by J. L. Wilder
The only surprise would be when he didn’t come back.
As he thought this, he felt a twinge of discomfort. It serves me well that I’m so unreliable to them, he thought. It makes it easier for me to disappear without being followed. But isn’t this really what Lauren was talking about when she said that I ran away from things? She didn’t mean that I’d chosen a different life. She meant that nothing is ever powerful enough to make me stay in one place.
And perhaps she’d been right.
After all, when she had learned she was pregnant, the knowledge had been enough to bring her back to the den, even after all her years away. It had drawn her home.
But even though Wes had felt that powerful urge to be near her during her pregnancy, he had run away.
He was exactly what she had accused him of. She’d been right.
Wes pushed the thought away and sniffed along the bank of the river, distracting himself with the smell of fish. His human nose wouldn’t have been powerful enough to detect this, but as a bear, his senses were stronger. He breathed in deeply, savoring the briny scent, feeling his mouth start to water.
He submerged his head quickly, his jaws opening and then clamping down on something fat, juicy, and cold.
Wes pulled the fish from the river and held it with one paw as it flopped. When its movement had subsided a bit, he tore into it, enjoying the freshness of the meat, digging past the scaly exterior and spitting out the larger bones.
The fish was big enough to satisfy him for now, though he knew he would need to hunt again tonight. He moved away from the destroyed remains of the animal and found a large tree with thick hanging branches. Carefully, he nosed some leaves into a pile and settled his body on top of them.
He closed his eyes, not to sleep, but to enjoy the peace and calm of the forest in a way that only a bear really could.
Chapter Nineteen
Two Months Later
LAUREN
“Wow,” Felicity said. “You’re getting big.”
Lauren nodded, resting a hand on her stomach. She had religiously photographed her body in profile once a week, the way she had seen so many human acquaintances do over the past twenty years. It wasn’t something she’d ever known a shifter woman to do, but Lauren was glad she had. It was fun to line up all her pictures in chronological order and watch her body get bigger.
It had been a long time since she’d seen a shifter pregnancy up close. A human woman wouldn’t have been this big at four months. But then again, most human women carried only one baby at a time.
Lauren wondered, not for the first time, how many she was having.
It was for the sake of the babies that she’d continued to attend the regular block parties, getting out of the house to put in some face time at one at least once every week. She almost never enjoyed herself here.
For one thing, there was the reaction of Tina and Cody to concern herself with. They gave her dirty looks every time they saw her. Tina, especially, looked venomous with hate. Then they would turn and whisper to whoever was standing nearby, and Lauren would know that they were saying hurtful things, criticizing her, letting the rest of the den know that she didn’t belong here.
And I have to belong here.
If it had just been her, she wouldn’t have cared. She wouldn’t have put up this kind of fight. But this was for the sake of the babies. She couldn’t have them being born into a place where they were already despised.
She couldn’t control what Tina and Cody thought of her, of course. But she needed as many people to like her—or tolerate her, at least—as was possible.
She was grateful for Felicity, whose feelings seemed so straightforward and cheerful. She was just glad to have Lauren around, to be able to pick up their friendship where they’d left off. She was aware of the tension between Lauren and some of the other members of the den, but she didn’t seem to feel any need to involve herself in it on one side of the other.
But on the other side of the coin, there was Jessica.
Lauren glanced across the street to where her friend stood beside Tina. Their heads were bent together and they were talking. Every once in a while, one of them would glance in her direction.
Her stomach turned over.
It felt awful—wrong—to see Jessica siding with Tina like this. It was the biggest betrayal in the world. She’d never imagined anything could be so painful.
Of course, in a way, she understood.
After the day she had met up with Wes in the woods two months ago, he’d fallen off the map. Nobody had seen him in weeks. And though most of the members of the den had laughed it off, chalking it up to Wes being his usual mercurial self, Lauren had been fairly certain that she knew what was going on.
And, of course, Jessica would know too.
Her best friend had forgiven so much. She’d overlooked so much. She had sided with Lauren when Lauren had no right to expect any such thing, and she had pledged to help raise her nieces and nephews.
But now, Lauren’s actions had driven Wes away.
Of course Jessica had finally had enough. She had lost her brother, thanks to Lauren’s recklessness.
It was excruciating to watch her whispering with Tina. It was agony to know that they were talking about her, that they both judged and disliked her, and that neither of them would tell her later what had been said.
She would just have to bear it.
She had driven her children’s aunt, their only relative besides herself, away from them.
If only I’d been able to control myself around Wes!
“So listen,” Felicity spoke again, interrupting her thoughts. “Do you need anything? Because I thought maybe we could do a baby shower. That’s what human mothers do, right?”
“Did you see that on TV or something?” Lauren asked. “I’ve never known a shifter to have a baby shower.”
“Well, shifter parents usually inherit everything they need from their own parents, or from older siblings, since shifter families are usually so big,” Felicity pointed out. “But you won’t be able to do that.”
That was true. Lauren was unusual in that she was an only child, a rare single birth. Her father had died when she was young, and her mother had never found another mate.
Under different circumstances, she could have relied on her cousins to help her get the things she needed. But, of course, there was no chance of that happening now. Cody was alpha, and she was sure he would have told the others not to help her.
“No one would come to a baby shower for me,” she told Felicity, smiling wryly.
“I’m sure some people would come,” Felicity objected. “I would! And there are other people who don’t necessarily agree with everything Tina’s been saying.”
“I don’t want to put members of the den in a position to have to choose between me and the alpha,” Lauren said. “I appreciate the offer, Felicity. But I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Well, if that’s how you feel,” Felicity said.
Lauren felt a little bad about turning down her friend’s generous offer. “I could use someone to go shopping with,” she said. “If you’re up for that.”
Felicity’s face lit up. “That sounds great,” she said. “It’s a date.”
Lauren glanced over at Jessica again, just in time to catch her eyes before Jess pointedly looked away.
Felicity was nice. But she was no replacement for Lauren’s best friend.
At least she hasn’t told anyone who the real father of my babies is, she thought. No matter how angry Jessica might be, she was still protecting the secret.
And that meant there was still a chance that Lauren might be forgiven.
Chapter Twenty
LAUREN
There were aspects of Lauren’s human life that she had managed to bring with her when she had come home to the den, and she clung to them like a lifeline. Some days, it felt as if her human rituals were the only things keeping her sane.
She couldn’t
doubt her decision to come back home. She wanted her children to understand the world that was their birthright. When they grew up, they could choose, as she had, whether or not to leave.
But even though she wanted her babies to have a place in the den, it wasn’t her place. She yearned for the stability and normalcy of her human life.
She was pondering this as she left her house one morning and headed down the street to the neighborhood cafe. It was a human-owned establishment, and most of the shifters gave it a wide berth, but Lauren liked it. They had more variety there. They served things like mini-quiches and cake pops, and they offered little caramel drizzles on top of the cups of coffee they served. Sitting down with one made her feel human again.
And she had to admit that, as much as she missed her human life, there were certain advantages to being here. Living among the den, it wasn’t necessary for her to work, because she didn’t need to worry about paying rent. The allotment of cash she received from the den treasury each week wasn’t large, but it was enough to pay for food. And not needing to hold down a job meant that she could spend hours at the cafe, relaxing and avoiding the mess that was the street she lived on.
The street really was a mess. It was littered with plastic cups from last night’s party. An overturned keg lay half on and half off the sidewalk.
Isn’t anyone going to clean this shit up?
It was a question she didn’t really need to ask. After two months back among the den, she knew what the answer was. No, nobody was going to clean up.
Eventually, the cups would be dispersed. They would blow away and find their way into other parts of the city, and the shifters would stop thinking about them in time for the next party they wanted to have on this specific street. Since tonight’s party was likely to be a few blocks away, they wouldn’t have to worry about this mess until it had had time to dissipate.
As for the keg, someone would come and claim it when they were ready to take it back and have it exchanged for a new keg. That was the only thing that would motivate them to clean up after themselves—the promise of more alcohol.
What a disaster.
Not for the first time, she wondered how much money was being spent on these parties every night. It couldn’t be cheap.
She reached the coffee shop and went inside, allowing the familiar aromas to wash over her. For a moment, she was able to forget her shifter worries. For a moment, she felt like just another woman out for her morning coffee.
She went to the counter and ordered a hot tea—she’d been doing her best to avoid highly caffeinated drinks, thanks to her pregnancy—and took it to a table by the window to drink. She was in a part of town that wasn’t usually frequented by shifters, and it was a little bit calming to look out the window at the people walking by and know that they were regular humans, with regular human lives and regular human problems.
This is how I felt when I first left the den, all those years ago, she recalled. I was just glad to be away from everything.
Maybe she had made a mistake in coming back.
But could she really have raised shifter children in the human world? It would have been next to impossible. They could never have had a group of friends their own age—not while they were too young and emotional to control their shifting. The risk would have been too great. And they would have been constantly aware of the fact that they were strange, that they didn’t really fit into the world.
It was hard enough for me to be twenty years old and out on my own for the first time, knowing that I could never be honest with anyone about what I really was. How would it be for children to grow up that way?
No, she’d been right to bring them back here. It had been the only way.
She was so lost in thought that she almost didn’t notice Tina standing across the street, staring into a shop window.
When Lauren realized what she was seeing, she pushed her chair quickly backward, hiding behind a tall plant that stood at the edge of the window. The last thing she wanted was for Tina to see her and decide to come over and give her a hard time. And she doubted Tina would be able to resist criticizing her for being in this human part of the city.
Then again...she’s here too. What is she doing?
Lauren peered through the leaves of the plant, watching as Tina opened the door and disappeared into the shop.
It was a designer clothing store.
What the hell is she doing in there?
Shifters didn’t wear designer clothes. Even Tina, who was uncommonly invested in her own appearance, only ever ran around in athletic shorts and t-shirts. Lauren’s own nice clothes were one of the things that made her stand out most among the den.
She felt deeply frustrated. And suddenly, she wanted answers.
She pulled her cell phone out of her pocket, biting her lip. Would he be willing to see her? He hadn’t spoken to her since she’d been back.
But he didn’t attend Cody’s block parties, either, and maybe that was a good sign.
She dialed the familiar number. A moment later, a voice answered. “Hello?”
“Matt?” Lauren said. “It’s Lauren. I really need to see you.”
Chapter Twenty-One
LAUREN
Matt was already at the table when Lauren arrived at the sandwich restaurant at the edge of town. She slid into the booth opposite him, wishing that she could feel surprised that he hadn’t stood up to hug her hello.
The truth was, she was surprised that he’d bothered to show up at all.
A waiter dropped a couple of coasters on the table, a signal Lauren recognized from her own serving days as marking that he had come by to check on them. He took their drink orders and then retreated to the kitchen.
“I had a feeling you’d be calling me eventually,” Matt said.
Lauren nodded. “I put it off as long as I could,” she said. “I wanted to reach out as soon as I got back. But I didn’t know how things would be between us.”
“I’m not upset with you if that’s what you mean,” Matt said. “You know I wasn’t wild about it when you left, but I never held a grudge or anything. You had to do what was right for you.”
“Thanks, Matt.” She was relieved. “I was worried this might be weird for you.”
“Oh, it’s completely weird for me,” he said. “It’s not like I enjoy going against Cody’s orders.”
“So he has ordered our family not to check in with me?”
“Ordered is the wrong word,” Matt backtracked. “There was never an order. It’s just been...made clear that we’re not supposed to have anything to do with you.”
“You’re here anyway,” she noted.
“Well, like I said, it’s not an order.”
“But I don’t want to get you in trouble.”
“Yeah, that’s why I wanted to meet here,” Matt said. “We’re not likely to be seen.”
“I appreciate it,” Lauren said.
“Of course. You’re my cousin.”
“Yeah, but Cody’s your cousin too. I didn’t assume that your loyalty would be to me.”
“I don’t have any loyalty to Cody,” Matt said. “Not anymore.”
“That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about,” Lauren said.
“Right. You mentioned that you’d seen Tina shopping in some high-end store.”
“That’s definitely what it looked like. But I’ve never seen her wearing clothes like that. Have you? You see her more than I do.”
“No way,” Matt said. “Tina wouldn’t dress human. She’d consider it disgraceful. She’s really proud of being mated to the alpha, you know.”
“Yeah, I’d gathered that,” Lauren said wryly. “She seems kind of obsessive about it.”
“It’s worse than that,” Matt said. “Did you hear about what happened to Emmett? Did anybody tell you?”
“No,” Lauren said, her eyes widening. Emmett was Cody’s younger brother. “I haven’t actually seen him since I’ve been back in the city.”
&
nbsp; “No, you wouldn’t have,” Matt said, his face darkening. “He isn’t here anymore.”
“What do you mean, he isn’t here? Where is he?”
“We don’t know,” Matt said. “None of us do. He just disappeared.”
“He just disappeared?”
“Well.” Matt’s lips pressed together in a grim line. “There was a little more to it than that.”
“Tell me.”
“Emmett challenged Cody.”
Lauren gasped. “He did?”
“You’ve seen the way Cody is running the den,” Matt said. “You’ve seen the kind of alpha he is. He’s running us into the ground. That’s another reason I know Tina definitely wasn’t buying designer clothes today. There’s no money in the treasury for anything like that.”
“How is the treasury? Have you seen it?”
Matt nodded. “It’s low,” he said. “Lower than it’s been in generations. Cody tells anyone who brings it up that it’s going to be fine, that we shouldn’t be worrying about it, but it’s hard to understand how he can just write it all off like that. We’re going to run out of money in less than a year if he keeps up the way he’s been going.”
Lauren exhaled slowly, trying to stay calm. I can get a job, she reminded herself. I’ve worked for twenty years. I can support myself.
But she had never had to work full time and be a single mother. She felt nauseous at the thought. If she didn’t have her weekly stipend from the den treasury, what was she going to do?
“So Emmett stood up to him,” Matt went on. “Even though he was Cody’s younger brother, he insisted he would be a more competent alpha. Some of us thought so too. They went out into the woods to fight for the position, and only Cody came back.”
“Oh my God,” Lauren whispered. “Do you think...?”
“I don’t know what to think,” Matt said. “Nobody does. It’s hard to believe that Cody could have killed his own brother. He’s callous and irresponsible, but would he really go that far? I don’t know.”
