The Red-Hot Cajun

by Sandra Hill

  Her eyes suddenly welled with tears.

  I cannot freak in’ handle tears at this point. I just can’t. He reached over and wiped a big fat one with his thumb.

  “We could get married,” she suggested in a voice so soft he barely heard her.

  Suddenly he got lightheaded, and his heart beat so fast he could hardly breathe. This would be the time, St. Jude.

  I hear you, that voice in his head replied.

  “Don’t tease me, Val. I’m a little bit fragile these days. No telling what I might do. Like... like get down on my knees and beg you to marry me.”

  She tried to smile, but failed. “That might be... interesting.”

  It’s happening. It’s happening. Thank you, God! “Val, do you love me?”

  “That was never in question.”

  He was beginning to think... he was beginning to hope. Oh, hell! What do I have to lose? He dropped down to his knee on the grass, took one of her hands in his, and asked, “Valerie Breaux, will you marry me?”

  She dropped down to her knees in front of him, uncaring of grass stains, and took his other hand, as well. “I thought you’d never ask.”

  He slipped the engagement ring on her finger. There were tears in both their eyes now.

  “We’re going to be married. Today,” he declared with absolute amazement.

  “Yeah. Cool, huh?” she responded.

  He kissed her, lovingly, to seal the promise. Then they stood, leaning back against the tree.

  “How are we going to handle this marriage? Long distance?”

  “No. That wouldn’t work. I’ll try moving back here and finding work.”

  They couldn’t stop touching each other as they talked.

  “Okay, that’s a huge compromise. On my end, I’ll agree not to have kids. I’ll get a vasectomy.” Oh, shit! Oh, well!

  “Rene, I never said I didn’t want a child with you.”

  “You didn’t?” I’ve got to clear my brain. I keep getting all these mixed signals.

  She shook her head. “I stopped taking birth control pills the day I quit my job.”

  Understanding and hope bloomed in him. “Then the only thing I can offer you is me.” That sounds corny as hell, but I mean it. “I will love you every day of your life. I will make you smile when you wake up and when you go to bed, and in bed. I will bring music into your life. I will give you a baby, if you want.”

  She touched his cheek.

  “Val, let’s try and make this work.”

  They kissed again. And kissed. And kissed.

  Before the ceremony took place, there was discussion on who should do what. It was decided that Luc would be Rene’s best man, and the other brothers would be ushers, along with the nine-year-old boys Evan and Stephan, who Remy and Rachel were in the process of adopting. Charmaine, Rachel, and Sylvie would be maids of honor. Luc’s little girls, Blanche Marie, Camille, and Jeanette would be flower girls.

  Rene and Val could have cared less who did what. They kept smiling at each other because they were really going to do this outrageous, wonderful thing.

  The biggest surprise to everyone—except Tante Lulu, of course—came when someone asked, “Who will give away the bride?”

  A gray-haired man, impeccably dressed in a European-styled suit, stepped out of the crowd and said, “I will.”

  It was Val’s father. The father and daughter hugged warmly and tried to express how much they’d missed each other.

  Rene mouthed the words, “Thank you” to Tante Lulu across the way, and she just nodded. I love the old bat. I really do.

  Henri Breaux had come back to Louisiana at Tante Lulu’s urging to reconnect with his daughter.

  There was much kissing and crying, but it was decided to put off the explanations till after the wedding took place. The priest was tapping his foot up on the “altar.” He had to get back to the church for evening mass.

  And so it was that Houma, Louisiana, had its first ever surprise wedding. No one was surprised. Those crazy LeDeuxs were always up to something. The newspapers would probably report that it was a low-down Cajun affair, which meant everyone had fun.

  The oddest thing happened then. Richard Simmons showed up. But, no, that wasn’t quite correct. Four Richard Simmons’s showed up. Rene turned to Val in question, and she just shrugged. “I did contact Richard’s manager, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to come.” It was Rene’s turn to shrug. Turns out, Charmaine, Remy, and Luc had also, without knowing what the other was doing, hired Richard Simmons impersonators to come to the party. No one could be sure if the real Richard Simmons was there, because they all claimed to be him. Regardless, lots of people had fun exercising outside on the special mats provided. And the Richards then came to join the party inside. Tante Lulu was beside herself with joy.

  Toward the end of the evening, Rene watched with amusement as Tante Lulu approached Tee-John, who was dirty dancing, Cajun-style, with some little chippie from up the bayou. He’d probably been sampling the adult punch bowl. “Well, yer next,” she told him. “Best I get started on yer hope chest.”

  “Tante Lulu, I’m only sixteen years old.”

  “I’ve still got some snap in my garters. I guess I’m gonna hafta stick around fer another ten years or so, to make sure you pick the right girl.”

  Everyone laughed because she would probably do just that. And what a job that would be! Tee-John LeDeux was sure to be the wildest of the bunch, “wilder than a hog in a peach orchard,” as his aunt would say.

  At one point, Luc raised a toast to congratulate Rene for putting an end to Valerie’s two-year sexual drought. Everyone laughed and remarked that those LeDeuxs were known for discussing intimate things in public. Valerie was getting used to it apparently, because she didn’t even blush, just leaned into him for about the hundredth kiss of the day, which he liked... a lot.

  After that, Rene serenaded his new bride with an accordion performance. He bragged that his performance was sweeter than bagpipes, which wasn’t saying much.

  An odd thing happened in the middle of the evening. Rene was apologizing to Val for not having a bride gift for her. “Not to worry, honey,” she said. “I have one that will serve as both a bride and groom gift.” Turned out it was a pair of pink velvet handcuffs she pulled out of her handbag. He hooted with laughter. My Val always manages to get the last jab in.

  Rene had to admit that he and his bride were one hot couple at their own wedding. Hell, they began making love in their own special way even while they danced the night away. Little did they know then that their baby boy would be born nine months later.

  His name would be Jude.

  EPILOGUE

  Five years later, and it’s still damn hot

  Rene and Valerie LeDeux were the perfect couple, but, more important, they still loved each other with a passion. Some people said they gave new meaning to steam heat on the bayou. They had two children, Jude and Louise, named after Tante Lulu, who was still going strong.

  Their bayou documentary on IRC had been a big hit. Tante Lulu even had a Web site for her fan club for a while. Some changes were made as a result of their reports—not a lot—but every little change mattered in the race to save the wetlands.

  Some charity had wanted Rene to pose for one of their calendars. He’d politely declined. But later he’d told his wife, ‘Td pose for you anytime, chère.” To which she’d responded, “Only if you’re wearing the velvet handcuffs.”

  Rene’s bayou cabin was rebuilt two years ago with the settlement money from the oil company and developers. He and Val and the kids went there periodically to get away from the city, which these days was Houma.

  Rene was teaching junior high school science and loving it. He’d earned his doctorate degree and just grinned when anyone called him Dr LeDeux. He continued to work avidly for bayou restoration. He performed with The Swamp Rats on occasion, just for fun, he was teaching Jude to play the accordion and both of his children how to dance.

 
Valerie started her own jury consulting firm, headquartered in Houma, and she’d written a book on the fine art of reading people. She was often a guest on both Trial TV and Court TV.

  Valerie’s father visited them often in their beautiful home on Bayou Black. Valerie never reconciled with her mother, but she had a tenuous relationship with her aunts, who were making gobs of money on Juju tea.

  At this, their fifth anniversary party, which, of course, was also Tante Lulu’s birthday, they stood on the deck, admiring the bayou that they all loved. It was a gorgeous September day, not too humid, and the scent of magnolia and bougainvillea wafted toward them on a slight breeze.

  “This is why God put us on earth,” Tante Lulu proclaimed all of a sudden.

  They all turned to look at her.

  “Family... and love. Thass the most important things in life.”

  Who could argue with that?