by Karen Deen
“Yeah, okay, I can wait until next week. Then he can share my toys and we can play.”
I look up to Emily and Zach who are holding their sides trying not to laugh out loud at Sammy’s statements.
“Maybe a little longer than a week, Sammy,” I say, looking down at the twins who are now detangling themselves from me.
“Uncle Grant, did you bring Miss Zara to see Thomas?” Sophia quietly asks.
“No, Soph. What makes you think she would be coming with me?”
“Because Me-Me said you should marry Miss Zara, so I thought she was your girlfriend.” Her innocent eyes look up into mine.
“No, sweetheart. We’re just friends.”
“What the hell happened at the dance studio yesterday? Is there something you would like to share with us, Grant,” Zach probes while hiding a smile.
Emily is cackling now. “Yes, Grant, how well do you know Miss Zara?”
“I just met Zara yesterday when you asked me to pick up Sophia from dancing,” I say, trying to play down the situation so Zach can realize there’s nothing he needs to know. Well, not now anyway.
“Then Miss Zara came to the hospital with us to meet baby Thomas, but she left before she got to see him. She had to come because you didn’t say I could go with Uncle Grant. He opened the door for her just like you do, Daddy. She said she didn’t need it, but I told her Uncle Grant would get in trouble from Gruffy if he didn’t do it.” I stand looking at Sophia. I’m amazed. Where had this confidence come from? I’m happy to see it, but it’s taken me by surprise. Maybe she’s finally feeling settled in her new life. Feeling safe. Safe enough to just be a little girl loving her life. My heart feels so full just watching and listening to her babble like Samuel does.
Zach and Emily give me the look of amusement, my seven-year-old niece having just ratted me out. Then come the look of confusion and intrigue.
“So, Grant… maybe we need to go grab some coffee and leave the kids here with Emily for a minute.” With a stupid smirk, Zach puts his arm around my shoulders.
“Zach, there is nothing you need to worry about. All I can say is that you should be happy with your daughter’s dance teacher. She is very thorough and prepared to go to great lengths to keep Sophia safe.” I try to give Zach the look he needs to back off.
“Grant, I am sure Miss Zara is very thorough and will go to great lengths. Did you get to discover what lengths that was, big brother?” Zach chuckles to himself.
“Zach, stop picking on your brother. I’m sure it was all innocent, wasn’t it, Grant?” Emily grins at me while stroking little Thomas’s cheek.
“Well, let’s just say at the moment, yes, it is innocent. Can I guarantee it will stay innocent? Perhaps not. She’s quite a woman. Not one to take any crap from anyone. What do you know about her?” My initial thoughts were to keep my thoughts to myself but then the desire to find out more won over.
“I knew it! You like her, don’t you, Grant?” Zach looks at me like he’s won the lottery. “Just admit it, this woman has you turning your head, doesn’t she?”
“Zach, for goodness sake, let it go. If Grant wants you to know his business, he will tell you. Why don’t you concentrate on the three children here who’d like your attention?”
“Soph and Sammy, can you take Daddy down to the cafeteria and get Mommy a donut? Maybe Daddy could buy one for you too, if you’re being good.” The kids jump up, cheering and racing to be at Zach’s side.
“Daddy, what kind will we get for Thomas? A chocolate or strawberry donut?” This brings a laugh from all the adults
“Maybe not this time, buddy, he can’t eat real food yet. He can only have Mom’s special milk until he gets bigger.”
“Daddy, what’s Mommy’s special milk?” Sophia’s curious little eyes look up into Zach’s, not letting him move an inch. The look on his face is priceless. I laugh at his reaction and Emily joins in, while Zach tries his hardest to work out what he’s going to say.
“Well, Sophia…Daddy will explain that while he takes you down to get the donuts, won’t you, Zach?” Emily says, fighting to get through the sentence without losing it with laughter.
Zach turns to face his wife and with a look of love, lust and mischief he replies, “Okay, let’s go, kids, wait at the door for me.” He walks over to Emily and places a kiss on her forehead. “You will pay for that, little lady. When you’re healed, you will certainly pay for that and there will be a spanking involved.” Emily’s cheeks turn bright red and Zach chuckles as he turns and walks out the room. I wouldn’t have expected that from Zach, but then again, he’s found his ‘one’ and that gives him the confidence to let her know how much he loves her every day.
“Sorry about that, Grant, I don’t know where that came from. Your little brother is an amazing, loving, caring man with a strong bit of naughty on the side.” Emily mumbles the last bit.
“Em, it’s okay, you don’t need to be embarrassed. What you two have is beautiful. Don’t tell him, but I am just a little jealous. Finding your partner in life is obviously very powerful from what I have felt.” I look down realizing what I’ve just revealed to Emily.
Emily places her free hand on mine. “Grant, tell me if I am wrong, okay? Zara, she has you in knots, doesn’t she?” I look and smile. “She is your one, isn’t she?”
Emily and I have a special relationship. From the first time I met her, we bonded. I knew I could talk straight with her without coping the stirring crap that would come from my brothers and sisters.
I nod slightly and look into her eyes. “I think she is. I have never felt before what she makes me feel and I don’t even really know her yet. It’s like she’s hit me and knocked my feet out from under me. That is not like me. I am never confused. As you know, my family complains about it all the time.” Emily laughs which makes Thomas stir a little in her arms.
“Don’t be afraid to relax a little and feel it, Grant. If destiny has put her in your universe then there’s a reason for that. Take your time to get to know her but also don’t be afraid to push her a little. I think there is more to Miss Zara than what she shows her students and parents. Maybe she is like you. Has a lot hidden behind that confident outer-shell?” I stand there pondering what Emily’s saying.
“You have no idea of the different sides to her, Emily. We are either verbally sparring, or the heat is that hot we’re almost dragging each other behind closed doors. I have no idea how to handle her. I know one thing though, I want to try. How much do you know about her?” I ask, desperately wanting to get as much information as I can, to help me work out how I’m going to try and get Zara to at least give me the time of day. I’m also hoping to have this conversation finished before Zach returns with the twins. I love my brother, but he’s taking way too much interest and delight in this situation.
“Zara is a beautiful woman, Grant. She is an amazing dance teacher and Sophia loves her to death. I am eternally grateful for the confidence she’s helped build in Sophia. As for her personal life, I really don’t know anything. However, she did mention to me one day that she is auditioning for the New York Dance Company shortly. I don’t know why, but I have a feeling that there is more to the audition than she’s letting on.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Just a feeling I got by the way her expression changed when she spoke about it. It is hard to describe but her face had a sense of longing, one that told me she had worked so hard to get to this point. But it was also one that showed pain. I don’t know what the pain related to, but there was definitely pain involved in getting her to this point with her audition. If I can give you any advice on how to get to know her, I would say to tread carefully. You can be sort of intimidating at times. Your family knows you’re a big softie underneath, but you don’t show that very often. So perhaps show Zara that side of you and not just the cocky, confident, verbal sparring man you tell me you have shown her so far.” With that, Emily looks at me with the biggest smile that has the sides
of her mouth lifting up to her cheeks, and eyes twinkling. I can see she’s trying not to laugh at me. Right on cue, baby Thomas lets out a little whimper.
“Thanks for the advice. You know I can’t talk to my family about this. They will all be jumping on board and will try to have me hooked up and married before poor Zara has had a chance to even meet me properly. I have no idea what has happened to me since I’ve met her. Zara certainly has captured my soul and it is longing to get to know her more.
“I just need to work out how I am going to do that. Do you think it’s strange I feel this strong after one day? How long did it take you to know Zach was the one for you?”
Emily ponders her answer, her eyes full of the incurable love for my brother.
“If I am truly honest, I knew the moment he wrapped his arms around me on that first day and told me he would always be there to care for me. What really sealed it though, was the way he looked after Samuel and Sophia. For someone who had no children, he was amazing with them. You know the thing that really made me fall in love? It was that he saw me, the real me. The scared, lonely woman who just wanted someone to love her.”
Deep down in my heart, I want that too. I just want to be loved and wanted by that special woman who I can love with all that I am.
Just as I’m imagining Zara being that woman, the quiet is broken by Samuel and Sophia bursting into the room with bags held above their head, announcing they have enough donuts for everyone. I turn back to Emily and mouth thank you to her before stepping back and giving the kids space to see their mom and brother. By the knowing smile on Emily’s face, she knows how hard it is for me to share my feelings. I can count on her to keep our chat between us. We have developed that sort of relationship.
“So, what’s the gossip with you and Miss Zara, big brother? Are you going to tell me or what?” Zach waits for me to respond.
“Zach, let’s just say Miss Zara is a very interesting woman.” I turn and smile at Emily before leaning down to give her a kiss. Stroking little Thomas on the cheek, I smile at Zach. A smile that says straight up I won’t be telling him a thing.
“I have to get moving, kids. Uncle Grant has work still to do because Daddy has been lazy and didn’t finished his jobs.” The kids jump up and wrap their arms around me. Leaning down to pull them into my arms, I hear Emily laughing and Zach huffing.
He may think he has the upper hand at the moment, now he has his life on track. However, he’s forgetting I’m the one in charge and will only share my life when I feel it’s time, or with who I trust to share with. Nice try, Zach, but you will have to wait.
“I will see you two cheeky little ones tomorrow when I come visit. Be good for Mommy and Daddy, won’t you?” Sophia looks into my eyes with the biggest smile. This little girl makes me melt every time.
“Uncle Grant, I have dancing tomorrow, can you pick me up again, so I get to see you? I don’t want to miss out seeing you when you visit Thomas and Samuel.” How can I deny such a beautiful request? Those sweet eyes looking at me with hope.
“I think you better check with your mom and dad if that’s okay. Daddy may have already organized who is picking you up.”
“Please, please, please can Uncle Grant pick me up?” Sophia swings around to beg Zach and Emily who are trying hard not to laugh.
“Of course, Uncle Grant can pick you up from dancing, Sophia. I’m sure he’d love to see his friend, Miss Zara. Wouldn’t you, Grant?” Zach smirks at me to let me know, even if I thought I had shut him down, he isn’t letting up. “Maybe he could pick you up and then bring you to the hospital and see us all as well. Is that okay with you, Uncle Grant?”
“Yes, perfect, I’d love to pick up my princess. Perhaps this time, however, you can let the security warden, Miss Zara, know she has your permission for me to pick up Sophia. In fact, give her the whole list of family members for future reference. It will save me a verbal battle before we even leave the building.” Both Zach and Emily look confused but nod in agreement.
“I will be there early, Sophia, so I can watch you dance a little bit. Is that okay with you?” Her eyes light up like a Christmas tree and she bounces up and down. “Looks like that’s a yes then?”
“Yes, please, Uncle Grant. I want you to watch me. See you tomorrow.” She plants a big kiss on my cheek then skips across to her mother, climbs onto the bed, and reaches out to hold baby Thomas’s hand. She’s going to make the best big sister. I can’t leave Samuel out.
“Hey, Sammy, do you want me to pick you up from school tomorrow and we can go and play in the park with the ball until it’s time to pick up Sophia? That way it will give Mom and Dad some quiet time with Thomas. What do you say, buddy?” I hit a winner with him if the large smile is any indication.
“Cool, Uncle Grant, can we get an ice cream too?” Always thinking of his stomach, this kid.
“If you’re good, we might, okay?” The nodding of the head is happening again. If I didn’t know better, I’d think it was going to fall off.
“Okay, that’s settled then. I will see you two rascals after school and then I will bring you to the hospital later. Does that sound all right with you two?” I turn to see Zach and Emily, both wearing a stupid grin.
“I don’t want to hear it, Zach. I’m just trying to help you out and keep my niece and nephew happy. I’ve already spoken to Mom and Dad about helping out with the kids tomorrow. That’s it.” I know in my head that’s only half of it. Of course, I’ll jump at any excuse to see Zara. She’ll have to talk to me if Sophia and Samuel are around.
“Mmm, of course that’s what you’re doing, Grant. Let’s go with that shall we. But make sure you say hello to Miss Zara for us, won’t you?” The smartass wears a smirk that says he’s onto me. Well, he won’t be getting anything from me. Not until I have Zara on my arm and in my bed. However long it takes, I’m determined to make it happen. Talking to Emily has helped me organize my thoughts. I don’t deal well with not having a plan. It’s time to work out how I’m going to show Zara that dating me is the best idea she’s heard in her whole life. Then I will make her mine.
11
Zara
Days like today, I am so glad my apartment has a large, deep bath. It’s the type you can sink right down under the water while you let it fully envelope you.
I can’t wait to get through the front door and when I reach into my handbag, I find everything but my keys. I really must clean it out at some stage. Everything I own has found a home in my handbag.
I hear the keys moving around in the bottom of my bag but can’t make contact. Damn it! I just want to get inside out of the dark night, and out of the weather which looks like it might storm. I’m nearly at the point of frustration and about to tip my bag upside down to shake the hell out of it until everything falls onto the sidewalk.
Just as I’m about to give up hope, I finally feel the jagged edges of the keys. As I pull them from the debris in my bag, I can’t help but smile. Out popped the key chain my mom gave me the day I moved into this apartment after my injury. Other than the keys, there’s two items attached to it. The first is a silver ballerina so I never forget who I am. The other is a plastic square and written on it in bright yellow it reads, “No matter what, the sun will always rise again tomorrow. Make sure you get up to enjoy it. Never give up.”
I can always count on my mother to be that person. The one who is always there. On the days I need her and the days I don’t even realize I need her, she is there anyway. Growing up Mom was my biggest cheerleader in everything I tried. I always danced no matter what but kept trying other things. When I thought I wanted to be a peewee hockey player, she washed the jerseys and cheered at every game. Art classes led to exhibitions every term and she’d buy every one of my painting, even if they were terrible. Finally, when I realized my dream of dancing was the only thing that mattered, Mom gave a sigh of relief. Costumes weren’t half as bad to wash as the whole team’s hockey jerseys.
Even when you’re an adult,
there are times you still need your mom. The day I injured my leg, I cried on her shoulder. I yelled at her in frustration. I put bruises and scratches on her hands from my nails when I gripped hard from the agonizing pain. It never mattered, because she was there ready to hug me, love me and tell me it would be all right. I hope one day when the time eventually comes, I can be a mom just like her.
Dad was amazing too, but always quiet in the background. He gave the most amazing hugs, ones that felt like you were safe from the world. As a little girl, I remember sitting on his lap on the back steps of the house. Him telling me stories about his life and adventures, which looking back now, I’m sure were exaggerated for my benefit. By the end of the story, he’d have me giggling from endless tickles until I nearly peed my pants. They’re special memories that I will always treasure. I’m blessed as far as parents go.
Opening the door to my apartment, I feel the stress of the day start to ease. Some days are just crap no matter what you try to do. It just never goes the way you want. Dropping my dance bag in the laundry, I head down the hallway to my bedroom, already removing items of clothing along the way. All I want is to soak my weary body in a nice hot bubble bath with lavender oil. It’s the best thing to relax not only my muscles, but my mind.
I love my students, well most of them, most of the time. However, some of the parents know how to grate my nerves. I’m pretty sure I am slightly more qualified than they are to teach dance to their little cherubs. Pity they don’t see this. The same mothers let me know each week what they think I should be doing in class or how their child should be moved to the front of the group. They think their child is too talented for the class they’re in, so I should move them up a level. I mean, what would I know? Seriously.
