Love Conquers All

by Galia Albin

  Chapter 41

  Seffi scrutinized Talia’s face as she lay by his side on the bed, breathing quietly, unusually relaxed. Since her return, the ambiguity of her behavior towards him confused him even more. Was there even a shred of truth in the things she had said to him on that phone call from New York? True, she only needed his help, and the words they exchanged were ridiculously childish, but for a moment there, it looked as if she, too, was carried away by the excitement of the game and experienced true passion.

  Many times, especially during the long hours of his hospital shifts, he pondered their intricate relationship; when they were together, she was always sensuous and loving, her flesh so responsive to his touch. But the moment she was away from him, she sounded cold and aloof. Was it only sexual desire that she felt towards him? This adored woman, whose every inch of skin invited him to kiss and caress it, had never uttered a word of love to him. She never called him to come to her. She was always passive while he was the one taking the initiative. He often wanted her to explain this strange pattern of behavior, but he was afraid. He became furious with her at times, and when other women offered themselves to him, he accepted their favors, but then he always came back to her, ashamed and remorseful. “You are the woman in my life!” was the inscription he had engraved on a bracelet that he gave Talia for her birthday.

  “Talia,” he whispered, his fingers stroking her naked back.

  “Seffi, are you still awake? What time is it?”

  “It’s the middle of the night. I came back from the hospital, and I couldn’t fall back to sleep.”

  “What happened?” she sat up, blinking. The strap of her nightgown had slipped, and the skin underneath looked as soft and vulnerable as a baby’s. How do I tell her that I can’t go on like this? he asked himself. If only he had the courage, or the strength, or both, he would have left her, once and for all.

  “Don’t tell me you just came back from the hospital! Heads of departments don’t have to do night shifts. You had your own private shift with some nurse,” Talia said icily and turned her back to him, ready to go back to sleep.

  She’s jealous! At least she has some feeling for him! And her sense of smell did not mislead her. He had had a little fling with a young nurse when Talia took off to New York. After all, he is not made of wood. And anyway, now that was all in the past. As if she did not know that no other woman in the world could take her place! All the bitterness he had harbored in his heart over the last few months suddenly evaporated, replaced by sweetness, he was almost happy.

  They had always made up in bed after their spats, as if the body had a wisdom all its own. Seffi turned her back to him, crushing her body against his. His hand caressed her hair. This is where they always started their sensual ascent together, until they reached the peak. But now Talia disengaged herself from the embrace and sat up immediately.

  “I’m afraid we’ll have to break up. I can’t go on hurting you. I really crossed the line with my escape to New York. You have been good to me. I really feel bad about myself. This is not how I wanted things to be.”

  “Talia...”

  “Please, Seffi, don’t Talia me!. Seffi, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately.”

  He looked at her dolefully for a long time, not uttering a word. His hands were getting cold, as if drained of blood. “You were right about that other thing. I had a little fling with some other woman... It wasn’t important. But I was very hurt when you upped and left without telling me.” Talia lowered her voice to a whisper, mollifying him like a child. “Seffi, you’re right, but with couples, it doesn’t really matter who is right. I am trying to tell you that you and I were probably not meant to be a couple. You’re a terrific fellow, but the truth is, I’m am not in love with you. You have no idea how much I wanted to fall in love with you, truly. To love you the way you love me.”

  “But I accept you as you are, Talia. So what if I love you more than you love me? One does not measure true love. Your love will develop and grow, you’ll see. Mine wasn’t born right away. It will take you some time. I know how it is, and I can wait, I have all the time in the world...”

  “But the heart cannot be forced. There must be something wrong with me since Jonathan’s been gone.”

  Seffi felt a rush of anger and despair. All his sorrow, his attempts at reconciliation, his self-abnegation transformed into a mountain of seething anger. He sat at the edge of the bed, away from her so that she could not see his clenched fists. Count to ten, he ordered himself, but eventually he gave vent to his towering rage. “Jonathan! Jonathan! Jonathan!” he roared “that’s all I ever hear about! Jonathan! I don’t mention Leora all the time! You think you’re the only one suffering? Only you lost a loved one? What about me?

  “ I am very thankful to you for what we shared, for what you did for me, especially with Michali... and again I apologize for the New York episode. Don’t think that I don’t know how you feel. It isn’t easy for me, either. You must know that I am going overseas next month, to Los Angeles this time, to study cinema. That has always been my dream, even before I met Jonathan.”

  “But what about the children? And your businesses?” He was so stunned that he forgot his anger. But the pain of the delayed blow soon returned to paralyze him. He put his hands under his nape and stretched on the bed, closing his eyes.

  “Seffi, I’m sorry. The distance will help us.”

  “You’re running away, Talia. Who from? Me?”

  “Not from you, from life, from this place. I can’t take it anymore. Things have become too difficult for me. You know what it means to be both Mom and Dad to your children, but you never had the experience of being responsible for fourteen hundred people, of being hated and reviled by your colleagues and partners who are waiting to stick a knife in your back at any moment. Every day I leave home with a dagger between my teeth. Well, I’ve had enough! I’m tired of it all!”

  “I never realized you had such a hard time...”

  “Sure, to the world, I project an image of self-confidence. Talia Rambo, Talia the Superwoman! But it’s not like that at all. You think it’s easy to be in the public eye all the time, an object of envy, insults, follow- ups, betrayals. I can’t go abroad without publicity. Did I do anything wrong? Even my brother and sister have cut me. Why? Because of my money and fame. As if I have undergone some change...” she tried to stop the avalanche of words that was gushing from her mouth, and succeeded, but she could not stop the flow of tears gushing from her eyes. She felt pains in her chest.

  Seffi held out his hand; she took it for a moment, then dropped it.

  “But Talia, I’m here for you, I want to help you, to be your man...”

  “You can’t, Seffi. It is beyond you. It is impossible to step into Jonathan’s shoes...”