Nope. Wrong.
A soft knock echoed on my door, and I didn’t get up from my desk. Figuring it was my mom, I said, “I’m studying. Go away.” But she didn’t. I heard the hinges on my door creak open as she pushed inside, and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping I could fake it long enough for her to believe it and get the hell out. Privacy, and all that.
But when I turned around on my chair to give her a smile and kindly ask her to leave, I realized it wasn’t my mom.
It was…Calum?
I swore, my heart nearly stopped in my chest when I saw his handsome face. His blonde hair had just gotten cut, so he looked a little dorky, but still a ridiculous sort of attractive. A bit of near-white stubble rested on his jaw, and he gave me a tiny smile as he shut the door behind him, stepping inside, acting as if nothing at all was wrong.
“Bree,” he said, flashing me his pearly whites. “I have to say, I thought you’d be a little more excited.”
I probably sounded stupid, but all I could do was say, “Calum. What are you doing here?” My back hurt because I was so twisted in my seat, my fingers curling around the back of the chair so tightly my knuckles were white.
Calum shrugged. “I wanted to surprise you, but it looks like you don’t want me here, so maybe I’ll just go—”
What happened next was a blur. One moment I was sitting there, staring at him, questions racing through my head, and the next I was up, walking to him in a daze, practically slamming my body against his wide, strong chest. His jacket was unzipped, allowing me to grab hold of the fabric of his shirt under it, bury my face against it and breathe him in.
He was here. He wasn’t ignoring me or trying to leave me; he was only trying to surprise me. I didn’t know what to think about that. This almost felt like a dream. A strange, hyper-realistic dream that I never wanted to wake from.
His arms were slow to wrap around me, holding me tight, and I heard the thrum of his voice in his chest as he asked, “So, I can stay?”
I nodded against him, too speechless to beg. I was at that point, you know—where I’d beg this man to stay, plead with him to not go back. If that made me pathetic, if it made me stupid because this could never last…then I guess I was the most pathetic and stupid of them all.
Calum’s arms squeezed me once before letting me go, though he didn’t release me entirely. His hands went to my arms, as if he was afraid to let me go. His sapphire gaze bore into me, holding a dozen emotions I could hardly begin to describe. “I missed you,” he murmured.
Was it weird to feel my body ache when he said that? I had no idea. “I missed you, too,” I replied, watching as he bent his tall frame down and lowered his head to mine. My eyes closed the moment he kissed me, and it was just as sweet and warm as I remembered.
When his lips were pulled off mine, I gazed up at him and said, “You should’ve told me you were coming.” I could’ve showered. I was looking a little ratched right now…though, in all honesty, that’s how I looked every day. It’s just that I was now starting to care about how I looked, at least to Calum and Mason.
“And miss the surprise on your face? Never.” Calum smiled as he stepped back, taking off his jacket and laying it across the foot of my bed. His head tilted as he meandered to my desk, glancing at what I had out. A textbook, along with my notebook—a notebook that was full of doodles, but I would argue that I still paid attention in class better than half of the other kids. “What are you working on? That group project you have with Mason?”
He didn’t sound as jealous as Mason did when he brought Calum up, and I wondered if he didn’t view Mason as competition. If he wasn’t worried at all about it, if he thought he had me in the bag. He never told me to not hang out with Mason, but at the same time, he also didn’t know how close Mason and I were.
Last night…he knew nothing about my date with Mason last night.
“No,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat up as I went to close the textbook. “I have an exam in another class next week, so I was doing a bit of studying.” It was right then when I wondered if I should tell Calum about my date with Mason last night—not every detail of it, but just the fact that he’d had me over, and we spent time alone not working on the project.
Would he be angry? Would he be jealous? I already knew Mason was beyond jealous when it came to Calum.
But as I looked back to Calum, no words formed in my throat, nothing at all to tell him about last night. I just couldn’t do it. Call me weak, call me useless, call me a scaredy-cat. Whatever. If I was a bad person for not telling him, then I guess that’s what I would be.
Calum spent the rest of the day with me. We lounged around my room, talking and cuddling, and then he took me out to dinner later that night. Mom was thrilled to see him again, though Dad kept his emotions close to his chest. Even though he already had a daughter who’d been dating for what felt like ever, it was somehow different with me.
It always was.
I was the first-born. I was their pride and joy. It was different to watch me go out with a guy than it was to watch Michelle do it. Don’t ask me why; parents were a mystery I could not decipher.
We ended the night on the front porch, sitting in the dying daylight and holding hands as we talked. I’d put on a hoodie before we left for dinner, but even that wasn’t enough to shield the cold air. Winter would be here soon, and even colder weather would follow. One thing I hated about living here: the eternally changing seasons.
“Trent made himself scarce,” Calum was busy saying, opening up about how his return to home had been. I’d made it a point not to ask him, because I didn’t want to seem too worried about him going back, even though I totally was. If he wanted to tell me, he would. I would not force him. I wasn’t like that. “I barely saw him in the office, and anytime I was home, he made it a point not to be there. I have no idea how long that’s going to last, but I’m enjoying it.” He tossed me a smile, though I could tell it was strained.
Trent had been his best friend, and he’d slept with his ex-girlfriend. Hilary was her name. I tried not to think about her, because then I got lost in the rabbit hole that was my mind. What did she look like? Was she good in bed? Had he been happy with her, before she’d cheated? Was Trent her first time cheating? Countless of questions, none of which I’d ever get the answers to, because I wouldn’t say them aloud.
“What happens when you see him more?” I asked, mostly curious because I didn’t want Calum to get into any fights, to get arrested or something.
“I don’t know,” he answered, squeezing my hand. He’d pulled it onto his lap not that long ago, holding it there while his other arm was wrapped around my shoulders, holding me close as we sat on the steps and gazed up at the waning light.
Michelle had left to hang out with Kyle while Calum and I were at dinner, so I didn’t get to see her off. Mom and Dad stayed in the house, which gave us some privacy. I knew they wouldn’t eavesdrop on us; plus, it was far too cold to have any of the windows open in the house. My dad was way too uptight when it came to the electric bill to waste heat like that.
“I still get angry when I think about it,” Calum whispered. “I don’t think I can ever forgive him for what he did.”
“How long have you known him?”
“Freshman year in college, so…seven years?” Calum sighed, adding under his breath, “Damn, I feel old, now.”
Even though it wasn’t a funny matter, his last comment made me chuckle. “You are not old.”
“I am. I’m so old.”
“You are not.”
“I’m older than you.”
I found myself chuckling again. “Not by that much.” Five years, sure, but in the scheme of things, five years really wasn’t that long. When you were an adult, five years passed you by in the blink of an eye. If you weren’t careful, your entire life could pass you by.
One of the terrible things about getting older. Because you didn’t have many new experiences, you perceived time differently. Your ch
ildhood felt like an eternity, and you could remember certain things in picture-perfect detail—but when you got older, your memories blurred together, and sometimes you zoned out while you drove to work or to college, because you’d done it so much.
“I feel old,” I muttered, frowning to myself. I’d felt so much older than I was for so long now; I couldn’t remember a time when I felt like my actual age.
The hand holding onto mine loosened its hold. Calum lifted his head off mine, turning to swipe at my hair and tuck it behind an ear. “You’re twenty,” he said, smiling softly, “you’re not old.”
“I feel a lot older than that, though.”
“Why?” The arm around my shoulders loosened so he could get a good look at my face. Calum appeared so serious, so intent on me, and even after all this time, I still wasn’t used to it. Would I ever be?
My shoulders shrugged beneath the hoodie, and I muttered, “I don’t know.” Even though, deep down, I did. It was the same reason I felt miserable and sad most of the time. Nature just didn’t want me to be happy. My brain wasn’t wired right. Whatever. “I just do.”
“Well, I’m older than you, so if you’re old, I must be ancient.” He watched me with heavy eyes as I smiled gently. “But you just said I’m not old, which means you’re not, either. Now that that’s settled, we can talk about something that really matters. Now, this one is really important to the state of our relationship—I mean it.” He paused, matching my smile with one of his own. “Leftover pizza. How do you eat it?”
That was not at all what I was expecting him to say, so I found myself laughing into the night air. Leftover pizza. I was not aware that was such a make-it-or-break-it kind of thing, but what did I know?
“Uh…” I bit my bottom lip. “Can I pass?”
The hand on my shoulder fell to my back, snaking around my waist as he held me and grinned. “No, you cannot pass. Answer the question. The more you put it off, the more I’m starting to wonder…”
“Heat it up?”
My unsure answer made him pull away from me and start to get up, like he was leaving, like I’d answered wrong. But he couldn’t do it; Calum couldn’t even stand before his arms found me once more and pulled me in close. “I was going to pretend to leave, but I can’t,” he whispered. “Just so you know, that’s the wrong answer.”
“What’s the right answer?” I asked his chest, oddly comfortable being smothered by it.
“You eat it cold. Come on, Bree. Be real.”
Grinning, I closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling of being so close to him. It was almost too easy to be around him, natural in every way. I didn’t want to see the day when he and I were no longer in each other’s lives. I couldn’t even imagine it.
And yet, at the same time, I realized something as I sat there in his arms, smiling to myself.
I couldn’t keep them both forever. Something would have to give.
And, like always, that something would be me.
Chapter Fifteen – Calum
Now that I knew Bree wasn’t a fan of surprises, I would reevaluate any other surprise visits. I should’ve known she liked routine; that’s what I had to be for her. Even if I wasn’t there beside her every day, I had to be a stable part of her routine. I wouldn’t throw everything into chaos just because I was more spontaneous than that. No, I wasn’t that selfish.
I thought about her a lot when I returned home. How she’d hugged me when I showed up in her room, how sad those beautiful green eyes had been. Was I the only one who noticed the constant heaviness in her gaze, or did everyone else purposefully ignore it? Bree, in spite of her pink hair, tended to fly under everyone’s radars. I didn’t know what to think about that.
Like before, Trent made himself scarce. I wasn’t going to complain about it, because I did not want to see that bastard’s face. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I could ever forgive him. It wasn’t like he and Hilary were never introduced to each other. He knew I was with her, and he knew I loved her.
Loved. Past-tense. Not present. I hadn’t seen her since the incident, since I told her, amongst a string of swearwords, that we were done. At this point, I didn’t want to see her again. She’d tried calling and texting, sure, but I never responded. The moment she thought she’d sneak around behind my back, we were done.
My love for that woman had faded these last few weeks, and the place in my heart that Hillary used to occupy now was taken up by a certain pink-haired girl. With that cheater of an ex, everything had been hot and fast from the get-go, but with Bree, I knew it wasn’t like that. With her, I needed—no, I wanted—to take my time.
Bree had never been with anyone before, and while it might dissuade some men from going after her, it was not going to stop me. Yes, it was nice to have your physical release, to feel skin on yours and orgasm with the help of someone else…but that’s not all that life was about. Sex was not everything, and I was trying to show Bree that I would wait for her.
I might’ve messed up by surprising her on Saturday, but overall, the day went well. No amount of time spent with her was enough, and I knew that meant she had me wrapped around her finger. I knew, deep down, that meant I was already hers.
I wasn’t in love with her, I wasn’t at the point where I’d drop down on my knees and profess that I couldn’t live my life without her, but I was falling. At this rate, I’d get there fast.
Which was insane, because weeks ago, I’d claimed I wasn’t ready, that I didn’t want to be in another relationship. Hah, who was fucking wrong as hell? Me. I mean, look at me now—sitting in my apartment, all alone, thinking about her.
Bree. I wondered how often she thought of me while I was away.
Life went on for a while. I went to work, shut myself in my room when I was home, did my best to avoid any possible sightings of Trent. All the while, I texted Bree as much as I could. I also called her once every night, just to hear her voice. She was starting to open up, to feel comfortable talking to me, and I would not give that up for anything.
The days blurred into each other, and I could not wait for the weekend. I told myself I would not visit Bree every single weekend, but you know what? Screw that. If she wanted me to come, I would drop everything and go. I craved her, to hear her soft, delicate chuckles and just to be in her presence.
God, I’d really fallen fast for her, didn’t I? It was almost unreal, considering how terrible our first date was. She was too closed-off, while I was too much of an ass who refused to see the girl beside me. I could not stress how thankful I was that we’d moved past that horrible first date.
When Kyle had described Bree as nice…over and over again, basically the only word he used to describe her, he was right. She was nice, almost to a fault. She was never pushy, never loud or boisterous. Her personality was meek and gentle, but I also knew that her view on everything had something to do with it.
She didn’t think highly of herself. Hell, I doubted she thought anything positive about herself, which was just awful. If I had to tell her she was beautiful every day for the rest of our lives, I would, even if she never believed me. I wouldn’t sit back and let her talk bad about herself. She probably thought she wasn’t worth dating, which then led me to believe she didn’t believe she was worth loving.
And that—that could not have been farther from the truth.
No, by the time I was done with this girl, she’d know, without a doubt, she was just as deserving of love as anyone else.
And I was at the point where I seriously didn’t think I’d ever be done with her. In fact, never had I hated that I’d moved so far away from home. Never had I hated looking out the window in my room and seeing nothing but tall highrises as far as the eye could see. All of this…my job, my place, everything—none of it meant anything. Not really.
I’d give it up for her, if she asked me to, but that was the point; she never would. Bree wasn’t like that. She was the opposite of demanding and expecting. She never expected anything, actually, which only
made my heart hurt for her.
That night, I lay on my bed, my phone in my hand, talking to Bree. I stared at the ceiling as we spoke, and I wondered where she was, if she was on her bed, doing the same thing.
“How did that exam go?” I asked, my other arm resting against my stomach. I hadn’t eaten dinner yet, and I wasn’t sure I was going to. Maybe Bree had rubbed off on me. Hmm. Tomorrow was Friday again; before we ended this call, I did want to ask her if she wanted me to visit. Not to put all the pressure onto her or anything, but…I hoped she’d say yes.
“Okay, I think,” Bree mumbled, talking under her breath, as was her habit. “I was the first one done with it, so I don’t know if that means I aced it, or I mistook all the questions and answered everything wrong.”
I smiled to myself. No light was on in my room; the only light that lingered came in through the window, showing a city in dying daylight. “I’m sure you didn’t answer everything wrong. You’re smart, Bree.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” I knew she wouldn’t believe me, but that wasn’t going to stop me from telling her what I thought. “You’re smart, kind, and beautiful. I don’t know why you don’t give yourself more credit.”
I heard her breath out a long exhale on the other line before whispering, “Stop.”
“I mean it.”
“Calum—” She said more, but whatever she said next was drowned out by a sudden knocking on the apartment door.
Immediately, I sat up, glancing at my room’s door. Couldn’t be Trent in the hall outside, because he had a key. Unless he lost it during the day? But still, he would have to go to the property manager and ask for another copy—
“Hold on,” I told her, slowly getting off my bed and heading out of my room, through the hall to the front living room. “Someone’s at the door.” I held the phone against my ear as I went for the door, peeking through the peephole to see who it was, due to the fact I wasn’t expecting anyone.
My heart nearly stopped in my chest, and whatever good mood I’d had while talking with Bree faded instantly.
Sounds of Silence: A Contemporary Romance Page 17
