Yours, Juli

by Thalia Lark

  ‘Okay.’ I smiled back at him. ‘And I promise to keep my nose clean.’

  ‘Hah. We both know that’s not going to happen.’

  I grinned.

  ‘Alright, well…I’ll leave you two together.’ He leaned down and kissed my cheek. ‘They’ve offered me dinner and then I’m going to catch a late flight home. I’ll come say goodbye before I leave. I love you, sweetheart.’

  I smiled. ‘Love you too, Dad.’

  He headed out of the sickbay, his stride bow-legged and deep from a lifetime of riding horses, his boots thudding gently on the floor. I watched him until he’d disappeared before taking a long, deep breath and slowly turning my head to face Alex.

  She pushed off the wall casually, avoiding my eyes as she strolled over to the head of my bed and sank onto the edge of the mattress. She twiddled her fingers around a loose piece of cotton on the hem of her T-shirt, looking uncomfortable now everyone was gone.

  ‘Alex?’

  She looked up at me, her hazel eyes filled with unexpected remorse.

  I found my tense shoulders relaxing, and I shrugged apologetically. ‘I’m sorry, Alex. I’m sorry for being such a prat and for lying and not thinking about how you were feeling and for any embarrassment that may have resulted from – you know, the jacaranda tree spectacle.’

  She looked down as a crease formed between her eyebrows. ‘Yeah, you should be.’ Then her tone and expression both softened. ‘But for the record, I’m sorry too. I said a lot of things the other day that I didn’t mean.’

  ‘Forgive and forget then?’

  She nodded slowly, averting her eyes and pausing to scratch a fingernail distractedly against the bedsheet. ‘And I take back everything I said about wanting us to break up.’

  ‘Don’t worry, if you pull the break-up card in future again, I’ll let you know about it.’ I watched her mournful face for a moment before patting the mattress beside me and pulling the edge of the sheet back.

  She crawled in beside me, winding an arm around my waist as she slid down the mattress and rested her head on my shoulder. I watched her close her eyes and reached up a hand to brush the hair off her face gently, leaning my head down to inhale the sweet scent of her coconut shampoo. I kissed the top of her head protectively, frowning at the silent tears I suddenly saw dripping down her cheeks. ‘What’s wrong?’

  She reached a hand up to wipe her face. ‘It’s just been a stressful few days.’

  ‘Well, that I can understand.’

  She sniffed in response. ‘I suppose you can come clean about Courtney’s video now.’

  I nodded. ‘To be honest, it doesn’t even seem worth it anymore.’

  She wrapped her fingers around my hand resting against her collarbone, and sighed gently, holding it tightly and letting her chin drop onto her chest. When she closed her eyes and kissed my bruised skin softly, I knew for certain that all was forgiven.

  ‘By the way,’ she said quietly, ‘I heard that you failed most of your exams.’

  ‘I expected as much. Hopefully I’ll be able to re-sit them.’

  ‘Also, your dad…well, he said I could come visit you in Melbourne during the holidays…if you’d like that.’

  I smiled and nodded, taking a deep, slow breath as I closed my eyes and traced my fingers around her face delicately, brushing away the strands of ginger hair clinging to her eyelashes. ‘I’d love that. And I love you too, very much.’

  She smiled. ‘Right back at you.’

  Loose Ends

  Mrs Bentley, Alex and I talked the very next day and settled the confusion regarding the allegations against Alex. Not only that, but I took it upon myself to apologise both for letting things get so far and for causing such a disturbance. The principal, thankfully, did not dwell on my wrongdoings for too long, and said she’d settle for a little help with some paperwork next term as retribution. Then she smiled and said: ‘I’m proud of you, Julianne. You’ve come a very, very long way since I first met you.’

  I smiled back a little, my cheeks flushing. ‘Thanks.’

  ‘And as for you two going out…’ Her voice sobered suddenly, though her eyes were twinkling with amusement. ‘I have no problem with students dating, but the same rules apply to every couple – no canoodling in front of any other students or teachers, no carrying on in class, no allowing relationships to interfere with your schoolwork, understand?’

  We both repressed smiles and nodded.

  Mrs Bentley leant back and stacked a few folders together, tapping the edges against her desk to align them. ‘Now obviously, what you get up to in your own time I have very little control over. But I’m trusting you both to be responsible and sensible role models for the younger students. I don’t want to hear of anymore public displays of affection.’

  Alex and I glanced at each other and grinned.

  ‘And Julianne, I’ll organise for you to re-sit your exams early next week before school breaks, okay? I was going to offer for you to do them next term but I didn’t think you’d want that hanging over your head all holidays.’

  I nodded in definitive agreement.

  Harvey approached me that evening at dinnertime, holding his meal against his chest and eyeing the empty seat beside me nervously. ‘Is that taken?’ he asked.

  I shook my head and moved over a fraction, waiting until he’d sat down to turn around and face him. I took a deep breath and looked up at him apologetically. ‘Harvey, I’m so—’

  He shook his head and held up a hand. ‘Please, don’t apologise. I had no idea that you were – you know, into girls.’

  I smiled. ‘Yeah, I probably should have told you about that part.’

  ‘Well, I probably should have picked up a bit earlier that you weren’t interested. So I guess we both made a few mistakes along the way.’

  ‘At least we’ve learnt for next time.’

  ‘Next time? I’m not planning on falling for any more lesbians, I’ll tell you that now.’

  I grinned. ‘Friends then?’

  He held out a hand, and after I shook it he nodded and scooped up a spoonful of mashed potato. ‘You know, it feels a bit more okay to be friends now that I know about you and Alex. And if, you know – the opinion of the crazy guy who was into you before you were gay means anything…I think you suit each other very well.’

  I smiled at him. ‘It means a lot, Harvey. Thanks.’

  The Friday morning before holidays started, I was packing all my clothes into my suitcase in the empty dormitory when Courtney suddenly appeared in the doorway. She stepped into the room softly, looking abashed and angry but not particularly confrontational, which made me raise my eyebrows a little in surprise. She avoided my eyes until she was standing at the end of my bed, leaning against the ladder uncomfortably.

  ‘Hi.’ I straightened my posture, suddenly thinking it would be best to make the first move. ‘Listen, I’m sorry about what I said on the bus earlier this term. I didn’t know you’d had past problems with weight, and it was a dumb thing to say.’

  ‘It’s a dumb thing to say even if the person hasn’t had past problems with weight.’

  I shrugged.

  ‘You’re not the only one who has issues, you know,’ she said. ‘I’ll admit you’ve had a lot to deal with lately, but you aren’t the only one who has challenges to face in life.’ She looked at her hands as she clenched them around the sides of the ladder. ‘Anyway, I’m sorry I threatened you, and I’m sorry about the video. If it helps, I’ve deleted the photo from my phone, and I’m not allowed to showcase the video anymore. Mrs Bentley made me edit out your part and delete it from my laptop. That part I don’t fully understand though. I mean, everyone’s already seen it.’

  I laughed a little, making her look up with surprise, and then I shrugged. ‘It’s fine. If it was anybody else, I probably would have found it amusing.’

  ‘My parents always said I had a knack with a camera.’

  I held out a hand. ‘I’m not saying we have to be best
friends, okay? I don’t think either of us could handle that.’

  ‘Probably not.’

  ‘But let’s agree to at least be civil.’

  She nodded, taking my hand and shaking it firmly. ‘Agreed.’ Then she smirked. ‘My friends seem to think that we have a personality clash because we’re so similar. Stupid, huh?’

  I blew air through my lips as though in disbelief. But though I didn’t tell Courtney, I could see the truth as we faced each other. We may have appeared as chalk and cheese, but we were both hardened by life’s currents, we’d both been angry and hateful to hide our fears, and we were both brutally protective of very soft interiors. We may not have liked each other all that much, but Courtney and I shared a complex connection. ‘And hey,’ I said, ‘for the record, I reckon Rowan Jeffery likes you too. I saw him checking you out in English last week.’

  Her blue eyes softened and lightened in spirit. ‘Really?’ When I nodded, she shrugged one shoulder and smiled a little awkwardly. ‘Well, I think you and Alex make a cute couple. Don’t listen to the haters. They’re just jealous of how much you like each other.’

  I smiled at her, and she smiled back, and I knew we were okay. My thoughts turned to Alex Calvin, the beautiful, strong, self-assured, young woman I’d fallen for hard, my girlfriend whom I could love and be loved by with no more stress. My mother would find out eventually, but I didn’t think I cared anymore. Alex was too good to allow anything to change my mind about being openly together ever again. I pictured her face, her fair skin, her shoulder-length auburn hair, her delicate jaw, her deep hazel eyes with their unfathomable dark corner, and I wondered if I’d ever discover what was hidden in that corner. Probably not, I thought, but I could spend a lifetime trying. From here on in, our love was open, honest, and completely free.

  Christmas Surprises

  ‘Juli, hand me some of that red shit on the table, will you?’ my dad called.

  I grinned in amusement as Mel flapped her hands at him and said: ‘Language, please! There’s a baby in the house!’ Then I searched the mess of decorations on the dining room table until I found a ream of red crepe paper and tossed it to my father, who was balancing on a stepladder at the end of the room. He caught it and threw me a wink as he turned to the wall and started pinning the “red shit” along the top of the doorway into the lounge.

  ‘Do we really need to go to so much trouble, honey?’ His voice was muffled by the wad of crepe paper between his lips. ‘Honestly, your family won’t be thinking of anything but the food.’

  ‘Decorations give the place a nice festive feel. Besides, it saves me fussing over the dinner too much.’

  ‘Yeah, but it saves me from kicking my feet back and watching the tellie.’

  She tutted at him and smacked his leg gently as she passed him, carrying a box of tinsel through to the lounge.

  I smiled, looking down at the silver reindeers dangling from my fingertips. Then suddenly slim arms wrapped around my waist from behind, and I jumped as Alex laughed and kissed the side of my neck, nuzzling her nose into my hair. ‘I found some plastic mistletoe in one of the boxes. Do you reckon it would work as well as real mistletoe?’

  I raised my eyebrows and turned my head slightly towards her. ‘I don’t know. You’ll have to try it and see.’

  She smiled and suddenly reached over my head to dangle a few plastic leaves in front of my face, and then I grinned and turned my body to face her, glancing down at her mouth for a moment before leaning in to capture her lips between mine.

  ‘Alright, you two, knock it off,’ Mel said suddenly, appearing in the doorway to the kitchen and holding out the box of tinsel towards us. We drew apart and I reached out one hand to take the box as Mel continued. ‘Go and string those along the banister, will you? My folks will be here any second and I need to go check the chickens.’

  I started carrying the tinsel through to the staircase, dragging Alex along with one hand. She snatched the box from my hand the moment we were out of the room, and I laughed aloud as she tossed it onto the couch and suddenly grabbed me around the middle, pressing her lips to mine and kissing me with fervour. I grinned and kissed her back, wrapping my arms around her waist and exploring her back with my fingertips.

  ‘Who needs Christmas decorations, anyway?’ She reached up to brush my hair behind my ears. ‘Let’s just do this for the whole night.’

  ‘I think people would probably notice if we were necking it up against the wall when they walked in.’ I kissed her for a long moment, reaching up my hand to trace my fingers along her jawline, and then I frowned a little and pulled away, cupping her face in my hands and pulling her head down so our foreheads were resting together. ‘Hey…’ I hesitated. ‘Hey, what do you reckon about maybe – getting away for the night tonight?’

  Alex arched one eyebrow, her eyes roaming mine as she smiled. ‘As in getting away from the party? As in maybe – locking ourselves in your bedroom where nobody can find us and – lighting a few candles? Stuff like that?’

  I nodded, gazing at her fair face and stroking my fingers down her cheeks gently. ‘Yeah. Stuff like that.’

  ‘Girls, seriously, get a move on please,’ Mel called frantically from the kitchen. ‘They’ll be here any minute! Do you reckon I should turn the heat up on the oven, honey? The bloody chickens don’t seem to be cooking…’

  ‘Language, my sweets.’

  I grinned at my father’s mocking tone and pulled away as he bypassed us into the kitchen. Then I studied Alex’s face for a moment, holding her warm hands in mine between us and rubbing circles into the backs of her knuckles with my thumbs. She nodded at me slowly, her eyes glittering with exhilaration. ‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Yeah, I really think we should ditch the party tonight.’

  I smiled daringly. ‘You ready for this?’

  She exhaled breathlessly as I leaned in again, pausing an inch from her mouth tauntingly. ‘Hell yeah.’

  I laughed at that and pecked her lips once more lightly before turning to grab the box of tinsel from the couch and heading through to the staircase. I could hear Melanie and my father bantering quietly over the roast dinner in the kitchen, and I smiled to myself as I held pieces of tinsel out for Alex to wrap around the banister. Melanie had proved to be everything I’d ever dreamed of having in a stepmother: the perfect blend of compassion, wit, discipline, and embarrassing conduct.

  My thoughts turned to my mum after that, and I wondered a little sadly how she was doing. The doctors had reached a conclusive diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder in early November, and I’d flown back to Warrabeela with my father, taking a week out from school to organise what to do. Mum was still recovering from severe depression at the time, and after much debate, Dad and I decided that the best option for everybody was for Mum to move into a permanent caring facility. Visiting her with Dad after she’d moved in to the facility – which despite my initial fears had quite a welcoming ambiance – brought a mixture of trauma and closure. Mum was no longer the mother I remembered her to be, no longer the irritable and volatile but nonetheless sane woman I’d known. Now she was ill and heavily drugged up, her mannerisms slow and confused and her eyes empty when they met mine. I’d cried the first time I saw her like that, but after several months of being able to process the situation, I’d kind of made my peace with it. Dad and I were planning to fly up and visit her again shortly after Christmas. I felt a pang of longing though, that she couldn’t be well enough to join in the Christmas celebrations here in Melbourne.

  Melanie’s parents and sisters proved as bubbly and smiley as her, and within the hour everyone had arrived and were seated around the dining room table, applauding and shouting out compliments as Mel carried the roast chickens through from the kitchen. I sat beside Alex, her knee touching mine comfortingly under the table. I kept calm by focusing on the warmth of her skin against mine, and busying myself with Edward Francis, who was sitting in his high chair between Melanie and me drooling with his fist in his mouth. I smil
ed and picked a few boiled pieces of carrot from the table, placing them on his high chair and watching him gaze at them with round brown eyes identical to mine.

  ‘Hello, hello, everyone,’ Dad said suddenly, pushing his chair back and standing up at the end of the table. He clinked a knife gently against his wine glass as a hush settled over the room. One of Melanie’s sisters belched suddenly and Mel grabbed her half-full wine glass off her as everyone laughed. ‘Okay, okay,’ Dad said. ‘Sam, that’s enough wine for you.’ Another round of laughter. ‘Alright, getting down to business.’ Dad cleared his throat and glanced at Melanie, a smile playing around his mouth. ‘Mel and I have a few announcements to make. Juli, honey, we were going to tell you all this before today, but we reasoned we may as well just let you find out with everyone else. Okay… Firstly, Melanie’s pregnant again.’

  There was a loud burst of cheering and my mouth fell open.

  ‘We don’t know the sex yet—’

  ‘How on earth did you get pregnant then?’ Mel’s father bellowed, to which everyone burst into laughter.

  Dad grinned. ‘Thanks, Tom. Anyway…we don’t know the baby’s sex yet, but we do know she’s due the first week of May next year. Second up, everyone I’m sure has heard by now that I used to own a property up in Warrabeela.’ There were a few general nods. ‘Well, earlier this year circumstances led me to put it up for sale…yadda, yadda, yadda, lots going on there. Anyway…’ He raised his eyebrows and looked around at everyone intently. ‘The property market’s not great up in Queensland at the moment, and we’ve been having some trouble selling, so…Mel and I have decided that we’re going to move back up to Warrabeela.’

  My mouth fell open for the second time. ‘What?’

  Dad grinned, turning to me and holding his hands out. ‘Not even joking right now, sweetheart. This apartment isn’t big enough for five of us. And I hate my job here. I want to do what I was born to do. I want to run a farm. And then, I’m hoping, God be willing…I can watch you take over in the future.’