Claiming Family

by Desi Lin

  Wanting to hug him, but uncomfortable by the thought, I placed a hand on his arm. He didn’t notice, though.

  “It was my own fault, really. I was so tired of hiding, of feeling like his dirty little secret and being only his good friend to everyone he knew. Four years of promising me he was nearly ready, that we could tell everyone soon.” Tears slipped down his cheeks, his eyes unfocused as he talked, and I thought he might have forgotten I was even there. “Every day I got more impatient, more discontent. And I should have kept my mouth shut, should have buried those feelings like I’d been doing, but no, instead I had to confront him, yell at him, issue a stupid ultimatum I didn’t even get to see through because he ended things then.” A crow’s caw startled us both into jumping backward. Skylar swiped at his wet cheeks. “Sorry, didn’t mean to bring my issues to you.”

  “It’s okay. I think you needed to talk about it. Why not a friend, right?” At least it felt like we were becoming friends. I hoped we were, anyway.

  Skylar smiled, small but genuine. “You’re right. And I don’t have many friends left now. Oh!” His eyes widened, and he pulled a paper out of his pocket. “I’m glad I ran into you, actually.” He held the brightly colored paper out to me. “There’s this place, Thorium, which features local bands and the like. Some pretty damn good indie bands there, especially on Fridays. You should check it out.”

  I took the flyer, noticing the graffiti-style art on it, and read the times for live performances. At the bottom of the page, a note about open mike night caught my eye.

  “Oh, hang on a sec.” The flyer was yanked out of my hand, a pen appearing from some hidden depths in Skylar’s tight jeans. He flipped the paper over and scribbled something, then handed it back.

  When I looked, I saw a phone number.

  “If you decide to go one night, text me. I’ll meet you there.” His gaze lifted to the darkening sky. “I should get home.” He fluttered his hand in the general direction of the cluster of houses.

  A sudden gust of wind rushed by, the cold bite reminding me I dropped my heating. With a shiver, I tucked the flyer into my pocket. “Yeah, me, too. Souta’s expecting me.”

  He grinned and strode off.

  Heating myself, I turned toward Souta’s house, ambling rather than hurrying. Before I reached the house, I needed a few more minutes to think things over and the questions that would follow.

  I still didn’t know what Michael wanted from me, or what I wanted from him. The whole idea of family felt so detached from who I was, and now, I needed to find a way to be part of more than one. How did others do this? The connection I had with Michael seemed strong, and despite his initial reaction to me, the same strong connection existed with Ash. But I felt more comfortable with people who didn’t demand anything emotional from me, Skylar being one example.

  I’d begun to think of him as a friend, the first real one I’d had in a long time. Maybe it wouldn’t be as hard as I thought to find my place among my family, both blood and Genus.

  Thirteen

  The walk back to the house should have given me plenty of time to sort myself out.

  It didn’t.

  By the time I arrived home, my thoughts were more jumbled, my emotions all over the place. Michael, Ash, the boys, the boys’ families. So many people, too many people. People I needed to keep happy, to be okay with me, so I could stay with the boys. So, I could stay here and be normal for once.

  Normal. I never realized how much I craved that.

  Even though I continued to feel pulled in a million different directions, I was going to try my best. Mother, help me. Sending up the small, simple prayer, I walked into the house. It felt empty, since Souta was at the dance studio again, helping out.

  Part of me wanted to go over and watch him interact with the kids. Since that day in the park, when he told me he danced, he took me to the studio occasionally, and I loved seeing how much his enthusiasm for dance inspired the little ones. Watching him dance wasn’t bad, either.

  “Oh, Sera. What good timing.” Akiko, Souta’s mom, smiled as she entered the hallway from the office she shared with her husband.

  I froze, one foot in midair in preparation to ascend the stairs. Lowering it, I turned to face her fully, a small, half-smile appearing automatically in response to hers. I often felt drab next to her. Even now, on her rare day off, in a pair of slim fitted black slacks and ruby-red, wraparound blouse, with her long, glossy brown-black hair pulled into a simple ponytail and no makeup on her delicate, Asian features she exuded elegance.

  “I have something for you, dear.” She waved me into the office.

  Following her, I tracked her movement as she crossed the room to a small closet where something in a garment bag hung from the door. The shop logo on the bag was unfamiliar, but I wasn’t surprised, still being so new to town.

  “It might be a bit presumptuous of me, but I saw this and couldn’t help but think how lovely you’d look. You never know when you might need something a little fancy.”

  My insides froze as her slender fingers undid the knot in the bottom of the bag with ease. The outfit tumbled out of the bottom, at least the skirt portion, and my eyes widened. My heart raced as she lifted the bag off the dress. Every muscle in my body tightened up as I clamped down the urge to get out of there, as fast as possible.

  Even I could admit the dress before me was stunning. It was a deep, emerald-green color with golden flowers embroidered over the whole thing and gold trim sparkled along the edges. The straight skirt appeared to fall below the knees, the sleeves little more than a cap on the shoulders. The collar stood straight up, and the dress appeared to wrap around to the side, secured with elaborate, golden pieces I didn’t know the name for. A slit ran up one side of the skirt, stopping before it could become indecent.

  I had seen dresses like this before, but as an orphan girl living out-of-school dorms, it was so far from my station and style, I never contemplated wearing one. The expectations that come with a dress like this dried my mouth with fear.

  My eyes darted to Akiko. A wide smile lit her face up. This woman did so much for me over the last few weeks. She took me in, giving me a place to stay, and helped me heal.

  And that was only the beginning.

  Despite my discomfort, I would find an appropriate place and time to wear her gift. With any luck it would be a short event, so she could see me in it, then I could quickly change. I owed her so much; it was one thing I could do for her.

  Slowly, I forced my hand out, fingers brushing against the satiny material. “Thank you. It’s lovely.” Not a lie. Firmly I wrapped my fingers around the hanger and took it from her, her smile got bigger as I draped it over my arm. “I’ll be sure to find the perfect occasion for it.”

  “I know you will dear. Don’t forget, dinner’s at seven.”

  Exiting the office, I made my way upstairs to my room. The dress was a lead weight of expectation and obligation draped over my arm. Opening the closet for the first time since I moved in, I slipped the dress on the rod and gently slid it all the way to the back.

  For a moment, I was tempted to unpack so I could hide the dress behind my own clothes, but the idea sent nausea rolling through me. I needed to find a way to get these emotions out, and for the millionth time, I wished I still had my guitar.

  A few years back I’d found it in a random second-hand shop, shortly after learning to play. Surprisingly, I found playing helped de-stress me. Unfortunately, I left it out at the last Illustratio, and one of the munchkins tripped and fell on it. Broke the neck clean off, and the poor kid ended up with several jagged cuts.

  My mind swirled and spun as I lay down on my bed, sending spikes of worry and fear through me. I wanted to turn it off, but I didn’t know how. Shove it down or push it out, all those things people say weren’t helping me. The worrisome thoughts kept resurfacing.

  Had the dress been some kind of subtle message? Akiko didn’t seem like the type, but I also couldn’t see her coming o
ut and telling me I needed to dress or act different. What kind of place or event would I wear something so dressy to? Would I have to wear heels with it? Fuck, I didn’t know if I could walk right in heels. What about JJ’s and Brooks’ parents? What would they expect of me? JJ’s parents were so different from Souta’s, and I didn’t know anything about Brooks’ parents at all. My stomach clenched tight as I worried over who they might expect me to be.

  Trying to release some of the tension inside me, I grabbed a pillow, shoved it over my face and screamed into it. A couple deep breaths later, I sat up and glared at myself in the mirror across the room.

  What the fuck was I doing?

  The dress was a gift. Nothing more.

  I tried a few breathing exercises I’d read about, but my chest still felt tight. Noting the time, I slid off the bed and dug my suitcase out from underneath, needing to find an outfit to wear down to dinner that felt appropriate, but all I found was a knee-length black pencil skirt, a white blouse, and a pair of black pumps I didn’t remember buying.

  As I dressed, my gaze swept back to the closet door where the stunning, emerald dress hid.

  Should I find something more colorful to wear? A glance back at my still open suitcase told me that wasn’t likely to happen. My wardrobe held mostly blacks, reds, and a few whites. Nothing as bright or jewel-toned as what I’d seen Akiko wear.

  Maybe I should just wear the dress, though it was a bit fancy for dinner. But then I’d have to act a certain way, walk a certain way, be a certain way. I would have to be… not me. The thought caught in my throat.

  A glance at the hand-carved, wooden clock revealed I was out of time, and I forced myself to leave the room.

  I headed downstairs to dinner. We only ate in the formal dining room when his folks were able to join us. Their lives tended to be very busy, but they made time for dinner more often than I thought they would when I first moved in. Though I liked eating in the relaxed atmosphere of the kitchen better.

  The formal dining room had elements you would expect it to have; beautiful, shiny, dark-wood floors, deep-red walls topped with crown molding, and elegant decorations on the walls. The usual stopped there. No fancy chandelier hung from the ceiling, no impossibly long table with candelabras. Instead, a simple, round, dark-wood table sat off to one side, leaving room for other tables to be brought in when needed, and a very simple, ordinary light hung from the ceiling. Despite the minimalistic decor, the room still sent me into a mild panic.

  Souta’s parents already sat at the table, set with simple white dishes, awaiting the delicious food I knew would soon be delivered. My stomach flipped when I realized Souta was absent. My spine stiffened, and I squared my shoulders. I took small, careful steps so the heels of my pumps didn’t click too loudly against the floors. Souta’s mom often wore heels, and hers never clicked the way mine did.

  After I sat down, spaghetti and meatballs, completely homemade from scratch, appeared before us. Without Souta here to act as a go-between, I didn’t know what to say to them, and we dug in without words exchanged.

  After a minute or two, they talked between themselves, occasionally throwing a question my way that I responded to with brief answers or simple nods. Any confidence I possessed vanished in the unfamiliar situation.

  The front door banged opened about halfway through dinner, and Souta rushed into the dining room. His dinner arrived at the table about the same time, but I barely noticed. My spoon clattered against my bowl when I dropped it, my mouth frozen open.

  The form-fitting pants he wore left little to the imagination. He paired them with a black T-shirt, falling off one shoulder, and his hair fell into his face. I had to admit the disheveled look was sexy as hell on him.

  “Sorry, I’m late. I got held up at the Academy.” He slid into his chair and shot me a grin. “Hey, hot stuff. Have a nice time at your dad’s?”

  I nodded, but couldn’t force myself to smile. Even his sexiness couldn’t overcome my turmoil.

  His brow furrowed, and he leaned into me, his hand resting on my thigh. “Everything okay?”

  My appetite disappeared without any notice. I should have felt better with Souta here, but I didn’t. And I didn’t understand why.

  “No,” I whispered. “I think I need to be alone right now.”

  I wiped my mouth and hands on the napkin provided before I stood.

  A hand clamped down on my wrist, and I looked down to meet Souta’s beautiful, brown eyes, the question in them clear as a bell.

  “I’m okay, I promise. I just need…” There was no way of putting this feeling into words. This need to bolt, not from them exactly, but the air in the room seemed to smother me, and I found it difficult to breathe. “Please.” It was a mere breath, but Souta nodded and let go of me.

  It was hard to walk out of the room at a normal pace, but the second I was out of their sight, I bolted for the room where I slept.

  Sinking onto the bed, I berated myself for being a weak, silly idiot. The dampness on my cheeks meant my tears finally spilled over. Miserable, I curled into a ball and welcomed them. They drove the pounding thoughts away and let me fall into sleep.

  The next morning, I woke numb. It was a welcome calm, but I couldn’t let it stay and put the boys through that again.

  After I pulled my bag out from under the bed and dug through it, I changed my mind on my outfit three times. Discarding the slacks, blazer, and tank outfit almost as soon as I pulled them out. I couldn’t do preppy, no matter who might expect it of me. Finally, I settled on a black-and-red plaid skirt with black tights and a tight, long-sleeved black shirt with a rhinestone skull. Throwing on my leather jacket, I ran out the door to meet Souta and head to school.

  He waited outside for me, and when he spied me flying out the front door, he opened his arms for me to dive into. The warmth and comfort I missed so much last night enveloped me with his hug. I still didn’t know why I freaked out, but I was determined to do my best to move on. It would all get figured out, eventually. Until then I would keep my idiocy far away from the boys. No reason to worry them.

  Souta dropped a kiss on my cheek. “Better today, hot stuff?”

  I nodded. While it wasn’t entirely true right this second, I felt better than I did last night.

  “Good. Brooks called me last night when he couldn’t get ahold of you. I told him you were having some personal time. He’d like to do his date this upcoming weekend.”

  “Sounds good.” A thrill of curiosity muted my worry. I couldn’t wait to see what Brooks came up with for our date.

  Fourteen

  With no idea what the plan for the day was, I dressed carefully and in layers. Brooks would be here any moment to pick me up for our date, but he refused to tell me where he planned on taking me. A knock at my door caught my attention, and I turned away from the mirror just in time to see Souta poke his head in.

  “Wow, hot stuff. You look great.” He slipped in and wrapped an arm around me. “Are you okay? You’ve seemed a little… off lately.”

  With Brooks arriving shortly, I didn’t have time to get into anything now, and I was still reluctant. There were still things to work out in my head. What would be the point of telling him when it was still a confused muddle of relationship and family thoughts? It would end up creating more problems than it solved.

  “Just a lot on my mind. I’m fine.” True enough.

  “Okay.” His tone betrayed his lack of belief in my non-answer, but he let it go. “Brooks is here.”

  He dropped a kiss on my temple, and I slipped out of his hold, brushing nonexistent lint off my short, black pleated skirt. Souta followed me out to where Brooks waited.

  Brooks’ face lit up when he spied us both coming down the stairs. He opened his arms, and Souta and I both stepped in. His arms curled around us, and we did the same, joining the three of us together in the embrace. I enjoyed affection from my guys, but this felt right in a whole new way.

  Souta lifted his face, eyes meeting
both Brooks’ and mine. “Kiss.”

  The single word pulled us all in, and the next thing I knew, tongues were tangling, lips moving. I didn’t know, or care, who kissed whom. It was odd and a little awkward since none of us knew what we were doing, but like the embrace, it was right.

  So very right.

  After a minute, though, our coordination fell apart, and I couldn’t stop the giggle as we all pulled back.

  “Okay, that was hot.” Souta wiggled, trying to squeeze us closer together. “You two better go before I forget what you’re supposed to be doing and drag you both upstairs.”

  I released the boys, and Brooks untwined his arm from Souta, leaving the other arm around me. After giving Souta a short, hot kiss that made me want to agree to Souta’s idea, Brooks held the front door open and escorted me out.

  In the front drive, a simple four-door, blue sedan waited. Given that I’d never seen it before, I concluded Brooks must have borrowed it from his folks. Only a few steps separated us from the car. I stopped and waited, knowing Brooks would open the car door for me. He always did, no matter who was driving.

  He did the same for Souta.

  “You look beautiful, as always,” he murmured to me as I climbed in.

  Before I could respond, he closed the door and rounded the car.

  We headed off in silence.

  Of the three boys, Brooks was the quietest. He didn’t often say much, preferring to not draw attention to himself. His need to be in the background made me curious, but I wouldn’t change his quiet nature for anything. He might not speak often, but he saw deeper than anyone I’d ever met. A comfort existed between us, one where words weren’t needed. Despite that, I still wanted to know more about him.

  “Tell me about your family?” I asked him since I had yet to meet any of his family. I wanted to be prepared when I did meet them. His grimace startled a blink out of me, thinking I imagined it.

  “I would rather not.” He sighed as he turned us onto one of the major roads. “I should, though, so you know when you eventually meet them.”