Twisted Views

by T Gephart

  “Like I give a shit?” I mumbled as I pulled my phone from my pocket. “Oh for fuck’s sake! Jason, the asshole, just spanked me on Candy Crush.” I stared at my lower position on the leader board. I will be rectifying that as soon as someone sends me another freaking life. It’s true what they said; this game was more addictive than crack.

  “Well, that should make this morning interesting then.” Troy eased back into his chair.

  “Why?” I didn’t even look up from my screen as I restarted the game.

  “I’ve just heard a lot about the new girl, surprised you haven’t?” Troy mused as he pulled out a stick of gum and popped into his mouth.

  “Dude, since when have I cared about who worked for us? That’s not my biz. James and Alex were singing her praises yesterday. I’m still not convinced she isn’t a he! Stone was acting like a shady motherfucker.” I continued to crush those annoying little candies before my timer ran out.

  “FUCK!!!!!” I yelled as the last dying moments slipped away.

  “Thanks for the offer, but you’re not my type.” My eyes snapped up from the phone and saw a knockout brunette standing beside James. When I say knockout, I mean a freaking knock-out. She wasn’t overly tall but was wearing some serious footwear that, apart from looking like they could take out an eye, did some major elevation. She was also sporting a pair of killer legs that were long and toned, not that I could see nearly enough of them under that dress she was wearing. Her tits, were a little on the small side for my personal preference but I could definitely work with it (Who says I can’t diversify!? I bet they were real!) and her face… there was no word for it other than beautiful. Her light brown eyes almost freaking sparkled as she looked at me and her pouty red lips were perfect. The sway of her hips as she sauntered over to me gave me an instant hard-on.

  “Hello, Dan.” She held out her hand.

  “Well hellooo!” I took her hand as my eyes tracked up and down her body, a body that I could imagine bending over and doing all kinds of nasty things to and she looked like the kind of girl that would let me. I couldn’t stop staring. She almost didn’t seem real. It wasn’t just her looks (though fuck-me she was out of this world beautiful) it was the untamed, sexy vibe she was rocking that was doing me in. The kind of girl you just knew was trouble and you couldn’t turn down. Damn, the things I’d love to do to that pretty little mouth.

  “Are you picturing me naked?” She snapped me from my x-rated daydream, just as I was about to feel those perfect lips wrapping around my cock.

  “Huh?” I noticed I was still holding her hand.

  “Are. You. Picturing. Me. Naked?” She enunciated slowly, her mouth making exaggerated movements with each word. Damn, if it just made me want to kiss her.

  “Why? Were you?” I smiled not really interested in who she was but more importantly why we weren’t both naked and getting busy.

  “I don’t think I’d recover from the mental image so I’d rather spare my brain from the latent trauma.” Her lips twitched into a sexy smile.

  “Huh?” What the fuck? What was with the fancy words? What the fuck did she mean?

  “You having a stroke Dan?” She asked as she removed her hand from my grasp, “You seem to be having a problem with your speech?”

  Troy and Jase snickered in the background like a couple of douchebags while Alex stepped forward, his cocky smile plastered on his pretty boy face.

  “Dan, this is Lexi, our new PR manager. Lexi this idiot is our bass player, Dan.”

  “Are you fucking with me right now?” The words shot out of my mouth before I had an opportunity to stop them. This was the Lexi they were talking about yesterday? Not possible. The brilliant, smart, whatever - whatever James just had to hire was the same Lexi who had pulled Mikey from his wreck?

  “You seem to have a fixation with fucking,” Lexi raised her eyebrow not breaking eye contact, “Tell me Dan, is this a lack of vocabulary or a performance issue? Because if it’s the latter there are pills that can help you with that.” Her smile taunted me as she continued to confuse me with her jazzed up spiel.

  “I don’t have a fucking performance issue!” I spat out indignantly. Hell I’d never had a problem “getting it up” if that was what she meant. Was that what she meant? Fuck, why was I feeling like I was standing there with my dick in my hand?

  “Ok, so we’ll just assume it’s a dialogue deficiency. Good to know!” She winked as she moved over to Troy, “Hello Troy, I believe we spoke briefly on the phone this morning.” She offered him her hand.

  “Wait a minute?! Did you just call me stupid?” I scratched my head in confusion.

  “I don’t believe those were my words Dan. I think you might be projecting. Incidentally Freud did some amazing research on psychological projection, you’d probably enjoy it. He had a fixation with fucking too.” Her mouth curled seductively. Ok she had to be fucking with me.

  “Very funny guys!” I applauded as I nodded to Alex and James, “Almost had me!”

  I turned back to the woman they called Lexi, “Great work sweetheart. I know who Freud is and I do not want to fuck my mother. Kind of a sick suggestion actually but I’m digging the cute little naughty secretary outfit. Why don’t you sit on my lap so I can give you some DICK-tation?”

  “DAN!” James smacked me across the back of the head. “This IS Lexi! What are you doing?” His voice exploded through the air of the now quiet room.

  She leaned in, “What are you, twelve? Dick-tation? Come on, please tell me that doesn’t work! Girls can’t be that stupid?”

  “Lexi, we’re sorry about this loser. I’m Troy.” He edged me to the side and shook her hand. I stared at her. My head scrambled as I assessed the situation. So, wait? Is she for real? She was going to be working for us? It just didn’t make sense. I couldn’t help but fixate on her perky little tits while my brain did flips trying to sort it out.

  “No need to apologize Troy.” Lexi paused. “Dan, take a photo it’ll last longer.” My eyes snapped up and found she had caught me gawking at her chest.

  I wrestled my phone out my pocket. Wow that was hot! She was going to let me take photos of her boobs? Hell! I no longer gave a fuck she was trying to confuse me with fancy words, in my world tits trumps everything! She could say whatever she wanted if she was going to be flashing skin.

  Jase punted the phone out of my hands, “She was joking numb-nuts!”

  “Fuck you, Jase!” I grabbed at my tumbling phone and caught it before it hit the ground. “She said take a photo!”

  “Hi. I’m Jason. Don’t mind Dan. He’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.” The sly SOB shot her a wink.

  “Hold up!” I waved my arms in the air to gain everyone’s attention “So you are like a legit PR person? You aren’t some escort they hired to mess with me?”

  “Should I kick his ass or do you want to?” Alex asked James.

  “Do I look like an escort?” Lexi held her hand up silencing Alex as she faced me.

  “Well maybe one of those expensive ones that cost you like a grand to jizz on their face.” Not that I’d ever pay for sex. Dan did not need to pay for sex. OK! So maybe I’d paid for sex once… or twice… Five times tops! It was a dry spell and before we had the pussy buffet we have now. My hand was calloused from jerking off and I just figured if you have to take a girl out three times and buy her dinner before she puts out then why not just cut out the middle man and bank on a sure thing? Ends up costing about the same and at least you didn’t have to sit there pretend to be interested in her GPA.

  Lexi laughed, “I know I should be offended, a) for the fact you think I could be an escort and b) that you think I’d let you jizz anywhere on me for ANY amount of money!” She tried to compose herself, biting back her laughter. “But the fact that you look so confused right now and seriously have no idea is so fucking hilarious.”

  “Huh… I don’t fucking understand?” I scrubbed my face with my hands.

  “Let me clear it up for you,�
�� She spoke slowly, “My name is Lexi. I am not an escort. This is not a joke. I do in fact work in PR. I am now heading up your tour representation while you are in Australia.”

  “Well how was I supposed to know? James doesn’t usually hire people who look like you. It was an honest mistake.” I reasoned.

  “People who look like me?” Lexi tipped her head to the side.

  “Yeah. I think it’s intentional.” It’s not like the women that worked for us were ugly, ‘cause they weren’t but they sure as hell weren’t punching in this weight division. I assumed it was to keep us focused and plus, James had had his dick tagged by Hannah years ago so he didn’t partake in the spoils. It’s like taking a vegetarian to a steak house; they aren’t going to know what to order!

  “Why don’t you shut up before you embarrass yourself further?” Troy jabbed me in the ribs.

  “As much as I’d like to continue this fascinating conversation Dan, I want to go over the press conference with James.” She nodded over at James who was glaring at me.

  “Yes, I think that would be a good idea.” He continued to eye ball me as she sauntered over to where he was standing.

  “What?” I mouthed silently, shrugging my shoulders. James rolled his eyes as he and Alex led Lexi into the other room.

  I waited until I heard the door close and they were safely out of earshot. “FUCK ME! How hot is she? Damn, I am getting me some of that!”

  “Dan, you think you have a chance with her? Brother, be serious!” Troy shook his head as we both took a seat on the couch. “She’s too smart to fall for your bullshit routine and James will have your ass if you mess with her.”

  “Just ‘cause you don’t have the sack to make a play don’t be pissing on my parade!” Hell, what was the problem? It’s not like either of them had called her.

  “No one is denying she’s attractive.” Troy tried to reason. “But Jesus man, she works for us. You don’t shit where you eat.”

  “It’s not like we’re staying here, are we. She’s a temp, she’ll be with us a month? I’m like her health plan bonus.” It wasn’t a long-term thing, what was the harm??

  “I don’t think she’ll see you as a bonus. Besides, in case you were missing the vibe, she shot you down. Fairly sure she is not interested,” Jase interjected, pulling a soda out of the nearby fridge before taking a seat.

  “Oh she’s interested. I could feel the sexual tension. She wanted me, she could barely keep her eyes off of me.” I could almost smell the sex rolling off her body.

  “That’s ‘cause she wasn’t sure what she was looking at!” Troy laughed.

  “Laugh it up but I’m telling you. Me and Her, it’s going to happen.”

  Oh, it was going to happen, sooner or later she would be unable to resist me. Mark it!

  Chapter 5 - Alex

  Author’s Note: This takes place just after Alex has left Melbourne. Alex returns to New York after Lexi has broken up with him and he engages in some self-destructive behaviour as a way of coping with his pain.

  “What?” I grunted into the phone. My head felt like it was made of lead as I tried to lift it from my pillow. I had started drinking on the plane and then played the encore with a bottle of Jack when I got home. I hadn’t even showered; I just grabbed a bottle and went to bed like the fucking pathetic cliché that I was. Truth is I wouldn’t have even answered it if I was anyone else, but James wasn’t easily pacified and this was the fifth call he’d made since TJ and Bear had dropped me off back at my apartment yesterday

  “Hey Alex. What’s shaking brother? Where did you go? TJ said he and Bear picked you up from La Guardia- drunk and looking like shit. AND you’ve been MIA. No one has heard from you for a couple of days. Lexi will have a shit-fit when she gets here.” James tried to play it off casually but I could hear that he was concerned. Fucking TJ and his big mouth, I knew I should have just taken a cab.

  “What, are you my Mom now? I went on a little side trip; I didn’t realize I had to check in. No one gives a shit when Dan or Troy takes off for a week. I needed to take care of something AND I don’t give a FUCK about Lexi and her shit-fit.” I rolled to my side as my head pounded. Just saying her name and pretending I didn’t care brought back the stabbing pain in my heart, and the emptiness. How could I have read it wrong? What we had was more than just fucking, it had to be. I felt it, and yet it had clearly been one sided. I was nothing to her, just a convenient lay.

  “Hey! Easy, big guy! I don’t know what’s got your panties in a wad but we were just worried about you ok? You don’t want to tell me, fine – but I’m still going to check on my buddy regardless of him being a dick.” James paused, “You need me to come over?”

  Great, that’s just what I needed. A fucking audience to witness what a fucking sap I was. I’d rather keep drinking than have to deal with the fact that I wasn’t able to touch her… smell her… hold her anymore. No. It was over, Lexi’s words still rung in my ears. “You misunderstood Alex, this was just sex. There is nothing here. I’m sorry but I feel nothing.” She felt nothing.

  “Alex, you there man?” James’ voice snapped me back to present.

  “Yeah I’m here. I just doing my own thing, I’m fine.” I lied, just wanting to be left alone.

  “Alright, well why don’t you come over later? We can just chill.” I couldn’t blame James for trying, we had been tight for a long time and I loved him as much as I did my own brother. He was playing it cool but I knew he wouldn’t be letting it go.

  “Yeah, maybe. I’ll call you.” I scrubbed my hands across my face, my tongue felt like a worn out shoe. “I just need some sleep now. Later Brother.”

  “Get some sleep. See ya.” James ended the call.

  I looked over at the empty bottle still on my nightstand, a cruel reminder of my misery. She felt nothing. It was just sex. I picked up the bottle and hurled it at the wall, watching it shatter into a million pieces. “I’m sorry Alex. I didn’t mean to mislead you. It wasn’t my intention to take it this far. I thought we were just having fun. I’m sorry.” Lexi’s words looped around in my head on constant replay, “Just go Alex, there is nothing here for you.” There was that word again… Nothing.

  I pushed my head into my hands and tried to gain perspective but I couldn’t. I had never felt like this before. I had had girlfriends in the past but ending it felt nothing like this and they were nothing like Lexi. It wasn’t easy just to go back and pretend I hadn’t been with her and as fucked up as it sounded, I needed her. I craved her like a junkie would crave their next hit, except for me, that hit would never be coming. How did it go so wrong? Why did I have to push? Maybe she didn’t feel the way I did but why did it have to end? My thoughts buzzed, tormenting me further. Nothing… she felt nothing.

  “FUCK!” I screamed as the pain tore through my heart again, clearly the numbness from the booze was wearing off. She wrecked me. Her smile. Her laugh. Her touch. The way her brow would crease when she was over-thinking. The look she’d get when she was trash talking, that beautiful, dirty, smart mouth. “Fuck!” I whispered this time. I had fallen for her and it was too late. “Fuck,” I muttered again. She was perfect and she was gone.

  ~~~~~~

  “Open up Stone!” The banging from the door was unrelenting, ironically matching the banging in my head as I sat up too quickly from my bed. The lights from the skyscrapers permeated through the gap in my drapes. It was night, another night without her. It had been three days since I last saw her and I still could smell her on my skin. My eyes fell to the half empty bottle of Grey Goose, which sat where previously the bottle of Jack had been. I didn’t even bother counting the empty beer bottles that littered my floor. Yep, definitely a trend Stone, at least you’re consistent at being a miserable fuck.

  “Open up Pretty Boy! Quit acting like a pussy!” Dan thumped louder on the door. What the fuck did he want? The last thing I need to deal with was Dan. Of course I was going to have to let him in because he would just keep up the persistent
knocking. Dan, being Dan, had nothing better to do than piss me off.

  “Ughhhh,” I groaned as my feet found the floor. I knew I was still drunk but I took a swig of Goose for good measure as I walked out my bedroom door. “Stop knocking, ass-wipe. I’m coming.” I shuffled slowly through my apartment dressed only in my Calvins to my front door, the challenge of walking and being upright almost too much for my inebriated state.

  “I wasn’t asking you to get off numb-nuts, I was asking you to open your damn door.” Dan laughed; clearly pleased he was able to throw in some innuendo.

  I unlocked the door, “What do you want asshole?” I squinted as the light of the hall invaded my entranceway. Dan pushed his way past me and slammed the door.

  “I’ve been trying to call you. I need a favour.” Dan stopped, taking in my appearance before sitting down uninvited on my sofa. “You look like shit man, you still getting laid looking like that?”

  Of course, of all the things Dan would be worried about, it would be whether my dick was getting enough action. “What did you need Dan? I have plans,” I lied, wanting to be left alone in my private misery. I moved onto the chair opposite him, glad I no longer had to contend with gravity.

  “Dude, seriously. Take a shower or something, you fucking stink.” Dan screwed up his nose and gently fanned his face. I hadn’t showered since leaving Melbourne. What, was that three days ago? It wasn’t high on my priority list, along with other things like eating or sleeping.

  “Fuck you man! What do you want? Or did you come here just to piss me off?” My irritation with Dan was growing exponentially with each passing second.

  “Remember that broad, Jen? The model with the massive cans?” Dan smiled as he demonstrated her ample bust size. “Well, we were hitting up Bungalow 8 tonight and I intend to tap that! But her friend from out of town is with her who will only go if YOU go. Fuck knows why, Stone, but girls dig your moody bullshit. So what you say? You going to come out and help play interference?” Dan’s smile widened.