Michelle gave me a smile. “Okay, have fun.” The way she said it, like she thought Calum and I were going to somehow hook up down the hall from Mom and Dad…yeah, right. I didn’t think so. Even if this date had gone well, that wouldn’t happen.
I wasn’t…I couldn’t…
I just couldn’t picture myself sleeping with someone who was basically a stranger, letting them in, allowing them to see me naked and bare.
I got up, ignoring her last statement, and followed Calum down the steps on the side of the theater. He tossed everything in the trash, leading the way.
The nighttime air was cool and crisp, and I let out a small shiver as we stepped out into the night. The moon hung high in the sky, almost full, its dark grey craters visible to the naked eye. A clear night, not a single cloud in the sky to block out the small stars sparkling in the dark expanse above.
I paused when I reached the side of the sidewalk, where it gave way to the dark pavement of the parking lot, my head turned up. Just a quick glance toward the sky.
For whatever reason, the night sky was beautiful. Calm and serene, nature in its entirety. I was lucky to live in a smaller city in the United States, where I could look up and see the night sky without smog or any other city lights blocking the view. Of course, the light from the movie theater behind me didn’t help, but there were no skyscrapers here. No factories spewing pollution into the air.
Looking up there, it made me wonder if we were alone. Such a big universe out there, all those other planets and solar systems and galaxies…surely there had to be more to life than Earth. Was there another girl out there, a girl like me, staring up at a similar sky, wondering the same thing?
Maybe it was stupid, but wondering that made me feel a little better. Like my problems weren’t really problems. Like I, in the end, didn’t really matter. Just a single human, a small flick of the candle that was the human race. Tiny and insignificant.
Calum’s voice broke through my thoughts, “You okay?”
I brought my head down, finding that he’d kept walking. Calum stood ten feet ahead, his hands in his hoodie’s pocket. He appeared like he desperately wanted this date to end, and I couldn’t blame him, so I said nothing, only nodding as I hurried to his side.
Thankfully, he turned up the volume on his radio during the drive to my house. I had to tell him what street it was on, and thankfully he knew where to go to get there from the theater. The only time I had to open my mouth again was to tell him which house was mine. He pulled into the driveway, his eyes nothing but shadows as I unbuckled my seatbelt.
I should probably say something, right? Thank him for buying my salad or whatever? I had a hand on the door handle, ready to push out and leave this night behind, but that tripped me up. Talk about awkward…
But then Calum did the weirdest thing: he stopped the engine, turned the car off. He beat me getting out of the car, and I sat there for a moment, wondering what the hell was going on. He didn’t think he was coming inside, did he?
Never thought I’d have to turn a guy down, but…
I got out of the car, steeling myself to do it. My footsteps were tiny as I headed to the front door. I had the house key in my pocket, ready to go, but I wouldn’t use it until he was gone.
Calum didn’t try to walk with me all the way to the front door. He stopped at the base of the front porch steps, watching as I headed up. When I realized that he wasn’t next to me, I stopped and turned around, meeting his eyes. We were almost the same height, thanks to me being on the steps, and even though this date was the worst date ever, I still felt my cheeks heating up a bit.
I wasn’t blind. I could appreciate a man’s attractiveness.
“I, uh…” Calum ran a hand through his blonde hair. Under the moonlight, it looked almost silver, it was such a light blonde hue. “Look.” He set a foot on the bottom step, but he did not come up near me. “I’m sorry I was kind of an ass tonight.”
“You weren’t—”
“I was,” he cut in, and I clamped my mouth shut, not wanting to argue with him there.
I shrugged. “It’s okay,” I said. “I wasn’t very nice tonight, either.” I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself an ass, but…I definitely could’ve tried harder, all around. Could’ve been better. I just didn’t see the point, since Calum so clearly wasn’t into it. There was no use pretending that there was nothing between us, just to make Michelle happy.
It was like he didn’t hear me, or he was too busy putting the blame on himself. “Kyle dragged me into tonight, and I resented him for it. You didn’t deserve tonight.”
At that, I didn’t know what to say. I had no idea what I deserved and what I didn’t; I’d long since stopped thinking like that. In this horrible world, few people ever got what they deserved, good or bad.
Calum grew quiet then, his eyes raking over me through the darkness. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, what was running through his head as he stared at me. I knew I was no model, I knew I was nothing at all like my younger sister, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I was more like her, if my life would be better. If I wouldn’t be me.
Would Calum like me better if I was like her? Probably, and that thought made me sad.
What he said next I definitely wasn’t expecting: “Why don’t you let me make it up to you?”
At that, I could do nothing but blink and wonder if I’d heard him correctly. Was he really suggesting he and I go out again, after how awkward and weird tonight was? Just…why? Why bother? Why couldn’t we just forget tonight had ever happened and both move on with our lives?
I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest at the mere thought of going out with him again—this time without Michelle and Kyle nearby. My voice came out airy, soft and wispy like the wind could blow it away: “That’s okay. You don’t have to—” Whatever else I was going to say died in the back of my throat when I watched Calum step up onto the porch steps, inching closer to me with every step he took.
He stopped when he stood on the step right below the one I was one, once again taller than me. Only by a few inches now, but still. He had to be well over six feet tall to make me feel so small. “I want to,” he whispered. “Let me, Bree, please.”
That time, when he said my name, he didn’t sound annoyed that he was with me. He actually sounded genuine, like he really did want to make it up to me.
Or maybe that was just me hoping, wanting something I never had before.
“I’m not an asshole,” he went on, “I’ve just been going through some things, and I…you deserve to be taken out on a real date, not forced to go on some awkward double date with my brother and your sister. We’ll have fun, I promise.”
I had no idea why he thought he could promise something like that, why Calum believed that I would somehow have fun on any date with him, but I found I could not argue with him, either. All I could do was stand there and wonder why this was happening.
Calum was, without a doubt, out of my league. I wasn’t the type of girl he liked, I knew it, so why did he want to try this date night again, without our two chaperones?
“What do you say?” he asked, quieting as he waited for my answer.
I let my gaze fall, staring at his cheekbones, at his nose…and, just for a quick, split-second, his lips. “I guess.” I spoke it so quietly I could hardly hear it, but he did, for a smirk grew on his face. Funny how Calum could look good both frowning and smirking. It wasn’t fair of him to have power like that.
“What was that?” Calum leaned closer, cocking his head and turning his ear to me, even though I knew for a fact he’d heard me.
“Fine,” I said, this time louder.
He chuckled. “Next Friday, seven o’clock. Does that work for you?” Calum glanced around our yard. “I’ll pick you up right here.”
Another date. Me. It didn’t sound right, but it looked like Calum wasn’t going to take no for an answer. If I was honest, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. A part of me wanted to be no
rmal, of course, to go on this date and have a good time, to laugh and smile and really feel alive—but then the other half didn’t want to bother, because I knew I’d be let down eventually.
I nodded. “Okay.” I knew I didn’t sound enthusiastic, and that was because I had no idea what was going on.
He smiled—this time a real smile. No smirk, no tight-lipped grimace. A real, true, warm smile that made a heat grow in my lower gut. God, he really was attractive, wasn’t he? Any straight girl would turn to goo when that smile was flashed at them. “Good,” he whispered, leaning in, “I’ll see you then.”
Just when I was wondering what the heck he thought he was doing, I felt his lips brush my cheek in a quick, gentle goodnight kiss.
What the…
My lips parted when he pulled back and gave me another smile. “Night,” he said, sticking his hands in his hoodie pocket and turning to head back to his car.
I watched him go, because there was hardly anything else I could do at that point besides wonder what kind of alternate reality I’d stepped into when I wasn’t looking. When he got into his car and drove off, my cheek grew tingly where his lips had been. I reached up, running my fingertips along the spot, suddenly feeling warm all over.
So what, a cute guy kissed my cheek. That didn’t matter. It didn’t mean anything at all.
And so what if that same cute guy was taking me out again to make up for how terrible tonight was?
I wouldn’t let myself get excited. I wouldn’t let myself think about him or how soft his lips had felt on my cheek. To do so would only be to get my hopes up, and I knew enough not to allow that to happen. I wasn’t born yesterday. I knew people like me never got their happy endings like in the books.
My hand dropped to my side as I let out a long sigh. After getting in the house, I headed straight up to the bathroom, looking at my dolled-up appearance in the mirror.
This was the girl Calum thought he’d see again, not the girl beneath the makeup, underneath the gentle waves of pink hair. Not me. Not the real me. The real me was something no one could handle.
When my eyes started to water, a hopeless desperation rising inside, I let my emotions wash over me in the silence of the house, grabbing one of Michelle’s makeup wipes to take it all off.
Chapter Six – Mason
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t waiting for my phone to go off, for me to glance at an unfamiliar number. I’d be a huge liar if I said I didn’t want to hear from Bree. When Friday passed and she still didn’t text, I grew a little worried. I really hoped she wasn’t put off by my pushiness, that I hadn’t stepped too far by basically making myself her partner whether she liked it or not.
I mean, the professor had told her it was a group project, that she needed at least one partner. Who else was she going to do it with? She didn’t talk to anyone else in class, didn’t have any friends there that I knew of.
Who better than me?
My overconfidence did waver as I waited for her to text. Thankfully I didn’t have to wait too long Saturday before my phone buzzed and I found an unrecognized number had texted me.
Bree. It had to be Bree.
Hey. It’s Bree. When do you want to figure out what we’ll do our project on?
Simple, straightforward. She used punctuation and everything, which made me feel like I had to, too. I lounged on the couch in the living room, the house quiet. I had a short four-hour shift at the store earlier today, and it was now lunchtime. I had the entire afternoon to myself, and night. Partying wasn’t really my scene, not with the crazy hours I worked sometimes.
I sat up when I read her text, my fingers hovering over the keyboard as I thought about what to say back. I decided on, Hey. I’m free all afternoon. Want to meet up somewhere and talk about it? I thought she might think that was overdoing it, so at the end of the message I added, The library at SCC?
Yeah, that was good. That way she wouldn’t think I was trying to sneak into her house or something. Bree reminded me of a lost, abused animal. The kind you saw on those videos on Facebook. Lost, scared, but capable of going through a transformation with enough patience and love. I wanted to be the one to bring her out of her shell, to see her smile and hear her laugh.
Hmm. Maybe that was a weird analogy. Maybe I should’ve gone for a different one.
I hit send, biting my nail as I waited for her to respond. What if she was one of those girls who waited hours to text back so they didn’t look like they were purposefully waiting for your response?
No, I didn’t think Bree was like that. I didn’t know her well, but she didn’t seem like the kind of girl who played those games. She didn’t seem like she played any games, actually. Closed-off, withdrawn, the very opposite of those kinds of girls.
I wanted to get to know her. I wanted to spend more time with her. She’d taken up my mind more often than not since I’d sat next to her on the day I was late to class.
Never thought I’d be grateful for being late, but here we were. Here I was, rather.
My phone buzzed, and I quickly read her message.
Sure. Meet at two?
I replied, You bet. It’s a date. My stupid thumb sent the message before I could take it back, so I quickly whipped up another message and sent it immediately: Not a date date. Just a date. A date at the library. You know what I mean. After I sent that rambling message, I ran a hand down my face, hoping she didn’t think I was some weirdo.
I mean, I was a little weird I guess, but I didn’t want her thinking it.
She did not respond to either message of mine, which made me worry a bit. What if I’d messed everything up? What if she decided against meeting me at the library? Shit. No. I wouldn’t think like that.
I got ready, showered and finally changed out of my work uniform. Might’ve put on some body spray, just to make sure I smelled good. I was pretty sure I heard that girls were drawn to certain smells, and therefore more likely to find those men attractive.
Did I want Bree to find me attractive?
Duh. Obviously. There was something about her I instantly liked, so yeah, I wanted her to be drawn to me like a moth to a flame—except when the moth (read: she) reached the flame (as in, me), she would not be burned. I’d never hurt her, and I wanted her to know that.
I left the house at one-fifteen, which gave me more than enough time to drive to campus, find a parking spot near the library, and meander around the library’s lobby, wondering why the hell I felt so anxious about this meeting.
We were just meeting to discuss our class project. This wasn’t a real date. Like, come on, Mason. Man up.
It was a quarter till two when a soft voice spoke behind me, nearly making me leap out of my skin, “You’re here early.”
I spun, turning to view Bree, who’d just walked in through the doors, a cool gust of wind following behind her. Today she wore no beanie, her pink hair a bit kinky and wavier than I remembered it being. Her green eyes were on me, though when I met her stare, she quickly looked to the floor. She wore leggings, along with a super long sweater that covered the small curve of her ass.
Not that I, uh, looked.
Much.
“So are you?” I didn’t know why, but it came out like a question, and if I could’ve smacked myself for sounding so stupid, I would’ve. What was wrong with me? It wasn’t like Bree was the first girl I’d ever talked to in my life. I was cooler than this.
Wasn’t I?
Her lips flickered with a tiny smile, but that small thing did not stay. “Where do you want to go?”
“Uh, third floor.” AKA the computer lab section of the library. It was where you could work on the computers, or at big tables, and be as loud as you wanted, unlike most sections of this ten-story library.
Yeah, ten stories. It had a lot of books, and a lot of scholarly-article sections. Blech. Boring. But I knew Bree and I would be forced to use some of those scholarly journals for our project. Not only did we have to come up with a hypothesis for our expe
riment, but we also had to write a whole paper on it and use articles to back our thoughts up.
Basically, we couldn’t pull this entire thing out of our asses.
I let Bree go up the stairs first, and my gaze dropped to her backside. I really had to stop thinking about asses, otherwise I might give her the wrong idea. Don’t get me wrong—her ass was something to stare at, but it wasn’t like I wanted her to know I was ogling it like I’d never seen the curve of a girl’s ass before.
The library wasn’t as full of students on the weekend as it was during the week. I tried to spend the least amount of time here possible any time I had to use any of its facilities; the library was not my favorite place to be. I’d much rather be at home, or even at work. Literally almost anywhere else, but I supposed that wasn’t saying much.
Needless to say, we had our pick of the tables, pretty much. We chose a table near the windows. Through its clear glass, we could see campus, sprawling outside, its sidewalks mainly empty, just as the library was. During the week, the sidewalks were practically body to body, full of students hustling to class and professors jogging between buildings. And then, of course, there were the locals, the ones who lived a few streets away and took to walking their dogs on campus. There was even a guy who rode his bike on the sidewalks, jamming out through speakers whatever strange music he was listening to. He was featured in the college newspaper so much, you’d think he was a student here.
I sat in a seat across from Bree, the rest of the table beside us empty. I noticed she wore no purse, only her backpack, the same bag she took to class. Should I have brought mine? I didn’t bring anything besides myself. I’d thought today was simply about deciding what we would do our project on, not, you know, actually start working on it.
Bree bit her bottom lip, a gesture that instantly drew my eyes. She wasn’t pretty in the typical way; I wasn’t even sure how to describe it, but somehow she drew me in regardless. “Do you have any ideas?”
Sounds of Silence: A Contemporary Romance Page 6
