by Kaylee Ryan
Grady makes Bryce and Alec their drinks and puts the lid back on the bottle, without making one for himself. “What’s up with that?” Caleb asks him.
“Just not feeling it right now,” he says as an explanation.
Cup tilted to my lips, I watch him over the rim, and he’s watching me. He gives me a small smile, and I close my eyes, taking a big gulp. When he looks at me like that, like he wants me, it unnerves me. The time for that has passed. If he thinks he can roll back into town after fading away for three years and things are just fine, that we can be friends or whatever in the hell it is that he wants to say or ask, he’s wrong. He’s so damn wrong. I know I need to remain strong, to resist his charms and his eagerness to talk. There is however, a small part of me that wants to hear what he has to say. Will he grovel? Even more so when he apologizes again, because from our interactions this far, that’s a given. Will I ever be able to forgive him?
“So, Emily,” Alec speaks up, “are your sisters coming in any time before the wedding?”
“I don’t think so. Collins has been great at helping with the wedding plans and of course my future mother-in-law has been helpful as well.” She beams just from talking about Mom being her mother-in-law.
“So, what are the plans before the wedding? Anything we need to do?” Grady asks.
“Nope. It’s all taken care of. We do need the three of you to go get measured for your pants and shirts.”
“No monkey suits.” Bryce throws his hand in the air in silent celebration.
“Nope. I want everyone to be comfortable. That’s why I chose the dresses that I did. They could technically wear them again if they wanted to.”
Grady glances at me and smiles. I turn to Emily and pretend to be listening to her tell Bryce and Alec what they will be wearing. However, I don’t hear a damn word she says. All I can see is his smile and the way it affects me. I hate it. I hate that after all this time his smile still causes butterflies to take off in my stomach. I hate the way I long for that smile to be directed at me every day.
“Collins.” His deep voice brings me out of my thoughts.
Blinking, I look at him and realize it’s just the two of us left in the kitchen. “They went in the other room, you okay?”
“Fine.” I raise my drink to my lips and drain it.
“You want another?”
I nod. He takes my empty cup from my hand, his fingers brushing against mine. There’s a jolt of electricity. I quickly pull my hand away; luckily, he already had the cup. Thankfully, preventing a spill, and the need for me to fumble through an explanation for the cause. How is it possible that three years later, my body still reacts to his touch?
“Your hair’s longer,” he says, placing the lid back on the bottle of Crown, and opening a new can of Sprite. I don’t bother to respond. Instead, I watch his every move. When he slides the now full cup across the counter to me, I grab it and take a small sip, knowing I need to pace myself.
“Collins—” He stops and swallows hard. “I’m sorry. There is so much that I need to say.”
I laugh humorlessly. “The time for that has passed, Grady. Where were your words when I was texting and calling you? When I was begging you to talk to me?” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open them, he’s watching me, sadness and what looks like regret written all over his face. “We’re done here,” I say, turning on my heel and making my way toward the living room. I find the others sitting around the living room, just shooting the shit. Caleb and Emily are huddled together in the chair, while Bryce and Alec are on the couch. There is one open chair and an open spot on the couch. Neither appeal to me, so I wave and point to the patio doors. I need some fresh air.
When I reach the door, I can’t see outside because of the inside light, but I know what I will find behind the door. A small patio with a table and chairs. After sliding open the door, I pull it closed behind me. I forgo the table and chairs and head toward the banister. Solo cup in hand, I lean my elbows against the banister and close my eyes. The warm night air surrounds me, as do the sounds of the town, cars driving by, voices in the distance. I take a deep breath and slowly exhale.
“You okay?” a deep voice asks, a voice that haunts my dreams. When I don’t respond, he places his hand on the small of my back. “Collins,” he says again.
Too lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even hear him come out here. That’s what he does to me. “What are you doing out here, Grady?”
“Checking on you.”
“No,” I say forcefully. “What are you doing here? Back in town?”
“I live here.”
“No, you don’t. It’s been three years since you stepped foot into this town.”
“It was time.”
“It was time,” I mock. “Go back inside, Grady.” Tilting my head back, I drain the rest of my drink.
Instead of walking away, he steps closer. “Collins,” he says softly. “I’m sorry for leaving. It’s my biggest regret. Please, can we talk about this?”
“Nope,” I say, popping the P.
He steps closer, and I can feel his heat on my back. He braces his arms on the railing beside mine, caging me in. A step closer and his front is aligned with my back. Closing my eyes, I fight the shiver his touch causes.
“I was wrong, Collins. I was scared for so many reasons, and I acted like a coward.” His hot breath brushes my ear and this time, the shiver is evident. When I feel him bury his head in my neck, I begin to panic.
“What are you d-doing? They could see us,” I say, trying to step out of his hold, but he’s too close, too strong.
“I don’t care about that, any of it. All I care about is you. Please, talk to me.”
Eyes closed, I let his deep timbre wash over me. I want to turn in his arms and wrap mine around his waist. I want to feel his warmth surround all of me, but that’s my heart talking, the one who still longs for him. My head knows better. “No, we can’t do this. Not here.”
“Meet me. You tell me when and where, and I’ll make it happen.”
“Right.” I laugh. “You’re so trustworthy.” His lips press against my neck, and I fight the urge to melt into him. “We need to go back inside.”
“I don’t care if they see us,” he insists.
“You might not, but I do. Why do they need to know about our one night of bad judgment? It’s not like it will ever happen again. No need to ruin friendships.”
“It wasn’t a night of bad judgment,” he says through what I’m sure are gritted teeth. I look down at his hands that are gripping the railing. “Please, can we go somewhere and talk?”
“No.” I manage to turn in his arms. When I look up at him, his green eyes are focused solely on me. “It was a night of lapsed judgment. You regretted it as soon as it happened, and me, well I learned to deal with the rejection. We aren’t going back there. It was years ago.” I don’t know what makes me do it, but I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips to his. His grip on the railing releases, and he rests his hands on the small of my back, pulling me into him. Breaking the kiss, I step out of his hold. His arms drop to his sides, and he’s breathing heavily. “This, whatever it was back then, no longer exists.” I step around him and walk back inside.
I find myself in the kitchen so I make myself another drink. This time, more Crown than Sprite. I don’t want to think about Grady, or that night, or the way his lips felt against mine. I don’t want to give my heart the chance to latch onto him, or the thought of him. That was long ago. We can never go back.
“There you are,” Emily says. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just wanted some fresh air and needed another drink.”
“Pour me another.” She grins.
I do just that. I make hers just as strong, and we head back into the living room. Grady is sitting on the couch with Bryce and Alec, leaving the chair for me. I avoid looking at him, pretending he’s not even there. I need to learn how to deal with him being back in town.
“Never hav
e I ever.” Alec claps his hands together, moving to sit on the edge of the couch.
“Are we back in college?” Caleb laughs.
“I’ll go first,” Bryce says, ignoring him.
My eyes wander to Grady on their own accord, and he’s watching me. This is going to be a long-ass night.
She kissed me. That’s all I can think about, the feel of her soft lips pressed against mine. I want to grab her and haul her into my lap, bury my face back in her neck, and just hold her. I want to show them all that she’s mine. I hurt her, I get that. I know that I’m going to have to work hard to prove to her how sorry I am. I was young and dumb, and if I’m honest, scared out of my mind at the feelings she evoked in me.
“Never have I ever went to law school.” Bryce grins.
“What the hell?” Caleb laughs. “You trying to get me drunk?”
“Drink up, brother,” Bryce taunts him.
“Wait,” Emily says. “Grady, you need a drink.”
“I’m not drinking tonight,” I tell her.
“Of course, you are,” she says, standing.
“No, really. I have some residency stuff to deal with tomorrow, and I need a clear head.” It’s a lie, but I get a free pass anyway.
“Fine,” she grumbles. She disappears into the kitchen and comes back with a can of Sprite and hands it to me.
“Thanks.”
“Okay, now me. Never have I ever had sex in a public place,” Alec says, smirking. Bryce curses under his breath and takes a drink.
“You’re holding out on us,” Caleb taunts him.
“Nowhere in the rules does it say we have to give details.” He smirks.
Caleb laughs. “I see how you are. Right, my turn.” He looks up at Emily, who is still sitting in his lap. “Never have I ever had a one-night stand.”
She smiles down at him, and that’s when I remember their story. They were a one-time thing, until he ran into her again and convinced her to go out with him. One date led to two, and here we are, fast approaching their wedding day. Bryce, Alec, and Collins all drink, but I don’t.
“Right,” Collins scoffs.
I raise my eyebrow at her, daring her to say more. I’ve had three years to think about this, and if I lose my best friend to have her, it’s worth it. She’s worth it. If I could go back in time and have a do-over, I never would have left. I would have slept with my arms locked tightly around her, soaking up every fucking minute I could before I had to go back to school.
“Moving on,” Caleb chimes in. “I’m going to pretend that my baby sister did not just drink to that one.”
“Never have I ever seen the ocean,” Emily says quickly.
Alec and I are the only two to drink. I make a mental note to one day take Collins to the beach.
“Col,” Caleb says.
“Okay.” She sits up a little straighter in her chair. “Never have I ever turned my back on someone I care about.” Her eyes bore into mine.
I did, but I didn’t. She smirks, waiting for me to bring the can of Sprite to my lips, so I do. I don’t like it because I’m here now, but it’s the truth all the same.
“Grady.” Bryce nudges me with his elbow.
“Never have I ever had a speeding ticket.” It’s lame, but it gets everyone to drink except for Emily and Collins.
“Never have I ever been in love,” Bryce says.
I watch as Caleb and Emily quickly take their drinks. Turning my attention to Collins, she frowns as she places her cup to her lips and takes a drink at the same time as I do. I don’t take my eyes off her, hoping she understands.
“You?” Alec asks, looking around Bryce at me.
“I thought we didn’t have to defend our answers?” Bryce saves me without even knowing it.
“There is a big difference between one-night stands and love,” Alec says.
“Yeah, me,” I say, still looking at Collins. It’s risky, but I can’t seem to look away from her, not when I say. “She’s amazing, smart, beautiful.” I swallow. “I messed up, but I’m working on getting her back.” Wide-eyed, she looks away.
“Who is she?” Bryce asks.
“He doesn’t have to tell us, remember? Now, Alec, it’s your turn.” Emily rescues me.
Funny thing is I didn’t really want to be rescued. I was ready to tell them all that it was her—Collins. I was prepared for my best friend to punch me. I’m not the same guy I was three years ago. Time and distance have made me realize what I walked away from.
“I need another drink.” Collins stands and is wobbly on her feet.
“Hey there, little sister. Maybe you’ve had enough?” Caleb watches her.
“I’m staying, remember?”
“That doesn’t mean you need to drink yourself into a stupor where you don’t remember the night.”
Her eyes find mine. “Maybe I want to forget.” Her words are a soft confession that cut right through my chest. “Actually, you know, I am pretty tired. I think I’ll head to bed. I’ll see you all in the morning.” She waves over her shoulder and stumbles down the hall.
I have to force myself to sit in the chair and not rush after her. To take her in my arms and hold her while she sleeps off the alcohol.
“So, you find a place yet?” Alec asks.
“Not yet. I need to figure it out this week. I love my parents, but living with them is not something I want to do after being gone for so long.”
“I think Collins said that there was a vacancy at her complex. In fact, it’s the unit right next to hers. The girl got married a couple of weeks ago,” Emily says.
“Really? I’ll have to ask her about it.”
“You better go now before she crashes.” Bryce chuckles.
“Good idea.” I stand and head toward the hallway, as if just inquiring about an apartment is all that’s on my mind. I’m taking risks, which I’m sure she hates, but her being a secret is something I hate more. I would be okay with getting caught.
When I reach the spare bedroom, the door is open, and the bedside lamp is casting a soft glow over the room. Collins is on the bed, curled up in a ball. I think she’s sleeping until I hear a soft sob break free from her chest. Pushing into the room, I drop to my knees beside the bed. Slowly her eyes open, big, beautiful blue eyes that are wet with tears.
“I don’t understand,” she confesses. Her voice is soft and filled with pain. “Why now? After all these years, why now?”
Reaching out, I cup her face in my hands and wipe her tears with my thumb. “I knew the minute I drove away that night that I was making a mistake. I knew leaving you there in that bed would be my biggest regret in life, but I let fear control my actions, and I kept the car pointed back toward school.”
“I called you,” she whispers.
“How drunk are you, Collins? Will you remember this conversation in the morning?”
“I’m buzzed, but not so much so that I won’t remember.”
“I want to tell you, Collins. I want to tell you everything, but, baby, I want you to remember it.”
“I’ll remember,” she assures me. “Just like I remember the way it felt to have you hover over me, the way your eyes never left mine.” She stops and swallows hard. Footsteps carry down the hall and disappear behind the noise of the bathroom door shutting. “Now is probably not the best time.”
“I don’t care if they know,” I remind her.
“So, you said.”
“You tell me when and where, and I’ll be there. That’s all I ask… for the chance to tell you my side. It doesn’t make what I did right, but I hope it might help you understand.”
“Why now?” she asks again.
“Because, my beautiful, Collins, I want you in my life.”
“Grady—” I place my fingers over her lips.
“Just give me the chance to explain, please?” I ask softly. Her answer is to nod. “I need to find a place to live, not with my parents. Emily says there is a unit beside you that’s vacant?”
Again
, she nods.
“Can I call you tomorrow, get the information?”
Another nod.
Leaning in, I kiss her soft lips. Just a peck, but a kiss all the same. “Get some rest, baby. I’ll call you tomorrow.” She closes her eyes. I stand and make myself turn to leave.
“Grady,” she whispers.
I turn to look at her over my shoulder. Her eyes are still closed. “You hurt me.”
Turning, I walk back to the bed and drop back to my knees. I rest my hand on her hip and give it a gentle squeeze. “I know I did. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I want to make it up to you. Prove to you that I’m a man deserving of you.”
“You left me.”
I know the alcohol is taking her under, and her whispered confessions not only cut me like a knife, but they also confirm that having the conversation that we need to have tonight, would not have been a good idea. “I know, baby, but I promise you I’ll never leave you again. I’ll never hurt you again.” I wait for a reply but get nothing. This time, I kiss her forehead and again have to force myself to walk away.
With every step I take down the hall away from her, my heart is screaming that I need to go back. That I need to be here when she wakes up tomorrow. I need to show her that I’m not going anywhere.
“Well?” Caleb asks.
“She’s a little out of it. I’m going to call her tomorrow and get the information.”
He nods. “It’s good to have you back, man.”
If he only knew my driving force for coming home. Caleb and I couldn’t be any closer if we were brothers, and I hope that once he gets used to the idea of Collins and me together, that will still be the case. I won’t live without her. I can’t. I tried that for the last three years. I tried to tell myself that what I felt that night was a fluke. That my heart was not fused with hers, but it was a lie. All of it.
