Win Some, Lose Some

by Shay Savage

  I squeezed the bottle cap a little tighter.

  Did I have something to offer Mayra? I did get straight A’s. I had a house that was paid for, and I had budgeted all of Dad’s death benefits from the military to keep up with the bills while going to school. I would need to have a scholarship to pay for advanced schooling, but both Miami and Ohio State University already indicated they would accept me. If I went to Miami, I would be able to live at home. OSU was farther, but I would still be close enough for Megan.

  Was I considerate? I thought about the thank-you card I gave to Mayra, but I only had to do that because I had forgotten to say it in the first place, so it didn’t seem all that considerate. Thoughtful, maybe. The memory brought me back to that first day she was at my house and how she had given me a haircut, and I felt myself smile a little.

  Mayra didn’t run away from me that day and even continued to come over again and again. She fit into my routine almost without me noticing, and I liked having her there.

  She was definitely smart and kind.

  If she was willing to accept me and like me the way I was, maybe her father would be able to accept me as well. If I told him all the things my dad said about me—all the ways I might actually be okay for Mayra—there was a chance he would listen and not just see me as a freak. If he didn’t believe me, I could even show him my report card or something.

  I had proof, at least.

  The bottle cap was cutting into my palm a little because I was holding it so tightly, but I didn’t want to let it go. It was probably from the last bottle of water Dad drank before he died. It had been in the center console of his car, sitting in its parking spot at the base while he had been out with his unit.

  The rain got a little louder, and my back started to get wet. Wind whipped around the inside of the car, and the sounds from a radio found their way into my ears. My throat was sore and hurting as the cold night breeze covered me.

  “I got him,” a deep voice said. “Go ahead and send an ambulance to Kehr Road just south of town, right before the road splits. The lights are on, so you’ll be able to see my truck easily enough.”

  I didn’t hear a response, but I did feel a hand on my shoulder. As I was rolled over, I looked up at a large, burly man in a thick, camouflage hunting coat. As I stared into the mustached face of Mayra’s father, Henry Trevino, I tried to remember what I wanted to say, but his mustache was hanging below his nose like a dark, foreboding caterpillar, and my heart started to pound loudly.

  “I get straight A’s,” I said.

  I couldn’t think of what else I had wanted to tell him, so I passed out.

  Lose.

  ~oOo~

  I woke up in an ambulance.

  It probably hadn’t been that long since I had lost consciousness because the ambulance was still moving, and McCullough-Hyde hospital wasn’t all that far from where I had been parked. I opened my eyes and looked around, and one of the two EMTs noticed me.

  “Hey there,” he said with a smile. “Just hang on—we’ll be there soon.”

  “You have to let me out,” I muttered.

  “Not just yet,” he responded.

  “We’re just going to have you checked out,” the other one said.

  “My insurance doesn’t cover ambulance rides,” I told them. “I can’t go to the hospital.”

  “Don’t worry about that right now,” the first one said. “Let’s just make sure you’re okay first. Your blood pressure is pretty high, and you just might be in shock.”

  “I’m okay,” I said. I tried to get up, but I was strapped onto one of those rolling tables. “Just a panic attack—I have them all the time.”

  The second guy put his hand on my shoulder, and I pulled back from the touch.

  “Just lie still,” he said in a commanding tone.

  I continued arguing for the last couple of minutes of the ride and then also when they pulled me out and started rolling me into the ER.

  “I can’t afford it,” I told them again and again. “It’s not in the budget, and ER stays are expensive. I don’t have good insurance!”

  “We’ll just worry about that later, all right?” another voice said. I tilted my head up so I could see who was walking in front of the gurney. It was Henry Trevino.

  “I don’t want to be in the hospital,” I told him. “I’m okay now, really.”

  “Considering my daughter has been just about crazy, worrying about you,” Mr. Trevino said, “I’m going to make sure you get checked out before you are released. If I didn’t, she’d have my head.”

  I let out a big sigh and gave up the argument—for the moment, at least. Once they saw there wasn’t anything they could really do for me, they would release me anyway because hospitals liked getting paid. This was one fact I knew well.

  Within about five minutes, I was in one of those rooms created by hanging a giant shower curtain from the ceiling. Thankfully, Mr. Trevino was outside of the curtain, talking to one of the nurses. My head was still far too swimmy to try to face him. I was already a little concerned I might have said something ridiculously stupid to him—I really couldn’t remember. Another nurse came in and insisted on taking my vitals, which were back to normal. About two minutes later, Bethany and Travis arrived. Travis immediately started arguing with the nurse while Bethany fussed over me and asked me over and over again why in the world I had parked in the middle of nowhere.

  I had no idea what to tell her, so I said nothing. I just sat there on the edge of the hospital bed and let them go on and on while I remained silent.

  Travis was now talking to a doctor about my insufficient insurance and how much it was going to cost to have me here. Before I could throw out that I wasn’t conscious and didn’t agree to be brought to the ER in the first place, there was more noise from just outside.

  “Where is he? Is he okay?”

  I could hear Mayra’s frantic voice from out in the hallway just before she grabbed the curtain and yanked it back. Before I could say anything, she threw her arms around my neck and buried her face in my shoulder.

  “Oh my God,” she cried into my ear, “I was so worried about you!”

  For a long moment, I remained stiff. I was too surprised by everything going on around me to react and desperately trying not to freak out again. I heard Beth gasp and Travis clear his throat, but I couldn’t move a muscle or respond in any way.

  Mayra leaned back and looked into my face. Her eyes were red and swollen, and her cheeks were stained with tears. I could see the relief and sadness combined in her eyes slowly melt into something that fell only just short of fury.

  “Don’t you ever do anything like that again!” she snapped at me. “Don’t you ever run off like that! I had no idea where you were, and I was worried sick! If you need to fall apart, you at least fall apart somewhere where I can find you!”

  “Sorry,” I gasped. My throat burned a little as the word came out. Mayra’s shoulders dropped with her anger, and her hand traced over my face.

  “You said it would be all right,” she reminded me. “Maybe I should have known it wasn’t, but when I asked you, you said you didn’t mind meeting him, but you did, didn’t you?”

  “I guess,” I muttered back and looked away from her and down to the floor. She cupped my chin and tried to turn my face up to hers. I let her reposition my head, but my eyes remained over her shoulder.

  “You have to tell me the truth,” she said. “I know that can be hard, but you can’t just tell me what you think I want to hear, Matthew. You just can’t.”

  “You know, maybe if you didn’t push him into shit he’s not ready for, he wouldn’t be here!” Travis said.

  “Travis!” Bethany said, his name sounding like a hiss, and then grabbed Travis by his arm and started hauling him out into the hallway. “You and I are going to have a little talk—again!”

  Mayra watched their retreating forms, and I took the opportunity to look more closely at her face. Her hair hung in slight curls, w
hich rolled around her head and framed her pale face. There were smudged, dark marks underneath her eyes, and I realized she had put on eye makeup, which I didn’t think I had seen her wear before, but it had smeared a little around her eyes. It was dark blue, the same color as the shirt she was wearing. As I looked at her, a tear slipped over her lashes and fell down her cheek.

  “Why are you crying?” I asked, confused.

  Mayra turned back to me, and I looked off to one side.

  “I was worried about you,” she said again. “Also, Travis is probably right. I am pushing you too hard, aren’t I?”

  She slid her fingers up and down my jaw.

  “Please tell me,” she whispered. “Please tell me if this is too much for you.”

  “If what is too much?” I found myself whispering as well.

  “Me…you…us…”

  I swallowed and tried to gather my thoughts, but they weren’t interested in revealing themselves to me. I was still numb, and my muscles ached from the exertion of the attack. It was difficult to focus after I had a major attack, and I still wasn’t quite myself. Even if I had been, I wasn’t sure I would fare much better.

  “It is, isn’t it?” Mayra said, her voice still hushed. In my peripheral vision, I could see her head and shoulders droop. “You don’t…want to do this, do you?”

  I knew I needed to say something. I wanted to say something. I just didn’t know what. I didn’t want to lie to her, and a lot of this was too much for me. At the same time, it was worth the discomfort of being pushed to my limits to be with her. When it came right down to it, if I was told I could be with Mayra, but it would cost me a high-level panic attack a day, I would agree without hesitation. The problem was, I had no idea how to tell her that.

  Taking a deep breath, I forced my arms from their locked position at my sides and wrapped them around Mayra’s waist, pulling her body close to mine. I tucked my head against her shoulder and pressed my lips to the skin at the top of her collar.

  I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, so I tried to show her instead.

  I felt like I could have just fallen asleep sitting there on the edge of the hospital bed with Mayra’s hands in my hair and my nose tucked into the crook of her neck. She smelled good, and she was soft and comfortable and warm. I almost felt like nothing had happened at all and that we had just spent the evening sitting on the loveseat in my family room, watching TV.

  “Don’t do that to me again,” Mayra whispered against the top of my head, which broke the façade that all had been just fine. “I mean it. Whatever is going on in your head, we’ll deal with it together, okay? Don’t run off on me again.”

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered back. “I just…couldn’t stop. I couldn’t stop the car.”

  “I’m getting you a damn cell phone,” Mayra growled. “At least then I could have found you.”

  Before I could argue, the sound of someone clearing his throat interrupted us. I didn’t have to look up to know it was her father standing at the opening in the curtain and looking in on me touching his daughter after he had to haul me out of my car in the middle of the night.

  My composure had to have been the result of Mayra being there, totally calm about the whole thing, because I managed to not freeze up too much. Either it was her, or maybe I was just too wiped out from my earlier breakdown. I did tense up to the point where I couldn’t let go of her right away. My fingers dug into her sides a bit as I clutched her to me. Then I realized how much worse that was going to make this look, so I let go and leaned back. Mayra took a half step away from me, and I looked down at the tile floor.

  “Hey, I just wanted to let you know the hospital bill isn’t an issue,” Mr. Trevino said. “Since I brought you in here, and it sounds like they’re going to release you in a few, there’s no charge, okay?”

  “Um, okay. Thanks,” I managed to mumble. It might have even been loud enough for him to hear. I knew it wasn’t right—it wasn’t enough of a response—but I wasn’t sure what else I was supposed to say.

  “No problem,” Mr. Trevino responded. For a long moment, he didn’t say anything else. I didn’t know what to say, and Mayra seemed content just running her fingers up and down the top of my thigh. She scratched lightly at the denim, which was extremely distracting. I couldn’t seem to focus on much else.

  “Your aunt and uncle said they were going to retrieve your car,” Mr. Trevino said. “Mayra, I assume you’re going to be taking Matthew home when he’s released?”

  “Yeah, I will,” Mayra replied.

  “Don’t stay long,” he told her. “It’s late. I want you coming right home afterwards. I’ll wait up.”

  “I will,” Mayra said without hesitation. I tried not to show my disappointment at the idea. I wanted to get the hell out of the hospital, but as long as I was here, Mayra was with me.

  “What time is it?” I asked. Visions of Megan and how she could tell you what time it was in any city at any given moment came into my head.

  “Almost four a.m.,” Mayra told me.

  I looked up at her, and the shock must have been easily read in my eyes.

  “Yes,” she said, “that long. You see why I was so worried?”

  “I’m sorry,” I said again.

  “Stop apologizing,” Mayra sighed. “Just don’t do that again.”

  I nodded, knowing full well that I couldn’t guarantee anything like that but not wanting to really talk about it in front of her father. I couldn’t believe I was in the same room with him and not having another episode. Maybe it was because I still felt numb.

  “So…Matthew,” Mr. Trevino suddenly said, “you like sports?”

  “Um…sure,” I said. I tried to make eye contact with him, but the mustache was in the way. I just kept looking at that until I realized that I was looking at that, not him. I quickly looked back to the ground. “I hope to see Mayra play soccer when the season starts up, and my dad used to take me to a Reds game every summer.”

  “Baseball, huh?” he remarked. I could see him nodding in my peripheral vision. “I usually watch them at home. Got a flat screen just for that.”

  I nodded back, not sure what else I was supposed to say.

  “What do you think about fishing?”

  I glanced over at him, trying to understand his questions, but looking at his mustache definitely didn’t help.

  “I like fishing,” I finally said.

  Mayra chuckled, and I peeked up at her. There was a huge grin on her face.

  “Did you coach him?” Mr. Trevino asked as he winked at her.

  “Not a bit,” she replied.

  “Why do you like fishing?” he asked.

  I thought about it for a minute before answering. I had the feeling my answer was going to be important, but I didn’t know how. I decided to go with the truth.

  “It’s quiet,” I said. “Peaceful.”

  “Yeah,” Mr. Trevino said. “It is. We’ll go sometime.”

  I froze again and wondered if he was serious.

  “So—what you said in the car,” he added before I could even fathom a response, “was that true? You get straight A’s?”

  “Um, yes,” I replied, and then I realized what I hadn’t been saying that I should have been saying the whole time. “I mean, yes, sir.”

  He nodded again as he turned to leave.

  “Well, Mayra,” he said, “this one’s definitely got that Lords kid beat.”

  With that, he tossed the curtain aside and left.

  Mayra laughed, and I just shook my head. I didn’t understand the joke, so I just pulled Mayra back close to me.

  Without a doubt, this day belonged in the lose column, but I couldn’t help but feel like a winner in Mayra’s arms.

  Chapter 10—Follow the Cake

  Mr. Trevino wasn’t kidding when he said the hospital bill wasn’t going to be an issue. Something about him being the one to call the police who then called the ambulance meant I couldn’t be charged for the ER visit or some
thing. I was still a little too dazed to comprehend it all. The doctor came in and checked me out thoroughly, then said I was free to go but not before he slipped me a half dozen sample packs of Valium.

  I must have dozed off in Mayra’s car on the way home because I didn’t remember the ride at all, just Mayra shaking my arm a little bit and opening my eyes to see the door to the garage in front of me.

  “Come on, baby,” Mayra said softly.

  “Baby?” I mumbled back. I poked the fish spot on the passenger side door before opening it and climbing out unsteadily. Mayra chuckled as she slipped an arm around me and helped me inside.

  “You don’t want me to call you that?” she asked.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. I considered it as she took my keys and opened the door. There was a part of me that definitely didn’t like to be referred to as an infant, but there was also a part of me that kind of liked having Mayra give me a pet name or whatever you were supposed to call it. Girlfriends did that sometimes, I was pretty certain.

  That reminded me of something I wanted to ask.

  “Mayra?”

  “Yes?”

  I had to stifle a yawn as we stopped in the foyer, and Mayra lifted her arms up around my neck. I placed my hands on her hips and my head on top of hers. Her hair always smelled good.

  “Are you my girlfriend?”

  She chuckled again.

  “Well, what do you think?” she asked as her nose drew a line up my neck. I felt her lips press against my skin.

  “I think so,” I told her, “but I wanted to make sure you thought so, too.”

  “I think so, too,” she confirmed. “And that makes you my boyfriend in case that wasn’t clear.”

  She tilted her head up, and I was just thinking about kissing her when the door opened, and Bethany and Travis came in. Beth looked over her shoulder as she headed into the kitchen.

  “Travis!” she said. “No delaying!”

  “Hi, Mayra,” Travis said as he walked in the door. “I’m a total ass and I need to mind my own business.”