knowing he could hear it as clearly as any words I might speak. Listen as hard as you can.
Bodhi leaned forward as Buttercup mimicked by cocking an ear and holding the pose for a moment before turning to me in confusion.
I don’t hear anything—or at least anything that stands out from the laughter and chatter. Bodhi looked at me, face thoroughly confused.
I nodded. Finally getting the full picture of what I’d only glimpsed before. “Instead of moving toward the noise, we should’ve been moving away from it.”
Bodhi looked in both directions before returning to me.
“The noise is a distraction. It’s keeping us from our goal. Just like it’s keeping Theocoles from his destiny.”
Bodhi sighed, shrugged, clearly having no idea what I meant, but eager to get on with it, he jabbed a thumb over his shoulder and said, “So, we go that way instead?”
