by Moose, S.
“I understand, but I don’t know. You’re not very talkative, and things are a little weird right now. I know you’ve had a hard few weeks. I’m sorry that I’m taking you away from the bar.”
Justin reaches across the table and takes my hand. “I love you. Everything’s fine. I’m just trying to sort through my thoughts. You don’t need to be sorry. I’m glad I have you to remind me not to work all the time. I need to enjoy life and I’m enjoying it with you.”
“Can I just say one thing?”
Justin nods. “Of course, baby. You don’t need to ask me.”
“Justin, I know it’s hard for you to open up and let me all the way in. I’ll be as patient and understanding as I can possibly be. All I ask is that you give me all your broken pieces and let my love heal you.”
Justin shrugs. “It’s hard for me as you know. I don’t want you to see that side of me. I’ve worked hard to control my emotions when it comes to my past, and I don’t want to keep overwhelming you with the same issues.”
I squeeze his hand. “You’re not. You think I don’t want to know these things, or if you tell me, then I’m going to think you’re less of a man, but you’re wrong about that. I’m so proud of you, of everything you’ve done in your life and how you picked yourself back up from tragedy. We’re human. You’re human. You’re allowed to have days when you’re mad or sad or frustrated. It happens. I’m here for you, and I want to be.”
“I know you are. All I ask is for a little time. I’m not the greatest when it comes to talking about how I feel.”
I take what he says and go with it because I don’t want to keep pushing the issue. I’m sure when he’s ready, he’ll open up to me more. I know it takes time, and I’ll just have to be patient.
The dessert menu is in front of us, but we’re full from dinner, so we decide against it. After we pay, Justin and I leave the restaurant.
“Monroe. Man, is that you?”
Justin’s body freezes for a moment before he answers. “Wow. Collin, good to see you. What’s going on?”
“Not a thing. Home for a few weeks.” Collin extends his hand out to Justin’s. “We miss you on base. How are things going?”
“It’s going. Collin, this is my girlfriend, Mallory.”
“Nice to meet you.”
“You too.”
“Justin and I served together. He was my commanding officer and helped me learn the ropes. Couldn’t have done it without you.”
“Not a problem. I’m glad to hear things are going well.”
Collin smiles and nods. “It sure is. Can I ask you something? I know it’s going to be hard for you to answer.”
“Sure.”
“Why’d you leave? You had all of us counting on you.” Collin’s tone quickly turns to on the edge of aggressive. “I was counting on you.”
The smell of whiskey is on his breath, so I know this isn’t going to end well.
“Collin, it’s getting late, and Justin and I have an hour drive back.”
He ignores what I’m saying. “Answer me. I need to understand how a lieutenant can do that to the people he was serving with. It’s not like you saw war.”
“I saw plenty when I was overseas. More than you think I saw.”
He scoffs. “You worked on planes.”
I’m holding my breath. I have no idea how Justin’s going to react to all of this. If Collin was attacking me, I think I’d have a complete blackout meltdown and go on the attack, but Justin seems to be calm and collected. I have no idea how he’s doing that.
“Collin, I can tell this isn’t like you. You’re drunk, and I don’t know what else you’re going through, but let’s talk when you’re feeling better.”
“Whatever, man. You’re running away. It’s what you’re good at.”
“We’ll talk later. Be safe tonight.”
Just then a woman comes over and is trying to catch her breath.
“I’m really sorry, Justin.”
She knows him.
“This dickhead stole my car, and I had to run two miles to get here. I’m so sorry. He’s drunk. Don’t listen to him.” She hits Collin on the chest and yells at him, calling him an irresponsible idiot and how dare he leave her.
“I’m sorry again,” she says and drags Collin away.
I place my hand on Justin’s arm, but he’s frozen, his eyes trained on Collin and whoever was with him.
“He’s right. I left my men over there. I left when I should’ve been there for them. They needed me.”
Tears burn in my eyes, and my chest begins to ache for the pain etched in his voice. I’m in shock. I don’t understand why he’s doing this to himself.
“Don’t do that. Don’t listen to what he was saying. Remember, he was drunk.”
“The truth comes out when you’re drunk. What he’s saying makes absolute sense. I let them down. I should’ve known.”
“You served, Justin. You gave our country years of your life. There’s nothing wrong with leaving after fulfilling a commitment.”
The tear trickles down my cheek. Silently, I wipe it away, hoping Justin doesn’t turn around and see me. He doesn’t need to know this is killing me. I need to be strong for him. Even if I don’t understand what he’s going through and how he’s feeling, I still need to be strong.
“Come on, babe. Let’s go.”
Chapter 27
Justin
When I turn around and see tears in her eyes, I know it’s time to go. I bury the emotions and try to remain calm. She needs me to be open and honest with her. I’m not going to shut down. I can’t risk losing her again.
“I’m fine. I know you’re worried right now, but I promise I’m okay. What Collin said hurt and it cut me deep, but I’m not going to shut down on you. All I ask is if you can please give me time and be patient. I’m not the greatest with words.”
She frantically nods and grabs tissues from my glove compartment. “That’s all I need to hear.”
I think about Collin when we’re in the car, and I start the drive back. What he said hits me hard, and it lingers. I’m trying to start a new life for myself.
And with Mallory.
She’s my safe place. If she hadn’t been with me during the confrontation with Collin, I have no idea how I would’ve handled it. She needs me just as much as I need her. Whatever’s going on in my head, I need to find the words to tell her and explain it.
She deserves it all.
Instead of heading home, I hightail it to a hotel nearby. Mallory’s looking at me in confusion. Her brows are furrowed, and she’s having a hard time getting out words.
“Babe?
“Yes?”
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
There’s a hotel coming up on the right, so I step on the gas pedal a little harder and make a sharp turn into the parking lot. There’s an open spot near the entrance.
Perfect.
I open the door for her and drag her inside. The check-in is easy and smooth. By the time we’re on the tenth floor and in the hotel room, I cup her face in my hands and press my lips against hers. My hands are everywhere on her body. In her hair, underneath the straps of her dress, unhooking her bra, and gripping her waist so I can pick her up and place her on the bed. Once she’s on her back, I rest on my forearm and use my free hand to slide down her body and move her panties aside, plunging my fingers insider her. I moan at the feel of her warmth on my fingers.
“Justin. Please don’t stop.”
She clings to me, moaning my name as she tells me to finger her faster. When I feel her release on my fingers, I remove them and then bury my head between her legs. She grips my hair, pulling it, and her breathing grows louder.
“Justin. Oh my God.”
I flick her clit with my tongue and suck on her hard, tasting and savoring her. She begins to writhe, and another orgasm slams into her. She maneuvers us so I’m the one on the bed and she’s hovering over me. Her fingers unbutton my
jeans, bringing it down with my black boxer briefs.
“Baby, you don’t have to.” I know it’s hard for her to give me a blowjob. She struggles and doubts herself, and I don’t want her doing that tonight. “I want to be the one who pleases you.”
“This will please me because I want to take care of you. Let me do that.”
“Alright.” I give in and watch as her lips cover the tip of my cock. “Fuck, Mallory. Fuck.” Her warm mouth feels damn good around my cock. She uses her hand to rub the length of my dick while still sucking me. She licks, sucks, and twirls her tongue. I hear her moaning, and I rest on my forearms. Looking down, I watch her play with herself while sucking me off. “Damn, baby, that’s hot.”
Our eyes connect, and I hold my stare onto her. I slowly think I’m going to die just by the feel of what she’s doing to me and the way she’s looking at me.
“I don’t want to come in your mouth,” I tell her and move so my dick is out of her mouth and hand. Gently, I lift her into my arms and place her on the bed. “I want to come inside you.”
“I’m on the pill remember? Don’t worry, I take it every day at the same time, and I don’t ever miss it. I trust you, so please trust me too.”
“I do.”
“Let me be on top,” she asks, and I change our positions so she’s the one in control. “I want this to feel good for you.”
“It will.”
She starts off slow and keeps her eyes on me. Her hands are on my chest, and she uses them to support herself until she brings her lips to mine. I open my mouth for her, feeling her tongue slide into mine. I’m lost in her kiss. Lost in the way she’s riding me.
“Is this okay?” she whispers into my ear. “Am I doing this right?”
“It feels amazing, baby. Like heaven. Keep going.”
“Okay.”
I close my eyes, focusing on how good she feels and hoping I don’t come too soon. When she rolls her hips and starts moving faster, it’s almost impossible not to finish.
“Baby,” I pant, hoping she’ll know what I’m trying to say.
“I know. Me too.”
Her fingers dig into my chest, and she throws her head back, moaning and telling me she’s about to finish. I grip her waist, and we slow our bodies, feeling the completeness of each other.
She falls on top of me, breathing hard, and using her finger to trace letters on me.
“What are you writing?”
“Guess?”
I hold her tight and kiss the side of her head. “You’re spelling out the word love.”
“I am.”
I do the same to her and trace the letters on her bare back.
“Beautiful,” she whispers and kisses my chest before getting up to use the restroom. After a few minutes, she walks out and climbs back into bed with me. “Tell me something that’s on your mind. Something you’re afraid to tell me.”
“I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed in me. Tonight, with Collin, I didn’t want you to think less of me because I left the Marines and came home.”
She kisses my chest again. “I don’t think less of you. You did what you thought was right.”
“I never told you why.” I pause, and she doesn’t answer. “Carson was having anxiety attacks, and he was front line. I was the mechanic and worked the planes. It’s what I loved, and he loved being front and center. He knew his way around a sniper rifle, and his shots were precise.” I take a deep breath. “One night, he lost it and started mumbling, saying he couldn’t do it anymore. Our time was coming to an end, and luckily, the tour was ending. I calmed him down and did everything I could to help him get through the last few weeks. I didn’t want to leave, but I couldn’t have my brother be alone.”
Mallory perks up and looks at me with adoration and love. “Baby, you’re an amazing person with the biggest heart. I’m so proud of you. You sacrificed what you wanted for your brother. I’m sure it was difficult to do, but you need to tell yourself you loved your brother more than being in the Marines. You’ll always be a Marine, no matter what. No one can take that from you. You served our country and protected us. You’re my hero.”
This woman in my arms is becoming my everything. She’s the air and light, and I would die crossing oceans and fire just to be with her.
When I hear her shallow breathing, I know she’s asleep. I hold her tight and breathe her in, reeling from the night we had. If I’m being honest, tonight brought us closer together. Some of the burden of loneliness is gone, and it’s because of her. Spilling my guts to her and letting her in all the way are what I needed to release the demons swimming in my head. She showed me the light, and I followed until I woke in her arms.
My home.
She didn’t tell me to get over it or that things were going to get better. She acknowledged my feelings and listened.
It was all I wanted.
It was all I needed.
This is a gift. Meeting Mallory and making her mine are a gift, and I’m not going to return it or exchange it.
She’s going to be my forever.
Chapter 28
Justin
“Tell me more about yourself. I want to know about when you were younger. I want to know more about Carson.”
It’s nine in the morning, and we’ve been in bed, talking about our lives. My body is at peace. I have my girl by my side, and we’re shutting down from the world. Our phones have been off since last night. If there’s an emergency, such as the bar burns down, then Jerry knows where I’m staying and how to get ahold of me. Other than that, I don’t care what’s going on. She deserves my attention.
“Well, as you know, Carson was my twin. We were identical, but for those who really knew us, they could tell us apart. When we were kids, things were great. My biological mother was a teacher, and my biological father was a doctor. They were loving and supported us. I have fond memories of them.”
Mallory lays on her stomach with her head on my chest, and she’s playing with my fingers. Her legs are tangled in mine, and our bare skin is touching.
“Then things changed. She got laid off and couldn’t find another teaching job, so she tried the stay-at-home mother thing, but that quickly turned into a disaster. She fell into a depression and sought comfort in a bottle of wine and pills rather than her family. There were plenty of times when Coach took us home, and whenever he did, my biological father talked to him, explaining things were fine and we were just going through a rough patch.”
I look at the ceiling, my fingers playing with her hair as I try to find the next words for her. This is going to break her heart, and I hate doing it, but she wants to know more about me, and I need to be open.
“The sperm donor, as Carson called him, was abusive. Each time we lost a game, he’d beat us and make us run for miles. He’d follow us in his car, and we had to keep pace, or he’d hit us with his car.” I gasp, remembering him telling me how abusive his father was to them. “He lost his medical license because he was writing phony prescriptions. He avoided jail time by becoming an informant. He was the little fish in a bigger pond, and the authorities were interested in the bigger fish. After all was said and done, he got hooked on drugs, and it was a recipe for disaster. We lost our home and lived with my grandmother. She was old, but she tried to keep us together and tried to get them the help they needed.”
“Did it help?”
I shake my head. “Nothing worked. When she died, she left some money behind, but it was spent quickly. The bank and creditors were constantly calling. No one was allowed to answer the house phone. It didn’t matter if the school left a message and asked for a call back. If someone touched the phone, there was hell to pay. By this time, we were having dinner with Coach and Courtney every night. They wanted to call protection services, but Carson pleaded with them, and I said if they did, we’d run away.”
“We should’ve asked to live with them sooner, but we loved our birth parents. They were only children and with both sets of parents gone, it w
as them and us. No matter how shitty it got, we loved our parents, and weren’t going to leave them.”
“I know, babe.” Mallory’s tone is comforting.
It’s easy to open myself to her and let her know all of this.
“You and your brother did what you thought was best. No one’s going to blame either of you or think anything less of you.”
“It’s hard to talk about. I’m here, and they’re out there, not caring they lost one of their sons.” I sigh, rubbing my face with my hands. “That was what kids were supposed to do – be there for their parents and try to help and do whatever it took to be a family again. Carson wanted that. He wanted our mom to get better. We begged him to get her the help she needed. He laughed in our faces and yelled at us, saying we were fucking stupid for thinking we had the money to cover the expenses.”
Mallory gasps and covers her mouth. “No.”
“If I wasn’t in high school and playing football, I would’ve dropped everything and got a job. Carson felt the same way. We tried and gave our dad money. He told us to trust him and we did. He was our dad. Biggest mistake. He took our money and went to the casino. During the time he was gone, we told her dad was going to find help and everything was going to be fine. The light that used to illuminate our mother was back. It was short-lived. The fucker lost everything at the casino. He came home and beat the shit out of Carson. I stayed behind to protect her. My heart broke when I heard Carson’s cries.”
I pause and try to recollect myself and my thoughts. Thinking about my past always pisses me off. Carson and I didn’t do anything wrong. We didn’t deserve the shit our birth parents handed us.
“The next day, after practice, we came back to an empty house.”
The memory plays in my head, and I can’t unsee the expression on Carson’s face. I had a feeling something would happen. It was inevitable. Carson had faith in our parents and wanted the best for everyone. I was jaded and knew better than to believe anything they said or did. Once upon a time, our parents meant everything to us, and we were their world. Then with a few bad turns, our family fell apart.
