All That Matters

by E. L. Todd

  “Pretty good.”

  She gave me an expectant look. “Can you elaborate?”

  I’d rather get laid first.

  “Let’s get dinner somewhere. We can talk about it there.”

  That would only postpone sex. “Let’s eat at home.”

  “I’m not in the mood,” she said. “There’s no groceries in the fridge.”

  “I’ll take care of it. But let’s go home first.”

  Trinity caught onto my plan. “Let’s just have dinner. I’m sorry you’re impatient but I’ll make it worth your while.”

  “You will?” This was a compromise I could agree on.

  “Yes. Now will you take your wife to dinner?”

  “Depends. Exactly how will you make it worth my while?”

  She stopped when we reached the elevator then pressed her lips to my ear. She whispered something too inappropriate to be heard by anyone else but us. Then she gave me a flirtatious smile before she stepped onto the elevator.

  My eyes were wide and I tried to hide the grin on my face. “Deal.”

  ***

  “So, what did he say?” Trinity ordered a mineral water and sipped on that. A basket of bread was on the table but she didn’t eat any of it. The candlelight glowed dimly, highlighting her perfect features in a celestial light.

  Sometimes it was hard for me to pay attention to what she said because I was so focused on her beauty. “A lot of things. He wants me to be a solo act. Even when I fought for Dee and the guys he said no. He wants to produce the record as quickly as possible since all my music is already prepared. Then he wants to schedule TV appearances and shows.”

  “Wow. He’s really serious about this.”

  “I know.”

  “Did he offer you anything?” she asked. “Money wise.”

  Boy howdy, he did. “Yeah.” I told her the amount and watched her reaction.

  “Whoa…” Her water was abandoned and all her focus was on me. “That’s unbelievable. He must really believe in you if he thinks you’re worth that much. I assumed that a beginning musician wouldn’t get paid anything until records started to sell.”

  “I couldn’t believe it either.”

  “So, you’re going to take this offer?” There was no hesitation in her eyes, like she wasn’t sure if she wanted me to take it or not. She was genuinely excited for me.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “What do you mean you aren’t sure?” she blurted. “This is an opportunity of a lifetime. People dream about stuff like this. And you aren’t sure?”

  “I’m a husband and a father first.” As a man, I had responsibilities. I couldn’t just run off and do whatever the hell I wanted anymore. That would have worked when I was single, but not now.

  “You can do both, Slade. Lots of people do both.”

  “Lots of people are musicians and fathers?” I asked incredulously.

  “Yes,” she said firmly. “You can have more out of life. No one said having a child meant you couldn’t have something for yourself. Remember, I’m here too. We’re a team.”

  “But if I’m in LA working I won’t be here with you.”

  “I’ll be fine, Slade.”

  I wasn’t so sure of that. “You never walk home on your own.” I didn’t want to bring this up because it was painful for both of us, but it needed to be said. “If you need me, I’ll be six hours away. I can’t just get to you the second you need me.”

  Instead of looking uncomfortable she faced me head-on. “Conrad is just a few floors below us. And there’s my father, the most protective man in the universe. Cayson will be at my beck and call. I won’t be alone, Slade.”

  “But they aren’t me.”

  She sighed in frustration. “Slade, stop making excuses.”

  “I’m not making excuses,” I snapped. “I’m being responsible. This change could be difficult for both of us and I want to make sure we understand that before I commit to anything.”

  “I know it won’t be easy. Some days will be harder than others. But I want to make this happen. It needs to happen, Slade.”

  My beer sat on the table and the foam was still on top. The condensation had started to accumulate because I hadn’t touched it once.

  “Slade, I want this for you,” she repeated. “We need to make it happen. I’m not going to let this opportunity slip away. I don’t care what we need to do to make this work. I’ll cut back my hours if I have to and join you wherever you are if necessary.” The determination was in her eyes. She was going to make this happen whether I wanted it to happen or not.

  “Why are you pushing for this so hard?” Trinity had always wanted a fairytale life. She wanted a husband she came home to every night with lots of kids. She wanted a family that picked out pumpkins at the pumpkin patch near Halloween time. She didn’t want a husband as a musician. That was never in the cards.

  She held my gaze without blinking, the answer written all over her face even without saying it. “Because I love you.”

  ***

  “What’s the verdict?” Cayson asked as we walked up the sidewalk. The basketball was under his arm, and his arms were covered in sweat from the game we just played.

  “Verdict?”

  “About the record deal.”

  “Oh…that.”

  Cayson eyed me from the corner of his eye. “Definitely not a normal reaction…”

  “I think I’m going to do it.”

  “Yeah?” His voice kicked in with excitement. “Awesome. You should.”

  “Trinity really wants it to happen.”

  “Of course she does,” he said. “She’s your wife. She wants the best for you.”

  “I just hope my life doesn’t get too crazy.”

  “It won’t.” He dribbled the ball then spun it on his forefinger. “Remember, you can always quit if you ever want to. No one is pointing a gun to your head. Give it a try for a few years. If it’s not what you want, go back to the shop. Problem solved.”

  “I guess.”

  We walked into Mega Shake and ordered our food before we took a seat in the booth. Cayson set the ball on the seat beside him. “I remember you talking about this when we were eleven. You swore it would happen, and you were right—for once.”

  “I’m always right, jackass.”

  “I don’t know about that…”

  “I just don’t want to be a jerk father who’s never around.”

  “You won’t be,” Cayson said with confidence. “You aren’t the type of guy to get mixed up in all the fame and glory. You’ll always be down-to-earth.”

  “How do you know that?”

  “I just do,” he said. “And if you aren’t, I’ll whip you into shape.” He shoved a handful of fries into his mouth then opened a ketchup packet.

  “It’s just crazy to think about…I’ll have my own record.”

  “When I use Spotify I’ll see your name on there.”

  “And to play in arenas and stadiums…that’s crazy.”

  “Hope you don’t have stage fright,” Cayson said with a chuckle.

  “I wish Trinity could come with me everywhere.” But I would never ask her to give up her job for me. It was too important to her. It was the product of all her drive and hard work. I couldn’t take that away from her.

  Just how she couldn’t take this away from me.

  “It won’t be that bad,” Cayson said. “You hold all the cards, so if you’re away from home too long just tell them you need a break.”

  I wasn’t afraid to do that. “That’s true.”

  Cayson looked down at his food and kept eating. “My best friend is going to be a rock star…I can’t believe it.”

  “My best friend is a nobody…I can’t believe it.”

  He grabbed a handful of fries and threw them at me. “Asshole.”

  “You know I’m kidding. Even when Justin Timberlake wants to be my best friend I’ll tell him I’m taken.”

  “You better.”

  “I wis
h this happened when I was single.” It would be a lot easier to be excited.

  “Why?” Cayson asked. “Because of all the girls?”

  “No.” I always got a lot of tail, regardless. “It would just be easier. That’s all.”

  He nodded in understanding.

  “How’s it going with Skye?” Every thing seemed fine after he moved back in, but then Cedric was born and everything changed. There wasn’t really time to talk about their relationship.

  “Really well.”

  “Yeah?” I asked. “It’s back to normal?”

  “I wouldn’t say that,” he said. “It’s completely different—but not in a bad way.”

  “Because of Cedric?”

  “He has a lot to do with it.” Now that he was talking about something serious he stopped eating. His food sat in front of him, untouched. “When he was born and he was worried for his health, I didn’t think about our marital problems. They seemed insignificant compared to Cedric. After he came home from the hospital we’ve both been so happy to have him back that we haven’t really cared about the past. I can’t speak for her, but I know I don’t think about it anymore.”

  I didn’t think about it either after War Chief went through his trauma. Nobody did, actually. We just wanted him to come home as soon as possible. “It sounds like he saved your marriage.”

  Cayson considered my words with a blank look. His face was indecipherable. Then he slowly nodded. “I’ve never thought about it that way, but I guess you’re right. He constantly reminds both of us that we love each other. We made him for a reason, and he’s the greatest gift either one of us could have asked for.”

  “He’s damn cute.” But my kid would be cuter.

  “It’s hard to picture my life without him. He hasn’t been around very long, but it seems like he’s always been there…in some strange way.”

  “I’m glad the two of you are doing well.”

  “Me too,” he said. “When I came home the other day, she came outside with Cedric in her arms. She watched me pull into the driveway, and when I got out of the car she kissed me.” His eyes had a dreamy look to them, like he forgot I was there and what he was saying. When he realized just how vulnerable he became, he shook it off. “I know that’s stupid…”

  “No, it’s not. I totally get it.” If he said that before I got married I would have teased him mercilessly. But now I completely understood it. I loved seeing her letters in the mail addressed as Mrs. Sisco. I loved going to bed with her every night. Even when she came out of the bathroom in a messy bun and pajamas that needed to be washed, it was still nice. Little things like that made all the difference in the world.

  “Slade is all grown up…” He gave me a smile that was half teasing, half serious. “I remember talking about Skye and you didn’t get it at all. Anytime I had a girlfriend you were completely oblivious to what I meant. But now I can actually talk about stuff like that with you.”

  “Hey, you could always talk about stuff like that with me.”

  He shook his head. “It’s on a different level now.”

  I couldn’t argue with that.

  “So, what’s the next step?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked. “For us? My marriage?”

  “No. For the rock star gig.”

  “Oh,” I said. “I think I just have to sign the contract and record the album. After that, I’m not really sure.”

  “That’s really awesome,” he said. “Just make sure you don’t forget about us little people when you’re super famous.”

  “Little people?” I asked with a sarcastic laugh. “You guys are the biggest people I know.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Conrad

  Whenever I left the office I always headed to the gym. I had a kickboxing instructor because my dad recommended it. Weight lifting and cardio was fine, but sometimes it got boring. Having a goal-oriented task made it a lot easier for me to stay in shape.

  After my workout, I headed home and fed Apollo. Then I took a shower and rinsed off the mounds of sweat I produced. When Lexie was gone and I was on my sex rampage I would jerk off in the shower as part of my daily routine.

  But now that she was back in my life I didn’t do that anymore.

  I didn’t owe her anything and I wasn’t committed to her, but it still felt strange to masturbate and think of other women. And it would feel stranger if I thought about her. I wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye after that, not with the way our relationship was.

  I dried my hair and walked into the living room, and that’s when I noticed the loud pounding on my door. It echoed throughout the entire apartment. A second later, I recognized Trinity’s voice.

  “Open this damn door, Conrad.”

  Shit. She knew about Lexie.

  “Or I’ll break it down.”

  Apollo stood in front of the door, prepared for an attack.

  “I’d like to see you try, brat,” I called through the door.

  “Then I’ll have my ripped husband do it for me.”

  “Ripped?” I said with a laugh. “I’m ripped, Trinity. He’s just toned.”

  “Shut up and open the door!”

  I sighed before I twisted the handle, knowing this was going to be a pain in the ass.

  She stood on my threshold looking like a crazy witch. Her hair was messy because she’d been putting her whole body into knocking on the door. Her eyes were wide like she was about to cast a spell on me. And she was definitely pissed. “Lexie better not be back. I swear I will chop that girl into tiny pieces and sprinkle her in the harbor Dexter style.”

  I gave her a bored look so this argument wouldn’t escalate. “You don’t have a serial killer profile.”

  “But I have a murderer profile.”

  “Trinity, just chill out.” I left the door open so she could come in.

  “That little bitch better not be here.” She walked inside and examined the place with quick eyes. “Because I’ll make her regret it.”

  I shut the door with a sigh. “No, she isn’t here. And don’t call her that.”

  “I’ll call her whatever I want.”

  “You want anything?” I asked as I headed to the fridge. “Water? Tea? A Zanax?”

  She followed me, her shoes clicking on the floor with every step she took. “No, I don’t want anything other than to talk to you.”

  I turned around and tried not to snap. My sister was pregnant so I couldn’t be as much of a jerk to her. “It’s my personal life and it’s none of your business what I do. If you don’t like her, fine. That’s your issue. Just keep your mouth shut and ignore her.”

  “Keep my mouth shut?” she asked. “When have I ever done that in my life?”

  “I guess that’s good for Slade…”

  She stomped her foot at the meaning in my words. “I’m being serious, Conrad. Mom hates her. I mean, hates her.”

  “I don’t care what Mom thinks.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest, doing her best to look menacing. “Did you already forget what she did to you? How she made you suffer?”

  “No. And I’ll never forget it.”

  “So, how can you possibly get back together with her?” she snapped.

  I raised my voice on accident. “Because I love her.”

  Trinity flinched at the volume.

  “I’m not back together with her but we’re working on things. Believe me, I wish I felt differently toward her but I don’t. For whatever reason, I can’t stop thinking about her. I want to be with her. And I know she’s sorry for what she did.”

  Trinity rolled her eyes.

  And that pissed me off. “I didn’t like Slade when you told us you were sleeping with him. I hated that piece of shit. He’s the biggest womanizer and player I’ve ever known. Trinity, I’ve fucked a girl with him. And no, that doesn’t mean we both had sex with the same girl. It means we both had sex with her at the same time. And you think I was okay with him screwing my sister?”


  Trinity tried to hide her discomfort by shifting her weight.

  “Dad hated him too—and for good reason. There wasn’t anything redeemable in Slade. He was just some pretty boy looking to get his dick wet. There was no happily ever after with him. He’d spent his whole life being a dick, and you really thought he would change for one girl if she were the right one? Or did you forget all of this?”

  Her lips formed a distinct frown.

  “But you loved him. You loved him, for whatever reason, and you stuck with him. You didn’t care that I didn’t approve of him or Dad. You did it anyway because you knew him better than I did. And you know what? You were right. Slade fucked up—a lot. But he pulled through. Despite all of his mistakes, he learned how to be one of the most devoted guys I’ve ever known. Not once have I ever been worried that he would slip up and fuck some girl he met at a bar. The thought hasn’t even crossed my mind. He’s proven himself—to all of us.”

  Trinity shifted her weight.

  “Now give Lexie a chance to prove herself. Stop badmouthing her to anyone who will listen. You don’t have to like her. I’m not asking you to. But shut the fuck up and stay out of it.” Trinity and I butted heads when we were little like all kids but I’d never told her off quite like that. I felt a little guilty.

  “It’s not the same thing. Slade never—”

  “Lied to all your friends and family about your relationship? Broke up with you because you wanted to get married and he didn’t? Didn’t run out on your wedding day because he got cold feet? No, he’s fucked up a lot more than Lexie has. The only reason you guys are all condemning her is because she’s not a member of the group. She’s always been an outsider. If she were any one of us there wouldn’t be any issues.”

  That shut her up. Trinity’s mouth was sealed closed and it didn’t look like she had a single rebuttal.

  “I know you’re protective of me. I get it. But I’m a big boy and I can take care of myself.”

  “You totally spiraled out of control…”

  “Everyone loses their way at some point in time. That was my moment and it won’t happen again.”

  “I just…” She folded her hands together in front of her stomach and stared at her hands. She breathed quietly, like she was trying to stop the emotion that was beginning to build inside her. “I know I don’t say this a lot, but you’re one of the greatest men I’ve ever known. You’re my little brother but I look up to you. I just want you to be with a woman just as perfect.”