by Laura Riley
I lean against a nearby wall. My hands fall to my side. It dawns on me how much I’ll miss them both when the works have finished at my house. Will that be it? Will they disappear from my life as quickly as they appeared?
Ellie wraps her arms round Seth’s neck. He sways a little as it seems she’s knocked him off his balance. She turns, beaming at me. “Daddy said Nemo is a clown fish, that’s funny.”
I smile. “Sure is, sweetie.”
“Daddy, I’m hungry.”
He glances down at his watch and nods at me. I guess it’s time for lunch. We make our way through the aquarium to the Blue Waves Café. Seth pushes the door open and we enter. The walls have been decorated with sketched images of pirate flags, compasses, and treasure chests. The tables have been designed to look like boats.
Ellie’s already found us a table and is looking at an illustrated menu. Seth and I slide along the bench-style chair to join her.
Seth nods towards a soft play area in the corner of the room. “Want to go play?”
Ellie frowns at the children jumping in the ball pit. Shaking her head, she shuffles closer to me. I’d completely forgotten about her separation anxiety; she’s made such progress over the last few days.
Seth smiles my way. It’s not a genuine smile. The way he looks from Ellie to the soft play area makes me think he’s frustrated.
One step forward with Ellie, two back. We can’t push her before she’s ready.
I squeeze Ellie’s hand. “We can have just as much fun at our table.”
“Thank you,” Seth mouths.
I feel lucky to be sat beside such a fine specimen of a man. He’s gorgeous, his body perfectly toned. I can make out every rippling muscle beneath his salmon t-shirt. I’m not the only one who thinks so. I notice mums eyeing him up, so I sit a little closer, placing my hand over his. I don’t care if we’re a couple or not, that’s merely semantics. While we’re sitting together, he’s mine.
He reaches under the table and rests his hand on my knee. I don’t move, I don’t breathe. My heart is beating so fast.
Ellie points to the desserts. “I want a muffin.”
Tugging the menu from her, Seth gazes at me. “Are you hungry?”
I look down to his hand that still rests on my knee. My stomach is in knots, my face feels like it’s on fire.
“A little.” I feign interest, pulling the menu from his grasp, using it to hide my face. It’s getting impossible to hide how I feel about him.
Seth chooses the chicken wrap; I tell him I’ll have the same. Ellie decides she’ll have a chocolate muffin for her lunch. After a debate that lasts no more than a few minutes she finally settles on a ham sandwich as long as she can have her muffin for dessert.
Seth wipes his face, which glistens under the fluorescent lighting. “What’s say we eat outside?”
Ellie pouts. “But I like my boat.”
Seth begins fanning his face with a menu. “It’s twenty-six degrees outside, and about fifty degrees in here.” He motions his hands to the surrounding tables. “There’s a reason people are going outdoors.”
I’m glad my surge in body heat is due to the temperature, not purely down to me swooning over Seth.
Seth removes a napkin from the centre of the table and dabs his forehead. “Daddy’s melting.”
I snort-laugh as it appears the little girl has absolutely no sympathy.
He glances over at the open doors leading to the alfresco eating area. He squeezes my knee, then shuffles across the bench, ready to stand. “There’s a sandpit outside. You could imagine you’re at the beach.”
Ellie’s face lights up. “A sandpit!”
Seth leads the way and we follow him out. He wasn’t kidding about the sandpit, it’s massive. Kids are playing and laughing, buckets and spades lying around. We find a table on a large decked area and the waitress brings our food. Ellie tucks in. Her eyes are fixed on the sandpit. I know she’ll need us to go sit with her so she’ll play. Seth could do with the break; I’ll go with her.
She’s finished her sandwich and muffin by the time I take the first bite into my wrap.
Ellie points. “Lizzie, look, Freja’s sitting in the sand.”
Swallowing, I glance around. If Freja is here, then so is Amber. “Are you sure? Where?”
She doesn’t answer, she jumps off the bench and skips to join Freja in the sandpit. I rub my eyes, at a loss for words.
“Oh, my God, Lizzie.” Seth throws his arms around me, pulling me into him. “Tell me you’re seeing what I am.”
I glance down at his arms, which are wrapped around me, then back to Ellie. “I see.”
“That’s the first time Ellie has ever done that, ever. You don’t realise what an achievement this is for her.” Seth waves his arm in the air. Rick waves back in acknowledgment. He and Amber are sat together on a bench not far from where the girls are playing. “I wonder what’s going on with those two. Like, are they sleeping together?”
I shake my head. “Honestly, I’ve got no idea.”
Freja’s hopping in circles round Ellie. Ellie is screeching and jumping. I’m watching her play like any other kid here. Sure, she still looks for Seth and occasionally she looks for me—that fear is still there and that won’t disappear overnight—but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to jump up and fist-pump.
Seth releases his hold on me, sits back and takes a bite of his wrap. “I blame myself, you know. That if I’d have been a better husband, a better dad, that—”
I swat his arm. “Stop it, Seth. Do you hear me? You’re an amazing dad. You’re an amazing guy.”
Fudge, I didn’t mean to say that. Our gazes lock. I have the strangest feeling, like it’s just the two of us sitting in a bubble, a red-hot bubble that could burst at any moment. This isn’t lust, this isn’t a crush, I love the guy. I love him, damn it, and there’s not a single thing I can do about it.
Seth
She said, and I quote, You’re amazing.
“You’re damn right I am,” I finally say after a long pause.
Her cheeks redden and she’s quick to look away. I’m dying to tell her how wonderful she is, and that I’m falling for her, despite all the reasons I shouldn’t. I feel as though I could tell her everything, every broken facet of my life. I want her to know everything there is to know about me, and I want to know all there is to know about her. Her strengths, her weaknesses, her annoying habits, all the idiosyncrasies that make her who she is.
Time to lay my cards on the table and start opening up to someone. I rub my hand over my beard, the coarse hairs rubbing against my palm. “Anna wants to see Ellie.”
Lizzie’s gaze shoots to mine. “Oh.”
Oh? Her one-syllable answer prompts me to continue. “The night we went out for pizza, when I told you to wait on the bench with Ellie…”
She rubs her shoulder; her eyes go wide. “That was Anna? Oh, my God, Seth, she’s beautiful.”
Sure, physically Anna is pretty, but she’s rotten to the core. “What kind of person, what kind of mum leaves her child without so much as a goodbye?” My tone is harsher than I had intended. “Shit, sorry, Lizzie.”
“I don’t know, Seth. Maybe she had her reasons.”
Typical Lizzie, trying to see the good in people. I don’t see good in anyone. I’m a cynic about everyone until proven otherwise. “Her reason, Lizzie, was that she wanted to jump on another man’s cock and get knocked up by someone who wasn’t her husband.” I point to my left hand. To this day the outline of that damn ring is still slightly visible on my finger. “Technically we were still married when she got pregnant.”
Lizzie shakes her head. “I’m sorry.”
“Meh, I’m over it. I’m over her. But she wants to see Ellie.”
My eyes move to my baby playing in the sand. Amber has joined them, and the three of them sit making sandcastles.
“Over my dead body. She’s caused enough damage.”
Lizzie’s quiet. She avoids my
gaze.
“Well?” I need to know what she’s thinking. She’s either with me on this one or she’s against me, and I need to know where her loyalties lie.
Lizzie sucks her lips in and shakes her head. “It’s not my place to say.”
“No, go on,” I prompt.
She takes a deep breath in before blowing out. “Anna’s her mum, Seth, she has rights.”
My jaw ticks. “She lost those rights when she—”
“You asked my opinion; I’m giving it to you.”
I raise my brows. I’m listening.
“If Anna takes you down the legal route, they’ll grant her access. Do you really want to put Ellie through that?”
“But—”
“Ellie’s going to be a big sister, are you going to deny her the chance to get to know her brother or sister?”
Everything Lizzie said is right, but that doesn’t make it any easier. My body is tense, my jaw is set.
Lizzie lays her hand over mine. “I know it’s hard, and if you’re asking me if Anna deserves to see Ellie, I’d say hell no. But like it or not, she’s Ellie’s mother.”
We sit in silence. Lizzie shreds a napkin; the tiny pieces fall to the ground like confetti. Confetti thrown over a bride at her goddamn wedding. All I can see is Anna’s face on the one day I regret more than any other.
Lizzie must be able to sense my mood. Without a word she jumps up and joins Amber and the girls in the sand. Ellie’s whole face lights up when Lizzie sits at her side. Then Ellie does something completely unexpected—she shuffles closer to Lizzie, the same way she’d move closer to me. Is it possible that my daughter already has a bond with her?
“Yo, man, move your ass up.” Rick swats my arm with a rolled-up newspaper. As requested, I move along the bench.
“You and Amber, eh?”
He unrolls the newspaper and glances down at the print. “Mind your damn business.”
Rick is a closed book. I should have known better than to pry into his love life. Still, I’d like to at least get some information from him.
I tsk. “Monica the other day, Amber again today.”
Rick closes the newspaper. “That’s just nasty. Monica is my foster sister.” His eyes narrow. “Are you done quizzing me?”
I yawn, feigning boredom. “For now.”
“Are you still going to the auction tomorrow?” he asks, gliding to the sports section of the paper.
“I am. Lizzie is coming with me.”
Rick whistles to himself. “Uh-huh.”
I don’t bother denying there’s more going on between us. There isn’t yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
Rick flips to the pages at the back, displaying the properties for sale. “Cole had his eye on the house in Hedging Lodge Road. He went to see it a few weeks ago.”
I know that street. It’s a gated community in Devon. The houses there are nice. “Wait, have you spoken to Cole?”
Rick shakes his head. “Not since last week.”
“What’s our budget?”
Rick shrugs. “No budget. Cole’s footing the entire bill.”
“Excuse me?”
Rick leans closer to me. “Cole’s loaded, like ridiculously rich.”
“I don’t believe you. We’ve been best friends since we were kids.”
Rick mock-laughs. “He bought his sister a three-hundred-thousand-pound house, that was pocket change to him. I don’t know how much is in his bank account, but I know there’s a shit ton of zeroes on the end.”
I’m quiet during the journey home. I keep replaying this afternoon over and over in my head. Ellie has formed connections to Lizzie and Freja in the space of one week. I know it’s early days, but I feel more confident about her going to school in September. More so now as Amber said Freja will be attending the same school and they will start together. I always worried that I’d held Ellie back by not sending her when she was four, but I knew she wasn’t ready. I’m happy she’ll have a friend when she starts.
Stopped at a traffic light, I pass Lizzie a sideward glance. She and Ellie are playing rock, paper, scissors. Ellie doesn’t seem to understand the rules of the game as she selects rock every time and bashes poor Lizzie’s hand.
I’m not a romantic nor am I a fantasist, but Lizzie really does make me feel whole, and my heart feels empty in her absence. She started off as a bit of eye candy and has developed into an obsession.
“Any news from Cole?” Lizzie asks.
I shrug. “Nope, he’s officially MIA.” He does the same thing every year. He ends up staying in a hotel getting shitfaced.
“Seth, I’m worried about him. I saw Gail at the supermarket last night and she said they’d broken up. I hope he’s not doing anything stupid.”
Add getting laid to the list.
“He’s a big boy, stop worrying.” I try to sound confident for her sake, but the truth is, I’m worried about him. I have no idea where he is, and his phone goes straight to voicemail. Cole disappearing from radar isn’t unusual, but the guy would answer a work call at the same time as taking a shit, that’s how dedicated he is.
I park outside Lizzie’s house. I turn the engine off, leave Ellie in the van and run around to the passenger’s side to let Lizzie out.
She takes my hand and I help her out. “Thanks for a lovely day.”
I squeeze her fingers. “The pleasure was mine.”
The wind blows short strands of hair into her eyes and she brushes it away. God, what I’d give to pull her into me, place my hands on her ass and hold her.
She glances at her house and back to me. “So, what time do we need to leave for the auction tomorrow?”
“The auction starts at ten-thirty am. We’ll need to make sure we’re there for ten am. I’ll need to register to receive my bidding paddle.”
She pulls on my t-shirt, pulling me closer to her. With the sun in her eyes, she squints up at me. “I thought you were a newbie to auctions.”
Instinctively, I grab her t-shirt and I too pull her closer. “That’s what Google is for, baby.”
Our bodies are flush. We’re playing with fire, using our growing friendship to innocently tease one another, though it’s not innocent when feelings are involved. I should stop touching her. I can’t. I wrap my arms around her so that my hands are resting on the small of her back. I place my chin on her head. I can’t look into her eyes. If I do, I’ll kiss her. God, I want to kiss her.
I lean back, brushing hair out of her eyes. I’m past the point of giving a shit. I know she’s Cole’s little sister and therefore should be off limits, but the heart wants what it wants. I will speak to Cole, not to seek his approval, but to tell him of my intentions. I respect him and owe him that much at least.
I will be professional whilst she’s a client, but when the works are completed on her house, I am going to take her out. I’m going to kiss her and probably do a hell of a lot more. The question is, can I keep her?
“See you tomorrow,” I whisper. I release her and make my way back to the driver’s side of the van. I start up the engine, then slide her into reverse. Ellie looks at me with a stupid expression on her face.
“What are you grinning at?” I ask.
“Nothing.” She covers her face with her hands. It dawns on me that she must have got a pretty good view from the side mirrors. Shit. She’s embarrassed seeing her dad hugging someone. I will always be honest with Ellie, but I will carefully select the information I feed her.
“You like Lizzie, don’t you?”
She nods. “Is that why you were hugging her?”
I bite back my smile. “She’s a friend, and people hug friends. Daddy would like to keep seeing Lizzie as a friend. Are you okay with that?”
I flash her a glance, and she’s smiling. “Lizzie is my friend too, does that mean I get to see her as well?”
I can’t let Ellie get too attached to Lizzie, though I fear she already has. “From time to time. But Daddy may see her on her own, when you’re in b
ed. Aunty Darcy will babysit. Would that be okay?”
Ellie crosses her arms over her chest. “That’s not fair.”
As much as I want to pull Lizzie into our way of life, into our little family, I can’t. There are conditions to dating this single dad. Though there’s no reason that I can’t be a great dad and have the woman I want. I just have to figure out how the two fit together.
Ellie doesn’t speak for the remainder of the journey.
We pull up at home. Darcy’s car is on the drive. Ellie sighs. “What’s she doing here?”
Leaning over her, I unfasten her seat belt. “Ellie, that’s unkind. Aunt Darcy does a lot for us.”
“But Sunday is our day.”
Sunday is Daddy and daughter day in our house, which was why she caught me off guard earlier when she begged me to invite Lizzie to the aquarium with us. What my baby wants my baby gets. I can’t deny it’s what I wanted as well.
I lock the van and we walk up the driveway. We live in a three-bedroom end-terrace house. Red brick walls wear ivy like an armoured suit. It’s my home, my reprieve from the outside world. The interior is small, yet plenty big enough for what Ellie and I need. The house smells divine as we enter—freshly baked bread, cakes, and chicken. We find Darcy in the kitchen.
“Great news,” she says, laying a pair of blue oven gloves on the side. “I’ve managed to swap my shifts around so that I’m starting work at seven pm. I can have Ellie every day until you finish work, then when you’re back I’ll leave. I thought it’d help you if you didn’t have to cook when you got home.” She motions over the worktop: spaghetti bolognese, fish pie, pizza, curry, all laid out in plastic containers, ready for freezing.
“So, where have you been today?” Darcy asks, removing a loaf of bread from the oven.
“We went to the aquarium with Lizzie. I played in the sandpit all on my own with Freja.”
Darcy spins around, the bread nearly falling off the tray. “You need to be careful, Ellie, you shouldn’t be by yourself, your dad or me need to be with you—”
