Whatever It Takes

by Barbara Elsborg

  “About what?”

  “Me.”

  Roman couldn’t face the conversation now. He didn’t want to face it at all. Zain stepped in front of him, his chin up. He looked resolute, but he also looked nervous.

  “No,” Roman said.

  Zain bit back a gulp. “No—you haven’t made up your mind? Or no—you’re going to walk away?”

  “The first.”

  “Don’t I get a say?”

  Roman had an answer to that but before he could give it, Zain came up on his toes and kissed him. Roman’s heart might not have actually stopped but he felt as though it had. Zain’s hot, damp lips pressed against his, his tongue pushing for access, licking Roman’s tongue. Roman was physically incapable of resisting so he stopped trying.

  The kiss wasn’t hard or fast or furious. It was gentle, slow and determined. Roman wrapped his arms around Zain, pulled him in tight and a jolt of electricity shot down his spine, setting off fireworks en route to his groin, and dragging a groan from his throat.

  There were too many layers of clothing between them but they were also standing next to a main road. Roman wanted to strip Zain naked and fuck him where they stood. He wanted him on his back in front of him, legs up so he could drive into him. His cock was up for it, and so was Zain’s.

  Want want want raged through him like a fire. Carried on a wave of sensation, he thought the world might have ended before this kiss did. Zain tugged at his upper lip with his teeth, sucked, licked, tasted, quietly moaning as he plunged his tongue into Roman’s mouth, gliding it over and around his teeth.

  He heard the sound of a car horn, then cheering or maybe jeering, but he wasn’t sure anything could have stopped this. Not a tsunami, avalanche or fire. They kissed for so long that when they finally came up for air, Roman was shocked to see everything was the same as when they’d started. He felt as if the ground should have cracked, traffic piled up, the sea pulled back.

  “Why do you want to let me go?” Zain asked.

  Roman stared at those kiss-swollen lips and his brain fogged.

  “Are you going to push me away?” Zain’s voice caught.

  Be honest. “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m not good for you. I’ll hold you back.”

  “Not good for me? Are you blind?”

  Oh God. You think this is easy for me?

  Roman took Zain’s hand and tugged him across a cycle track and down a set of stairs towards the crazy golf he’d spotted from the bus.

  Zain pulled back. “Really? We need to talk and you want to play golf?”

  “I don’t want to think.”

  Zain didn’t say anything for a moment. “In that case, what do I get if I win?”

  “What do you want?”

  “Your arse.”

  Roman smiled. “You should know I was the school champion at crazy golf.”

  “Like I believe that.”

  “So what do I get if I win?” Roman asked.

  “My cock in your arse. It’s a win-win.”

  “No. If I win you have to be my slave for a night.”

  “That still sounds like a win-win.” Zain grinned.

  Roman had played crazy golf twice, which was twice more than Zain. Roman had even tried the real thing once with Arkady who was pretty good; Roman was not, but crazy golf defied skill and logic. Roman took careful, measured shots and still fucked up. Zain just hacked wildly at the ball and sometimes, albeit by a circuitous route—bouncing off rocks, Roman’s leg and ricocheting around corners—but with a heavy dose of pure luck, he achieved a hole-in-one, which he followed with whoops of delight. But slow and cautious was generally the more successful approach and by the eighth hole, Roman was nine strokes ahead.

  A lead that dropped to two by the time they reached the sixteenth, largely because Zain either made him laugh as he was striking the ball, or touched him in a way that turned Roman into a quivering mess. Zain was careful not be seen but still…

  By the last hole, Roman’s lead had been cut to one. They had to propel the ball under a waterfall, around two islands, up a hill and into a steaming volcano.

  “Your turn,” Zain said.

  Roman sank his ball in three. Zain managed it with two fluky strokes, which meant the game was a draw.

  He gave Roman a hug. “We’re both winners.”

  “Or both losers.”

  Zain rolled his eyes.

  “We didn’t cover the eventuality of a draw. I can’t believe we came out equal after you whacked the ball all over the course.”

  Zain grinned. “What can I say?”

  “Want to play again?”

  “You mean you want to keep going until you’ve won? I’m getting cold. How about I cede? I admit to being your biggest handicap.”

  Roman slung his arm over Zain’s shoulders. “Okay, bratkin. My slave for a night.”

  They handed the putters in and made their way back to the hotel.

  “I want to ask you to do something,” Zain said. “And I want you to say yes before I ask you.”

  Roman sighed but if they didn’t have a future, what could it hurt? “Okay. Yes.”

  “If anything bad happens, we have a place to meet.”

  “Not sure the devil will allow me trips to heaven.”

  Zain took Roman’s hand. “You’re not a bad man but I don’t believe there’s anything after this life, which is why we have to make the most of this one. If we get split up, we meet in the Natural History Museum by the meteorites. On Saturdays at two. For a year.”

  “I don’t want you to waste your life waiting for me.”

  He knew those words would hurt Zain but it was what he needed to say.

  “I’ll still wait,” Zain whispered.

  They returned to the hotel in silence.

  “We don’t have to go out again, do we?” Zain asked.

  “We can eat in the hotel restaurant.”

  They stopped at reception and booked a table for seven. The moment they reached the room, Zain kicked off his shoes and flopped face down on the bed.

  “When do I start work?” Zain mumbled into the pillow.

  “Now.”

  Zain’s head jerked up.

  “Run a bath.” Roman dropped his coat on top of Zain. “And hang that up.”

  Zain rolled off the bed, removed his own coat and hung both of them up. He lowered the level of light in the room before he padded to the bath and started the water running.

  “Add bath gel,” Roman said.

  Zain tipped it into the flowing water. “Do you get off on not saying please?”

  “Yes. Take your clothes off, then get me undressed.”

  Zain stripped. “Are there any rules?” He pushed Roman to sit on the bed and pulled off his socks, then tugged his sweater over his head.

  Roman stood up. “You do as I say without arguing or hesitating.”

  “What happens if I don’t?”

  “You get punished.”

  Zain’s eyes glittered as he knelt to remove Roman’s jeans and boxers.

  “I take it that you breathing on my cock like that was an accident,” Roman said.

  “Am I allowed to lie?”

  “If you think you can get away with it. If not…”

  “I’ll try not to breathe in your vicinity.”

  Roman hid his smile. “Get on your knees by the bath and wash me.”

  “I’m not getting in with you?” Zain looked up at him.

  “You get in after.”

  “In your dirty water?”

  Roman laughed. “Yes, in my dirty water. You’re not allowed to come tonight until I say so. Definitely not before dinner and maybe not afterwards. Understand?”

  “Come where?”

  “Zain!”

  “Yep, yep. I get it.”

  “Check the temperature. Is it okay?”

  Zain dipped his fingers into the bath. “Perfect.”

  Roman climbed in. It was perfect. A pouting Zain washed
him all over without being allowed to touch Roman’s cock because Roman wasn’t sure he’d be able to resist yanking Zain into the bath, which meant their chances of eating were considerably reduced.

  Once Roman was out of the bath, he let Zain get in and then Roman washed him. Zain closed his eyes and sank down into the water. The guy was too tempting but they both needed to eat and once they started messing around, they wouldn’t leave the room.

  As it was, they both had hard cocks when they went to eat. Zain pulled his T-shirt down and Roman wore his shirt out of his jeans.

  “You can eat fast, right?” Zain asked as they settled at the table.

  “I don’t want indigestion.”

  “Have you ever had any serious illnesses?”

  “No. Have you?”

  “No. Broken any bones?”

  “My arm when I was seven.”

  “My ankle when I was six.” Zain smiled.

  They ordered the food. Roman had been intending to ask for a bottle of wine but when Zain only wanted water, he drank the same.

  “Tell me ten things you hate,” Zain said.

  “Only ten?”

  “They can be random. They don’t have to be the ten things you hate most in the world.”

  Roman thought about it. “Flies, child abuse, dirty snow, windscreen wipers scraping dry windscreens, injustice, caviar, snakes, government lies, apple juice and Dima.” Most of all I hate that this might be all we can have.

  “Ten things you love?”

  You you you you you you you you you you. Roman took a shaky breath. “The feel of my cock in your mouth, the way your arse clenches around my cock, how your eyes look with and without eyeliner, watching you dance when you’re drunk, seeing you come, hearing you laugh, the way you make me laugh, how I’m always semi-erect whenever I’m near you, I love your hands, your smile, but most of all, if I have one thing to love, it would be your heart.”

  Zain gave a quiet moan. “I forgot to count.”

  The food arrived and neither of them spoke until the waiter had moved away.

  “What about you?” Roman asked. “What do you hate?”

  “That you’re thinking of pushing me away for my own good, that you can’t see a way past the situation we’re in, that I’ve failed to make you understand just what you mean to me, that I can’t count.” He took a deep breath. “And what I love? That’s easy. I love you.”

  Zain reached across the table and held out his hand. Roman wrapped his fingers around Zain’s. Did the fact that he couldn’t say it back mean that he didn’t feel it?

  Chapter Twenty

  Roman paid in cash the following day and Zain gulped when he saw how much the room had been. The return to London was a quiet one. Zain hadn’t given up on Roman but he’d accepted there was no point pushing. Roman had to work this out for himself.

  “I think we can risk the flat,” Roman said as they drew closer to the city.

  “You have remembered that Dima and Qashim have a key?”

  “Yes but if we’re inside, we can slide the bolt and they won’t be able to get in.”

  “Then why didn’t we do that before and stay there?”

  “Because once the bolt’s across, it’s clear someone’s inside and all they’d have to do is wait or break the door down. We only need one more night. I’ll call Arkady, check what Dima’s doing and imply I’m not in London.”

  All Zain heard was one more night.

  Roman pulled into a pub car park and switched off the engine. He turned on his phone and raised his eyebrows. “Arkady has called me twice. Helen four times. Dima once.”

  “No voicemails?”

  “No.”

  Zain switched on his phone and laughed. “No calls. No texts. No voicemails.”

  “Switch it off again.”

  “The power is low. I need to charge it.”

  “You won’t be able to in this car. Keep quiet now. I’ll call Arkady and put it on speaker though he’ll probably talk in Russian.

  “Roman!” Was the only word Arkady said that Zain understood.

  Roman chatted for a while then ended the call. He turned to Zain and sighed. “Arkady is still trying to persuade me to carry on working for him. I told him I’d be in Canterbury for a few days. He hasn’t heard from Dima.”

  “Did you expect Arkady to say anything different?”

  Roman gave a short laugh. “I half hoped he’d been arrested. I’ll call Helen.” A moment later he spoke again. “Dragon.”

  “I called you four times,” she snapped. “Why did you turn off your phone?”

  “Because I didn’t want to be traced.”

  “Where are you?”

  “London.”

  “Doing what?”

  “Sitting in my car.”

  “Don’t be a smartarse, Roman.”

  Roman raised his eyebrows and smiled at Zain.

  “What’s the position on Arkady? Dima?” Roman asked.

  “We’re pulling things together. We need you to come in. Today. Now.”

  Zain watched Roman’s fingers tighten around the phone. “Tomorrow afternoon.”

  She made a sound of annoyance. “Fine.”

  Is that how long we have?

  Roman ended the call.

  “You’re a dragon?” Zain asked.

  “Code to tell her I’m safe and can talk.”

  “What do you say if you’re not?”

  “Assuming I get the chance if I’m under duress—Hi, sweetheart.”

  Zain gave a short chuckle. “Are you going to call Dima?”

  “Why not?” Roman scrolled for his number.

  “Roman,” Dima said.

  “You called. What do you want?”

  “To ask you out for a drink.”

  “I’m in Canterbury. I won’t be back until the middle of the week. Anything in particular you wanted to talk about?”

  “It can wait.” Dima cut him off.

  Roman powered down his phone and set off again.

  “Are you all ready for tomorrow. You need to do another test paper?”

  “Yes, I’m ready. I think I’ve done all the available papers. Well, the ones that are free anyway.”

  “How long until you know if you passed it?”

  “You get handed the results as you leave the room but it isn’t a pass or fail thing. The higher the score, the better your chances of getting offered a place at medical school. I already have good enough A levels though that doesn’t mean I’ll get any offers.”

  “I’ll drive you to Mile End tomorrow.”

  “The test starts at ten but I have to be there fifteen minutes before.” And what happens after?

  Roman was yawning by the time he pulled into the underground parking.

  “Where are you going to put the car?”

  “Not in my spot. There are two visitor places. Hopefully one will be free.”

  One was.

  “Stay in the car and I’ll go up and check everything’s okay.”

  Zain caught hold of Roman’s arm. “What if it’s not?”

  Roman hesitated, as if that possibility had only just occurred to him. “If I’m not back in fifteen minutes, call Helen. I’ll unlock the phone just in case.” He handed it to Zain.

  He was back within five minutes and Roman switched off his phone again. They gathered up all their belongings and made their way upstairs. Once they were inside, Roman slid the bolt across and put his finger over his lips. Zain watched as he went around the flat with his phone, guessing he was looking for more bugs. Zain stood by the door and waited.

  When Roman came back, he shook his head. “Nothing. Everything looks as I left it.”

  Zain went over to the fridge. “Shall I cook us something?”

  “Is there anything worth cooking?” Roman looked over his shoulder.

  Zain opened the freezer. “I can rustle something up.”

  “What can I do to help?”

  “Get me a mojito?”

  Rom
an laughed. “How quickly you forget. And with that important test tomorrow?”

  “I’ll have water then. And if you could find my charger in the bag and plug in my phone please.”

  When Roman came back, Zain was frying mushrooms and peppers and boiling pasta.

  “I’ve put our dirty clothes in the wash.”

  “Thanks.” Ready for me leave you tomorrow? Don’t make me ask.

  “Is there any part of the test that worries you?”

  “It all worries me. The questions are tricky. Particularly situational judgement.”

  “For example?”

  “Say I hit my neighbour’s dog with my car as I pulled onto my drive. The dog walks away with a limp. How important is it to go straight to my neighbours to tell them what’s happened? Highly important? Important? Of minor importance? Not important?”

  “Important,” Roman said.

  “Why?”

  “It’s more important to get hold of the dog in case it disappears.”

  “But that wasn’t part of the situation. The answer is highly important.”

  Roman frowned. “Give me another example.”

  “If a patient says they’re allergic to penicillin how important is it to tell the senior doctor he made a mistake and ticked the wrong box saying they had no allergies?”

  “Highly important.”

  Zain nodded. “That one is easy. What about this? Someone is trying to push you away because they think it’s best for you but you disagree. How important is it to discuss the situation over dinner?”

  Roman rolled his eyes.

  “Hey,” Zain said. “I get that you’re worried for me. But I’m worried for you too. Why don’t I go with you to meet Helen tomorrow afternoon? We’ll make her see that it’s highly important this is brought to an end so that we can live our lives without looking over our shoulders.”

  “Once Dima and Qash are arrested, you don’t need to look over your shoulder. If anyone links me to Arkady’s downfall, I’ll never be safe. Russians have long memories. It’s not fair to drag you—”

  “Let me help decide what’s fair or not fair.” Zain stirred the pan furiously.

  “Would you just leave London for a week,” Roman pleaded. “Let me take you from the test centre to a train station. I’ll pay for you to stay in a hotel.” He came around to the other side of the island unit and pulled Zain into his arms. “I don’t want to lose you. These guys are dangerous. That’s highly important.”