The Summer Guest

by Emma Hannigan

  The driver brought them right up to the entrance, remarking that they were lucky to get there before the crowds. The sun was playing hide and seek with the woolly clouds. ‘At least it’s not raining,’ Rodger said cheerfully, as they walked through the turnstiles. He accepted a map from a staff member just inside the gate. ‘Why don’t you take the map and be the navigator and I’ll pull the bag?’ he asked.

  ‘You’re not getting your paws on my bag.’ She giggled. ‘You’re a dear to offer, but I’m more than happy dragging it. Besides, I’m terrible at reading maps. We’ll only end up in the wrong place. You lead the way.’

  Kathleen couldn’t believe how amazing the zoo was. Her childhood memories involved a rather sparse and mildly depressing concrete environment with grey skies and dejected animals. Now it was beautifully landscaped, with trees and shrubs, and each species had an imaginatively designed habitat.

  ‘Wow! Look at the tiger mama!’ Kathleen exclaimed. ‘Rodger, she’s got a cub. Isn’t that the most divine fuzzball you ever saw?’

  ‘That divine fuzzball would take your arm off with one swipe of his paw if the mood took him.’

  ‘You’d never think it when you see them lolling in the long grass like that. You know my Jackson was the vet at Disney’s Animal Kingdom? He used to take some amazing photos of the tigers. He’d have loved to see these,’ she said wistfully.

  ‘I reckon he can see,’ Rodger assured her, patting her hand.

  They moved towards the African plains to visit the giraffes, zebra and elephants. ‘Let’s go around on the little train,’ Kathleen suggested.

  ‘Won’t we look like two old fools mixed in with the toddlers?’

  ‘Do you care?’ Kathleen asked.

  ‘No, now you mention it.’

  ‘That’s without doubt my favourite thing about getting older,’ Kathleen said, as they climbed aboard. ‘I care less and less what others think and, as a result, I’m enjoying things more and more.’

  As they bumbled around the vast expanse of the park, weaving through trees past a host of animals, the ones that Kathleen wanted to return to were the flamingos and the red pandas.

  ‘The flamingos were over in that direction,’ Rodger said, pointing. ‘I spied a picnic area too. How would you feel about dining soon, m’ lady?’

  ‘Sounds great. I’m starving,’ she said.

  They ambled past an island riddled with monkeys and found the flamingo pool.

  ‘Aren’t they just fabulous?’ Kathleen clasped her hands under her chin. ‘They’re the most amazing colour. They look as if they were dipped in liquid bubble gum!’

  ‘Speaking of which, let’s go and eat,’ Rodger said.

  Kathleen smiled to herself. Jackson would’ve been so different if he were here today. He’d have enjoyed the animals for sure, but he’d have made veterinary-style comments and would have been itching to examine them.

  The picnic area was bathed in sunshine, making the wooden benches wonderfully warm and comfortable to sit on.

  ‘I even have a tablecloth,’ Kathleen said. She propped the case on the seat part of the bench and began to unload their lunch.

  ‘This looks amazing,’ Rodger said, as he opened a bottle of wine.

  Kathleen produced proper glasses, which she’d wrapped in two tea towels for safety. ‘I reckon we could charge to allow folk to sit here,’ she whispered.

  ‘Too right,’ said Rodger. ‘If we had our wits about us, we could load up several cases each day, take over this area and make a small fortune.’

  ‘The people who run the restaurant might be unhappy if we did.’ Kathleen giggled. She produced a delicious-looking quiche and several square plastic boxes.

  ‘What have you got in there?’ Rodger asked.

  ‘Salads and dips,’ Kathleen said proudly. ‘Will you open these tortillas and pour them into the wooden bowl for me?’

  ‘We should do these days out more often,’ Rodger quipped. Kathleen cut into the quiche and happily served them both.

  ‘This quiche is delicious,’ Rodger said. He placed his knife and fork on the table and dabbed at his eyes with a paper napkin. ‘Ugh, look at me getting teary, silly old fool that I am … I haven’t tasted homemade quiche like this since my Claudia died.’

  ‘That’s tough,’ Kathleen sympathised. ‘The same thing happens to me all the time. I’m doing really well, enjoying my day, and I see, smell or taste something that reminds me of Jackson and I feel like lying on the floor and sobbing.’

  ‘It’s hard learning to live without them, isn’t it?’

  ‘It is. All we can do is take each day as it comes. I’m hoping that time will heal my pain. Everyone insists it will and they can’t all be wrong.’

  They took their time over lunch and finished the bottle of wine before clearing everything away into the case again.

  ‘I have to hand it to you,’ Rodger said. ‘That’s a fantastic bag. Everything fits into it and there’s no chance you’ll lose it.’

  Kathleen insisted on going to the red pandas next. They were her all-time favourite, furry and cuddly, like a cross between the giant black-and-white panda and a marmalade cat.

  ‘Oh, my God, look at the babies! That has to be one of the sweetest little things I’ve ever laid eyes on,’ she exclaimed. ‘I’d happily steal one and take it home to hand-rear.’

  ‘It’d fit in your magic bag. Will I keep sketch while you climb over the fence and coax that tiny one over with a bit of quiche?’

  ‘Keep sketch!’ Kathleen laughed. ‘Now there’s a phrase I haven’t heard in a lifetime.’

  Rodger smiled. ‘Should I say I’ll keep an eye then?’

  ‘No! I love hearing these things again, but I think I’ll pass on stealing a baby panda!’

  Eventually Kathleen sensed Rodger’s boredom, so they moved on to the reptiles. ‘I could stay in here all day,’ Rodger said, pinning his face to the window. ‘Look at the chameleon. Isn’t it astonishing?’

  ‘I’d go for the red panda any day,’ Kathleen said. ‘But he’s certainly amazing-looking, with his leathery skin and beady eyes. His claws and tail make him look like something from Jurassic Park.’

  Rodger laughed, and stayed with the creatures for some time. Kathleen excused herself and waited outside where she could hear a group of people huddled around the parrot cage. The children were giggling as the bird repeated everything they said.

  This place was a far cry from Animal Kingdom at Disney and she missed Jackson. It seemed slightly surreal that she was there with another man. ‘You don’t mind, do you, Jackson?’ she whispered. As the group moved from the parrot she stood in front of it and stared at it.

  ‘Everything okay?’ Rodger asked, as he joined her.

  ‘You don’t mind, do you, Jackson?’ the parrot squawked.

  Her cheeks burned as she turned to Rodger. ‘How embarrassing. I was just whispering to Jackson – I talk to him regularly. I’m sure you’ll find me silly. But it helps me get through. That way I can fool my mind into thinking he’s still with me in some shape or form.’

  ‘You don’t have to explain,’ he said. ‘I talk to Claudia morning, noon and night. So if you’re crazy I am too.’

  ‘Claudia, if you’re crazy I am too,’ added the parrot. They burst out laughing.

  ‘Maybe that’s what we both need to help fill the silence at home in the evenings,’ Kathleen said.

  ‘I’d probably welcome a little beggar like that at first but I reckon if he actually lived in my kitchen I’d soon be pretty fed up with him. Is it illegal to serve parrot pie?’

  ‘I’ve no idea,’ she said. She smiled at Rodger – she was glad she had a friend with her while she’d ticked off another task on her ‘to do’ list. It felt good.

  Chapter 42

  Lexie was pleasantly surprised when Maia arrived in the gallery. ‘What brings you here on a weekday? Why aren’t you chained to your office, like a good little slavey?’

  ‘I had an appointment with the gea
rbox doctor,’ Maia said, snooping around.

  ‘Charming! How’s everything?’

  ‘Fine, as far as I know,’ Maia said, dropping her gaze.

  ‘Aren’t you going ahead with the amniocentesis test then?’

  Maia sauntered over to the desk where Lexie was sitting and perched on the end. ‘I was all set to go. I had the appointment and everything. But I backed out.’

  ‘Why?’ Lexie asked. ‘Isn’t it better to know what you’re headed for?’

  ‘Josh and I thought so too … for a while. But we’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t need to do all the poking and prodding. The test carries risks and we want this baby no matter what.’

  ‘But what on earth will you do if the child has Down’s like Calvin?’ Lexie wondered. ‘I can ask you that but millions wouldn’t. I’m only trying to get you to face the worst-case scenario.’

  ‘Josh and I agree on this one. Whatever happens we’ll take what we’re given. Besides Calvin has Trisomy 21, which isn’t genetic. We managed last time and we’d no warning …’ Maia stared into the middle distance. ‘Do you remember how winded we all were just after the birth? The first couple of weeks of Calvin’s life were Hell on Earth.’

  ‘I’ll never forget it,’ Lexie said, becoming quite emotional. ‘He was such a sweet little mite but it was all so shrouded in shock, wasn’t it?’

  ‘It was horrendous. The pits. But we got through and we’re flying now. I can’t say it’s easy because it’s not,’ Maia said. ‘In fact, our choice to skip the extra testing brought it all back,’ she admitted.

  ‘How so?’

  ‘Josh and I never really talked about that time. I still feel strangled by guilt when I think of the days following Calvin’s birth,’ she said. ‘I prayed with all my heart that he would die. I’m so ashamed to say it out loud, but I have to tell someone. I can’t even say that to Josh. I hoped and prayed that Calvin would stop breathing. That way I’d be let out of the Hell I’d been trapped in.’

  Lexie swallowed hard. She’d had no idea poor Maia had felt that way.

  ‘When he was still alive the following morning, I wanted to bribe a nurse. The midwife who’d stayed with me during the birth was a darling. I was this close,’ Maia pinched her thumb and forefinger together, ‘to asking her to swap my baby with another woman’s “normal” child.’

  ‘Oh, Maia,’ Lexie said. ‘I’m so sorry you had such an awful time. I knew you were shocked and shaken and bitterly disappointed but I had no notion of how totally devastating it was for you. I was such a crap friend. I should’ve known how bad it was.’

  ‘How could you? I’d no idea of the wrecking ball that was about to hit me. I’d gone into labour full of fear at the pain I’d go through. I was terrified of giving birth.’

  ‘Well, I knew that,’ Lexie said. ‘And I was shag-all help there. I’d say I made you worse by looking like a startled chicken any time you brought it up. I remember you showing me one of those books you had with photos of births. I couldn’t even look at them.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Maia recalled. ‘You were kind of averse to the whole shebang.’

  ‘Sorry,’ Lexie said.

  ‘Don’t apologise. You were fabulous. Both you and Sam were. You were with us all the time. You kept telling me how cute Calvin was,’ she said, rocking back and forth.

  ‘He was a darling,’ Lexie said.

  ‘All I saw were the tell-tale signs that my boy wasn’t perfect.’

  ‘And now? You wouldn’t change him for all the tea in China, right?’

  Maia sat up straight. ‘You know what? If someone told me they could get rid of Calvin’s Down’s syndrome tomorrow morning, I’d do it. I’d love nothing more than to know that he could fend for himself in later life. But it’s not going to happen. Hand on heart, I adore him. I love him more than anyone else in the entire universe. But it’s not easy.’ Maia gazed sadly at Lexie. ‘I know I’m meant to say I wouldn’t change him, but I would. I actually would. Every now and again I still wish he didn’t have Down’s. I wish he wasn’t going to struggle more than the average kid. But he will.’

  Lexie listened, barely able to breathe. She and Maia told one another everything. They were as close as sisters, but she’d never heard her friend speak so candidly about Calvin.

  ‘I’m adamant he won’t ever have a bowl haircut or wear ugly shoes and nasty clothes. He’ll always have amazing birthday parties and fabulous toys. He has Down’s but he’ll never be a poor little thing. Not on my watch,’ she said, as some of her usual fight resurfaced.

  ‘I know,’ Lexie said sadly. ‘And if he even attempts to do the lame-duck act, you’ll kick his butt,’ she finished.

  ‘I’ll kick his butt,’ Maia repeated. Tears trickled, then flowed.

  Lexie put her arms around Maia. ‘It’ll all work out, you’ll see. This little baby will be the best brother or sister Calvin could hope for.’

  ‘It won’t hate me for bringing it into a family with a special-needs sibling, will it?’ Maia asked.

  ‘Do any of us hate Calvin?’ Lexie shot back.

  ‘Touché,’ Maia said, nodding.

  ‘Look, Maia, I’m the worst person to discuss any of this with,’ Lexie said, ‘but I’m honest if nothing else. I don’t have a massive amount of patience with small children. I can’t do the gooey lovey-dovey chit-chat about how sweet that baby is. I’m not a gushy person. But your son rocks. He’s quirky and funny and knows what he wants when he wants it. If you ask me, he’s more together than a lot of adults we know.’

  Maia laughed. ‘You’re just the right person for me to discuss this with,’ she said. ‘You say all the right things and you don’t talk crap. If one more person tells me Calvin is a gift from God I swear I’ll punch them.’

  ‘Ah, they mean well. They’re only trying to say he’s a great kid.’

  ‘I know, but it galls me. I can’t scowl and say, “Why don’t you see how it feels to accept your son’s destiny has been altered at birth?”’

  ‘Yeah, I’d hold off on doing that,’ Lexie said. ‘You might end up having nobody to talk to after a while.’

  ‘I’m actually being acutely honest all the time at the moment,’ she admitted. ‘I’m fairly direct at the best of times, but even I’m a bit stunned by what’s coming out of my mouth lately. I’m blaming the hormones.’

  ‘That’s okay,’ Lexie said. ‘Friends will forgive you and folk who were teetering on the brink with you will be gone by the time the next child comes along.’ She smirked.

  ‘I love Calvin so much – you know that, right? Just because I’ve released all the evil and dark thoughts that have haunted my mind for the past four years, it doesn’t mean I don’t adore him.’

  ‘I know, doll.’

  ‘I’ve been even more protective of him lately. We were at the park last night and a little boy tried to yank his Transformer out of his hand. I had to stop myself dive-bombing him and whacking him with it. I had this dreadful slow-motion image of myself, freeze-frame by freeze-frame, biffing a six-year-old with that robot. That’s pure evil, right? But I can’t bear the thought of anyone messing with my child.’

  ‘That’s your job, one hundred per cent. Well, it’s your job to stick up for him without resorting to mindless violence, of course. And that’s not because he has Down’s, that’s simply because he’s your son. For the record, that little toad at the park is damn lucky I wasn’t there. I don’t have your motherly instinct, but I’d have decked him.’

  ‘Thanks, Lexie,’ Maia said.

  ‘For what?’

  ‘Letting me say the hateful and insufferable things I just said.’

  ‘You’re allowed to feel emotions, Maia. They may not be ones you’re proud of, but they happened. You had plenty of reason to feel the way you did. The important thing is that Calvin will never know you felt that way and, more than that, you never act in any way negatively with him. So rest easy. You’re an amazing mum. I salute you. I couldn’t do what you do.’
>
  The gallery phone rang and Lexie ended up chatting to a customer for a few minutes as she tried to sort out the shipment of a painting. She watched Maia as she walked around examining the various pieces. Her bump was only small but it was visible. She admired Josh and Maia. They were fabulous parents, and even though they had struggled for the first few days after Calvin had come along, they’d pulled together ever since.

  Lexie thought about the shambles that had been her and Sam’s marriage over the last while. When she’d finished her call she walked over to Maia. ‘I know you don’t go in for airy-fairy stuff and you hate the whole “It’s God’s will” rant, but you and Josh are brilliant. You’ve coped with Calvin’s diagnosis and you’ve moved on together, as a family. Look at you having another baby now!’ Lexie took her hands. ‘Ever heard the theory that we’re never dealt a blow in life that we can’t cope with? Well, I reckon you guys have Calvin because he chose you.’

  ‘Oh, Lex. Not this notion that babies choose their parents again …’

  ‘Yes!’ she said. ‘But hear me out. Calvin chose you and Josh because he knew you’d give him a deadly name, turn your lives around to fit in with him and, most of all, that you’d love him to bits.’ Maia looked stumped. ‘You’ve said yourself that he’s doing really well with his milestones. That he’s coming on in leaps and bounds. That’s down to you guys. So don’t let me hear any more of the woe-is-us crap. You guys have it sorted and this new baby is going to add to your family in a positive way. Just imagine if it’s a girl. You can organise a whole nest of fairies to come and sprinkle glitter from a jet plane all over the housing estate at her birthday parties. Lauren won’t know what hit her!’

  ‘Do you think it’s a girl?’ Maia asked, turning to the side and flattening her hands over her clothes to reveal her tummy better.

  ‘Do I look like an ultrasound machine?’ Lexie asked.

  ‘Well, you’re into that loopy idea that our babies choose us, so why not take it a step further and become au fait with how they lie in the womb so that you can determine the sex?’