Love On Tap : A Wounded Hearts Second Chance Romance (Love By Design Book 8)

by M. C. Cerny

  Again.

  7

  Sierra

  I no longer had rights to the winery, but the small house on the hill was mine outright. Whatever deed had been signed over to me included that structure and all of its contents. I was grateful even if it sat on the property I once grew up on and even if it was run down and barely standing, it was something. A far cry better than nothing.

  Andy had been more than generous including a monthly stipend to pay for repairs and upkeep on the cottage if I wished to stay. The only caveat was that I had to occupy the property for a full sixty days. Two months of having to sleep under the roof, buy groceries in the store, find transportation besides the college uber. As was typical Andy fashion he found a way to get what he wanted forgetting about what I might want just to punish me.

  I wasn’t even angry with him because I felt like I deserved it. I was lucky he sent me off from the lawyer’s office with a cashier’s check to advance me some money. I rode my new bike down the long drive careful to avoid the ruts made by jeep wheels and heavy summer rains. There was a battered overhang I could park under and my grandfather’s rocking chair had been placed on the small porch. Inside dust collected and sheets covered the minimal furniture left. It was a nomad’s paradise.

  I glanced up at the main house where my old bedroom and memories were and wished the current occupants free from Nona’s busybody ghost if she haunted the place. Knowing her, it was possible and since I found the crystal and candle shop in town, I made a mental note to grab some sage next time.

  Just in case.

  I fished out the key from the envelope I had been keeping in my jacket pocket and opened the door. I flicked the switch and luckily the electricity wired out here worked sufficiently. I couldn’t be sure, but it looked like someone had come in at some point and stocked the canned goods and fluffed the pillows on the full-sized bed that dominated the space. It was clean for a place that hadn’t been used in years and spent more time collecting dust and adolescent dreams. As far as digs went, I would be okay staying here until I decided what to do further.

  I couldn’t sell it outright which would have been helpful to my current financial issues, but it was mine to live in as long as I stayed. I’d have to reread all the legal documents once I’d had a chance to unwind.

  It might have been said that you could never go home again, but I hadn’t felt at home since I’d come here to begin with. The only thing that resonated were the smiles on Andy’s face and the candy treats he’d give to me. I now knew they came from his meager boyhood savings from doing odd jobs at the bar for his grandfather, and a paper route through town that had him cycling past my house on early mornings before I even woke.

  Maybe this was the universe telling me I couldn’t run away forever no matter how hard I tried. And I definitely tried.

  8

  Andy

  “Andrew, honey.” My mother intoned in that mom voice of hers indicating she was on to me. I was a grown adult but the censure of a beloved parent still stung.

  I pinched the bridge of my nose wondering if I had David to thank for this. “How’s the weather?” I attempted to divert her questions to safer topics. Florida weather had two options between hurricane season or blistering hot and torrential rain.

  “Don’t you weather me, son. I know that girl is back.” Mom was not having it and as much as I wanted to avoid this conversation for say the next eternity, I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Not with everything we’d been through in our family.

  I exhaled a breath. “And how is it that you know Sierra is back?”

  “I heard it from Harriet, who heard it from Mrs. Rooney when they saw her slither in to the diner during their Bible Study meeting.” She snapped her lips over the phone. Those women needed a hobby beside their religious incriminations of everyone not in Sunday church.

  “Slither, mom? Really? I think you need to read less Harry Potter and get a grip on the situation here.” As much as my mother was reacting from the hip, continuing to treat Sierra as unhuman wasn’t going to help anything regarding the pain of the past. Sure, I had as much as my parents to be upset about but she also wasn’t the devil incarnate.

  “She’s no good for you baby.”

  “Alcohol is no good for me and I run a successful bar. We make do with what we have.” If mom was launching into her lecture I would fire right back. Sierra wasn’t slithering anywhere, especially not away from me unless I was over her which was another conversation for another day.

  “Why is she back?” Mom sighed heavily like she’d suddenly taken on a fifty-pound burden which wasn’t hers to bear. I supposed that was a mom thing I’d never get used to and I explained how this had all come about.

  “Because I had the lawyer forward the keys to the cottage and the money from the winery trust.”

  “She’ll want to stick her claws back into you.”

  “Mom, please have faith I can handle this situation.”

  I waited and her silence was telling. Mom reserved judgment, for now. Juggling my family’s wants and expectations with this desire I hadn’t resolved was exhausting.

  “Let the boy handle things on his own, Junebug.” Dad must have been in the room with mom listening in.

  “I am, but that doesn’t mean I stop worrying about him. This girl wrecked him. Wrecked us. Almost wrecked this family with her…”

  Dad didn’t let mom finish. Instead, he grabbed the phone speaking to me.

  “Andrew.” His one-word comment said close to a dozen things I’d already felt and heard.

  “I know, dad.” We both held the phone quiet and unsure perhaps of what to say next. I wouldn’t deny all the mistakes of the past. Lord knew I wasn’t perfect myself and the damaged of what happened gutted us all.

  “Does it look like she’s staying?” Dad asked.

  “I’m honestly not sure how that’s going to work out. I couldn’t let her leave with nothing though. I owed her that much. I made the clause sixty days. I think that’s about all I can handle.”

  “You’re a good man, Andrew, and I hope I raised you right. I know your mother is angry right now, but she’ll come around. Her soft heart for that girl couldn’t stay buried all these years. She’s hurt and needs to work it out.” I got was dad was saying. Sierra had been the daughter my mother had always wanted and her departure fractured that relationship. I hoped it wasn’t irreparable, but only time would tell.

  9

  Sierra

  “One of these days you’re going to find yourself alone.” David said with venom in his voice that made me gulp. His anger was palpable and tension hung heavy and thick between us. He stood over me as I sat inside the coffee shop debating between a cappuccino or a regular coffee without all the frills. I never understood steamed milk when my grandmother raised me on Greek coffee.

  “I already am.” I whispered back. David didn’t give second chances. Not that I expected him too. We’d had a rough beginning and an even worse ending. A literal honest to God crash and burn. There was no surprise how Mr. and Mrs. Easton felt about me and it was better that they had retired to Florida so they wouldn’t have to see me return and cause their son chaos.

  “Why are you even back?”

  I shrugged unsure what answer I could give him that would satisfy a decade’s worth of wounds.

  “Is this to punish him? Get back at him for trying to move on?”

  “Has he? Has he moved on?” I asked unable to mask the cramp in my stomach from hurting him.

  David huffed clearly done with this conversation.

  I could have told him that boy-wonder was the one who summoned me back with legal documents and the kind of money that if I was careful could last me a very long time, but I wasn’t going to out him, yet. Andy had and agenda and I needed to know that that was.

  “I may not be able to forgive you for what you did to him because he’s my brother, but if you can’t forgive yourself for what you did nothing is ever going to change.”


  When did David become the miserly group therapist? I recalled a time when he barely spoke, now it was like he couldn’t shut up and I squeezed my eyes shut hoping to block him out.

  It didn’t work. He was still there. Still annoying. Still David.

  “You’re right.” I said meeting David’s wide eyes as if my confession had sparked something, he hadn’t thought possible. The very forgiveness he wasn’t sure he could give me and I didn’t expect. He grunted and I supposed that was all he was going to say on that matter.

  “How do you even know if you’re worthy of forgiveness?” I asked.

  David rapped his knuckles on the table drawing my attention. “It’s not a question of being worthy. It’s about trying to do better each day you’re given.” I watched him walk out contemplating his words. This wasn’t a free pass by any means, but it looked like one member of the Easton family hadn’t completely written me off.

  A few minutes passed when a group of girls I recognized entered the shop with the door bells clanging and laughing about something. I sunk deeper into the plush velvet chair hiding behind the menu praying they would order and leave. I hadn’t interacted with Taylor Bryant and Kristen Calloway since high school. Even then we weren’t particularly close because I didn’t hang in their tightknit social circle. I did better hanging out with the guys as I struggled to form genuine female relationships… and there was that small issue of giving Kristen’s boyfriend, Damien a lap dance last time I saw him at their group bachelor party in Vegas.

  The awkwardness was heavy, suffocating and while I generally didn’t give a damn what people thought of me, I also knew that coming back here I would have to try. That’s what Emmett encouraged me to do. To try. I hated when he was right. I had to let go of my abrasive wall and be open to the people who were forgiving and let go of the ones who weren’t.

  “Oh hey, Sierra?” I peeked from behind the menu biting my lip. It was the blonde, Taylor speaking to me, a kind smile on her face. I had experience with those smiles twisting into something ugly, but I held back a caustic comment and waited. Part of starting over also required I tried coming at social interactions a little differently than in the past.

  “You’re back, this is good. Really good. So good in fact that we should plan a girl’s night or something.” Kristen rambled and now I felt bad, or awkward, or something. It wasn’t guilt, maybe shame? I couldn’t put my finger on it, and didn’t want to give the thoughts more air time than necessary.

  “Yup. I’m back.”

  “I think a get together is a great idea.” Taylor beamed. There was a genuine likability about her. She carried herself confidently which matched the rock on her finger and I wondered who she married.

  “But not at the pub. Maybe somewhere else? Is that weird?” Kristen kept dodging the elephant in the room. I wanted to head it off at the pass, but here we were. The pub wasn’t exactly Switzerland for all of us and I could see in her eyes she was imagining me and her boyfriend. I should probably tell her that nothing happened because Damien was devoted to her even if he cleaned out his wallet of cash and gave it to me.

  So, I tried to be more subtle.

  “Only if we make it weird.” A collective breath filled the space and was released about the time another girl joined their twosome.

  “Oh hey, sorry I’m late. You know how weirdly jealous Whit gets. Um, it’s lap dance girl.” She pointed at me and I had to give them credit for not rolling their eyes over her obvious blunder.

  I stuck my hand out, “Hi. I’m Sierra.” The girl I don’t know who clearly knew me shook my hand. I saw the wheels turning and a blush stained her cheeks. She’s cute in a young way and I see why Whittaker likes her so much. I’d probably like her too if I swung that way. I’ve got enough problems to deal with though.

  “So, what about a night in? My place. I’m sure we can kick Hunter out for the night. It might be nice to meet some new friends.” Taylor offered kindly. If she really knew me, she might rethink her invitation, but I’m appreciative and accept because Emmett’s voice gets louder in my head. You have to try and make peace with the past and forge a new future. Ugh, who knew my Amish lover would be such a pain in the ass from two hundred miles away.

  “That sounds nice. Thank you.”

  “Great, let’s exchange numbers and we can text the details.” We exchange the necessary information and the girls leave with their coffee. I’m not sure if I’ve been set up but for the moment it feels nice to have something to do other than sit in the cottage and count the unpainted wall studs.

  10

  Andy

  Moonlight reflected off the gold chain nestled in the hollow of her neck. The clovers rested on her collarbones while a second chain unfamiliar to me slipped down between her breasts teasing at what laid beneath her dress.

  “Andrew. I know we can’t go back. I don’t want to go back, but I don’t want things to be like this either.”

  “Like how?” I asked her. We were oil and water so mixing us together was a moot point. I imagined that all we would ever be was a mess of browns and oily blacks so far from the pure and pretty hues of innocence.

  “Hating each other.”

  “Ah, you assume I care enough to hate.” Cared enough to hate… what was that line about love and hate being the same emotion just different sides of the coin? I loved her. I always would even if she was any good for me. Exercising her from my life like the demon I knew she could be would never happen. She was in my blood. My soul and there was no escaping from that.

  “Don’t you?”

  “Hate is a fine line to love, Sierra. I stopped loving you a long time ago when I realized you didn’t want my love.” The words are painful coming from my lips and her eyes widened. A gasp formed a small O around her mouth and her cheek ticked heavy with unexpressed emotion. Meanness wasn’t in me but I had to cut her out like the lingering cancer she’d been eating away at my sanity.

  “I see. So you’re going to punish me instead?” She turned away to look over the balcony.

  “Sorry, you must be seeing the face that doesn’t love you anymore.” I moved to brush past her, our shoulders bumping.

  “Seriously, Andy?”

  I shot her a look over my shoulder.

  “Come on, it’s not like you were planning on staying here anyway and now that the vineyard is sold there’s nothing left for you here.” She turned away and I watched her back stiffen. My words had hit the intended mark but I didn’t feel any better about it. How could I? The day she left my world fell apart and I’d been running on auto pilot ever since.

  “You would think that wouldn’t you.” Her quiet words were hushed and carried on the breeze.

  “Take the money and leave. Start somewhere fresh.” The settlement I made for the vineyard was generous. Even in severing my ties to her I simply could not let this girl go.

  “A place with no past.” She shrugged her shoulders and turned to look at me with her fathomless whiskey hued eyes. I drowned in her. It was impossible not.

  My hands settled on her shoulders, my fingers tracing her bones. Cold and boney her frailness was visible under my fingertips and that scratching over the muscle of my heart started up again like a record skipping songs. I had to be strong. I had to let her go.

  “A place where you can make the future.” I didn’t want the end to be so near, but there was no stopping it and every turn brought me closer and closer knowing her less and less.

  “I’m stuck in limbo, Andrew. I don’t know how to move on as well as you do.” Sierra didn’t know I was stuck in limbo too. A decade in limbo and I was no better than she was. I faked moving on. I fooled my family, my brother, and my friends. I fooled myself for the last ten years into thinking I could ever let her go.

  “It’s easy, you put one foot in front of the other.” I whispered the biggest lie I ever told. If Pastor Rooney could hear me, I’d be going to Hell. Luckily, he didn’t take confessional, but all those years going to church with my pa
rents after she left… well his judgement could be felt clear into the following week after one of his blistering sermons.

  Sierra turned in my arms, her hands resting on my chest. It felt right. For the first time it felt right. I should have been putting the brakes on this, fuck, I should have been doing a lot of things including, but not limited to staying the hell away from Sierra Occho.

  Our foreheads touched and I wanted her however she would have me. I was willing to settle for scraps, I’d cut my arm off if it meant having her even for this moment only. This would be my last attempt at extricating her from my body at the most basic cellular level.

  “Andrew, we shouldn’t.” She was right. Her little tongue darted out moistening her lips and wavered.

  “Since when have we ever done anything we were supposed to do firefly?” I got a crack of a smile from her and leaned on it. My lips touched hers and it was fire and ice simultaneously. Suddenly, I was that ship sailing the sea and then I was instantly battered in the storm tossed into the waves and swallowed whole. I was Capitan Ahab and she was my whale. I had no anchor, no lighthouse to guide me, and no direction except that damn broken compass that led me back to her each time.

  Our tongues touched and I was eighteen again. So stupid and cocksure knowing it would be worth the pain this one last time. I was deluded into thinking I fix everything when I knew nothing at all.

  “Put your arms around me. You’re home.” I said never wanting to let her go.

  Sierra made a snuffling sound into my neck and my hands splayed against her back keeping her close and flush against my chest. I wanted to absorb her into me and never let go. I went down with her ship once before, and it didn’t kill me. What the hell was one more try?

  “Is this real,” she asked trembling.