London Underground's Strangest Tales
Page 11
Or to put it another way, at Whitechapel the Overground is underground and the Underground is overground.
NO UNDERWEAR ON THE UNDERGROUND
2010
One of the golden rules of travelling is to never, ever stare at your fellow passengers. Eye-contact on the Tube is strictly forbidden under any circumstances and the whole space-time continuum would be in mortal danger should commuters suddenly start eyeballing each other.
Saying that, there are a few exceptions and the stunned passengers who unashamedly gawped at four naked travellers in 2010 could definitely be forgiven for the temporary lapse in Tube etiquette.
The two men and two women were absolutely starkers and were it not for their handbags and briefcases to at least cover some of their modesty, it would have been even more embarrassing (and perhaps arousing) for all concerned.
The four stitchless passengers were not simply outrageous exhibitionists; they were actually part of a publicity stunt for a short-lived TV series called The Naked Office in which staff at struggling businesses were encouraged to disrobe in a bizarre attempt to turn around their company’s fortunes.
‘For most people in the UK going to work in the nude is a very daunting prospect,’ said Steven Suphi, a behavioural expert with the programme. ‘I believe this extreme process will help them push their boundaries and become a close team that trust each other enough to get naked together.’
Amazingly, naked commuting failed to catch on, which came as a huge relief to all the passengers who remained complete strangers to their local gym.
THE TOASTER THAT NOBODY TURNED OFF
2010
Burning the toast is usually a minor inconvenience, warranting little more than a brief bout of mild swearing and another begrudging trip to the bread bin. We all make mistakes and until a loaf of Hovis costs £10, it’s really not worth getting that upset about.
It’s different, however, when it happens on the London Underground, and back in 2010 parts of the network were twice brought to a standstill after Tube employees accidentally decided to incinerate their favourite breakfast snack.
The two incidents both happened at King’s Cross when staff popped their bread into the toaster, set the dial to 11 and then wandered off, only to realise the error of their ways when smoke began billowing out of the kitchen.
On both occasions firefighters had to be called and King’s Cross was completely evacuated, much to the chagrin of the throng of seething commuters who were ordered to make their way to the surface until the offending toaster was located.
‘This might sound minor but to shut such a busy station, which disrupts the journeys of thousands of passengers, is serious,’ said the fabulously named Jo deBank of pressure group London TravelWatch. ‘Perhaps there should be a toast ban across the network.’
A drastic solution certainly, and Transport for London immediately hit back.
‘Staff have been reminded to take care when using the cooking facilities and we would like to apologise to customers for any inconvenience caused,’ a TfL spokesman said. ‘London Underground has extensive heat and smoke detection systems, fire alarms and sprinkler systems, and both alerts were dealt with quickly.’
Malicious toasters were not the only surreal cause of disruption to the Underground in 2010. When staff at Caledonian Road Station on the Piccadilly Line discovered smoke billowing from their mess room, they understandably feared the worst.
Close inspection by fire investigators uncovered an altogether more idiotic explanation.
‘Upon inspection of room found the cause of smoke,’ the official report tersely reported, ‘someone had decided it was a good idea to store their box of Rice Krispies and four custard cream biscuits in the oven.’
Presumably the milk and tea bags were in the freezer.
THE FLASH MOBS WHO FLASH
2010
It’s easy enough to forget your keys, mobile or wallet as you rush out of the front door, heading for the Underground and the daily commute to the office, but since 2010 scores of Londoners have been deliberately leaving their trousers at home for their journey to work.
The trouserless travellers are not clinically insane and they’re not on their way to a knobbly knees competition.
They are in fact willing participants in what is known as the annual ‘No Trousers Tube Ride’, an unusual yearly occasion organised by practical jokers collective Improv Everywhere.
The event began in New York in 2001 and is now replicated on public transport systems across the world, in 60 different cities from Washington to Mexico City, Madrid to Toronto. Our American cousins naturally call it ‘No Pants Day’, but in London it has to be the ‘No Trousers Tube Ride’ in case anyone takes the US version too literally.
The aim is to ‘have fun and entertain people’, explained organiser Dan Becherano. ‘The purpose of flash mobs is to show how we can get together without knowing each other and work as teams without really having seen each other ahead of time. The most important thing will be the victims – the reaction of people who aren’t involved.’
Guidelines on the website for the New York event advised: ‘You can wear fun underwear if you like but nothing that screams out “I wore this because I’m doing a silly stunt”. Wear two pairs of underwear if it makes you feel more comfortable. Don’t wear a thong or anything else that might offend people. Our aim is to make people laugh.’
Around 100 brave Londoners dared to partially disrobe for the first event in the capital in 2010, dividing into groups to travel on the network’s different lines, and the number had grown to 150 by 2012 as word spread that showing fellow passengers your thighs was the in thing to do.
They certainly had more luck in 2012 than their counterparts in Madrid, who were stopped by the police before they could begin the challenge, proving that the Spanish aren’t always as ‘relaxed’ about a flash of flesh as their reputation would have us believe.
Perhaps the most baffling fact about the whole thing is that it takes place in freezing January each year – which hasn’t as yet dampened enthusiasm for the event.
THE GRAPES OF WRATH
2011
If you were brought up watching the antics of Tom And Jerry or any of the Looney Tunes on television, you’re probably labouring under the misapprehension that when it comes to discarded fruit, a discarded banana skin poses the greatest danger to life and limb. Passengers on the London Underground, however, would be well advised to keep an eagle eye out for white grapes.
Whether seeded or their pipless cousins are the more hazardous is unknown but, according to official statistics, the aforementioned fruiting berry is definitely dangerous and should be avoided at all costs.
The number of accidents on the Tube is frankly staggering. A TfL database revealed that an eye-watering 18,677 accidents occurred on the network between January 2006 and March 2011. Thankfully only 188 proved to be fatal mishaps with the majority merely resulting in superficial injuries such as cuts and bruises.
‘The safety of customers and staff is London Underground’s top priority and a recent Office of Rail Regulation report indicated that the Tube is the safest significant-sized railway in Europe, with a safety record 15 times better than the European average,’ reassured a spokesman.
‘The latest figures show that safety incidents fell by 8 per cent in 2010–11 compared to the previous year. Although the vast majority of these incidents were very minor, and less than 0.0005 per cent of the five billion journeys made on the Tube in the last five years involved any kind of safety incident, we are not complacent and will continue to work hard to maintain our excellent and improving safety record.’
Which presumably means an imminent ban on the heinous hazard that is the white grape.
FOR SALE, DISUSED STATION – ONE PREVIOUS OWNER
2011
It’s a sad day when an Underground Station is closed down, consigned to the dustbin of transport history because it just isn’t commercially viable. Some stations
are cruelly left to rot when the doors are finally padlocked but for others, the end of their commuter days is merely the beginning of a new chapter.
Shoreditch Station was one of the earliest on the network, opening in 1869 as part of the East London Railway, but by the early 2000s the writing was on the wall with a meagre 1,130 passengers using its platforms each day. In June 2006 the axe finally fell and Shoreditch was no more, replaced by its upstart Overground counterpart Shoreditch High Street.
Initially the old girl seemed destined to fester and decay, forgotten by everyone, until Transport for London decided in 2011 to bolster its coffers and put the building up for auction.
‘A single-storey building,’ read the sales brochure. ‘Previously Shoreditch Underground Station, the property compromises a ticket office, a lobby area, store rooms, plant rooms and a WC. The property is within a popular residential area with its many trendy bars and restaurants. Brick Lane is within easy walking distance and Old Spitalfields Market is close by.’
The spiel concluded with the reference ‘public transport includes Shoreditch High Street Rail Station’, which really was just rubbing salt into the wound.
The reserve price for the 1,688 square feet of building was £180,000 but when the former station finally went to auction in February 2011, she fetched an impressive £665,000. The new owners quickly got to work on the property and a few months after the sale, Shoreditch Station was reborn as an art gallery and events venue.
Other unwanted and unloved Tube stations have experienced contrasting fortunes since they were mothballed. The old Grade II listed ticket hall of Fulham Broadway is now home to an upmarket food emporium, while the long-forgotten South Kentish Town Station is now a Cash Converters shop with a pub next door, a happy coincidence for all those who need a drink after being forced to pawn their worldly goods.
BEWARE GREEDY OYSTER CARDS
2011
Fans of the 1984 film The Terminator and its lacklustre sequels will be all too aware of the dangers of technology after the depiction of a malevolent computer system – Skynet – which becomes self-aware and (no doubt disenchanted with endless games of solitaire) attempts to wipe out its human masters with a nuclear strike.
At the time of writing, the Underground’s Oyster card system has yet to try to obliterate London, but that’s not to say the network’s electronic ticketing scheme can always be trusted.
In fact, the next time you tap in or out at a London Underground station, be sure you’re not getting ripped off. It turns out that in 2011 the Oyster card system had overcharged unsuspecting Tube, Overground and Docklands Light Railway commuters a staggering £64 million. That’s more than a million pounds every week.
The eye-watering revelation came to light after a Freedom of Information request from Lib Dem London Assembly Group member Caroline Pidgeon, who was far from impressed by the pilfering machines.
‘This level of overcharging is totally unacceptable,’ she raged. ‘There is something very seriously wrong when each and every week Londoners are ripped off by so much. Why has Boris Johnson, who has been chair of Transport for London, not taken this seriously in the last four years?
‘Of course, in some cases passengers might forget to touch in and touch out, but such huge levels of overcharging clearly demonstrate that there are structural problems with how Oyster is operating. We know for a fact that at some stations, especially when the stations are very busy, maximum fares are automatically set for everyone passing through.
‘It is time TfL stopped putting all the blame for Oyster overcharging on to passengers and started to recognise that they have a responsibility to ensure honest passengers are not ripped off.’
A Top 10 list was also published to name and shame the worst offending Underground stations in 2011. Ironically, it was Bank Station that was the naughtiest, overcharging passengers to the tune of £1,398,000 for the year, while King’s Cross came in second with a figure of £1,126,000. Little old Leicester Square was 10th, electronically stealing a ‘modest’ £517,000 from commuters when their backs were turned.
God help us all if Skynet and Oyster ever join forces.
DARWIN DISCOVERED AT LIVERPOOL STREET
2011
Although the Tube is a vital part of London’s lucrative tourist trade, it isn’t exactly a tourist attraction in its own right. The Underground gets visitors from Big Ben to Oxford Street but few tourists choose to spend their day admiring the network’s subterranean splendour.
In 2010, however, Liverpool Street briefly enjoyed its moment in the spotlight when a waxwork of Charles Darwin unexpectedly made an appearance at the station, seemingly studying a map of the London Underground at the entrance to the Circle and Bakerloo Lines.
The life-size model of the legendary English naturalist drew big crowds but Transport for London were initially none the wiser where Darwin had come from until it transpired he had been ‘kidnapped’ from Madame Tussauds three days earlier.
The culprits were a self-styled guerrilla group called ‘Free Charlie’, who were apparently protesting at Darwin’s treatment by Tussauds.
‘The waxwork’s hands were beginning to be coated with fine hair, its arms were lengthening and forehead getting larger, but Madame Tussauds refused to answer our concerns over faulty thermostats,’ the group said. ‘Either his waxwork is actually evolving, or it could be the work of creationists; nonetheless the old barnacle was glad to get away from [Albert] Einstein for a few hours.’
Darwin was promptly returned home after his unusual holiday and put under 24-hour guard while Liverpool Street reluctantly relinquished its temporary role as a public art installation.
IF YOU WANT TO BE A RECORD BREAKER
2011
For most people speed isn’t the essence of travelling on the Tube. Commuters like to get from A to B as quickly as possible, but with most Underground trains averaging a relatively sedate 20mph, no one is expecting to break the sound barrier on their way to work.
Speed, however, is exactly what it’s all about for the intrepid souls who take on the long-running ad hoc competition known as ‘The Tube Challenge’, officially recognised by The Guinness Book of World Records, to see who can visit all the Underground stations on the network in the fastest possible time.
The rules of the challenge are simple. Competitors must visit every station on the network. They do not have to get off at each and every platform but the train must stop at the station. They are allowed to walk or use other forms of public transport to make connections between stations.
The trick, as you might imagine, is in the planning of your route. According to Marc Gawley, who set a new record for the challenge of 16 hours, 29 minutes and 57 seconds in 2011, there are six vital steps to success and by his own admission you have to be just that little bit obsessive in your preparation. It also helps if, like Marc, you are a fairly decent marathon runner.
‘I run a management consultancy firm that specialises in solving business problems based on analytical approaches,’ he said. ‘I have a bit of an analytical problem-solving mind and could be considered something of a Microsoft Excel geek, so I needed to find a record where these skills came together with running long distances.
‘I took my GCSE in Maths a year early, at A-level I studied Maths, Further Maths and Further Maths Additional and then went on to Oxford University to study Physics. Which, let’s face it, is basically maths. So I’d probably be able to out-geek anyone on this. The Tube Challenge seemed perfect.’
Everyone politely agreed not to dwell on the fact Gawley hailed from Manchester and not London.
The first step in preparation is, unsurprisingly, the purchase of a good map. You then have to calculate journey times between stations, the frequency of the services on the different Tube lines and how long it takes to change trains at certain stations. Identifying stations you can reach on foot is also important before the sixth and most important step – generating your detailed final plan of attack.
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br /> The Tube Challenge was first staged in 1959 but the varying number of stations on the network over the years means the record time has fluctuated. Early competitors were also allowed to use cars and taxis to get between the stations, meaning their times were suspiciously quick – although with the current level of traffic on London’s roads, it probably wouldn’t help you much nowadays.
The challenge is not without its dangers, as Swedish pair Hakan Wolge and Lars Andersson discovered in 2006 when they set a new milestone.
‘I had a close brush with doors closing around my knee with Lars onboard after a communication glitch between us,’ Hakan said. ‘After an eternity of me gesturing that I was stuck, the train driver finally conceded and reopened the doors. However she didn’t start immediately but spent ten seconds giving me a verbal bashing over the speakers.’
Competition for the title of record holder is fierce and a little over a month after Gawley had registered his mark, serial challengers Andi James and Steve Wilson shaved 44 seconds off the record with their time of 16 hours, 29 minutes and 13 seconds.
At the time of going to print it was still the record, but in the cut-throat world of The Tube Challenge, things can quickly change – who knows, with a fair wind, a meticulously prepared spreadsheet and punctual trains, breaking the magical 16-hour mark could soon become a reality.
THE UNDERGROUND’S FURRY FRIENDS
2012
According to estimates, half a million mice have shunned their traditional pieds-à-terre in the holes of London’s skirting boards and taken up residence in the Underground. Whether some unfortunate Tube employee has been tasked with actually counting the furry fellas or the figure is pure guesswork is unclear, but it’s a big number. Approximately 1,850 little rodents for each of the Tube’s 270 stations, in fact.