by Laura Riley
Apart from Lizzie’s house, we usually work on big building sites—airports, shopping centres, schools. It’ll be nice to take on smaller projects with fewer men to babysit.
“Come with me,” I blurt out, before my brain has time to process what I’ve said.
Her large brown eyes flicker and I can see I’ve caught her off guard. “What, to the auction?”
It’s too late to go back on it now. “Yes. You’ve been to one with Cole before, haven’t you? You can be my wingman.”
Did I just refer to Lizzie as a man? I immediately glance down at her breasts. They look amazing in her dress. I’m suddenly envious of the fabric hugging her cleavage.
“Wingwoman,” I correct, glancing up.
Ellie pulls at Lizzie’s arm. “We’re going to the aquarium tomorrow; do you want to come?”
“I’m sure Lizzie has plans.” As much as I want Lizzie to come, I can’t let myself get too used to her. I’m scared that if I do that, I’ll never want to let her go.
Lizzie smiles, though it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Your dad’s right, I have a busy day tomorrow.”
We’re all silent for a beat, and I picture Lizzie spending the day with us tomorrow. I’m not overly fond of fish. Eating them yes, looking at them no. Looking at Lizzie would be a damn sight better.
I clear my throat. “What about a walk along the seafront after dinner? We can take a look in the rock pools, see if we can find us some crabs.”
Ellie squeals.
“Sure,” Lizzie concurs.
I look from Lizzie to Ellie. “Looks like it’s unanimous.”
Before long, the waitress brings our food to the table. I love how Lizzie dives in. Cheesy strings hang from the corners of her mouth. She doesn’t know they’re there. I point and, laughing, she attempts to remove them—unsuccessfully, leaving me no option other than to lean forward and pick them off.
For a moment I don’t care that our legs are entwined under the table, that her breast brushes against my bicep. I don’t care about all the reasons why I shouldn’t be enjoying this woman’s company. I just live in the moment.
More than anything I love that she is the complete opposite to Anna. Anna and the fake world she liked to live in, the boring conversations we’d have about her—everything was about her. She couldn’t even come here and eat a fucking pizza, it had to be a salad. That’s a fantastic analogy for me and Anna. We were as compatible as salad in a pizza place. We just didn’t go together. Why didn’t I see it sooner?
By the end of our meal, Ellie tells me she needs to go to the little girls’ room.
“It’ll have to be little boys’ room, I’m afraid.”
She takes my hand and leads me to the toilets. We’ve not been here since her birthday, but she hasn’t forgotten her way around the place.
I cover her eyes when we walk into the gents in case anyone is using the urinal. Empty, thank God. This is another thing that bothers me, bringing my little girl into the men’s toilets. I’ve already had that awkward conversation with my daughter as to why she can’t stand up to wee.
I uncover her eyes. “All clear.”
She runs into the open cubicle and shuts the door.
I lean against the cubicle she’s occupying. “Having a nice night?”
“Yes.”
“What do you think of Lizzie?”
“She’s nice.”
What would you think about seeing Lizzie more often? How would you like it if Daddy cooked for Lizzie one night? Fuck’s sake, what’s wrong with me? This woman is dominating my bloody thoughts.
I jump back as the toilet door swings open and Ellie runs to the sink. I walk up behind her and press the soap dispenser; she lathers her hands up under the water.
After Ellie’s hands are dry, we make our way back into the bar. I take a second to admire Lizzie sitting alone at our table. Shit, she’s so beautiful. Tonight has been perfect. She’s perfect—irresistibly so. It didn’t feel as though I was having lunch with a friend. She feels like so much more, and I feel utterly powerless to hit the brakes.
I’ve tried hard to deny my feelings for her, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something. I know she feels the same. Every time our gazes meet, her eyes sparkle. They say women are impossible to read, but not Lizzie. Her complete transparency beguiles me. I can’t help wondering what she sees in a deadbeat like me. I have absolutely nothing to offer her. She has so much life to experience and all I’ll do is drag her down.
Lizzie looks towards us and waves.
I point to the bar. “I’m going to pay.”
I know she can’t hear me, but she must be able to lipread. She grabs her handbag and rummages through. I sort the bill before she has time to get to her feet. Smiling, she shakes her head when the waitress rips off the receipt.
“I owe you,” Lizzie says, waving a twenty-pound note in the air.
“Put your money away. It’s on me.”
“Thanks.” Her eyes go wide when she glances at Ellie. She quickly bends down. “Oh, sweetie, we can’t have you go out like that.” She untucks the back of Ellie’s dress from her underwear and pulls a long tail of toilet paper off her sandal.
Ellie glowers at me, giving me a thumbs down. “Daddy, that was so not cool.”
I snort-laugh, ruffling her hair. “You’ve been watching way too much YouTube Kids.”
Lizzie stands and playfully shoves me. “How would you like your panties and bum out?”
I raise a brow. “Panties? I’m not a chick.”
“Daddy.” Ellie’s yanking on my t-shirt.
Ignoring her for a moment, I step closer to Lizzie, so that my mouth is inches away from her ear. I talk quietly enough so only she can hear. “People would have a great view of my bare ass. The word ‘commando’ would be a little more apt.”
I’m joking. Lizzie’s face turns crimson. So cute. I can’t leave it there.
“What’s wrong? I got a nice little glimpse of your ass on the beach when the wind blew your dress up, don’t you think it’s time you saw mine?” There I go, flirting. I can’t help myself.
Lizzie turns. Our faces are inches apart. God, I want to kiss her.
In another life, Seth, in another life.
Ellie pulls on my t-shirt with more demand. “Daddy!”
I bend down. “Yes?”
She smiles impishly. “Lizzie said ‘bum’.”
I hit my hand on my head. “Oh, God, encouragement is the last thing this child needs.”
I don’t know what it is about certain words. ‘Bum’, ‘fart’, ‘crap’, words Ellie feels compelled to repeat.
“Bum bum bumtee-de-bum bum,” Ellie singsongs.
I wag my finger at Lizzie. “You’re in trouble.”
Lizzie shrugs. “She’s merely expressing her freedom of speech.”
Why does this feel so natural, me, Lizzie and Ellie? I often wondered how a woman would fit into our hectic life. With Lizzie it’s not as though she’s trying to fit in, it’s as though she belongs. Our friendship is walking across a tightrope and could easily fall into the unknown. I don’t like not knowing, I don’t like not being in control. I lost control when Anna left and I never want to be in that position again, and yet…
Lizzie and Ellie are walking towards the door to leave. I jog over, standing flush with Lizzie. Damn, I’m itching to drape my arm around her shoulders, but I don’t. I’ve got to get my shit together before I decide how and when to tackle this head on.
Lizzie is talking away about who knows what as we walk along the pavement. I’m not paying attention; all I can think about is how hard I was at the party when we kissed. That kiss was something else. I was so tempted to throw her over my shoulder, take her in the house and fuck her.
“Would Ellie like that?” Lizzie asks.
I glance down. “I’m sorry, what?”
We separate briefly, allowing people walking in the opposite direction to pass.
Lizzie rolls her eyes. “I was just s
aying about a photoshoot.”
I wave my hand in the air. “Stop, go back to the beginning.”
Lizzie flashes Ellie a glance and circles her finger around her ear, insinuating I’m crazy.
Crazy about you, sweetheart.
“As I was saying. Chelsea is a qualified hairdresser and beautician. She and Amber own a photography shop. Amber is the photographer, Chelsea offers the clients a hair and makeup package, they’re—”
“I know that, what about it?”
Lizzie’s brows knit together. “They gave me a voucher for my birthday, they do special packages for children and I wondered if Ellie…”
I step aside to let a couple pass between us. My eyes go wide when I acknowledge the woman.
Hold the fucking phone!
I stand, dead still, as if I’ve been turned into a statue. Blonde hair, big tits, a short black dress and a baby bump—there’s no mistaking it’s her, a shadow from my past. I feel sick.
Lizzie turns, her hand on her hip. “Seth, are you okay?”
“Take Ellie.” I point to a bench a few feet away. “Sit there, I’ll be right back.”
Ellie reaches for Lizzie’s hand and without question walks to the bench with her. I should be jumping for joy. Ellie has gone with Lizzie, on her own. But I’m not, instead I’ve turned around and am weaving through the sea of people until I catch up with the blonde.
I wrap my fingers around her shoulder. “Anna.”
The bitch. I look at the douche standing next to her, and know who he is before he turns.
My heart’s racing, my palms are clammy. This woman has turned my world, my life upside down. Months of not seeing her and poof, here she is.
She and the guy turn.
I grit my teeth. “Barry.”
Barry was the plumber I hired to fix our boiler three years ago. Now the dots are joining together.
“Seth.” He nods, placing a possessive arm around her shoulders.
There’s so much I want to say to her, so many questions I want to ask. But I say the first thing that comes to mind. “Aren’t you going to fucking ask how your daughter is? You know, the one you gave birth to five years ago.” I narrow my eyes at her baby bump. “Or was she so easy to forget about and replace?”
She says absolutely nothing, just stands staring at me.
“Don’t be shy now. You certainly weren’t the first night we met. Talk, damn you!”
I hadn’t realised that I was drawing closer until Barry shoves me back. “Mate, she’s pregnant.”
I laugh sardonically. “Are you going to abandon this one too?”
Anna’s face is stoic. She offers me no explanation, nothing. We stand for a few minutes just looking at each other. Our stare is finally broken when she fishes out a card from her bag and hands it to me. It’s her business card, the holistic massage bullshit she did.
“Here’s my new number. When you’ve calmed down, we need to talk.”
Is she real? We needed to talk fifteen damn months ago.
“I would like to see Ellie,” she continues.
“And cause more damage? Over my dead body.”
Barry steps towards me. Anna takes his hand and guides him back to her side.
“Seth, this anger isn’t good for any of us, and it’s not good for the baby.” She rubs her stomach, her very pregnant stomach. “I’d like the chance to speak to Ellie.”
“About what? Oh, I know, how about, ‘Hi, Ellie, I still exist. I’ve never stopped loving you’? That would be a great start.”
She shakes her head. “This is too much negativity right now. I’m sorry. We can do this the easy way, or you’ll hear from my lawyer.”
I’m speechless, and just like that, they turn and continue on their way.
Damn it, why did I have to approach them? Why couldn’t I have walked past? She wants to speak to Ellie, cause her more upset and confusion. My chest tightens.
Well done, Seth, you’ve opened Pandora’s box.
Lizzie
It’s not like me to run out of bread, but I guess there’s a first time for everything. I grab two loaves from the shelf in the newsagent’s and join the queue.
My phone vibrates. I reach down and pull it out of my pocket. Seth’s calling. I swipe my fingers across the screen. Holding my mobile to my ear, I hand the cashier a five-pound note.
“What are you doing?” Seth asks.
I nibble on my bottom lip. “Shopping?”
“Where?”
“The newsagent’s in Acorn Close, why?”
He clears his throat. “Ellie and I wondered if you wanted to come to the aquarium with us?”
“I’d love to. When?” That sounded way too desperate, but I can’t take it back, so await his reply.
“Now,” he says.
Instinctively I turn and look around the shop as if he’s going to magically appear. “Like right now? Where are you?”
He doesn’t answer. I can hear Ellie chatting in the background and the ticking sound of a car indicator.
“Hang on,” he says.
A day with Seth and Ellie. I look down. I’m wearing a pair of jeans ripped at the knee and a baggy grey t-shirt. I’ll have to change clothes first. I’m vacantly staring at a carrier bag the cashier holds out. I make no attempt to take it from her.
“Hello?” The cashier clicks her tongue and drops my change onto the counter.
I force a smile. “Thank you.”
I can hear Seth’s heavy breathing from the other end of the phone. “Sorry about that, I was parking up.”
Parking up? Where is he?
The bell above the door chimes as I leave the shop. Seth’s van is parked on the opposite side of the road. I hang up the phone. He wasn’t joking when he said now.
I jog across the road and pop my head through the open passenger side window. Ellie bobs up and down in her seat with the most contagious smile I think I’ve ever seen. Her hair has been tied up into pigtails and she’s wearing a bright yellow summer dress. She looks adorable.
I look at the shop and back to the van. “How did you get here so quickly? Were you following me?”
Seth laughs. “You said you were in the newsagent’s in Acorn Close, and I happened to be in the neighbourhood.” He taps his hand on the steering wheel. “Are you just going to stand there, or are you going to get in?”
I open the door and slide in beside Ellie. Seth looks at the carrier bag in my lap. “Do you need me to take you home to drop your shopping off?”
I lower the bag to the footwell below. “It’s only bread, it’ll keep. But I would like to go home and change my clothes.”
“You look fine. I’m not taking you home to change.”
Clearly he isn’t big on paying compliments. I fold my arms across my chest. “I look fine? Now you’ve got to take me home to change.”
“No can do, I’m afraid, Ellie simply won’t allow it.”
I look to the little girl, who’s tapping the invisible watch on her wrist.
Cute.
Seth gives me the cheesiest smile ever. I know it’s laced with sarcasm, but still, he manages to take my breath away.
He revs the engine. “You look fine, I look fine. Time’s a-moving.”
He certainly does look fine. He’s wearing a pair of black shorts and a salmon t-shirt. It’s a colour I am not fond of on men, but he owns it.
“We’re going to see the fishes,” Ellie squeals.
Seth pulls the van into first gear. “Come on, ladies, let’s have some fun.”
We drive along the coastal road for about half an hour. We park in a large roped-off section of the beach. Ellie reaches between us and unbuckles her seat belt. “We’re here,” she singsongs, pointing to the aquarium, a large domed building. We get out of the van and have to jog to keep up with Ellie. In her excitement she pulls us by our hands up a wooden ramp which leads to the entrance. Once inside we join the queue at the cash desk. Ellie’s gaze darts everywhere. Her blue eyes sparkle under t
he long fluorescent lighting.
Seth inches closer. He gently strokes my arm. “Look at her, Lizzie, just look. I haven’t seen her laugh or smile like this since…”
His words trail off. I figure he doesn’t want to mention Ellie’s mum in front of her.
“Working as many hours as I do, I feel like I’m missing out on so much.” He’s still stroking my skin. I know we’re only friends, and that’s how he wants it to remain, but I want more. Knowing the invisible boundary he’s put between us, I should pull away, but I don’t want to. The slightest touch from him makes me feel alive like never before.
Seth pays for our tickets and we’re given the go-ahead to enter. Ellie doesn’t wait—she bounds off towards one of the gift shops. They must sell every type of fish memorabilia known to man.
Smiling, Ellie throws her arms around a dolphin statue. Seth whips out his phone and snaps pictures. I think he took one of me, but I can’t be sure. I’d like to think he did.
We exit the gift shop and head out towards the displays. Every exhibition tells a story. We see rock pools, grand Victorian tanks. Ellie loves pulling herself up on the large steps, bringing her eye level with larger tanks.
We burst into laughter as Ellie begins opening and closing her mouth, flapping her arms. I’ve gone from being an outsider to being part of a special unit.
I can’t believe she’s the same little girl from a few days ago. She’s not scowling at me, she’s looking for me, smiling.
I lag behind for a second, watching father and daughter. Ellie grabs Seth’s hand. I’m dying for him to reach his free hand out for me, but he doesn’t. Is it wrong that I want him to? I’d love to be the woman he seeks out in a crowded room. To be the woman he kisses at the beginning and end of every day. I wonder if the two of them could be a three. Would they let an outsider in? Would they let me in? I’ve never thought about children or a family—they were never part of my plan, only my career. The more time I spend with Ellie, the more I could picture her in my life. The question is, would she be willing to share her dad?
“Daddy, Lizzie, look! I’ve found Nemo.” Her eyes are wide, her body is shaking with excitement. Seth crouches, sitting Ellie on his knee, and they watch a clown fish weave its way between a school of colourful fish.
