Easy Fall

by Moose, S.

  Calvin: I was happy with you, Mallory. You never let me take on the boyfriend role with you. I loved that you took care of me, but it started to feel like I was your child. I think we wanted different things in life. I’m not ready to settle down and seeing as how you thought I was going to ask you to marry me, well, that shows you’re on one level, and I’m on another.

  Calvin: Be happy. That’s what I want for you. Good luck with everything.

  I reread the messages, and a forced laugh slips through my lips. Not one message feigned an apology. He didn’t care about breaking up with me, and he was going to be okay with moving on. He’s not sorry he broke it off with me. There’s a big chance he’s not even thinking about me. He’s not sitting around his apartment and wondering what I’m doing.

  Then it hits me.

  No one owes me anything in this world. Calvin doesn’t owe me an apology. He’s wishing me well, and that’s all I can ask for. I don’t expect my family and friends to dote on me over this breakup because it’s not life-changing. It’s not as if he passed away or either of us were harmed in some way.

  It’s life.

  A knock on the door gets my attention, and my mom comes in with a plate of food.

  “Hi, Mom.” I get up from lying down and hold out my hands for the grilled cheese she has for me. “Thank you for making me this.”

  “Hi, honey. How are you feeling?”

  I shrug my shoulders and take a bite of the sandwich. I’m not sure how to answer her question. “I don’t know. Did you and Dad like Calvin?”

  She places her hand on my knee and smiles. “He was okay. Honey, can I be frank with you?”

  “Please. All I ask is for you to be honest. I need some real talk in my life right now.” If anyone can give it to me, it’s mom. She knows me better than anyone.

  “Since you were a little girl, you’ve always dreamed about finding the perfect man. You wanted to live happily ever after. As you got older, you started watching romance movies, and I remember the first time you read a romance novel. It was by Judy Blume. You had R&B music playing in the house, and I’m pretty sure your dad was about ready to toss out your Boyz II Men CD.”

  “The classics.” I sigh, making a mental note to make a playlist with old-school R&B songs.

  “Love will come to you when you least expect it. You can’t force it to happen. With every relationship you’ve had, I’ve watched you try so hard to make it work that you kept losing yourself. You need someone who’ll be your partner, not someone for you to mother.”

  I try holding back the tears. Everything my mom is saying hits me hard because she’s right. I’m always the one taking care of the man I’m with, and it’s been like this since I was little. I always put others before what I want. What I need. I don’t remember the last time I put myself first.

  “Mallory, I want you to be happy. That’s all your father and I want for you. We want you to find your place and realize things will fall into place after the storm.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I appreciate it.”

  She leans over to kiss my forehead and pats my knee before walking out of my bedroom. When the door shuts, the flood of tears erupts from my eyes as the anguish of not feeling good enough slaps me in the face.

  “Mallory, stop crying,” I tell myself through my tears. “You are good enough, and one day, you’re going to be happy. Love yourself first before worrying about loving someone else.”

  Chapter 5

  Mallory

  The spacious bedroom that I get to call mine for the summer is something I can get used to. This apartment is to die for. It’s cozy and has a warm feeling as soon as you walk in. There’s a diffuser on top of the bookcase and it diffuses lavender and mint. There’s a little nook in the corner of the room by the window and it overlooks the city.

  I can see myself living here.

  A knock on the door gets my attention, and I sit up on the bed. “Hey, come in,” I answer.

  “You’re famous.” Lisa, my best friend since we were babies, comes into the bedroom and sits down, handing me her laptop.

  “I’m what?”

  “Over three million hits on YouTube already.” She laughs before clearing her throat. “I’m sorry, babe. How are you holding up?”

  It’s been a month since the infamous breakup, and I’m in New Orleans for the summer. The decision to be here is thanks to tequila and lots of girl power music. Honestly, alcohol and music aren’t always bad to combine when you need to make a decision.

  My best friend, Lisa Perry, is with me to keep me company. She’s a publishing agent and doesn’t need to be in the office. Her boss is laid-back and doesn’t mind her leaving town for the summer if she checks in and manages her work. I can also work remotely, so it’s not an issue to leave Chicago and go wherever I need to.

  I needed a change of pace.

  I needed a restart and a chance to recharge.

  Lisa’s been my best friend since we were babies. She’s my right hand. The jelly to my peanut butter. We’ve been there for each other through almost every important stage of our lives, and I trust her with my life. Our parents are good friends, and we’ve been attached at the hip since before I can remember.

  “You’re kidding me.”

  “Someone recorded your breakup with Calvin and uploaded it. The comments are going to make you feel better. Everyone’s team Mallory. There’s so much hate toward Calvin. I never liked the guy either.”

  My cheeks are flaming, and my pride has hit an all-time low. Now everyone in the world can see my epic failed relationship.

  Another one.

  I squeeze my eyes shut due to embarrassment. I cannot believe I allowed myself to get to that level of anger and hurt. Calvin’s words from that night hits me again. I can hear him telling me I’m too much and I’m boring.

  “He said I’m boring in bed, I’m too intense, and since we want different things in life, he knew breaking up with me was the right decision.” I haven’t told her the whole story yet. “Then he told me we were on different levels, so pretty much I wanted more than him. I guess I was just a chapter in his life when I wanted him to be my happily ever after. Why’s this always happen to me?”

  Lisa gasps. “Wait. Back up. You’re kidding, right? Please tell me you’re kidding.”

  “I wish.”

  “I’m going to fly up there and kick his ass. What a dick.” She grunts and slams the laptop cover shut. “Girlfriend, you’re not boring and he’s not man enough to see the genuine and kind person you are. Don’t let that idiot make you doubt yourself. I’ve seen you do this one too many times and I’m not going to allow you to wallow in your own sadness. You’re better than this, Mallory. You just need to believe it. I can sit here all day and tell you you’re better than this, but it won’t do any good until you believe it.”

  I sigh. “I get what you’re saying. It’s been hard but I thought he was going to ask me to marry him, so I said yes. And he looked confused. I made a fool of myself. That’s the hardest pill to swallow.”

  “No, you didn’t. Don’t do that. Don’t beat yourself up over this. I’m glad you know now rather than later. You need to look at this as a blessing in disguise. Instead of asking yourself why is this happening to me, you need to learn your lesson and apply that to the future.”

  “You’re right. I’m going to start think about it that way because, you know what, things happen, and it’s called life. I’m going to be okay. Being here in New Orleans with you will be everything I need to recharge and start again.”

  “Absolutely! I’m here by your side, and whatever you need, let me know.” There’s a brief pause. “I have an idea. Let’s go out tonight. You’ve been stuck inside since you got here. It’s not healthy. We can go to The Cure. It’s a fun bar, and the bartenders are really hot.”

  Narrowing my eyes at her, I say, “You’re joking, right? I’m not ready for anything that’s really hot. How do you know about this place?”

  She shrugs. �
�Don’t be mad. I might have been wandering around one night and stumbled upon this hopping place, and the music was good. I think this is going to be our go-to bar while we’re here. The people were nice too. Like I said, the bartenders were hot.”

  I sigh, rubbing my face with my hands, and silently agree. “I’m over Calvin, you know. I’m not sitting here pining over him and hoping he’ll call and tell me he changed his mind. That ship sailed. I’m ready to move on. Just not right now.”

  “Oh, I know. That’s why you’re going on a mission tonight.”

  “A mission?”

  “Take a risk, Mallory. Do something spontaneous and so out of the norm. You need to live and be free. Spread your wings and fly, baby bird.”

  “Like what?” I nervously laugh. Whatever plan she has in mind is making me squirm with anxiety. “And don’t call me baby bird.”

  She winks. “Pick up someone at the bar. And, side note, I love that nick name so that’s what I’m calling you from now on.”

  “Say what?” I burst out laughing. “Yeah, that’s not happening. My confidence is down the drain right now. I can’t get anyone tonight. I’ll be the weird chick at the bar asking dumb questions. You know how I get when I’m nervous.”

  “Because of Calvin? You’re telling me you’re allowing your ex-boyfriend to define who you are? If you’re telling me that, I will bitch slap you, baby bird.”

  “It’s a combination of everything going on, and yes, Calvin plays a huge part in what I’m feeling. He broke up with me over the dumbest thing, and now I think of myself as someone who doesn’t know how to please a man. Three failed relationships in five years, so it all makes sense.”

  “You need to look at yourself in the mirror. So what if you’ve had breakups? We all have. It’s life. You need to look at it as lessons and something positive. With each relationship, you learned something about yourself. You learned how to be strong and how to stand tall. The lessons you learned will only help you grow. You can’t allow something like this to break down everything you’ve worked hard for. You’re so beautiful, Mallory, and you have so much to offer. You need to put yourself out there and take this next adventure.”

  I sniffle. “I hear what you’re saying. Truly, I do. It’s hard for me to see myself in that light.” I hate that my self-confidence has taken such a hit, but a girl can only take so my rejection before it becomes your life.

  “I get it. After looking at your relationships, you tend to pick men who are safe. You need to date a man who isn’t afraid to show you he cares about you, and who isn’t afraid to love you. This man is going to make you feel alive. He’s going to want to go on adventures with you and do everything he possibly can to put a smile on your face. Baby bird, this man is out there for you. Give your heart and soul a break. It’s okay to be alone until you’re feeling better. You’re allowed to take some time to heal.”

  “Maybe. And stop with that nickname.”

  “Chin up and not a chance. It’s cute and I love it for you. You’re in a new place, so something is bound to happen. Open yourself up to the possibilities.”

  I shrug. “I’ll try.”

  “That’s my baby bird.”

  “Okay and we’re done with that nick name.”

  Once Lisa leaves the bedroom and shuts the door, I fall onto the pillows on the bed and squeeze my eyes shut. For a moment, I lose myself in my thoughts, hearing what Lisa said to me and thinking back on my relationships. I used to play it safe. Safe, to me, meant not getting hurt. And low and behold, I’m wrong again.

  Coming out of my thoughts, I pull the laptop onto my lap and read the comments. Shaking my head, I let out a full-blown belly laugh.

  “Girl, you can do better. Screw him!”

  “If you want a real man, HMU.”

  Most of the comments are the same, but then one catches my eyes.

  “Hold yourself high and don’t let anyone make you feel anything less. You’re a strong and beautiful woman. Find the confidence you once had, and you’ll take over the world.”

  I read the comment from SemperFi54 and notice there’s no picture.

  I’m intrigued.

  Chapter 6

  Justin

  The late afternoon sun beats down on me while I wipe the last table after the lunch rush. The humidity is staggering for a day in June. Sweat rolls down my brow, and I look down the street before taking a few steps back to get a full look at the bar before me.

  In my mind, I saw myself as a Marine until it was time to retire. I was going to marry Angie and she’d pick out our forever home. We’d have two or three kids, and a dog. That’s the life I wanted.

  Life’s funny that way. It never turns out the way that you expect. I didn’t think I’d find myself back here.

  Heading inside, I walk behind the bar and wipe it down before going to the register and balancing the drawer.

  “Afternoon, Justin.”

  I look up from the register and smile. “Hey, Crystal. Ready for tonight?”

  “Always. So,” she starts to say, and I cringe because I know what’s coming. “If you aren’t busy tonight-,” her voice trails off, but the look in her eyes tells me exactly what she’s not saying.

  “Crystal,” I say slowly, “I’m really sorry. You’re beautiful, and I’m a fool for not wanting more with you, but I’m not in the right place to start anything. You’re too important to me. I’m scared I’ll hurt you.”

  “Oh.” Her happy expression falls. “Don’t get mad at me for asking. When are you going to let someone in?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You know what I mean. You’ve been walking around here single and not into anyone. I get it. You have your hands full with the bar and dealing with things alone. That’s how you’ve always been. You’re missing life. You’re letting the past dictate how you act in the present, which will affect your future. When are you going to let go of what she did to you? This should be your time to start over. A new slate. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m a great catch.”

  I flex and unflex my hand. “It has nothing to do with her, and I’m sure you are. You’re a great woman, and you’re beautiful. I’m just not in a good place to start anything with anyone. You know the bar is number one in my life. I don’t have room or time for anything or anyone.”

  In a lot of ways, the way I felt had everything to do with Angie and what happened between us. Since the day I found out the truth, I’ve turned down dates with any woman who looked in my direction.

  I’m not up for a one-night stand or anything casual. I’m a respectful man, and I want something real. I want to settle down one day and have children. Sometimes, I don’t think it’s in the cards for me, and other times, I wonder what it’d be like to go for it without reservations.

  “Well, I’m here if you ever want to talk. I mean it, Justin. I’m a great listener.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate that.” I tell her. I can read between the lines. I know what she wants her listening skills to turn into and I’m just not interested.

  The rest of the day goes quickly, and soon, I’m alone in my apartment above the bar. Usually I welcome the quiet after a long day of work. Tonight, isn’t one of those nights.

  After losing Carson and Angie, I sold our house and made the bar my home. It’s not the home I bought with Carson, but it’ll do. I don’t need much anyway. The living area is minimal with a couch, a coffee table, and a big screen mounted on the wall. I don’t have a kitchen table since I’m either eating at the bar or at Coach and Courtney’s. The curtains I have are simple, and my bedroom holds my bed, a dresser, and another mounted big screen. The apartment is decent for one person. I have more than enough room, and I have a view of the city of New Orleans.

  Life’s good. No complaints.

  My laptop is resting on my lap, and I watch the same video I’ve been watching these past few weeks. Her voice captivates me. The more I watch the clip of her, the more I feel like I know her. She’s strong and doesn’t let s
hit hit her. She doesn’t back down from how she feels. This woman is damn near perfect.

  I scroll until I find my comment and read her response.

  Thank you for your kind words. That means a lot. I’m trying to let the past go and move on. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but I’d like for things to go right once in my life. I’m not a bad person. I’m a good person with a big heart. I love the idea of love. Fairy tales are my favorite. I love the idea of being strong but having your Prince by your side to help you when you need a shoulder to lean on. I’m all for the strength of women and believe in that. Still, it’s nice to have someone who wants to be part of your world. You know? Sorry for rambling.

  I highlight her username and hope I can find out more about her when I hit the search button and her social media site pops up. I click on it, but before I can send a message, my own message indicator is alerting me. To my surprise, it’s a message from her – Mallory Claire.

  Mallory: Thank you for your service.

  Reading her message puts a smile on my face. It’s been a while since that’s happened. Usually, I don’t like the recognition I receive when people find out I’m a Marine. I didn’t do it for that. I did it because it’s what I wanted to do. I hate being in the spotlight.

  I read her message a few times and I don’t want to sound cocky or like an idiot. Pressing the backspace key, I try again with something to send back to her. I don’t want to take too long and have her think I’m ignoring her.

  Justin: No problem.

  Mallory: I know you’re probably wondering why I’m messaging you because if I were you, I’d wonder the same thing. And I’m now wondering. Is this weird? I hope not. I’m not some kind of crazy stalker chick. This is not me at all. I’ve had a glass of wine or two. Call it liquid courage. I guess I wanted to say thank you for what you said. It means a lot. You have no idea how I felt when I read the comment you left me. It stayed with me. I copied and pasted it into a Word document and wrote it in my planner. I’ll get to read the comment every day and start to heal from all the pain. The power behind your words is something to be proud about.