by Karen Deen
“Tomorrow, you go out and grab that dream and live it. Tonight, I am living mine.”
Zara
You are my dream, Grant. I can’t be surer of it.
Can I be greedy enough to want all my dreams to come true?
“No talking, Grant, just show me. Show me your dream.” I cup his cheek and feel him melt into it.
This big tough man who scares people with his arrogance is putty in my hands. Even when I relinquish power, he still gives it to me anyway. Never before have I had such a strong man let me take what I need from him, yet still make me feel safe and protected.
His face tells the story.
He not only wants me, he needs me. His soul is aching for mine.
I know this, because I feel it, too.
His strong hands caress my body. I’m on sensory overload. I’m used to him taking me hard, and that’s what I wanted then. But not tonight.
Tonight, Grant is making love to me.
Tonight, we are one as lovers.
As he slides his cock into me, I feel every inch of him.
What I feel more though, is his entire body and soul connecting with mine. Although tonight is supposed to be about me and what I need, it’s also about Grant. It’s about stopping him from feeling so vulnerable and not being in total control of his life. For a man like him, control is how he lives and breathes. He doesn’t know any other way.
Part of me wants to tell him to fuck me hard and fast, only so I wouldn’t feel. I wouldn’t feel all the emotions that are now surging through my body.
Every thrust takes the emotions higher and higher. My body never wants to leave this spot of being pinned underneath Grant with him making sweet, passionate love to me.
He pours every single thing he has into me. I have almost broken this man.
Yet, he is here trying to give me all the strength he has left so I can then walk away from him again and take his strength with me.
Little does he know, the more strength he gives, the weaker I’ll feel in the morning.
“Baby, stop thinking and just take.”
He knows every inch of me inside and out. He reads my mind even when I don’t know the language it’s even speaking.
I’m so close to coming. My body tenses as he plays it like a well-rehearsed instrument. His hands caress me as I soar higher. Just as I am about to completely let go, he cups my cheeks and kisses me like it’s the last time. There’s such power and emotion in the kiss that I explode. The kiss speaks everything we can’t.
Thrusting through my orgasm, I can tell he’s wanting to savor the moment. Eyes closed, he’s memorizing every part of my body and mind as he releases the sexual tension he’s been holding for days. My name leaves his lips in a deep growl. It’s like I’m being ripped from his soul, like he’s letting me go.
That’s exactly what this is. It’s the last goodbye. Grant’s giving me the last piece of him. The only piece he has left to give before he says goodbye.
Tears start to fall hard. I’m now wrapped in his arms as he rolls us onto our sides.
I cry.
He strokes me.
I cry so much that sleep gets ready to claim me. I try to stop it. I need more time. I’m not ready for this to be the last time. My eyelids grow heavy and I just don’t have the strength to stay awake anymore. Finally, sleep offers me a place to escape. I desperately need it. Grant knows that, too.
“It’s okay, close your eyes. You need this, and I want to give it to you. Shh, my baby, just sleep.”
In my sleepy state, I answer. “Yes. Your baby. Forever and always your baby.”
26
Grant
“Forever and always my baby,” I whisper back as I hear her first small snore. Her body molds into mine as she falls in slumber.
Minute by minute, her breathing slows and the stress lines on her face start to disappear. I want to stay like this forever with Zara in my arms and at peace, trusting me to look after her in whatever way she needs. Right at this moment, she needs me to hold her so she can finally sleep. My arms cocoon her, so she knows I’m here.
I always know what’s happening in my life. I plan it that way. Every moment is the way it should be. That was until this little woman in my arms came barreling into my world. That’s why she throws me so much. I don’t know what tomorrow brings, let alone the next hour.
It’s fucking killing me. I don’t function like this. My brain is in overload trying to compartmentalize everything. It isn’t working. Instead, it’s a complete fuckfest in my head. Only in regards to her.
What should I do?
Should I walk away for her?
Am I capable of walking away?
What does she want from me?
How does she feel about me?
Am I in love with her?
The last one is easy to answer. Abso-fucking-lutely!
I knew it before today but everything that’s just happened has confirmed it in my heart.
I’m so confused, which is a foreign emotion for me. I always know what to do and I make it happen. Tonight, that isn’t working. The longer we lay here, the more I just want to tie her up and shut the world away forever.
Watching her round, sensual breasts rise and fall is torture. I can’t look away. My hands itch to take hold and to run my fingers over them. To take her engorged nipple between my thumb and finger, to pull and twist it, just like she loves. It will encourage those moans that fall from her lips whenever I have my hands on her.
My eyes drift down her body, taking in every little detail. From the curve of her hips and her tight ass, something to hang on tight to when I’m sinking hard for her.
Those beautiful, stunning, long toned legs have me salivating. Having them wrapped around me felt like she’d been doing it forever. Those same legs I love and dream about are the same ones giving her the ability to dance her way out of my life.
I have no idea how much time we lose. I lay there mapping and plotting every single part of her and committing it to my memory. Those visions are what will keep me company at night.
Trying to still my mind, I have resort to taking big, long breaths. A sense of calmness comes over me when I hold her in my arms. I know now what I want and what I need to do. Glancing at my clock radio, it reads 4:00AM. I really need to get a little sleep, but I don’t want to miss one moment of her in my bed.
Finally, my eyelids grow heavy. Fighting hard, I keep them open until I can’t any longer. As I slip away into sleep, I know it will be the end.
Come morning, she will be gone.
Gone from my dream.
Gone from my bed.
Gone from my life once again.
This time, I know I have to let her go.
I love her so much I know I have to let her fly and just hope that one day, she will come back to me. It will hurt like a bastard but deep down, I know that to be able to keep her, I have to first let her go.
Knowing it and being able to do it are two different things.
Zara
Dreaming is the most peaceful place to be. There’s no pressure there. You feel easy and carefree. Everything you want is perfect and laid out just the way you want it.
Life is perfect because you’re creating your own story. The one where you’re happy and living the life you’ve always wanted.
I see my life dancing on stage, my studio and cute students. All being enjoyed from the warm embrace of Grant’s arms. I feel safe because it feels like home. I know I’m greedy in my dreams, but I want it all.
My dream feels so real. I feel the weight of his arm over my shoulder. With his breath on my skin, my body feels warm all over. As I start to break from my dream I hear a faint sleepy moan. My brain quickly kicks into being awake and my eyes fly open. I’m greeted by a wall of abs.
Grant. I’m in his arms.
Glancing around, it all comes back to me. I’m in his bed. The memories from last night play through my mind like a movie on fast forward. The feeling of peace
in my body is one I haven’t felt for a while. Grant rescued me from myself last night. He knows me better than I know myself.
Trying not wake him, I slowly ease out of his strong arms. Sitting up ever so gently, I take a moment to look around. Last night had been a whirlwind of emotions that I hadn’t really taken it in.
Grant’s room is what I’d expected. Clean lines and plain coloring. The feature wall behind the headboard is a dark charcoal grey which is typical of Grant’s personality. It’s a strong and dominant feature in the room. The rest of the room is filled with solid timber furniture styled in greys and whites. I wonder briefly who’d played a role in styling the room. Whether he paid someone, his sisters, or if this was all Grant’s doing, I like it and it suits him.
Sitting on his bed with him sleeping soundly behind me, I can’t look away from the magnificent city view as the sun starts to peek its head up to start the day. It’s like I’m in my own little world so high up, where the sunrise is just for me. The longer I sit here, the more I understand why Grant fits so well in this home. This is him, hiding from the world while he takes a breath. Being able to take a moment of just being himself and not having to worry about anyone. To switch off the arrogance and just relax. I’m glad he has this space.
Watching the sun, I know I have to leave. I have a flight to catch and an audition to take. Turning to see Grant sleeping so soundly and peaceful, my heart sinks. This could the last time I see him. I take every single part of him and close my eyes to commit to memory. This is what will get me through the nights of loneliness that lie ahead for me.
Once again, I can’t believe I’m running away from a bed with the man I know is the love of my life, sprawled out and naked. I must be insane. I also know I have to be honest with him. Time to lay out my words for him. He deserves that much.
Remembering Grant ripped my clothes last night, I tiptoe quietly into his walk-in closet in search for some sweatpants and a sweater I can wear until I make it home. Smiling to myself, I see the majority of his hanging space is of suit after suit. Just variations of color. Well, to be honest, it’s all variations of black. Oh, my hot CEO. You certainly know how to wear a suit that takes my breath away.
Finding a pair of sweat pants and sweater, I slip them on. Being so small, his clothes swim on me. But at least they will get me out of trouble. I stand with the sweater over my nose for a brief moment, inhaling the scent that makes my body tingle. I have a feeling these are going to become a very important part of my wardrobe. The ones that make me feel safe and loved.
After taking one last look at the man who makes my heart and body sing, I turn and walk away, this time with purpose and direction. I know what I’m doing, and where I’m going and I’m finally at peace with it.
Putting the pen down next to my letter, I feel right about what I’ve said. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever written but Grant deserves more than to just wake up alone to an empty bed and no explanation.
Hearing the front door click behind me as I enter the hall, I know it’s time to move forward. Putting my hand on the door, I stand for a moment. Saying my last words, I know he’ll never hear. And then, I turn and walk away.
Grant
Even though I’m dreaming, I know what I feel is real. The warmth of Zara in my arms, her smell that envelopes me feels like home. I fight it throughout the night, but it still feels like the first time I’ve really slept in weeks.
My peace is short-lived.
I feel the slightest movement in my arms and I know this is the beginning of the great escape. I remain still, but her movements are slow. Gradually, her warmth leaves me. I know she won’t return. She’s running again. I want to reach out and grab her and tell her not to go. But she needs to do it this way. Today is too important to her for me to change that.
Hearing her in my walk-in wardrobe, I sneak a peek. It’s a vision I’ll never forget. Zara naked. Although her body is beyond beautiful, this image will forever haunt me.
I’m torn when she leaves my bedroom. Still feeling her presence here, I want to go to her for one last earth-shattering kiss, an embrace that will say everything I can’t. I have to stay true to my decision. So instead, I lay there just waiting. Finally, I hear the click of the door. My heart sinks, and then it takes over. I jump from my bed, striding fully-naked to the door. I can’t do this. What the hell made me think I could?
Just as I reach the door, I hear a soft noise on the other side. I stand dead still. Waiting. Is she on the other side changing her mind?
Stop being a bastard. You know you can’t open the door. For her sake, you need to let her go.
It’s all getting too much. I lean my forehead against the door only to hear the faintest voice through it.
“Wait for me,” it says and then moments later, it’s gone. Am I still dreaming? It’s hard to tell but I will hold on to those three words.
“As long as it takes, baby. Even if that’s forever.”
Not knowing how long I remain standing there, I finally lift my head and walk back to the bedroom. I need a moment. To everyone, I’m strong. But here in my home, I can let that guard down.
Passing my table, I catch sight of something. Deep down I know it’s a ‘Dear John’ letter. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to read it. My hand hovers over the paper. Contemplating my actions, I make my decision. Fuck it. I need to run. I can’t take this. I am not ready to break.
Throwing my runners on, I’m up and out of there. I need to breathe. This is the only way I know how. My feet hit the pavement on auto pilot. Trying to clear my head, the only thing I can see is her face. Over and over, I repeat my mantra as I put one foot in front of the other.
You are doing this for Zara.
She needs you to do this.
If you really love her, you will let her go.
27
Grant
Today is going to be a long day.
For me and my staff.
I’m in the mood to rip heads off if people annoy me. The vision of the letter on my table burns inside me. I still haven’t touched it. Work is what I need today.
My secretary takes one look at me and goes straight for the coffee. She’s worked with me long enough to know some days we just don’t speak unless it’s necessary. Today is one of them. Do your job and I’ll be civil to you. Well, try to be at least.
I throw myself into work, assessing plans, answering emails, and responding to stupid fucking questions from contractors at the Branch Street project. My cell has been going stupid all morning.
“Mr. Stevenson, the contracts for the council are ready in Alesha’s office. She asked me to have you go and sign them.”
“Louisa, I told you unless the world is falling apart, I do not want to be disturbed today.”
“But, your sister, sir?”
“I don’t give a damn. I will see to it when I am good and ready. And I don’t want to see you through that door again today.”
Bowing her head, she exits my office. I can’t be sure, but I think I hear her mumble asshole as she leaves. I couldn’t care less. She needs to listen when I speak.
I threatened to sack two contractors this morning for being useless at their jobs. I have standards and if they can’t meet them, they need to just get off my site. I don’t give a shit if they’re having supply issues. Not my problem. Sort it out and finish my job. That’s all I care about. Don’t stuff me around.
I’ve been trying to get in contact with Luke for two hours when I eventually ring Lilly to find out if they know where the hell he is. My pissed-off level manifests when I recall his request for leave yesterday. I love him, but for fuck’s sake, I need him here. Just as I’m about to lose my cool, there’s a soft tap at the door.
“Busy!” I boom.
The door opens slightly, and I mutter under my breath about no one taking any fucking notice of me.
“Even for me?” Emily smiles as she pokes her head into my office.
“Sorry, Emily,�
� I try to tone it down. “Just not in the mood for idiots today.”
“Well, I hope I don’t fit that category?”
“God, no. What are doing here? Did Zach call in to pick something up?”
“No, no. I’m here on my own. I came to see you.”
“Why?” I ask a little too abruptly. I’m just not in the mood to talk to anyone. Not even Emily.
“That’s why.” She looks at me with those eyes that tell me she isn’t leaving.
My look of confusion has her closing the door, walking towards the desk and taking a seat.
“Grant, I know what today is. I know how you’re hurting. I also know you won’t ask anyone for help. Ever. Lastly, I also know that besides Zara, I’m the only one you trust.” Her voice is soft and sweet. Like her daughter, she knows exactly how to get me, in a way no one else does.
I run my hands up my face and through my hair with a heavy sigh. Hesitating, to let the brave act down.
“Fuck, Emily. I never thought being in love could hurt so much. I never even got the chance to feel the good part before I got to the painful part.”
“Have you spoken to her recently?”
I hesitated, but this is Emily.
“Last night, I took her home with me to my place, to look after her.”
She giggles. “Oh, I bet you looked after her.”
“She was a mess. It tore my heart out. I fed her and made her relax until she fell sleep.”
Emily has that stupid grin still on her face.
“Yes, Em, we slept together. Best and worst night of my life,” I growl.
Now the serious face returns. “How was she when she left this morning?”
“She snuck out. I knew she would and I let her. She left a note thinking I was still asleep, but I was awake for every darn second. I could hear her breathing, smell her scent and sense every movement. Killed me.”
