My Bet Is You

by Manuela Ricci

  It is here that a part of me is completely crumbles when the word "mistake" explodes on her lips, tearing her breath from his chest.

  "So, I'm a fucking mistake not to be repeated? It was a mistake even when ansimavi against my mouth, Carrie? It was a mistake, a fucking mistake too? "

  I feel my face burning, like the rest of the body that flares up and I can not placate, to control myself.

  She plays under my cries against my words, as if I were not a few centimeters from his body, as if there had not been a fuck among us.

  "Yes, it was an error fucking fuck!" Retorts daring.

  They are so destroyed and devastated, I collect my clothes and walk past without looking. The steps lie on the sand as if we ourselves to sink into it. Way, barely holding up the weight of my body. As soon as I enter the house, he slammed his fist against one of the kitchen cupboards. The thud echoed in the room, ringing in ears, observe the marked wood from my anger, my disappointment.

  I can not believe that he said, could not have done it.

  "Shit!" Pesto your palms on the marble floor of the kitchen peninsula, fumbling in my own breath, look back at every moment we spent together.

  I feel taken for a ride, although I felt his heart racing for me. Shit I heard it, and yet, for her it was not enough.

  "Hey man, are you okay?" I laugh again with his head bowed.

  "Fucking good friend, 'I say, meeting the Blaze's eyes watching me for a moment before saying:" You have to let go of Logan. "

  It hurts to hear it, but now I just feel a burning spear, spinning at the center of the chest, giving me the torment, one that only she was able to stick so deep.

  "You're right," I hiss, grinding his teeth, because I would not, but I have to get rid of this weight that seems to crush me, I can not bear any more pain, not now, not with her.

  I run up the stairs, to poke time something in the bag, to slip clean clothes and are already in front of the main entrance where I expect Blaze.

  "I notice the coach, take the time you need."

  He hands me the keys to his Pick Up, knows exactly where I'm going, so I do not need to say more, grab his keys and when I go out I slam the door behind him.

  Carrie

  It's been a week since I saw the reflection of my past in Logan's eyes. I will never forget the blue of his eyes that changed, irises lapped by various color shades mingled with each other.

  I've seen it go from sweet charm to fury in a snap, without realizing I was showing him all that he had buried me. Exhibited at his eyes, felt the humiliation running through my veins, the pain of loss in his temples throbbing, almost to feel the body shaking, just like on that fateful day in which everything I have been ripped off. With him, everything becomes dangerous, unable to break down those walls that I kept high for over a year.

  I let myself go, I tried, because I want to live it with every cell of my body. I tried to deny it to myself, but only when his gaze falls on my, heart plunges, when its flavor is mixed with mine, is like not feel the ground under your feet. It's not wrong to want something, and you know that will never be yours. Logan will never belong to me, maybe that's why, that selfishly, even knowing this, I wanted to lose myself in him, even if only for a few hours.

  He like the sound of his voice, he manages to stroke

  without touching me, his hands seem to have tattoos on the skin, affecting the promises to which I would like to believe, but I can not. I can show him who I am, I can not, now that someone else knows of my secret to resurface mind the pictures I found in the damn envelope, I have to save myself.

  Yesterday I had to deliver the report to Professor Monthgomery, I had to work alone, without Logan. I could not see him in the hallways of the campus, even in passing. I picked up the phone too many times, at least to send him a message, but in the end I found myself staring at the display, and then put it back in its place.

  Tia and I took a bit 'of distances at this time, or maybe just me that I'm running away from it all.

  With the pencil between his teeth, I try in vain to concentrate on the text of philosophy, I think I read over and over without being able to let nothing in your head.

  I give a start when two clear shots echoing against the door for a moment the heart starts a race that takes my breath in my throat, I am going to see who it is. Everything stops when I see on my brother, Scottie threshold. I am about to slam the door in his face but his foot is able to squeeze into the middle blocking my gesture.

  "Can we talk?" He asks.

  The face sharply away, returning to sit at my desk. "I thought the door was rockin '

  enough to make you understand that I have nothing to say. "Enter into the room, his hands thrust in his pockets, a baseball cap pulled backwards in the head, from which check some cowlick.

  "Arie, do not do that, I'm still me, your brother." I burst out laughing, closing the book text in one click, the scocco look grim.

  "Do you remember just now? Your ... "mime in midair quotes emphatically," ... little friend, is no longer available? Therefore now you remember me? "

  He pants, flopping down on the bed Tia, I think it went to one of the many festivals that are there every weekend, I wonder if there is Blaze with her, or if perhaps there is also Logan. Scaccio that thought, the move away, it is not right that you think about it, not after having screamed in his face a myriad of lies.

  "How many times do I repeat that I was drunk? 'Protest, as if that was enough to excuse him from the fact that humiliated me and letting mostly Bettany would.

  "I do not give a damn at all, if you were drunk, or if, by chance, in those minutes you were not able to understand or want."

  I stand up and show him your back, I reach the door window that overlooks Westwood, observe the bay in the distance. A vice in my stomach will not let me free, I'm back on that beach with the scent of his cologne that nourished my being, and the world only for those minutes ceased to exist in my eyes.

  Among his powerful arms I felt alive, free, and then wake up as if it was a dream, the reality is that, it is my life to be a waking nightmare.

  "There have always been for you, I've always saved my ass from the mess in which cacciavi and you, too? You, Scottie, what have you done for me? "

  Only now I look over his shoulder to meet his gaze, staring at me without saying a word, and we both know why he does it, because he has done nothing to keep me safe, to protect me.

  "You know I was here, that ..." Another laugh, stifling tears scratching against my eyes now tired of the excuses of others, of all those who have in some way abandoned me.

  "Bullshit, you could be in Stanley, you could put in place all those who continued to throw shit on, instead you've beaten. You left me alone ... "His hands crashing into his legs as he pronounces:" It was you who put you in this mess, no one told you to ... "

  The I face, with bare feet pounding on the cold floor.

  "Do not you dare tell me that they are looking for! Do not you dare say it! "Yell, freeing of those days that will stand out in offuscandola mind," you were not there, you were not with me! "

  The hands are lost through his hair, that tug with the despair that after a long time, back to life

  depriving almost, of what I've built here, with the illusion that it could be different, it would be a new beginning and not an ongoing struggle to keep from drowning.

  "I was not there because I did not want to be there!" He says, eyes wide against mine, his words explode and pounce on him crushing me with all their weight. "Get out!"

  I squint, because I can not even look at him.

  "Carrie," he repeated, almost in a broken whisper, but it's too late, he was there because he would not be there.

  "GET OUT!" Shoved him, pounding his fists on his chest, the steps recede and I stop, panting, I can no longer breathe. "I'm sorry." The only words that will take away, when coming out of my room.

  Collapse to the ground without realizing it, I curl up on myself and the rest as well
, only for a time that I can not and I can not quantify, I let the pain take possession of my body. I cry, I feel the tears solcarmi the face with violence, burning feeling on the skin, and love on the lips.

  "Enough!" I shout, with the little breath I have left in my throat.

  When the incessant sound of my phone wakes me up, still lying on the floor, I have no idea what time it is, crawled up the bag and the extension phone. "Ready?"

  I do not know the number that's calling me, nor the voice on the other end of the phone.

  "Your roommate is named Tia?" Frowned confused, a sense of panic comes over me, and I get up standing with one hand pressed on his chest.

  "Yes ... yes, of course, right?" I hear the voices hustle, bass of music in the distance.

  "I think he had a little 'too much, maybe it's time you come and get it."

  I look around, recovering quickly sneakers. "Sure, give me the address." I take a pen from the desk and, precisely for me the way it provides me with the boy on a piece of paper.

  "I just want to know how did you get my number?"

  Despite the initial panic, my not wanting to trust anyone is always on alert. "I've recovered from Mayers twins."

  I ask him to keep an eye Tia until I get there, and I thank him. They are already in the street with the Google Maps application that guides me to the destination, snodandomi between the weekend traffic.

  The premises are still overflowing, despite being three in the morning, boys and girls walking along the street. Spigot a residential area, I've never been here, but it does not take me long to guess what the house where the party was taking place.

  Parking behind a huge line of cars. I begin to wonder what we face here alone, and Tia, why he is drunk. I make this question and I do not know exactly anything of what is

  Success in this long week in which I lived strictly in my bubble.

  I advance along the sidewalk, some guy is intent on putting the soul along the end of the garden, others are coated on car bonnets, who smoke take turns running a cane. The strong smell of burned invades my nostrils, making me turn up their noses.

  Finally I reach the entrance, but I realize that there are too many people, the deafening pump music rattling the windows. I make my way through the throng of students, looking for some familiar face, but I do not recognize anyone, not even any member of the team.

  "Excuse me!" Scream, a tall, muscular guy who is stopped near a column to the side of the room, which I assume is the living room.

  "Need? Sweetness help» The smell of alcohol that comes out of his mouth is repulsive, but I try to resist.

  "I'm looking for my friend, I have called you was sick, named Tia. Tall, blonde blue eyes ... "

  Bursts into laughter, with the head dangling backward.

  "Honey, you've just described eighty percent of Californian girls. However, if she was not well, surely you find her upstairs. "Gobble his can of beer, before you wink at me and disappear into the crowd. I turn to the stairs and, without hesitation, I go up to the top floor.

  I find myself facing a long corridor that seems to form

  a circle. Several doors stand out in both sides of the parades. The I walk by saying the name of Tia no success.

  "Where the heck is over?" I pull the phone out of the bag and try to retrieve the number of that guy, because Tia to her did not answer me, but enters the answering machine, and I put down.

  Played the corner on the other side, but she is nowhere. "Oh ... yeah, yeah so ... do not stop ..." I roll my eyes in disgust. "Shut up, I do not want to hear your fucking voice!"

  I am about to leave, the door bursts open in a crash when I pass in front of, I do not turn, I do not need it, would recognize that voice anywhere.

  "Hello Carrie, even here?" I turned around and met Brooke that squeaks, holding on to Logan's arm, I can not look at him, I can not, inside me I'm falling apart, a million fragments that collide one with the other.

  He gets shakes off with a shrug of the shoulder in passing I see that falters, tries to take a step forward, but then stopped remains exactly where it is.

  "I was trying Tia, did you see her?" I find the courage to ask, my heart is going to explode from his chest. "It is ... it is left with Blaze." He is to answer his voice slurred by alcohol.

  I nod, fixed Brooke, just her, she was completely his. And that was crashing down on me,

  truth of what I have before me at this moment, the awareness that we have lost when they never had.

  I stumble almost on my feet, I go down the stairs, the air is sucked, and I can no longer breathe. He bangs against something and fall with the butt on the ground.

  "Shit Carrie, did you hurt yourself?" Logan is on my side, his hand trying to touch me, but my eyes, the way that the end can not find the courage to look to do portray.

  "Sorry, Carrie, I've fallen on me." Gus helps me to get up. "I did not think you were even there," I say, shrugging his shoulders, and pretend that he is not so close as to be able to smell, as usual, trying to wrap me.

  "I have called saying that Tia was ill, but apparently it went away with Blaze. Now I come home. "Gus tilt your head to one side. "Tia was not bad, it's gone a long with Blaze." Corruccio his forehead, it's only when I see Bettany across the room pointing her straight look smug about myself, everything is connected. He wanted me to see with my own eyes what I could never have ... Logan.

  "Who called you?" Logan stands between me and Gus and, staring into his eyes, I am filled with a sense of nausea that I can not hold back. I run, I run to the front door, shoving anyone who finds me before. When I'm out on the road, I stop in my tracks with hands that do not cease to tremble.

  "Wait, where are you going?" I do not have to scontrarmi forces with him, not tonight, not having somehow lost my brother, not after I realized that they no longer friend, not having understood He lost it forever.

  "Only at home, I'm going home and Logan, you ..." he pointed to Brooke on the villa porch awaits, "... you should come back to her."

  He runs his hands on his head, weaves over the head, the muscles are stretched and leap with every movement, he exhales loudly through his nose with his head tilted back and his eyes pointing a sky that at this time I am not able to watch, because I feel only I piovermi him.

  "Damn!" I shrug, defeat, and limped to my car. In the end, what did I expect? I was the one to move it away from my life, but I never imagined that he would do so badly.

  17

  BECAUSE OF THIS,

  BUT DESPITE ALL ...

  Logan

  I stand staring at her curved shoulders moving away, I can not move, do a fucking step to stop it. I can not, because a part of me is shit for the words he dropped on me on the beach, because I'm a jerk for trying to take back my life in the wrong way, back to being an asshole again JJ.

  That's why I came to this fucking party, because I do not have qualms this time, when Brooke I was almost smeared over, trying to put my hands under his shirt in front of everyone. I grabbed her by the arm, yanking, so follow me, I just wanted to break free, clear your head for a few seconds. But it was impossible, his hands moved over her, the bile I jumped in my throat. Strizzavo eyes and tried to drive away the taste of his mouth, the taste of raspberry wandered on my lips, as if marchiandole always had been his and no one else.

  I tried not to smell the scent of her skin intoxicated my lungs, as if they lived the same for that of mixed lavender vanilla fragrance with a spicy note that he could completely stun me, even making me forget who I was.

  And the problem is just that, she would not let me hear the boy to which all made my name. She did not see the light of the star of the Bruins, who somehow managed to tarnish my simple life, no, she could only see me, Logan.

  When Brooke began to twitch under my touch, when his voice rescued me from the corner where I had taken refuge, there've done more. I pounded a fist against the wall and I got rid of her. I should not be there, I did not lock myself in the fucking room, but espec
ially her, Carrie, would not have to see what I can do when I lose control of myself.

  I turn to Brooke, leaning against the railing of the porch of the house of one of the frat boys.

  "Who the fuck called her?" Scream, some staring at me, others, despite the low music that spread in the air at full pace, come out from the house.

  "Well?" The fists tightening in the pockets of his jeans, she was here because she was told that Tia was ill, but Tia was just fine, and I saw with my own eyes go with Blaze.

  "You can know what you care of that?" Brooke gesticulating animatedly slicing through the air, I look at it, and at this moment, I can not find a single reason why I have done in the past.

  As for the rest of the girls who have gone after and before her. None of them has ever left me nothing, no opened a chasm in this head-cock, where the heart, until a few minutes ago it was crashing against the rib cage, just for the fact that he had met his gaze, so intense deep to know you suck, under those thick lashes shadowing his eyes.

  "I do not have your own way, as anyone!" Peering I turn to face the circle of comrades who are enjoying the show.

  "Maybe you should review your priorities, dear our quarterback, we have a championship to play." It is the voice of Bettany, who comes out with a glass in his hands, from behind Carter, one of my Lineabeckers. As happens when we are in the field, is observing the entire area, he gives me a look, one that in the field would mean to run faster, or to change scheme, because there are too tight marking.

  It happens exactly that, when I hear you say my name, "Jhonson." I turned to meet Drew's face, I do not simply want to mark tight, in his eyes there is only the desire to placate me, to throw me with the butt on the ground. This is why I do not do anything.

  "Not in the face, or Mora will make my ass."

  I prepare to receive his first hook, which strikes me abruptly abdomen. He does it because he knew that I have already beaten his girlfriend, just one of those parties given Lacrosse, where he is the captain.

  "You're a piece of shit!" Another punch goes against my ribs, my breath, for a few brief seconds gets stuck in his chest. I raise just looked up at Lex, who with a jump, has just climbed over the porch railing. I shake my head, and I motioned him not to approach, behind Drew there are other guys on his team, someone starting a brawl, would be the end, with all the alcohol that is circulated throughout the evening.