The Baby Is Mine

by Oyinkan Braithwaite

  Remi stared at me with large dark eyes, as though he needed me to tell him what was happening. I knew he could hear Esohe. Sometimes he would twist towards the sound. I flipped open my laptop and played songs from a kids’ channel on YouTube, dancing about to try to distract him and myself.

  Because I was drowning out Esohe’s voice with the music, it took me a while to realize that my sister was calling my phone.

  ‘Hello?’ She was crying. I hadn’t heard her cry in years. It made my stomach knot up. ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Why did you tell him to go through my phone?’

  ‘Tell who? Wait … Tunde? I didn’t tell him to go through it. He was just meant to send me the picture.’

  ‘Well, he went through it. And he found some pics.’

  ‘What kind of pics?’

  ‘You know what kind!’

  ‘Why are you snapping at me?’

  ‘Cuz none of this would have happened if you hadn’t gotten involved.’

  ‘How was I supposed to know you are cheating on your husband?’ Even as I said it, I wondered how much I was to blame for my sister’s actions. What kind of example had I been to her, and what would happen now? Men rarely forgave a cheating woman. I doubted I would be all that forgiving myself.

  ‘I’m not cheating on him. I … it was just pictures. Just me. I only sent one. I shouldn’t have sent any, but I knew straight away it was a mistake.’

  ‘You didn’t delete the pictures?’

  ‘Not everyone is a pro like you!’

  I remembered that Bukky had no idea I had been tossed out by my girlfriend because of photos and messages that I had forgotten to delete. But I doubted telling her now would make her feel any better.

  ‘What do I do, Bambi?’

  ‘Calm down. How did he react?’

  ‘He shouted and shouted. And he has locked me out of the bedroom. The kids are so upset and confused. And Bambi, I’m pregnant. I don’t know what to do.’ I didn’t have a free hand to massage my forehead. I tried to sit on the bed, but Remi kicked off. He clearly wanted us to remain standing.

  ‘Delete the evidence,’ I told her.

  ‘I just told you he has seen it.’

  ‘And he will ask to see it again. Delete every naughty picture, every flirty message, anything from anybody that can be seen in a special way. When he calms down, you will have to play down what he saw. He won’t be able to refer back to it, so he will begin to doubt himself.’

  ‘Do you give a course in this stuff?’

  ‘I’m trying to help you, Bukky.’ She was quiet and then she started crying again. ‘Promise him he can look at everything on your phone. In fact, if you think he’ll believe it, claim that you took them for him. He didn’t see the actual message, right?’

  ‘No. Just the pics.’

  ‘OK, so you can make him believe you took them for him, or just for some cheap thrills; but you were never going to send them to another man. Got it?’

  ‘I don’t know if I want to lie, Bambi.’

  ‘You’re a better person than me, Buks. You always have been. But I don’t think this is the time for honesty.’

  ‘You give terrible advice.’

  ‘Will you be OK?’

  She sniffed. ‘I think so. Maybe.’

  Chapter Twenty-one

  On her second day, locked in the room, Esohe stopped screaming. In fact, there was no sound coming from her room at all. I knocked and called her name. No answer. She had to still be in there: there was no other way out. The windows had security bars on them – keeping thieves out and keeping Esohe in.

  ‘She is just bluffing,’ said Aunty Bidemi when I went to ask her for the key to Esohe’s room. She was washing the clothes on the stoop in the garden. The washing machine had broken. There was a massive blue basin between her legs, and Remi’s clothes were swimming inside them. She would pick one up, sprinkle washing powder on it, and give it a strong wash with her hands. She paused now and then to wipe the sweat off her brow.

  I couldn’t understand why she was choosing this moment to wash clothing outside. The sun was at its most intense. I had only been outside for five minutes, and I could already feel the patches of sweat in my armpits.

  ‘I can’t take that chance. Have you given her anything to eat?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Aunty Bidemi, give me the key.’

  ‘I’m thinking of the baby.’

  ‘So you plan to keep Esohe prisoner till the lockdown is over?’

  ‘You agreed that she was dangerous.’

  ‘She needs food and water! Give me the key.’

  She just shrugged and kept on washing.

  I walked off and went to her room, planning to tear it apart if I had to, but when I got there I could see I’d never find the key. She had piles of folded traditional clothing in her cupboard. The key could have been slipped in between any of them. Or it could be in one of several carrier bags that she had stuffed with knickknacks. And the key might not be in her room anyway. It would take me days to search the house properly. I was forced to return to her empty handed.

  ‘What can I do to persuade you to give me the key?’

  ‘You like her.’

  ‘What?!’

  ‘You men behave like fools when it comes to a small girl.’

  ‘She is only three years younger than me, Aunty Bidemi. And I don’t have any feelings for her.’

  ‘Then leave her there.’

  ‘Aunty Bidemi, see. I am opening that door. So you can give me the key and I’ll open it like a civilized human being. Or you can keep it and force me to break that door down.’

  She had aged. I noticed it in the many lines and creases as she scrunched up her face into the darkest look I had seen on her soft face. She dipped her hand into the gap between her breasts and dug out the key. I took it from her. It was warm.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Esohe was sitting quietly on her bed when I entered the room.

  Her room smelt strongly of her mint aroma and fly spray. There were clothes on the floor and on the chair and on her bed, hers and Remi’s. There was a bowl of groundnut peelings on her dressing table as well as a couple of empty bottles of wine. I hadn’t realized she was drinking so much. I noticed there were two half-filled baby bottles on the bed beside her. She didn’t say anything to me. She just sat there, looking straight ahead. I suppose I was expecting her to run to the door.

  ‘She won’t lock you in again. I have the key now.’

  She snorted.

  ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘How can I be OK?’

  ‘I’m sorry, Esohe, but you forced us. You put sand in our food. You came into my room when I was sleeping – I’m pretty sure it was you. You smeared the wall with blood …’

  ‘Blood? I admit that I did the sand in the rice thing. I was angry. But I didn’t mess about with any blood. I swear!’

  ‘Esohe …’

  ‘Why would I lie? Toh! You people have already locked me in here. You’ve stopped me seeing my baby. You have already judged me, found me guilty and sentenced me! What would I gain by lying now?’

  It was a good point. She had nothing left to lose now by telling the truth. But if she didn’t smear the blood on the wall … Did she expect me to believe that Aunty Bidemi, who had knelt down and scrubbed at the blood with shaking hands, had put it there?

  Our eyes met and she shook her head slowly.

  ‘Please leave my room. I want to go and bath.’

  ‘Esohe …’

  ‘Or do you want to follow me there? Do you want to watch me bath?’

  I dropped the key on her dressing table and left the room.

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Mide called me again. It was beginning to feel like she was from another era. Only a week had gone by, but it might as well have been six months. I was finding it hard to recall her vanilla smell, the feel of her skin. I hadn’t picked up the last three times she had tried me, but here she was callin
g again. She was keen.

  ‘Hey.’

  ‘Hey, what’s up?’

  ‘I … I’m just checking on you. I realized I don’t even know where you are staying.’ Was she worried that I might be shacking up with another woman? Why hadn’t I thought of that?

  ‘What does it matter where I am staying?’

  ‘Look, you don’t have to be an ass!’

  ‘I’m just asking a simple question.’

  ‘Sure.’

  She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t end the call either. She was waiting for me to lighten the mood, but Esohe’s words were weighing heavily on my brain. What would I gain by lying now? I thought of the baby who had died. And Aunty Bidemi feeding Remi with her large breasts.

  ‘Are you still there?’

  ‘What? Uh, yes. Yes, I’m here. Hey, Mide, listen. I have a question.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘If a woman doesn’t breastfeed her baby, how long does the milk stay in her boobs?’

  ‘What the hell kind of question is that?’

  ‘Just answer me please.’

  She paused.

  ‘I guess like two weeks max.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yup. Pretty sure.’

  ‘Can it, like, come back later?’

  ‘Maybe … I don’t know. Maybe you should Google it. I don’t know anyone that’s done that. What’s going on with you, Bambi? Why are you asking about babies?’

  ‘I’m just curious.’

  She cut the phone, no doubt in a rage.

  I checked the time – 3:50 p.m. It would be time for Remi to eat soon. He still drank milk from the bottle, but from the way he stared at me when I ate. It was probably time for them to start giving him solid food. Aunty Bidemi wasn’t in her room and so I went to the living room. I could hear her singing.

  Only it wasn’t Aunty Bidemi who was singing. Esohe was cradling Remi in her arms. She did not look up when I walked in, she was too busy sniffing his skin. I knew she hadn’t held him in days, and he did not seem to be in any danger, but I wanted so badly to take him from her.

  Before I had a chance to speak, I spotted Aunty Bidemi to my right, leaning back on her sofa reading a Mills & Boon book. They were in the room together, and no one was pulling anyone’s hair out. The scene, as peaceful as it was, made me nervous.

  ‘Hey …’

  Esohe lifted her head briefly to smile at me, but Aunty Bidemi did not twitch. She turned a page of her book. Remi began to fuss and cry. Esohe resumed her singing.

  ‘He is probably hungry,’ said Aunty Bidemi from behind her book. ‘Do you want to feed him, Esohe?’

  ‘Yes, Aunty.’ Aunty? When did she begin calling her Aunty?

  Esohe took the bottle out of the warmer and sat down, while tilting the baby to ready him for feeding. I felt like a fool, just standing there, staring at them; but I was a little afraid to leave. Between these two lionesses, Remi was helpless.

  I took a seat on one of the dusty armchairs, leant back and checked my emails and messages. Mide had sent me a very long rant about how she could do a lot better than me. I ignored her, and fired off a quick message to Bukky to check that she was all right.

  ‘I need to change Remi’s nappy,’ said Esohe.

  ‘The nappies are in my room,’ replied Aunty Bidemi. I snapped my head up so quickly it caused me to crack my neck.

  ‘OK. Thank you, Aunty Bidemi.’

  Esohe left with Remi.

  ‘What the hell is going on?’ I hissed.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’re fine with Esohe now?’

  ‘Oh. Yes. She has come to her senses.’

  ‘What do you mean by that?’

  ‘She has accepted that Remi is my child.’

  ‘That doesn’t make sense …’

  ‘Please, I’m trying to read.’

  She returned to her chick lit, leaving me to think over our conversation. Esohe had come to her senses? I didn’t believe a word of it. I stood up and went to find them. Esohe was blowing bubbles on Remi’s stomach while he wriggled around on the changing mat. He smiled when he saw me, but the alarm bells in my head were still ringing.

  ‘How is he doing?’

  ‘He is good. He pooed a lot. Didn’t you? Yes. Yes you did.’

  ‘It must feel good to be able to carry him again.’

  ‘It does. Aunty’s being very kind to me.’ She planted a kiss on his forehead, and then spun him over and powdered his butt.

  ‘Esohe, what’s going on?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Only last night you told me the baby was yours. And now, you are saying Remi is hers?’

  ‘I made a mistake. People are allowed to make mistakes.’

  ‘Don’t play me for a fool, Esohe.’

  ‘I’m not playing.’

  ‘I have a picture of Aunty Bidemi’s baby. I can’t be sure if it is Remi or not. But I’m willing to listen to all you have to say.’

  She laughed. ‘You’re willing? Lucky me!’

  ‘I want to know the truth, Esohe.’

  She lifted Remi from the changing mat and raised an eyebrow.

  ‘You are the only one who does not know the truth.’

  Chapter Twenty-four

  I rested my hand on the wall in my room. It was hot. The sun was baking the whole house. And there was no power again. It was like living in the Dark Ages. I sipped from a bottle of water and sat on my bed with my eyes closed.

  Was this what it meant – to meditate? To allow yourself to be suspended in stolen time? And it was only a very little time. Whatever agreement they had come to would not last very long, I was sure of it. I took a breath—

  Aunty Bidemi burst into my room. I let out the breath.

  ‘Esohe told me that you have been asking her to say she is the mother of Remi.’

  ‘That is not what I said.’

  ‘She said you told her you have a photo that proves I’m not his mum!’

  ‘Aunty Bidemi, I don’t want to fight—’

  ‘You are threatening me and my child and saying you don’t want to fight?’

  ‘I care about Remi as much as—’

  ‘I thought Esohe was the problem in this house, but I did not realize the Judas would come from my own family.’

  ‘Aunty, I don’t know why he is trying to start trouble.’ Esohe had been leaning on the door frame, looking at me smugly. She came and stood beside Aunty Bidemi, towering above her but so close that they looked like a two-headed monster. ‘It is not even any of his business.’

  ‘Wait,’ I snapped. ‘Of course it’s my business. Remi is my—’

  ‘Remi is what?’

  ‘My cousin.’

  ‘Is that what you wanted to say? Or have you started thinking you are his daddy?’

  ‘Esohe, behave yourself!’ I warned.

  ‘So that is what this is all about?’ she laughed. ‘Have you been counting how many months have passed since we made sweet love?’ I stood up, even though I had no idea what to do to shut her up, besides strangling her. ‘Well, maybe you are the daddy. Maybe you’re not. But you can’t just claim a baby, you know. It’s not 1000 BC!’

  Aunty Bidemi looked from Esohe to me and back again. ‘What are you talking about, Esohe?’

  ‘Aunty, almost a year ago now, Bambi and I spent a very special night together. Didn’t we, Bambi?’ She even had the nerve to wink at me.

  ‘Is this true, Bambi?’ asked Aunty Bidemi.

  ‘No. She is mad.’

  ‘I can prove it,’ slurred Esohe. ‘He has a tattoo – of, like, a ship.’

  This would not be the first time I would regret the day I had gone along with a dare, and let myself be tattooed. My friends had even rolled the dice on where and what the tattoo would be. But I could hardly complain, I had caused a number of their most awkward moments. In any case, I had never regretted it as much as I regretted it now. If you were a man that liked to have fun with different women, it was not
a good idea to have any features that stood out. You didn’t want anything that a woman could use as evidence, much as Esohe was doing now.

  ‘Where is this tattoo?’ asked Aunty Bidemi.

  Esohe grinned. ‘He’ll have to take off his trousers.’

  ‘Drop them,’ my aunt barked.

  ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘I said, drop your trousers!’

  ‘I’m not going to do that.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t you want to prove that you didn’t sleep with your uncle’s ... woman?’

  ‘I shouldn’t have to. And besides, even if I had a tattoo – and I’m not saying I do – she could easily have seen it by looking at my body while I was getting dressed. You saw yourself that she tried to force herself on me!’

  ‘Liar, liar, pants on fire,’ sang Esohe. ‘Show us your big ship, Bambi. It’s there, Aunty, on his thigh.’

  ‘Drop your trousers!’ my aunt shouted.

  My thigh? I untied the strings of my sweatpants and dragged them down. I showed them my legs. The inside, the outside, the back, the front. No tattoos. No ships.

  Esohe stopped singing. ‘He’s lying!’ she shrieked. I didn’t bother to comment. The evidence was doing all the talking for me.

  ‘Hush!’ Aunty Bidemi put her hand to her head and sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Bambi. I’m sorry I doubted you.’

  ‘We are all tense.’

  ‘I don’t know why I let her trick me like this.’

  ‘I’m not lying, I—’

  ‘Shut up! You just want me to think my nephew is bad like you. You cannot break up this family. Do you hear me?!’ Having said her piece, she walked off, leaving Esohe and me to stare at each other.

  ‘I don’t know what juju you did, but I will find out.’

  I didn’t reply. I pointed to the door and watched her scuttle out like a spider. A poisonous spider. I closed it behind her and sat down on the edge of my bed. The afternoon sunlight was less fierce than before, the room a little cooler. I took a deep breath. I had the tattoo all right, but it was on my butt. Esohe had simply forgotten where on my body she had seen it.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Esohe and I were close in age, so it was no real wonder that we went to the same places. And yet, I was surprised to see her at the club. Whenever I walked into a crowded room, my eyes would do a quick sweep. I would see where the bar was, which section was the VIP, check for anyone I knew, and spot the sexiest girls in the room.