by Karen Deen
We wandered through the carpark hand in hand not saying a word. Pushing the door open for her to enter, a loud cheer comes from inside. “Surprise!”
Sophia jumps into my arms with fright. I have her wrapped up and turned away from the noise before I can even see what’s going on.
“Sorry, dude. Wrong person. Just waiting on my sister and friend. Didn’t mean to scare your little girl. Are you okay, little one? We really are sorry. It’s my sister’s birthday and we’re surprising her. She is supposed to be coming through the door any minute. So, we might yell again if that’s okay?”
Sophia slowly looks up to me to check what I think. I give a little nod which lets her know I think the guy’s harmless.
“I’m okay, it was just really loud. I like birthdays, too. Will you sing Happy Birthday and have a cake?” I’m shocked she’s talking so much to him. She has come a long way in such a short time.
“We sure will. I tell you what, when we do, can you help us sing and eat some birthday cake? I’m sure my sister won’t mind. Cake to say sorry for scaring you. Is that a deal?”
“For my brother, too?”
“Sure, where is he?”
“Oh, don’t worry man, you will hear him when he arrives. You think you were loud. Sammy has got you beat.” I can’t help but laugh because right on cue he comes barreling through the door with Luke, talking loudly and one hundred miles an hour as per usual.
“Told you.” We all laugh together.
“Sammy,” Soph yells out. “We get to sing Happy Birthday and eat cake.” That has his attention.
“Sorry man, here we go again. They’re right outside. Ready, little one? Cover your ears.” He signals to his friends and we all watch the door as it swings open for his sister. Once again, they all yell surprise. The poor girl is just as shocked as we were and I’m certain she’s not overly thrilled either. I would hate if anyone ever did that for me. Surprises and control freaks don’t match. He rushes over to his sister and drags her through the door to greet her friends.
Now the excitement has gone, it’s time to find the rest of the family and settle down the kids. Just as I turn, the words from Sophia’s mouth make me freeze and stop breathing.
“Miss Zara, what are you doing here? Are you coming to the party, too?” The hairs on the back of my neck bristle. I feel her before I see her. My body knows she’s close.
“Look, Uncle Grant, it’s Miss Zara.” She grabs my face.
There she is. As stunning as ever and standing across the room. My eyes can’t help themselves. They scan every inch of her to make sure I don’t miss a thing. Sophia squirms in my arms to get down. I let her go but I still don’t move.
Zara remains rooted to the spot, unsure on what to say or do. Sophia breaks the spell by hugging her legs which makes Zara crouch down to talk. I want to storm over there and tell her that top she has on shows way too much cleavage, but right at this moment I’m loving what’s on show. I miss her, and my cock tells me it’s missed those tits, too.
She whispers in Sophia’s ear who then runs to Luke and Samuel and encourages them to the back of the bar. Slowly, Zara stands and makes her way towards me.
Just keep breathing, that’s all I can do.
“Grant, how are you?” My name falling from her lips is like torture.
“Hi, baby.”
She gasps. I can’t help it. It just came out. We stand there for a few seconds drinking each other in. “I’m sorry, Zara. How are you?”
“Do you want the standard answer or the truth?”
“I can guess both. One will be ‘fine’ and the other will be similar to dying on the inside. Because that would be my answer.”
“Please, Grant, don’t do that. Not here. It’s too hard. I need to be happy for my friend. Don’t make me cry.”
“Oh, baby. That’s the last thing I want.” I reach out to touch her cheek, but she pulls back and stumbles a little.
“No, Grant. Please don’t touch me. It’s too… It’s too hard…I…I have to go…say hi to your family.” Then she runs. She’s gone to the other side of the bar before I can stop her. Once again, I stand there and let her go. It fucking hurts like hell, but I let her go.
I can’t be here. I can’t be in the same room and not be able to talk, touch or even be near her. I need to leave and let her be there for her friend’s party. I promised to walk away so I will do it again. I will do it for as long as she needs me to.
One day, however, I hope to fucking god, she tries to stop me.
My family are confused as to why I need to leave. Especially Mom and Dad who were excited to have us all together. Zach and Emily know what’s going on but thankfully just play along. I tell Mom I’m not feeling well. I never like lying because Mom always knows best, and it is so much worse. I just can’t stay. Zara needs me to leave.
I make it to the car before I feel like I can finally breathe again. Leaning on the car roof, the anger starts to boil. I want to march back in there and grab my girl by the hand, drag her outside and pin her against the wall and kiss the hell out of her until she changes her mind. Why can’t she see how hard she’s making her own life. Just seeing her for five minutes, I can tell how miserable she is. Her eyes tell me she’s not sleeping. They’ve lost their sparkle. The fire in her soul is missing.
She needs her sparkle and fire.
To get through this audition she needs her sparkle and fire.
She won’t admit it, but she needs me.
23
Zara
I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.
“Zara…Zara…Zara, can you hear me?” I feel Natalie rubbing my back. “Sit down for a minute before you faint on me. You look pale.”
Lowering me into the closest seat, she kneels down next to me and whispers, “That was him, wasn’t it? That was Grant.” I shiver at the mention of his name. All I can do is nod. I just need a moment to pull myself together.
“It’s okay, just sit and take your time. No one noticed, they were too busy hugging me, and Xavier was too busy patting himself on the back for pulling this off. By the way, you are in so much trouble, my friend. How could you not tell me? We don’t keep secrets, bitch.”
I let out a little laugh. I knew she would kill me. She deserves to be spoiled. I need to pull myself together. This is her night. Her birthday. I can’t ruin it. It may be the last one I get to spend with her for a long time.
“Sorry, Nat. I’ll be fine. It was just a shock. I never expected to see him. He looks like he’s hurting. I saw it in his eyes.”
“I don’t know about that but what I do know is, you were right. He is the hottest man I’ve seen in a very long time. That suit… holy shit. No wonder you couldn’t say no. I would have let him take me that first night against the glass. You did well to resist as long as you did.” She leans in and hugs me while whispering in my ear, “It will be over soon, and you can decide if he’s your one. Keep your focus, follow the dream.”
That’s my problem. I know he’s my one. I just don’t know which dream I want more.
If only I can have both.
At the moment, Grant is swallowing up my dancing dream and I am getting ready to let him. I don’t know if I can stay away much longer.
“Thanks, Nat. I don’t know what I would do without you. Now enough about me, let’s get a drink and celebrate you getting old.”
I receive a deserving slap on the arm as we walk to the bar, arms linked, and I try my hardest to smile.
“Natalie, what took you so long? I nearly gave some little girl over there a heart attack and I thought her father was going to kill me. We all screamed surprise when they opened the door and she jumped straight into his arms. His eyes were ready to kill me.”
“Not her father, that’s Sophia’s uncle. That’s Grant. You’re probably lucky he didn’t kill you because he is very protective of that little girl. God help his own children if he ever has them.”
“Oh, shit! You are joki
ng me. Is that the Grant. Mr. hottie who wanted to bang you in the studio?”
“Xavier!” Nat and I scream at him.
“What? I’m just checking I have the same guy. By that reaction, I got my answer.”
“Can you just leave it alone, Xav. It’s just really hard at the moment, I need to keep my focus.”
“I get it, I get it. Mouth closed. You owe me lunch though, when all this is over. I want the full story. Not just the abbreviated crap I’ve been getting. You’re like my sister. He’s hurting you, big time. I just want to help.” He looks down at me and wraps me in a hug.
“That I can do. Just one thing, though. Grant is not the one hurting me, I am doing that to myself. Now, let’s drink and be merry. There’s a birthday we need to celebrate.”
I try not to, but I glance across the room trying to catch a glimpse of him. My eyes scan the Stevenson table. Everyone’s there except Grant. Hearing the door open, my head turns to once again see Grant walking away.
He isn’t walking away from me. He’s walking away for me. My heart breaks all over again. Thank you, my gorgeous man. No one ever sees the real you. The real you is so much more than you let the world see. Time to breathe and concentrate on the birthday girl.
I can’t drink a lot but allow myself one glass of champagne for the birthday toast. Truth be known, I would love to slam down a few shots to take the pain away. For the first time in a long time, I just want to be drunk enough that I can’t feel anything. Then I could sleep. I’d even put up with the hangover that would follow.
All night, I keep looking across at Grant’s family. They look so happy. Always laughing and everyone talking at once. I can see why Sophia has become more confident. This family have taken those kids in and loved them more in the last year than they have ever known in their life. Sometimes, all it takes is the right love to make a person blossom.
It’s time for the birthday cake. Xavier signals me over before he gets it brought out.
“Hey, when I scared your little friend, Sophia, I promised her and her brother they could help sing and have some cake to say sorry.”
I burst out laughing.
“You’re a big softie. I bet Sammy wouldn’t knock cake. You want me to go get them, don’t you?”
“Could you, please? I don’t want any other big tough uncles wanting to beat me up.”
“It is not only the uncles you need to worry about, the aunties will slay you and the grandparents are killers. You better be careful.”
“Shut up and just do it, please.”
“I’m not joking, you just wait.” I giggle as I walk off to get the kids. It’s been a while since we arrived and with a champagne under my belt, I’ve settled a little.
“Hi, everyone. Nice to see you all. Just wondering if there are any people at this table who’d like to sing Happy Birthday and eat birthday cake? There probably isn’t but I just thought I would check.”
“Me, me, me!” the kids shout, jumping up and down, but they aren’t the only ones. This family is full of big kids.
Laughing, I gesture the way. “Well, you are all welcome. The more the merrier. There’s plenty of cake and it will just give Natalie more reason to hate me. But hey, what are friends for, right?” Everyone’s laughing at me as they get out of their seats and make their way over to our area.
“Wow, you know how to pull a crowd, don’t you, Zara?” Xavier comments as he walks past with the biggest unicorn-shaped cake. Every girl has a childhood thing they never let go of. Nat’s is unicorns. She loves them.
“We’re not just any crowd, we are her family,” Zach answers quietly as he places his arm around my shoulder. “You’re Grant’s girl, so you’re one of us.” I gasp looking up at him. “It’s okay, Zara, we understand. We’re here, ready when you are. We can wait, too.” I can’t help it. My head drops to his shoulder and he squeezes me harder.
“Look after him for me, Zach,” I whisper.
“He’s strong, don’t worry. We’ll take care of him, if he’ll let us.” He squeezes me one last time and walks over to Emily who’s rocking Thomas to sleep. He’s wrapped in a snug blanket. Zach walks up behind and wrap his big warm arms around her and Thomas. The vision is pure love.
Natalie’s looking at me like she’s ready to poke my eyes out with red-hot pokers. It makes me laugh and give her a little wave. I feel a little tug on my skirt and I look down to find Sophia staring at me with those beautiful big eyes.
“Do you want a cuddle, Princess?”
“Yes, please. Uncle Grant went home sick, so he isn’t here to cuddle me.”
“There are lots of people, aren’t there?” I comment as I pick her up and tuck her on my hip. She nods and rests her head on my shoulder just like I’ve seen her do to Grant many times over. Tonight, I’m her safe place, and she’s mine.
“Xavier told me he scared you. He’s one of my best friends and he feels really bad.”
“That’s okay. Uncle Grant looked after me. When Daddy isn’t there, he always looks after me if I am scared or sad. You know he could make you feel better when you’re sad, Miss Zara.”
“Sophia, I’m sure he would be really good at making me feel better. Maybe one day I will be able to let him.”
The singing starts, and Sophia joins in with the sweetest little angel voice. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to that little girl who loved her bunny and didn’t have a care in the world. This adulting really does suck sometimes.
With the cake now cut and Sophia and Samuel helping to hand it out, I introduce my friends to the Stevenson family. I start with Luke and the women by his side. Zoe introduces herself and the pieces fall into place. Grant mentioned her before. Luke and Xavier hit it off straight away as I knew they would. They are both big kids.
We’re then joined by Alesha, Lilly, and the rest of the family. I introduce everyone and watch the weirdest thing happen with Xavier. He’s quiet and calm, not his usual loud, silly nature. Everyone starts chatting at once. It then that I notice Alesha step back slightly from the crowd, her cheeks slightly flushed. Oh. My. God. Is this for real? Xavier stares at her, transfixed. She feels his gaze but in a good way. Well, well, well. This is going to be interesting. I’ve never seen Xav take a backward step with any woman. Normally, he’s all over them and in their face. Alesha’s different, though. He doesn’t know how to approach her. Wait until I tell Nat, later. She’s going to die.
I don’t know enough about Alesha to judge what’s going on. She seems the quietest of the family. Lilly’s name has come up many times in stories when Emily told me how her and Zach finally got together. Xavier is a player, so I’m not sure she would ever be right for him. I need to talk to Emily later. I may have to save that poor girl from being conquered by the self-proclaimed king of the opposite sex. His ego’s huge but in the funniest of ways. I would be lost without him, but I would never want to date him. Not in a million years.
A hand on my shoulder drags me back to the present.
“Can you take a little walk with me, dear?” Grant’s mom links her arm in mine. My stomach sinks. Why does she want to talk to me? Is she going to tell me to stay away from Grant and stop hurting him? Moms can be very protective if someone is hurting their babies. Honestly, I know, I would be like that, too.
“Sure, where did you want to go?” I mumble through nerves.
“Not far. Let’s grab a drink and sit in a booth for a little while and chat. I haven’t had a chance to get to know you. My kids are so noisy, so I thought it would be quieter over here.” I was going anyway but Sophia makes sure. She walks me to the bar and orders a drink.
“Just a sparkling water for me, please. I can’t have too much alcohol at the moment. I only have three days left, then I am on the plane to New York. As scary as that is.”
“Emily was explaining to me that you’re headed to an audition. That’s amazing. You’re such a talented woman. I bet your parents are so proud of you.”
“Thank you, they are. I don’t get
to see them as often as I would like but Mom checks in on me every day. She makes sure that I’m okay. It’s a habit she got into when I was badly injured. There were some dark days before I was back dancing. Family is everything when you really need someone.”
“Family, friends, and the man you love, are your whole world. They will never let you down when you really need them.” She stares at me for a moment. “So, are you being honest with your mom when she calls every day? Are you saying I’m fine, or are you telling her you’re sitting here with a broken heart?”
How do I even answer that?
“Please, Sophia, I can’t answer that. Not here,” I whisper.
“Sweetie, I’m not here to upset you. The total opposite. I just want to tell you we are here if you need us. Timing in life is not always perfect. That doesn’t change that you and Grant are meant to be. It may not happen now. When the universe is ready, you will be together. That, I can guarantee. Until then, you must stay strong and do what you need to do. You have both made the ultimate sacrifice of your happiness so don’t waste the time.”
“How can you be so sure? I have pushed him away and I want him to move on. He deserves to be happy. He deserves love and someone who is going to always put him first. I haven’t done that. I am being so selfish with my own dream.” My breathing gets faster, and the tears threaten to spill. “One I am not sure I even want anymore.”
“Beautiful girl, don’t ever say that. Dreams are what keep us alive. They keep us company when we’re lonely and give us the greatest happiness when we reach them. What you need to remember is that along the way there’s hard work, tears and heartache. We grow from that. We get stronger and it helps us make it to the end.”
I can’t comment otherwise the tears will start and I can’t do that here.
