Mercy

by Debra Anastasia

  Feybi smirked. “Sure, kid. I’m sure it was a dare. I bet she’s a slut anyway. A real whore.”

  He was baiting me. I knew he was baiting me, but my snarl formed despite my best efforts.

  Feybi went from smirking to straight out grinning. He added a chuckle that transitioned into a cough. “She means nothing to you. I can tell.”

  If he was going to keep going down this road, I was going to have to make him stop. I didn’t want Becca to see that. I wasn’t used to having a vulnerable spot. I had to try to stop repeating her kiss in my head. My imagination was stuck on the scenes. When she looked at me and I saw her throw caution to the wind. When she kissed my palm. When she leaned over the bar. I took my folded hands and let them go to fists.

  “I’m here about my granddaughter.” A security guy slid an ashtray to Feybi. “I just had a hunch you would be here. With that face of yours. And it was worth a shot. You don’t get to be this old without a few hunches working out. I can see you trying to figure it out. It was just a gut instinct, Mercy.”

  I lifted my eyebrows.

  “Christina’s having trouble. Bad dreams. She insists you can make it better. I want you to meet with her. That’s all I’m asking.” He took another drag of his cigar.

  Feybi wasn’t a good grandfather. There was a catch. Something. I narrowed my eyes at him.

  Becca was on the other side of the meat wall the men were putting up. “We need any drinks here?”

  I watched as her skull-painted face peeked over the broad shoulders.

  Feybi ignored her, but used her presence to threaten. “I mean, I think you’ll be willing to grant me some favors. Considering.” He let a staring contest begin. Senseless, old-fashioned dominance shit.

  I watched him while I thought about all the possibilities. Including killing everyone in the room, save for Animal, Henry, and Becca. And then killing Christina’s family and raising her with Becca. Living near Ember.

  I let the tracks I’d force on future roll into their conclusions in my mind. It was not a good plan.

  “I’ll find Christina in the next two days, and I’ll talk to her. She doesn’t need to be scared. It’s not like she doesn’t have the best grandpa around, right?” I waited.

  There was a tic near his left eyelid.

  “What do you mean you’ll find her? I want to set up this meeting proper.”

  I inched out of the booth and shoved the closest security meat out of the way.

  “You take what I offer, Feybi. I’m in control. Never forget that. You want me to talk to her? Consider it done.”

  Becca was watching me with wide eyes. I pointed at Becca’s boss who was hovering nearby. “This one’s coming with me.”

  I put my hand out, and then I waited.

  Would she trust me? Would she come with me?

  Her gorgeous, painted face answered my hand by tossing down the menus she was holding and grabbing on.

  I was aware of the men around us. Of Animal in the crowd. Of Henry by the bar. I tilted my head toward Henry so Animal would protect her. And then I pulled Becca toward me. I put my hands on her hips and whispered into her ear, “Let’s go.”

  I heard Feybi hollering over the music to try to get my attention. Becca walked right out the front door and I shot a middle finger over the top of my head.

  I wanted to toss her over my shoulder and run, but we walked briskly instead. The doors behind us slammed open. I refused to run now. They needed to see I was doing it my way no matter what.

  I handed Becca my black helmet and she jammed it on her head. I got on and started the bike. She would be cold in that outfit.

  I felt her sit on the long tail of my jacket. Feybi was hobbling toward me, red, glowing tip of his cigar floating next to him in the dusk.

  He wasn’t going to shoot me here with a crowd full of witnesses just inside. Once I was out of here, then it was game on. Becca squeezed me around my middle. We took off, gravel bits flying behind us.

  I had my girl. She was with me. I’d never felt prouder a day in my life.

  ~Becca~

  I buried my helmet in his jacket. I was pretty sure I’d just quit my job, and I was on the back of my stalker’s wildly fast motorcycle. I kept my eyes closed tight for what had to be miles. I was freezing. At least I had had the forethought to tuck my skirt under my ass and sit on his long jacket. I knew long drapey clothes were horrible for this type of ride.

  When we slowed down considerably, I opened my eyes. It was dark. It almost seemed like a winding driveway. We pulled up to a giant house. The garage door lifted as we got closer.

  After we pulled in, the garage door closed behind us and a security light illuminated the interior.

  I felt so alone with him, and that made my heart beat faster. He waited for me to get off the bike before he did so. The kickstand was in place when he finally took his hands off of it.

  “I should see how Henry is.” I had nothing with me. No phone. No purse.

  Nix dug into his pocket and started texting. “Animal says Henry is fine, and your boss called in another waitress. Things are going smoothly.”

  “You have an answer for everything,” I teased him.

  He tucked his phone and his hands into his pockets and shrugged.

  “Whose place is this?” I could tell from the exterior and the garage that it was going to be amazing.

  “Mine.” He seemed shy about it.

  “What do you do?” I meant for a living. To earn the money to afford this place.

  “Think about you.” He held out his hand. My black kiss print was still there.

  I smiled before trying again. “Who are you?”

  I took his hand and he led me through a door.

  Marble. Everything was marble. There were skull paintings. Abstract art that were in frames that were like art themselves. Mostly black and white. It had a sense of isolation about it.

  He seemed nervous. “This is the living room. You hungry? Want to get off your feet?”

  I pulled on his hand until he came to a stop. “You have to talk to me. About you. About my name on your chest. About how you knew where I lived. Do you know who threw the brick? Do you know who attacked me in the bathroom? Was it those guys with Bossman?”

  I felt hysteria bubbling up. I was grateful to be with him and I was terrified his answers might make me feel less fearless. I backed up to the wall and slid down it. I’d switched to my heels when Bossman had come into the bar so I kicked them off and folded my legs under my skirt. I was still holding his hand. I had questions for him, but I still needed the connection.

  He followed my motion and slid down next to me. His leg made a bridge over my knee. Intimate.

  He cleared his throat. I was tempted to stop his words with my mouth.

  “Will your answers change all of this?” I touched my chest and then his.

  He turned his head. “Sweet girl, I’m covered in ink. I’m broken. Things happened to make me this way. I have trouble being with myself, so I can’t imagine that anyone else would want to spend time here.” He waved the hand that wasn’t holding mine at the expanse of house that was echoing with his words. “I’ve been watching you. For years. Because I felt the need to protect you.”

  I squeezed his hand tight. The words felt like ice. They sounded crazy. I couldn’t form my questions, but he knew.

  “The day we met we were kids. I was at the grocery store with my father. He was hurting me, and you stood up to him. It was the bravest damn thing I’ve ever seen.”

  I looked at his face—trying to place him. But I knew.

  “You remember?” He looked at my face like he worshiped me.

  “I was calling for my dad. I was scared your father was going to do something bad to you. He was…” I trailed off.

  “You remember.” He said it like I was a wonder. His gaze went over my face like I’d just told him magic was real.

  “I’ve prayed for you every night since we met. Every night. I never forgot. I j
ust didn’t know your name.” I pulled his hand to my heart.

  I remembered him. How many times I’d wondered how he was. It was intuition—I didn’t know it then. So few people who came into my life gave me the feeling Nix’s father had. Just straight evil. He’d tipped some sort of alert system in my body.

  “Did he hurt you?” The question I never got to ask the boy with the dirty shirt and the wild hair.

  Nix leaned over and kissed my head. “That you wonder. That you cared. I knew it. I knew you were special.”

  He let go of my hand and left me sitting on the floor. I was in so much shock, I just stayed.

  When he returned, he had something in his hand. When he opened it, I saw a Valentine’s lollipop.

  Hug Me.

  The wrapper was tattered.

  “You still have it?” I took it and twirled it. It had to be...

  “Fifteen years. Twenty-two days. Fourteen hours.” He looked younger then. He’d been waiting all this time. Nix sat back down in front of me.

  He hadn’t answered my question. “Did he hurt you?”

  I watched as he made two fists. His eyes closed hard. Then he hit himself in the head. Hard. Once. Twice. Three times.

  “Stop. Jesus. Stop.” I lurched at him and struggled to capture his fists.

  He shook his head but allowed me to hold his hands.

  “I didn’t want him to hurt you and I sure as shit don’t want you to hurt you.” I touched his cheek.

  It took a few minutes before he opened his eyes, clear now but haunted. “He could hurt me all he wanted, but he killed my mom so…”

  I felt the disbelief turn to numbness. How had I known as a kid that the situation had been so fucked up?

  I crawled onto him as best I could. I wrapped his head in my arms. “It’s my fault. I’m sorry. I should’ve tried harder. I should’ve made the cops find you. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”

  His lips were kissing mine, silencing me. I let myself be kissed. “No.” He breathed the word.

  He picked me up in a feat of strength that should have impressed me, but I was incredibly sad that I hadn’t known more. Done better for that little boy. This man.

  I was put on a white couch. He sat next to me, cuddling me to his chest. “You saved me. You were never at fault. She was already dead. He’d killed her and then took me to the store. He told me he’d kill me if I dropped the eggs. And then I dropped the eggs.” He had tears in his eyes, and it destroyed me to see him so torn. He moved my hair away from my face. “Then there was you. With your hair and your purse and this huge attitude.”

  I didn’t remember what I’d said. Just that I’d failed this kid. And that his father was like seeing the devil in person.

  “You scared my father, and it gave me courage on a day that I needed literally nothing else.” He kissed the tip of my nose.

  I started sobbing.

  “That’s why your name is on my chest. That’s why I know where you live. I needed to keep you safe because your bravery kept me alive.” He hugged me hard.

  It was so pure. His reason. I had many more questions, but the most important thing I felt was relief I was right.

  Nix was safe.

  Nix was good.

  24

  ACCEPTED

  Fenix

  Holding her knowing she knew. That she remembered. A guy like me wasn’t supposed to have it this good. She gave me hope that I could tell her everything one day. Not today. There had been too much. To be accepted. I kissed the top of her head.

  She was crying.

  For me.

  And I soared. The notion that she’d thought of me every day like I did her—my mind was exploding. I ran a hand down her hourglass shape painted like a skeleton tonight. The dress. The shoes that were strewn in my foyer like she lived here.

  Her scent would be on this couch. She was in my arms. I readjusted and tried to pull her closer.

  “I need a tissue.”

  I snuggled her once more and thought of taking off my shirt so I wouldn’t have to let go of her—but forced myself to find the paper towels. I needed to remember tissues. Girls needed those. Sometimes. I was like a heathen here on my own. I don’t think I’ve ever owned a box of tissues. I brought her a whole roll.

  She was sitting up and thanked me for the paper towels. She blew her nose on one and used another to dab at her eyes.

  The black of her makeup was left behind. I checked to see that I could make out her painting. Even though it was a little smudged, she was still decorated with a skull. I loved seeing her like this. Like me. For me.

  “What happened when you went home?” She set the paper towels on the side table and reached for my hands.

  I shook my head. “Can we do this later? I just want you tonight. Not memories.”

  She looked concerned. The front door swung open and Animal and his three friends from the bar waltzed in.

  I stood and Becca did the same. I put my arm around her like she was mine. I mean, she was pretty much mine. She remembered me and I had the tattoo and she was cool with it and…

  “Bones. Didn’t know you were here. Henry’s boyfriend showed up and I think he can handle all the people in the bar and then some. I wanted to show the ladies my pet snake.” He winked at Becca.

  “You know what? Becca and I were just heading out. You have at your snake.” I checked with Becca. I bumped fists with Animal and led Becca back to my bike. I had a plan to show her something, and I wasn’t sure how long it would last.

  “Where does he keep his snake?”

  I handed her my helmet.

  I snorted. “In his pants. It’s a really shitty code we have for when he needs some space.”

  She started laughing and it echoed in my helmet. The sound was freedom. She knew about my father and she was here. And laughing.

  Like I was normal. Like this thing between us could happen. I opened the door and rolled the bike out of the garage. Once the bike was purring, she slipped in behind me. Miracle number one was granted. Now I wanted to show her another miracle I’d found.

  ~Becca~

  The ride gave me time to try to process what I’d just learned. Nix had blown my mind. It half felt like a dream when I realized I was with the boy I’d prayed about every night. My father was religious and had started me on the habit. We’d think of the people we knew who needed a few kind thoughts before bed and mention their names. After the divorce, I did the praying at night in my head. I was pretty sure it had become sort of a crutch of routines I had to do to fall asleep. There had been a lot of names over the years, but I always ended with the “boy from Shoppers”.

  And now I was with him. I gave his middle an extra squeeze. At the stop sign he asked, “Are you okay?”

  I was fine. I’d been fine all those years from the day we met, but I’d always wondered about him. I had such dread when his father had pulled him from the store. Like I was watching someone fall to their doom. It was making me tear up again. The whole revelation was surreal.

  We made a few turns and slowed down. I finally opened my eyes. The full moon was making an appearance.

  I sat up and stretched my back.

  “Stay low and tight. You have horrible balance.”

  I could make out his profile. He had a smile on his face. The dimple I was addicted to was deep.

  I did as I was told. We were on some serious back road. All I could feel was excited. My mother would actually kill me if she knew. Alton. I wondered if he saw me leave.

  Nix slowed the bike to a stop and put his legs out to hold us steady. He cut the engine and I pulled the helmet off.

  We were on a beat-up old road with a sloping hill to our right. I ran my hand up his spine and let my fingers trace his shoulders, under his arm. I leaned against him and let the helmet fall to the ground. It rolled a distance away. I used both arms to hug myself to his back. I pressed a kiss to his neck. He shivered.

  “I can take you back to your job. I can fix it—if I’v
e screwed up your employment. If you want.”

  I propped my chin on his shoulder and watched him. He was such a beautiful man. I could almost see past the ink now. Even his nose was attractive. The jaw—so sharp. He had great hair, and I released my grip on his chest to run my right hand through it. His eyelids closed halfway.

  “You’d do that?”

  “I’d do anything for you.” Watching his lips say these words that seemed like a vow to him fired me He changed the topic. “Are you cold?”

  I bopped my chin on his shoulder.

  He took my hand that was still on his chest and kissed the knuckles. Like removing my touch was a goodbye.

  After employing the kickstand, he easily dismounted from the bike. He kept a hand on the seat, close to my thigh. He held out his other hand= to help me off the bike. I waited an extra beat so he knew he was welcome in my personal space. I got off the bike with his help.

  He shrugged out of his jacket and held it out to me. I spun into it. Into him.

  It was warm.

  “I should have done that first. Being around you scrambles my head.” He tapped his temples.

  “I don’t want you to be cold, though. Instead of me.” I moved to try to take the jacket off.

  It was different than a man being a gentleman. I wanted Nix to have comfort. His hands stopped me. He put them on my shoulders.

  “No, I like you in my clothes.” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms.

  “I can’t believe we knew each other.” I reached out for him. He stepped in so I could hug him.

  He hummed his answer. I could feel him closing the door to his past. He didn’t want it here and now. He spun me around.

  “I wanted to show you this. Since you told me about the things you’d make a wish on.”

  In the moonlight I could see finally why he brought me here. The hill was covered with fluffy white dandelions.

  “All the wishes for you.” He laced his hands in front of my chest.