Bonds of the Mazza

by Blake Blessing

  If Rand didn’t pull through this, I didn’t know how I was going to live with myself. I was the one that pushed to get out of the room, and I was the one that insisted we continue to work on the case, even if that meant we needed to test the Mazza affect.

  “What’s an even bigger question is why they were treating you all worse than our most treacherous enemies? I’ve known Seva her whole life, and while she’s not a basket of glitter gloss and silk thongs, she has never given me the impression of being a bad person.”

  “Cabbie, sit down. You’re giving me a stomachache watching you walk circles around the suite. I can’t believe you aren’t motion sick from all the rapid turns you’re taking.” I hid my face in Sage’s neck, getting a whiff of the cold and his salty man scent.

  It might not sound good, but he smelled amazing. Or maybe it was just my need to latch onto him. I took one last deep breath for comfort, and pulled away.

  “What happens now?” Cabbie threw up his hands once again.

  Sage and I exchanged a veiled look. Could we trust Cabbie? I didn’t think he was untrustworthy, but these were pretty big secrets to share. There was a lot to lose and it was uncertain how much we had to gain.

  Actually, there was too much at stake. We needed to get rid of Cabbie so we could game plan.

  “I’m not sure. We’ll have to sleep on it.” I hedged, then a thought popped in my head. “Actually, do you mind if we looked at the book about Mazzas? I’ve never seen any books with information like that.”

  Cabbie’s eyes bugged out of his head. “Think on it? You want to think on it? Those people are going to be looking for you, and if you don’t figure something out quick you’re going to get caught.” By the end he was flailing his arms around like a dying turkey.

  “Fuck.” Sage drawled, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I didn’t think about that. We need to get a message out. Cabbie, do you have any Caen people in residence? We could use their assistance. But only if they’re trustworthy.”

  Our reflections in the window grabbed my attention; it was a good excuse to turn away from both Sage and Cabbie. I was such an idiot. Why didn’t I think they would come after us? Especially since they knew Cabbie was the one responsible for our rescue.

  “Are you going to be okay here? What about the women? We haven’t even asked about them. Did they all make it back?” Guilt stuck to me like burned coffee at the bottom of the pot

  “Don’t worry about me, Doll.” Cabbie stopped at my side and covered my knee with his hand. “Since the attacks started I’ve been working on fortifying my place. There’s been a rougher crowd that hangs around the Wasaeris and I figured it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. I just didn’t think it would be me that started it.” He smiled ruefully.

  “What about the women?”

  “The Cherries can take care of themselves. All of my Stags and Cherries have been together for over forty years. We train together quite frequently. I’ve already closed for business and set up a rotation of guards.”

  A full guard of pleasure workers. There were so many things I could say here but I refused to laugh. It wasn’t the right time, damn it.

  Nerene was two steps out of the bedroom when she collapsed.

  “Oh, God,” I rushed to her side but Cabbie beat me.

  “He’s going to be fine, miss.” She rasped, but her eyes were already rolling back in her head.

  “I need to take care of Nerene. I’ll be back to check on you three later.” Cabbie hauled Nerene over his shoulder.

  Sage had the door open and waiting for him, then closed it softly behind Cabbie once he was in the hallway.

  We stood there. Not staring at each other, but stuck in this strange calm. It was like one shoe slammed down and now we knew it was only a matter of time before the next shoe fucking banged us over the head, repeatedly.

  “Let me check on Rand.”

  Sage didn’t move as I went to Rand’s side. The covers were pulled up about mid-chest, leaving his head and shoulders bare. It was too neat and clinical. I hated it. My fingers slipped under the edge of the blanket and I peeled it down his body until his side was visible. There was no bandage, only a puckered pink line, stark against his sickly pale skin.

  He needed his color back. He needed his strength back.

  Rand took a deep, staggering breath and exhaled softly. His body relaxed farther into the pillow, which had to be a good sign. At least he seemed as if he wasn’t in any pain.

  Sage materialized in the doorway with his arms crossed, watching me with a furrowed brow. If I had the energy, I would try to pull his thoughts out of him, but I needed a few minutes of quiet before confronting just how badly I’d screwed everything up.

  My skin itched, and I scratched my arms while I held his stare. It burned. When I looked down, a nice rash with little pricks dotted my arms. Great.

  They weren’t too bad, just barely there dots, but enough to aggravate me.

  I skated past Sage, heading to the kitchenette to get some water. Food didn’t sound appealing at all, but I could use something to drink. My throat was parched from all the talking and screaming at the pub.

  Fuck, just that single thought shot my blood pressure to astronomical levels. That woman was straight up wackadoo. The Shadow Society? Why hadn’t anyone said anything about them before if they were a threat?

  My gaze flicked to the bedroom door. I had so many questions for Rand. He would know for sure if Rainer operated under the aegis of a super-secret organization.

  The glass fogged as the cold water filled it to the top. The cold on my fingers grounded me, bringing my thoughts and emotions back to the present. Sage had followed me, leaning against the corner of the counter.

  “Okay Sage, say what you want to say. I can see your words burning in the back of your eyes, dying to get out.”

  He came forward until he crowded me against the sink. His arms trapped me in on either side and his gaze captured mine. The light sea foam green reflected a haggard version of myself with dark smudges under my eyes and a deep frown.

  “You need to complete your bonds, Iss.” His voice was low and rough, like I forced him to speak.

  What the hell? He dropped the bomb from the very first sentence. Didn’t he know you were supposed to walk people into that shit slowly?

  “The fuck?” I whisper shouted at him, leaning my entire body as far back over the sink as I could.

  “Tonight could have been avoided for so many different reasons if you would have taken your Janer mate by now.” Each sharp word cut into me like a knife.

  “I told you Sage, I refuse to take a mate just because it’s convenient.” I shoved at his chest but he didn’t budge an inch.

  “Yeah, and look where that got us. We were captured, you could have been taken hostage, and let’s not forget... Rand was stabbed!” He yelled and slapped a hand on the counter next to me.

  “I know that!” I screamed, all thoughts of not disturbing Rand out the window.

  I did. I knew that. It had been tearing at my heart and conscience since we made it back. He had to know that.

  “I would never have put Rand in danger on purpose. Or you, or me. You’re being ridiculous and unfair.” Emotion clogged my throat and tears burned the back of my eyes.

  “This isn’t about being ridiculous or unfair. This is about our lives. The lives of my brothers. This isn’t some game, Iss, that you can choose how to play and if it doesn’t work out, oh well, you can just hit reset and start again. It doesn’t work like that. This is real life! People are depending on you. What you do or don’t do could cost people their lives, Iss. Do you get that?” His words were so loud, they were physically beating against my head and chest. Each individual one tore into who I was. All these little flakes of myself from my reasoning, to my morals, ripped away. I swore I could see them fluttering to the ground around my feet.

  “If you had your fourth mate, you wouldn’t be drawing all of this attention. If you
completed your bond, even if they tried to take you hostage, you would have had the power to stop it. Hell you would have stopped that attack with barely any effort at all. What’s more important to you? Finding a mate who will love you above all else in life, or keeping the people you love safe, the people who would risk their lives for yours? Like the Cherries?” His chest rapidly rose and fell like he just completed a marathon on a full-blown sprint.

  “I get that, Sage. I get that there’s a lot on my shoulders, but cut me some slack. I didn’t have anyone when you all came into my life and now you expect me to make these kinds of decisions? To encompass everyone’s wellbeing? Is it too much to want to find someone who will love me?” A single tear rolled down my face. It was so heavy, like it carried the weight of my sadness with it.

  “What do you think would happen, Iss? You think I couldn’t love you? You think I don’t already?”

  “I—”

  He cut off my words as he crushed my lips with his, stealing my breath. One hand fisted the shirt at the small of my back, forcing me deeper into him, and the other gripped my hair, tugging my head back so he could plunder my mouth with all the strength he could dole out.

  He forced his tongue into my mouth, sliding against my own. He stepped closer and the hard length of him jabbed at my stomach. I slid my hands under his shirt, my fingers digging into his back. One leg hitched up over his hip to bring him closer. Sage dropped his hands to my thighs and lifted me completely off the ground, and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

  Sage bit my lip hard and I tasted blood as he stumbled away from the counter to bang us into the wall. His fingers clamped around the inside of my thighs and he spread my legs so wide, the stretch caused a twinge of pain by my groin. A pain that hurt so good. He ground against me and I gasped, pulling my mouth away.

  “Stop.” I wheezed.

  Sage trailed hot kisses up the column of my neck, fanning the fire within me. Ignoring it, I pushed his shoulders back and turned my head away.

  “What?” His voice was low and hoarse.

  “We can’t, Sage.”

  He pulled away and all the warmth and desire in his touch left me wanting. A shiver trailed down my spine as he released me to stand on my own.

  “You’re stopping this.” Sage immediately backed away, putting several feet of space between us.

  And by this, he meant the bonding. He would have bonded me right then if I would have let him. The disbelief and hurt flashing across his face said as much, along with the raging animal erection pointed at me.

  “This isn’t the way it should be Sage. I’m sorry for what happened, but it wasn’t my fault. I can’t control what happened and for all we knew when we left the guys, Yunez masked the weird Mazza affects.”

  Sage’s nostrils flared and he towered over me. “It may not be your fault, but it’s your problem. It puts everyone around you in danger.”

  “Fuck, Sage. I know that. I know it! I’m not going to bond with you now. I need time. And what about Rand?” I hated bringing up the elephant between us, but I cared about Rand too. He’d been just as supportive as any of my LL. “He’s unconscious right now. We should be worried about whether he’s going to be ok rather than bonding.”

  “You want Rand as your Janer partner. That’s why you won’t bond with me.” Sage backed away, his posture defeated.

  “I— No. I mean, I don’t know what I want right now. Which is exactly why I shouldn’t bond to anyone. If I make the wrong choice it could mean unhappiness for more than just me.”

  “I see,” he said. “I’m going to find some food for us and check in with Cab. I’ll be back.”

  The tension of his muscles bunching left them in sharp relief beneath his shirt as he walked away. He was upset, but choosing still didn’t feel right to me. I couldn’t in good conscience make this decision under all this stress.

  Fuck, I couldn’t think about that. Rand needed checking on anyway.

  As I passed through the door to the bedroom, I skidded to a halt. Rand was sitting up on the bed, pale but awake. Alert. His forehead was wrinkled, a deep frown on his lips.

  Now that he was awake, I didn’t know what to say. It was easy when I thought he was going to be sleeping. I sucked it up. If he was going to lecture me or call me out like Sage, I’d rather get it over with.

  “Hey,” I sat on the side of the bed, smoothing the wrinkles in the blanket with my palm.

  His head jerked up.

  How had he not heard me stomping around?

  “Hey back.” Dark circles were stamped under his eyes, making the gray bright in contrast. Even though he was awake and seemed improved, he still had quite a bit of healing to do.

  I guess magic wasn’t a fix all like I hoped it would be. Although to be fair, he’d endured what seemed like a pretty fatal wound.

  “How are you feeling? I didn’t realize that you would be awake this soon. Nerene must be a powerhouse of a healer.” I rambled to fill the space. It was more of a distraction for myself than words that he needed to hear. I was sure he heard everything said between Sage and me. It was only a matter of time before he brought it up.

  “About what Sage said…”

  Time’s up. Figures.

  “What about it?” I huffed.

  “There’s truth in what he said. It’s foolish of us to let you go around unbonded this long. We’d be so much stronger if you had all the bonds. Then you could start working on training. We could put more effort into working against Rainer.”

  “Not you too,” I moaned and stood up from the bed, frantically walking the length of the room. “I need more time. I care about Sage, and I care about you too. You both mean so much to me. He’s asking me to make this decision right now. I don’t even know your favorite color, damn it. Or his. I need these facts before I jump head first into sealing my last bond.” My voice rose with each word that left my mouth.

  “My love, look at me.”

  I stopped pacing and gave him my eyes. My chest was heaving, it felt like I was being ganged up on and it hurt.

  “Iss, you didn’t know the other guys that well when you bonded them. Why do you need to know these trivial facts about us?”

  “That was only because Nato didn’t really give me a—” I cut off and squeezed my lips tight.

  “What was that?” With his hands, he pushed himself into a straighter position.

  “Uh, what I mean is, Nato was very persuasive and I didn’t have it in me to reject him. The same with Egan and Jari. They were just all so sweet, and believed in me from the beginning.”

  He snorted. “Nato, sweet? Yeah, right. Why is Sage so different? Because he had Lucia when he met you? You think he can’t have true feelings for you this soon?”

  “There is that, but also… What about you, Rand?” My eyes widened, and I held my breath because I totally hadn’t meant to lay some of my feelings out between us. “I do care for Sage, and part of me even loves his grumpy ass. But… I have those same feelings for you. I can only have one Janer mate.”

  He jerked his head for me to come closer. I did. Rand captured my hands and tugged until I sat beside him, hip to hip. His thumb rubbed small circles on the back of my hand as he zoned out staring at our interlaced fingers. When he looked up, my breath caught for a completely different reason. Sorrow and regret were radiating from his eyes, and there was even a watery sheen there that wasn’t before.

  “My love. I told you from the very beginning that I was never meant to be your Janer mate. Yunez has seen it. He doesn’t share a lot with me on what he sees of our future. He always spouts off about how it could change the course of his grand plan, but he did tell me that. That was before I even met you in the woods that day.

  “He said you guys would one day be my family. But he was very clear that I would not be your Janer mate. I’m sorry, Iss.” He leaned forward and gave me the sweetest press of lips as he breathed me in.

  What the hell? The Lusty Legion wanted Sage to be the Janer mate,
and even though I wouldn’t commit until I knew Sage and I had something solid, deep down I assumed it would always be him. But Rand snuck up on me and burrowed his way into my heart. If anyone understood how I felt as the Mazza, he could sympathize being Rainer’s son.

  And now Rand took the choice away from me in a different way. Not that I was so vain to think every man wanted me, but I felt a connection with Rand just like I did with Sage. When he wasn’t being a douche, anyway.

  My heart burned from the rejection, but he softened it as best he could. I knew it wasn’t because of what he wanted, but I still felt like this was an excuse on some level. He propped himself back against the pillows and arranged me against his chest.

  Rand wrapped his arms around me, shifting around to get comfortable. I did the same, enjoying the feel of cuddling with someone that needed it as much as I did. My eyes closed, blocking out the rest of the fucked up world, even if only for a few minutes.

  “Issy girl.” A hand skimmed down the back of my thigh, and chill bumps erupted in its wake.

  Wait. I knew that voice.

  I jerked, earning a grunt from Rand. Ouch, that had to have hurt his side. Grimacing, I gingerly climbed off the bed, to avoid pressing on Rand anymore, and catapulted myself into Egan’s arms.

  “Egan!” I squealed as he swung me around.

  “Issy, I missed you so much. I’m an idiot for going along with Yunez’s plan in the first place. I won’t leave you anymore.” He set me down and held me back for his perusal.

  Egan hadn’t shaved since I last saw him and dark red whiskers tickled me as he brought me in for another hug. He smelled so good, like man and earth and spice.

  “Where’s Nato?” The room was empty except for us and Rand, who mumbled something and then rolled onto his side. His healing must require sleep because he was completely zonked with drool coming out of the corner of his mouth.

  Sexy.

  “He’s with Sage and Cab.” Egan laced his fingers with mine and led me to the couch in the living room.

  The room looked different with Egan here. Brighter, hopeful even. I was so fricken happy he was here I plopped right down in his lap and draped my arm around his shoulders.