by Kaylee Ryan
“Um, I thought the guys were just drawing names for the wedding?”
“Oh, they are, but Caleb decided to involve alcohol since they’ll all be together.”
“Were they not just together last Saturday night at the bar?”
She laughs. “Yeah, but he misses his friends,” she says in a whiny voice.
“Please tell me that’s how he said it,” I sputter with laughter.
“No, but he might as well have. Like he needed to convince me. He was laying it on thick. Since my sisters are not coming in from out of town, you’re my only ally. I need you.”
And here I thought I could skip out early. “We’ll just engross them in all-things-wedding. That will scare them away.”
“Why didn’t I think of that?” she asks, humor lacing her voice. “So, pack a bag.” She gets back to the purpose of her call.
“Yeah,” I say, unable to tell her no. “What are we drinking?”
“Vodka cranberry is what I have. You want anything else? Caleb is running out to pick up some beer and snacks.”
“That’s my poison of choice.”
“I know. You’ve got me hooked. Thanks, Collins, you’re saving me from a night of pure testosterone.”
“Anytime. I’ll see you later.” We end the call, and I mentally chastise myself for not being able to say no. If Grady were not back in town, I would have been jumping at the chance to hang with them, with no hesitation for staying over. Now though, now life is all messy and confusing again. His presence does not mean a damn thing. I just need to keep reminding my heart that.
His presence does not matter, which is why I took extra care when getting ready. I made sure I shaved everywhere and smoothed my favorite lavender lotion all over my skin. It took me longer than I care to admit to pick out an outfit. I want him to see what he’s missing, what he willingly gave up. I put curls in my hair, letting them hang down my back and go with subtle for my makeup. I didn’t want to look like I’m trying too hard or trying at all for that matter. I settled on a pair of cut-off denim shorts, and a burgundy flowing tank top. Completed with black flip-flops and I’m good to go.
I made sure to pack some short shorts and a matching tank to sleep in, as well as another outfit for tomorrow. That one, I chose at random. I added some toiletries and zipped the bag. How is it possible that I’m both excited and dreading this night all at the same time? I want him to see me, to see what he can never have, not again. I also don’t want to deal with it. I want to forget the pain and the loneliness and just live. Clearly, my head and my heart are in battle. Why I’m not sure; they both remember the pain. I wish I could say that I was over it, over him, but that nervousness when he’s around—even mixed with anger—tells me that’s not the case. He was my first love. He also took what he wanted and then disappeared from my life. Why can my heart not understand that?
“Where you headed off to?” Tabby asks when I come out of my room carrying my overnight bag.
“Caleb’s. They’re drawing names for the wedding party today.”
“That’s right. Are you staying?”
“Maybe, not sure yet. Thought I would take some clothes just in case. I guess Caleb and the guys are going to be shooting the shit and Emily didn’t want to be the only woman there. You want to come?”
“Nope. I have a date.” She grins.
“Do tell.” I take a seat on the arm of the couch waiting for more details.
“Just this guy I met at work. His mom is there, and she’s in my hall. He asked me to dinner.”
“Good for you. Call me if you need me to come and get you or bail you out. Text me where you will be.”
“I’m sure it will be fine.” She waves me off.
“Still, text me so I don’t worry.”
“Got it, Mom,” she says with a laugh.
“Ha ha. I’ll see you either late tonight or in the morning.”
“Have fun,” she calls over her shoulder as I head out the door.
I’m early. Not because I want to see the guys, and not because Caleb and Emily need help setting up. I’m early because I know she’s going to be here. I don’t know how long she plans on staying, but I don’t want to miss the opportunity to see her. Caleb called last night to remind me and mentioned she was coming, too, but Emily’s sisters couldn’t make it. They live out of town, and this is not really a wedding festivity.
Reaching in the back seat, I grab the bottle of Crown that I picked up earlier today. This is the apple flavor, and when you mix it with Sprite, it’s lethal. I didn’t go out much in medical school, but my roommates and I would indulge at home. This is something we learned in undergrad. College education at its finest.
“Hey, Grady,” Emily answers the door. “What you got there?” She points to my hand, smiling.
“Crown Apple.” I hold up one hand and the twelve-pack of Sprite in the other. “Have you had it?” I ask, following her into the kitchen and setting the items on the counter.
“No, is it any good? I don’t drink much, but Collins has me hooked on Cape Cod’s vodka and cranberry juice.”
“I’ve had a Royal Flush, but never just vodka and cranberry.”
“Then you’ll have to try one tonight. That’s pretty much the only drink Collins and I will drink. Well, she loves those Wild Grape Smirnoff, but I’m not much of a grape fan.”
I take in every morsel of information that she’s giving me about Collins. I can use every advantage I can get to convince her to listen to me. “Where’s Caleb?” I finally ask when I realize we’re just standing here in their kitchen.
“He’s in the shower. Bryce and Alec called not long ago and are on their way as well. You must be glad to be home?”
“Yeah. It’s been a while. School and my job at the hospital kept me busy.” It’s not a complete lie. I was busy, but I could have made time. It’s not like I can tell her I slept with your soon-to-be sister-in-law, my best friend’s little sister, then couldn’t face her or the fact that I knew it would cause me to lose my best friend. I can’t tell her that Collins made me feel more in one night than anyone before her and any who attempted to come after. It’s the half-truth that she gets, that they all get until I can talk to Collins, and ideally for longer than a couple of minutes. I’m hoping tonight I’ll get my chance.
“Well, I know Caleb is glad to have you home. I’m pleased your residency is going to be close. Where did you say you’re doing it again?”
“I didn’t.” I grin. “Riley,” I say, and her smile widens.
“That’s awesome! Did you know that Collins works there? She’s an ER nurse. She just started a couple of weeks ago.”
Hell yes! “No, I wasn’t aware. I knew she was a nurse, her roommate, too, right?” I’m going for casual when all I can think about is us being in the same place for the next three years. Fuck, I hope it doesn’t take me that long to win her over. You were gone three years, asshole. That’s what you deserve.
“Yes, they went to nursing school together. You know, I don’t think she knows that Riley is where you will be doing your residency either,” she studies me.
“Yeah, let’s just keep that between us for now.” I know she’s trying to process why I would say that. “This is about your wedding. She’ll find out soon enough.” The smile comes back to her face.
“I have pictures of my sisters and Collins. I put them in envelopes. The three of you are going to draw straws at who gets to go first. Once you have all drawn, you get to open your envelope and see who you’re walking with.” She claps her hands as she radiates with excitement.
“Are you cheering?” Caleb asks, stepping up behind her and wrapping his arms around her waist.
“Maybe a little.” She turns to look at him. “I was just telling Grady about the plan to draw names.”
He smiles at her. “You’re cute.” He kisses her nose and then looks up at me. “Hey, man. Thanks for coming.”
“Oh, he brought this.” Emily lifts the bottle of Crown from the
island.
“Nice.” He grins. “Been too long since it was the four of us hanging out.”
“Hey, don’t forget that your sister and I will be here as well.”
“I could never forget you, babe.”
“Come on now, if this is how it’s going to be all night, I’m going to go back to my place,” Collins says from behind me.
I fight to not turn to look at her. I can hear her footsteps as she gets closer, her lavender scent surrounding me. Then she’s there, right beside me. I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, and her attention is on her brother and Emily.
“Thank you!” Emily rolls her eyes playfully. “I was about to be outnumbered. As it is, we still are, but I needed you,” she says dramatically, causing Collins to laugh.
I turn my head to look at her, her laugh captivating me. “Hey,” I greet her. I’m going for casual, but fuck it. I feel like it’s anything but.
“Hi,” she says with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Where is everyone?” she asks Emily. We all know she’s running this show.
“On their way. Alec was stopping to pick Bryce up.” Just as the words leave her mouth, there’s a loud knock at the door. With their fingers laced together, they both go to greet our friends, leaving me alone with Collins.
“You look beautiful,” I tell her.
“Cut the shit, Grady.”
“I’m being honest. Listen, do you think that maybe after this you and I could go grab a drink so we can talk?”
“Nope.”
“There he is,” Bryce’s deep voice booms as he enters the room. He wraps an arm around my neck and pulls me in, rubbing the top of my head.
“Fucker.” I laugh and push him away, only to receive the same exact treatment from Alec. I push him away, too.
“My future wife.” Bryce wraps his big muscled arms around Collins and pulls her into his chest, kissing the top of her head.
Here’s the thing. The four of us have been thick as thieves since kindergarten. Caleb and I have been neighbors even longer. In this moment, it’s taking everything I have in me to not punch one of my oldest friends in the face. Collins laughs and places her arms around his waist, giving him a hug. My fists clench at my sides.
“Oh, yeah?” she asks, amused, looking up at him. Those blue eyes giving him all of her attention. “I need a rock.” She holds up her left hand and wiggles her fingers.
I want to drop to my knees and tell her I’ll buy her any damn ring she wants. I don’t care what it costs if she’ll just talk to me and remove her hands from him.
“My turn,” Alec says, pulling her from Bryce and hugging her to his side.
I watch as Bryce goes to Emily and pulls her into a hug as well. He doesn’t seem to mind or notice that Caleb is staring daggers at him. Alec releases Collins and does the same. I want my turn to hug her, to hold her to my chest and let her lavender scent wash over me. I fucked that up, but I’m back, and I’m not giving up until that exact scenario is our reality.
“Right,” Alec says, laughing when he sees the look that Caleb is giving him. The one that says you have mere seconds to get your hands off my future wife. I know the look well. I’ve been giving it to both of them since they walked through the door; they just don’t seem to notice. “Are we doing this?” he asks.
Emily claps her hands. “Yes. Okay, so each of you are going to draw a straw. Longest goes first and so on. You’ll each pick an envelope. Inside is the picture of either one of my sisters or Collins.”
“I’ve seen your sisters, Emily, and this one.” Bryce points to Collins. “We win regardless.” He smirks.
“Fuck yes, we do,” Alec agrees.
I stay silent. I watch Caleb waiting to see if he mouths off to them the way they are talking about his little sister. He says nothing. Was I that wrong? Would he have accepted her and me? Would he have been okay with the two of us being together? Did I run for nothing? Mess up the best thing to happen to me, for nothing?
Bryce smacks his hands together and rubs them. “Let’s do this.”
Emily reaches into the drawer and pulls out three straws that are already in her hand. I stand back. It doesn’t matter what order we go in; there is still a one in three chance that I get paired with Collins. Instead of worrying about when I get to pick my straw, I send up a silent prayer that it’s her picture in my envelope.
“Hold them up,” Emily says after I draw mine. “Alec, Grady, then Bryce,” she announces. Reaching behind her, she grabs three black sealed envelopes from the cabinet and lays them in a line.
“Come on, at least you could have made the envelopes white so we could attempt to cheat,” Bryce jokes.
“Nope. We want this to be fair. Too much pressure the other way.” She laughs. Caleb leans in and kisses her cheek.
Alec moves the envelopes all around until finally picking one. He starts to open it when Caleb tells him to wait.
“She wants you all to open them at the same time, right, Em?” he asks his fiancée.
“Yep.” She looks at me. “Your turn, Grady.”
I look across the island at Collins and she’s biting her bottom lip, her eyes focused on the two remaining envelopes. I know her silent plea is the exact opposite of mine. With a deep breath, I close my eyes and blindly reach for one of the envelopes.
“All right,” Bryce says. “Can we open them now?” He reaches for the last remaining envelope.
“You’re enjoying this way too much,” Caleb jokes.
“Hey, can you blame me? They’re all three hot as hell.” He winks at Collins and again, I fight the urge to punch him. “Either way, we all win. I just need to know which beauty I’ll be cuddled up with that night.”
Emily laughs. “They’re all three single, too.” She hip-checks Collins.
“Hey, now.” Caleb laughs. “I don’t need to hear that shit about my little sister.”
That’s it? No warning to keep our hands off? No warning that if we touch her, he’s going to kick our asses? Growing up, I heard that speech so many damn times I can recite it. It has to be the thrill of the wedding.
“On three,” Emily counts us down. At the sound of three, I slowly peel open the envelope and slide the picture from its depths. I look at it, blink, and then look again. She’s still there. Collins with her long, dark hair and her bright blue eyes are staring back at me. I got her. I hate to think that I don’t get her to myself until the wedding, but I’ll take it. I’ll take anything and everything I can get of her.
“The sexy Samantha.” Bryce shows us his picture.
“I like older women.” Alec holds up a picture of Emily’s other sister, Cindy, I think she said her name was.
“She’s two years older than us.” Emily shakes her head.
“Sam’s what, two years younger?” Bryce asks.
“Nope. Four, she and Collins are the same age.” She looks at me. “You get our girl here.” Once again, she hip-checks Collins.
“Yeah,” I say, looking at Collins. “I get our girl.” My voice is soft and my eyes are fixed on her, but no one seems to think a thing of it as they start passing out drinks.
“Collins, Grady has a new drink for us to try,” Emily tells me.
“Oh, yeah?” My palms are sweating and my heart is beating faster than it should be for a leisurely Saturday afternoon. He drew me. I knew it was possible, but I figured the fates would take pity on me. How am I going to do this? Let him walk me down the aisle? Dance with him at the reception, sit next to him at the reception, photographs? The list goes on and on, but the fact remains it’s the two of us paired up for the entire event. I have weeks, mere weeks to come to terms with the fact. I’m an adult, I remind myself. It’s two nights—the rehearsal and then the wedding. If I can get through him walking away, I can handle being nice and smiling for the cameras. It’s just two days. This is for my big brother and soon-to-be sister. I can be the bigger person. Maybe if I keep repeating that, I’ll actually believe it.
“
It’s Crown Apple and Sprite,” he says.
I look up to find him watching me. “I don’t drink much.” I don’t know why I tell him that, but I feel like I need him to know I’m not out drinking myself into a stupor over him.
“Me either, really. My two roommates during med school turned me onto this. None of us went out much, but we would indulge here and there after a study session at our place. It’s good,” he says, adding Sprite to a cup of Crown and pushing it across the island toward me.
“Try it,” Emily says.
I’m tempted to let it sit and walk away, but that would be obvious that something is wrong. I need to learn to act as if he’s just some guy. He’s no longer the guy, at least that’s what I keep telling myself. I take a sip and surprisingly, it’s not bad. “It’s good.”
“Here.” Grady slides a cup toward Emily, and she takes it, immediately taking a sip of her own. “Wow, this is really good. I need to add this to my short list of likes.” She smiles and takes another sip.
“Yeah,” I agree with her, taking another sip. I look over at Grady, and he’s smiling proudly, observing me.
“You want one, man?” he asks Caleb.
“Why not,” he says. Grady goes about making him a drink while I pretend to not be watching him over the rim of my glass. I know he knows, but I’m still pretending that’s not the case.
“Serve it up, G,” Bryce says, placing his arm over my shoulder and grabbing my glass. I study him as he places it to his lips and tilts his head back, draining my cup. “Make my girl another,” he says, setting my now empty glass on the counter and sliding it toward Grady.
“I was making you one, asshole,” Grady grumbles.
“Might as well pour me one, too, if you’re serving,” Alec tells him.
Grady nods as he adds Sprite to the solo cup that was meant for Bryce. Instead, he picks it up and holds it out for me. “Collins,” he says softly.
I take the offered cup, telling my heart that he served me first because Bryce drank mine. It makes good sense, but I know Grady. It’s been years, but I know the kind of guy he is. Ladies first. I’ve spent three years trying to forget that’s his motto in everything he does. It’s a plan that I once upon a time greatly benefited from. Now, I hate it. I hate the memories that it brings up. I hate to remember them, but I hate to let them go. It’s a no-win situation.
