Holding Mia

by Terri Anne Browning

  “Jagger,” Momma said warningly.

  He lost the grin immediately and stuffed his mouth with another bite of cold pizza.

  Momma and I just looked at each other for the longest time until I couldn’t stand the silence in the room anymore. “Momma, I’m sorry.”

  “Mia, I’m sorry,” she said at the same time, causing us both to laugh, and tears filled both our eyes.

  I didn’t know who moved first, but suddenly her arms were around me, and mine were holding on to her like she was my lifeline. Because she was. This woman was my everything and I didn’t know how I’d gotten so lucky to have her as my mother, but I was thankful for her every damn day.

  “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about,” she told me fiercely as she took a small step back so she could see my face.

  “But I’ve done nothing but cause trouble since I asked to go to college in Virginia. I never should have—”

  The words dried up in my throat when she gave me a look to keep my mouth shut. “It wouldn’t have mattered if you’d wanted to go to college back home or Virginia or the gods damned moon. It would have happened regardless of where you went to school.” Her gaze shot to Braxton. “Wouldn’t it?”

  “Yes, ma’am, it would have,” he admitted, his gaze still trained straight ahead.

  “Wh-what?” I whispered.

  “It’s time for answers, Mia.” Momma took my hand and guided me over to the couch. I sat down beside my brother, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, tucking me against him. Like he was the older sibling and he was protecting me from all the truths that were about to flood the room.

  “Lance Corporal Collins,” Momma addressed Braxton. “Would you please be so kind as to join us for a cup of coffee? And while we’re at it, I would be extra grateful if you would tell us every motherfucking thing you know.”

  Chapter 16

  Mia

  I thought Nevaeh was in bed sleeping, but when she came out of the kitchen with a tray full of coffee, cream, and sugar, I was happy to see her.

  Setting the tray on the coffee table, she took the open spot on the couch on the other side of me. Like my brother, she wrapped her arms around me, surrounding me with love.

  Momma motioned for Braxton to sit on the chair while she sat her tiny ass on the edge of the coffee table and picked up a saucer and mug. She didn’t add cream or sugar as she crossed her legs and smiled sweetly at one of the three people I’d thought I could trust just as much as the rest of my family.

  But apparently, I couldn’t even trust my family. My own damn father and uncles had played me, and they’d done it very, very well.

  “How do you take your coffee, Lance Corporal?”

  “Black please, ma’am,” he said in that detached voice that gave him a robotic quality. I hated it. I wanted the smiling, sometimes goofy, always lovable Braxton back.

  Part of me wanted to hit rewind and never to have answered Nevaeh’s phone when her dad called. Then I wouldn’t have heard Barrick’s laugh in the background, and I wouldn’t feel like my heart was shriveling up and dying in my chest a little more with each passing second.

  Momma passed him a saucer, and he tossed the coffee back like a shot before handing it back to her. I clenched my hands together in my lap, not liking that he’d just hurt himself with scalding-hot coffee.

  Gods, if I couldn’t turn off what I felt for Braxton, who was only my friend, how would I ever turn off what I felt for Barrick, whom I’d foolishly given my heart to?

  Momma dropped her phone on the coffee table facedown after replacing the saucer on the tray. Leaning forward, she rested her elbows on her knees and spread her hands. “You seem like a nice boy, Braxton. I haven’t heard anything about you from my daughter, though, considering how I am at times, I can’t really blame her. But I did make a few calls and found out quite a bit about you and your cousins while I was on the plane all night. You’ve never been in trouble with the law, were on your way up in ranks before the accident that cost you your leg, and even though you’re the youngest security operative on Seller’s payroll, you’re also one of the best. Maybe not as good as Rodger and Marcus over there, but still pretty damn good. If I’d had a say in any of this, I would have picked you and Mr. Barrick and the lovely Lyla as well.”

  He stayed quiet, not even blinking to acknowledge her compliment.

  “You were just doing your job, protecting Mia on orders from Seller and your cousin. You kept my daughter safe these past couple months, and I’m grateful for that. I don’t blame you for deceiving her, but I would like to understand it a little better.”

  Jaw clenched, he sat there staring straight ahead, and I knew he wouldn’t answer her no matter how cordial or ferocious she was. His loyalty was to Barrick, and he wouldn’t break it for her.

  “Brax,” I choked out, and he flinched. Slowly, as if he were fighting every instinct he had, he turned his head, and our gazes locked. “Please. I want to know.”

  His stoic mask began to disappear, and he blew out a frustrated breath before nodding. “Okay, Mia. But…I never meant to hurt you.”

  “I believe you.” And oddly enough, I did.

  “Barrick came to me back in May, told me he had a new job to work for his stepdad. Someone had called in a favor, and we had to babysit whom he described as an overprivileged, rich princess. But that was before any of us knew you. The first time I saw you in English that day, I knew he’d gotten it wrong, and I told him so.” He clenched his hands into fists but continued to hold my gaze. “When he told me where we would be going, it was only a coincidence that it was our hometown. The last time we did a job like this, we went to—”

  “Wait,” I wheezed out the word, my heart stopping. “You’ve done this before?”

  He exhaled heavily. “I’ve only done it with Barrick one other time. Lyla has been doing it a little longer. He’s the go-to guy on Seller’s staff for jobs like this. Give the parents some peace of mind while their wild child spreads their wings a little with Barrick there to keep them safe, disguised as their temporary boyfriend.”

  In my heart, I’d hoped that this was the first time Barrick had done this kind of thing. I hadn’t completely fallen apart because I’d been holding on to the possibility that he really did care about me and it wasn’t just about the job my father hired him for.

  But clearly, I was wrong, and he gave his all when it came to his work.

  Gods, how many other chicks had he made fall for him while pretending he cared just as deeply? How many had he slept with?

  “Mia.” Momma’s voice snapped me out of my head. “Deep breath.”

  I sucked in a breath, realizing I’d been holding it. “Keep going.”

  “There’s not much more to tell. We’ve had eyes on you all semester. You’ve been easy to keep safe, because there haven’t been any threats to protect you from. Not that Barrick could be told that. Mia, this is different from any other job for him. He cares about you. Please, don’t think he doesn’t. When he thought something happened to you the other night, he nearly lost his mind.”

  “What the hell happened the other night?” Momma exploded, her green eyes wild.

  “One of my students was being abused by her mother. We had a confrontation with the woman at the studio the other night,” I explained, giving her the edited version. “I was never in any danger.”

  “She’s right, ma’am,” Braxton confirmed. “Mia was never once in any danger. In fact, this entire semester, she’s been safe and responsible. She doesn’t put herself in positions that could get her into trouble.”

  “Oh, so it’s only when she’s around this one and Jordan that she gets herself into trouble, then,” Momma said with a twist of her lips as she nodded toward Nevaeh. “Nev, I knew you were just like your mother,” she teased, and my cousin stuck out her tongue at her, making her laugh for a moment before Momma sobered.

  Standing, she wiped her hands down the front of h
er jeans. “You kids get some sleep. I need to make some phone calls. Then…” Her green eyes hardened. “Then I will deal with the Demons and Mr. Barrick.”

  --

  While everyone else went to bed, I stayed on the couch. I felt bone-tired, but my damn head wouldn’t shut up, so I knew I wouldn’t get any sleep even if I did go back to my room. Jagger took my room, while Momma went to take a shower in Nevaeh’s, and both bodyguards took the only extra room left.

  Tucking my legs under me, I grabbed one of the plush throw pillows and hugged it to my chest. When I’d hurt my knee for the second time, I’d hurt not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

  But this pain I was feeling…

  It was worse than the physical pain I’d experienced from that devastating ACL tear. It was worse than the heartbreak I’d felt when the doctors all told me I would never dance professionally again.

  All my life, I was so focused on dance that I never gave love and relationships a second thought. Being with someone took too much time and effort and was too big of a distraction from the most important aspect of my life. Dancing.

  Barrick was my first boyfriend.

  My first love.

  And, I’d thought, my last.

  Everything inside me screamed in agony. Because, in truth, Barrick was my nothing. He had only been pretending to want and care about me. He was merely doing his job.

  A job my father hired him for.

  And that was a double direct stab to the heart. Daddy had set me up to fail.

  “Mia?”

  I jerked at the sound of Braxton’s voice. Scrubbing my hands over my damp cheeks, I glanced his way to find him standing only a few feet away. His dark eyes were full of pain and torment, making me want to hug and slap him all at the same time.

  “What is it?” I asked in a voice that seemed perpetually choked now, dropping my eyes back to the pillow I was clutching to my chest because it hurt to look at him.

  “What are you going to do now?”

  The hesitancy in his voice had me looking at him again. “I don’t understand the question.”

  Sitting on the coffee table in front of me much like my mother had earlier, he leaned forward. “I mean, are you breaking up with Barrick? Will you move back to the dorm? Or will you…go home?”

  “I’m not going home. I have responsibilities with school and work. Just because you dickheads were playing games with me doesn’t mean I’m going to pack up and run away with my tail tucked between my legs all the way back to California to lick my wounds.”

  His shoulders seemed to relax a little, but not completely. “And you and Barrick?”

  That forced a dry laugh from my throat. “There is no Barrick as far as I’m concerned.”

  “Mia, just think about this for a second. Don’t do anything because you’re pissed right now. Barrick…” He rubbed his hands down his face and muttered a curse under his breath. “I’ve never seen him as happy as he’s been with you. You bring out something in him that wasn’t there before. Something I think died when he buried his dad.”

  “Brax, stop,” I ordered, my tone hardening. “Nothing about how Barrick was with me was ever real. Everything I thought he felt for me, that was just pretend. If you were ever my friend—and seriously, at this point, I have my doubts—then please shut up about your damn cousin.”

  “Of course I’m your friend!” he exploded. “You’re the only one I have. Meeting you, getting to know you, and living with you… Fuck, you make everything better, Mia. You don’t even know.”

  “I thought I knew,” I told him sadly, a fresh wave of tears burning my eyes. “Now I don’t know anything where you and Barrick are concerned.”

  “What do you want me to do?”

  “There is nothing you can do, Brax. I don’t trust you.”

  “Mia,” he started, his eyes shining with emotions I didn’t want to put names to when I was hurting so damn bad.

  “You should get some sleep,” I interrupted before he could break my heart more than it already was. “I don’t know what my mom is planning, but you can bet you will want to be clearheaded when it happens.”

  “I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to,” he muttered.

  “Same,” I said with a nod. “But I know how you are when you don’t get enough sleep. No one wants to be around grumpy Brax. You might scare Nevaeh.”

  “I don’t think much scares her,” he said with the smallest trace of a smile before it fell away.

  “You would be surprised.”

  He blew out a long sigh. “She left her phone lying around a few times,” he said and I tensed. “I could have snatched it up and called Barrick and told him what is going on. But I didn’t.”

  “Wow, a single moment of loyalty in a month worth of betrayal. Thanks for that,” I bit out.

  “Mia, you have my complete and total loyalty. You always have,” he tried to assure me.

  “Don’t spin your truths around in your head and come up with a different version of reality,” I snapped. “If you ever had any loyalty to me, you never would have let me fall for your cousin when you knew he was only playing a part.”

  “He wasn’t playing this time. I swear to you, it wasn’t like that this time. Call him. Give him a chance to explain himself,” Braxton urged vehemently.

  “I’d rather see his face when he realizes the game is over.” Pushing back the few strands of hair that had fallen into my face from my knot, I tightened my arms around the pillow. “Go to bed, Brax. I’m not very good company right now.”

  Chapter 17

  Barrick

  With a groan, I turned over in bed, automatically reaching for Mia.

  Feeling nothing but an empty bed, I barely lifted my lids to glance around. “Babe?” The room was empty…and not mine. For a second, I couldn’t remember where I was, and then realization hit me.

  Meeting Mia’s father and uncles the night before. Confessing my feelings for her to the man, and then Nik Armstrong dropping a bomb on me. That he, and apparently my asshole stepfather as well, had wanted us to end up together. The two of us falling in love was their goal. Whatever Seller’s motives were for wanting me to be with Mia, I didn’t know, but Armstrong wanted his daughter to be with a man he knew would always protect her.

  That man was me.

  He would always be me.

  After that tense conversation, I was suddenly welcomed into the Demon family. The four men treated me like I was one of their own, and for the first time since my dad died, I felt like I was part of a family.

  After my dad died so suddenly, my mother married Seller just six months later. I didn’t know if it was because she felt like she needed a man in her life, or if she’d suddenly fallen for her husband’s best friend, or if maybe they’d been carrying on an affair long before Dad passed. Whatever the reason, I’d started hating the man who had been like an uncle to me.

  From the time I was born, Seller and Barrick Senior were attached at the hip, it seemed. Everyone called them by their last names to avoid confusion because they were both Charles. When Dad died, Seller changed. Once he was my stepfather, I was no longer his buddy. Instead, he constantly made me feel like nothing I did was good enough. Everything I did was criticized, every move I made second-guessed. The man was constantly pissed at me, if for no other reason than simply existing.

  Mom said it was because he didn’t know how to be a father, and he didn’t want to screw it up. His best friend had trusted him to turn me into a man my father would be proud of, and he just wanted to make sure he did the best job he could to accomplish that.

  Maybe that was it.

  Or maybe he just wanted me out of the way so he could have my mom all to himself.

  Whatever it was, I didn’t waste any time enlisting in the Marines once I was eighteen so I could get away from them both. Home didn’t feel like home anymore, and even if Seller was trying to be the best substitute father he
could be, he completely missed the mark.

  Yet the night before, with Mia’s father and uncles, I felt like I was surrounded by men who weren’t critiquing every move I made and actually respected me. They treated me like a long-lost son, joked and laughed with me, and simply made me feel comfortable being around them.

  The five of us talked until the early hours of the morning. By the time I looked at my phone to see if Mia had called, it was to realize the battery had died. Armstrong encouraged me to stay in their suite since they had an extra bedroom, and I’d fallen asleep while charging my phone.

  Reaching for my phone, I saw the time and bit back a curse. It was after one in the afternoon. I never slept that late. Even when I was out all night, I was awake before seven so I could have breakfast with Mia.

  Swiping my thumb over the phone’s screen, I called Mia. But it barely rang before I was sent to voice mail. Frowning, I hung up and tried again, only to get the same result. If her phone were off, I would have gone straight to voice mail without the ring, which meant Mia had sent me there on purpose.

  Fuck, maybe she was pissed at me.

  I thought we’d made up when I’d dropped her off at the airport, but maybe she was mad that I hadn’t texted her back the night before.

  Pulling up my texts to see if she’d sent any more after the one telling me she missed me, I realized she hadn’t. The last text activity I had was the one I’d sent to Braxton telling him he could relax because we didn’t have to do this shit anymore.

  I was no longer working behind Mia’s back. I’d officially quit this damn job, and I wasn’t letting her go.

  Barrick: Are you mad at me, firecracker?

  Instantly, the message was read, but no reply came.

  “Yup,” I muttered to myself as I sat up and scrubbed my fingers through my beard. “She’s pissed.”

  Sitting up, I grabbed my shirt that I’d tossed aside when I’d gotten into bed the night before and pulled it over my head before reaching for my jeans. Maybe I could drive up to New York and meet her for dinner. That should get me out of the doghouse.