by Brian Yorkey
After checking the time, Natalie starts downstairs from her room, with her dress peeking out from beneath a formal coat.)
DIANA:DAN:
What was his name? It’s gonna be good, you’ll see.
What was his name? It’s gonna be good
What was his name? Gonna be good
What was his name? Gonna be
(Natalie arrives downstairs. She glances briefly at Henry, before both of them turn their attention back to Diana and Dan.)
Name name name Gonna be good good
Name name name Good good
(Dan grabs the music box from her hands . . .)
DIANA:What was his what was his name
What was his what was his name—
(. . . and dashes it to the ground. Silence.)
NATALIE: Jesus, Dad!
(She turns and runs back upstairs.)
DAN: Natalie!
(Henry is frozen a moment, then follows Natalie.)
why stay?
DIANA:Why stay?
Why stay?
So steadfast and stolid
And stoic and solid
For day after every day . . .
Why stay?
Why stay?
Why not simply give in
And get on with livin’,
’Cause everyone knows you tried—
But somehow something died
On the way.
So tell me why you stay?
(Split scene:
Henry gently opens Natalie’s bedroom door.)
DIANA AND NATALIE:Why stay?
Why stay?
Enduring and coping
And hurting and hoping
For day after fucking day—
Why stay?
Why stay?
Why not simply end it?
We’d all comprehend it,
And most of the world would say,
“He’s better off that way,
To be free—
And maybe so is she.”
a promise
DAN:A promise,
A boy says forever . . .
A boy says,
DAN AND HENRY:“Whatever may come, we’ll come through.
And who can know how,
When all I know now
To be true
Is this promise that I make to you.”
DAN:HENRY:
A question,
A boy wonders whether A boy
The two stay together Wonders
The way that they stay, Should I stay?
For year after year, Oh . . .
For love or from fear— Oh . . .
Either way, Either way . . .
That’s the promise
That I made that day Here’s what I say
DAN AND HENRY:To the girl who was burning so brightly
Like the light from Orion above,
DAN:And still I will search for her nightly—
If you see her, please send her my love.
DAN:HENRY:
And the boy was a boy for all seasons— The boy is long lost . . .
That boy is long lost to me now. So lost . . .
And the man has forgotten his reasons, Forgotten his reasons . . .
But the man still remembers his vow. Now . . .
DAN:A promise,
A man says forever.
A man says I’ll never regret, or let you,
The promise I made
To stay, and I stayed true . . .
Knowing one day we’d remember that joy,
You’d remember that girl, I’d remember that boy,
Till we do
The promise I made
I’ll make it brand-new—
The promise that I made to you.
(Dan and Diana are still.
Henry holds Natalie to him.
Two couples.
And then Gabe.
Music.)
i’m alive (reprise)
GABE:I am more than memory—
I am what might be, I am mystery.
Come closer . . .
DIANA: Dan.
(Gabe begins to approach Diana. Dan watches her back away.)
GABE:Come closer . . .
DAN: Diana, there’s nothing there.
GABE:I’m old as time and forever young . . .
I am every song that will stay unsung . . .
I’ll find you . . .
DIANA: Oh no.
DAN: Goddamn it!
GABE:Remind you . . .
(Diana turns toward the door.)
DIANA: Natalie!
DAN: Di—come back here!
(Diana bolts the room, and for a moment Gabe watches her go . . .)
GABE:Until you name me,
You can’t tame me—
(. . . and then he turns to Dan.)
This is one old game that I can play so well.
(Natalie leaves her room and meets Diana on the staircase, as Gabe pursues Dan.)
I’m alive
I’m alive
I am so alive—
And the medicine failed, and the doctors lied.
I’m alive
I’m alive
I am death defied—
I’m alive . . .
So alive . . .
I’m alive!
(Diana heads back down the stairs, slowly.
In Natalie’s room, Henry waits patiently as she returns.)
NATALIE: I can’t go to your dance. I have to take my mom to the doctor.
HENRY: I’ll drive.
NATALIE: No.
GABE:I’m alive.
HENRY: Let me help.
NATALIE: You can’t.
(Downstairs, Diana grabs a coat and leaves.)
DAN: Diana!
NATALIE (Hears this): Just go.
GABE:I’m alive.
NATALIE: Look, I’ll try to come later, okay?
HENRY: I’ll wait for you there.
DAN: Natalie!
(Natalie goes, Henry follows.)
GABE:I’m alive.
(Lights. Music changes.
Diana is with Doctor Madden. He’s still in his coat, holding his keys.)
the break
DIANA:They told me that the wiring
Was somehow all misfiring
And screwing up the signals in my brain.
And then they told me chemistry,
The juice, and not the circuitry,
Was mixing up and making me insane.
What happens when the burn has healed
But the skin has not regrown?
What happens when the cast at last comes off
And then you find the break was always in another bone?
DOCTOR MADDEN: Relapse is very common, Diana. It’s upsetting that the delusional episodes have returned, but not entirely unexpected.
DIANA:They tried a million meds and
They strapped me to their beds and
They shrugged and told me, “That’s the way it goes.”
When finally you hit it,
I asked you just what did it—
You shrugged and said that no one really knows.
What happens if the medicine
Wasn’t really in control?
What happens if the cut, the burn, the break
Was never in my brain or in my blood
But in my soul?
What happens if the cut, the burn, the break
Was never in my brain or in my blood
But in my soul?
make up your mind / catch me i’m falling (reprise)
DOCTOR MADDEN:Make up your mind this is clarity—
Clarity that you did not have before.
The treatment is strong
But lasts only so long
It may be your mind’s needing more.
DIANA: Let’s say that’s not it.
DOCTOR MADDEN: The ECT is powerful. It gave you your life back. But the effects fade, and additional treatments are almost always needed.
DIANA: That wasn’t on the form.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Make up your mind that you’ll try again.
Make up your mind there are moments of light.
The one thing that’s sure
Is that there is no cure—
But that doesn’t mean we don’t fight.
(Gabe enters, watching.)
DIANA:Catch me I’m falling . . .
DOCTOR MADDEN: We’ll return to the talk therapy.
DIANA:Sinking and sprawling . . .
DOCTOR MADDEN: There’s more work to do.
DIANA:Maybe I’ll let myself fall.
DIANA AND GABE:Watch me I’m falling . . .
DOCTOR MADDEN: We might have to look at . . .
DIANA AND GABE:Maybe the falling . . .
DOCTOR MADDEN: . . . a new drug regimen.
(As Diana and Gabe continue:)
There are other promising therapies. EMDR, for instance, or rTMS. Diana.
DIANA:GABE:
Isn’t so bad Make up your mind
After all . . . To be free.
Isn’t so bad Make up your mind
After all . . . To be free.
Watch me I’m falling. Make up your mind.
Watch me I’m flying. Make up your mind.
Somehow surviving . . . Make up—
DOCTOR MADDEN: Diana. You have a chronic illness. Like diabetes, or hypertension. If you leave it untreated, it could be catastrophic.
DIANA: I understand.
(Music changes.)
But there has to be another way.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Stay with me.
Try again.
Don’t walk out on treatment, don’t lose what you’ve won—
You’ve struggled for years but you’ve only begun.
DIANA: My first psychiatrist told me that according to the manual, grief that continues past four months is pathological and should be medicated. Four months. For the life of my child. Who makes these decisions?
DOCTOR MADDEN: It’s a guideline, nothing more.
DIANA: Yes. Nothing more.
DOCTOR MADDEN:Stay with me.
Try again.
Is medicine magic? You know that it’s not.
We know it’s not perfect, but it’s what we’ve got.
It’s all that we’ve got.
DIANA: Good-bye, Doctor Madden.
(She leaves the office and meets Natalie outside.
Music changes.)
NATALIE: What’d he say?
DIANA: He said I could do more ECT or go back on the meds.
NATALIE: And what are you going to do?
DIANA: I’m going to take you to your dance.
NATALIE: Mom—
DIANA: It’s time for you to start thinking of your own happiness.
NATALIE: It’s not happiness. It’s Henry.
DIANA: You love him.
NATALIE: Mom, you can’t just walk out on your doctor.
maybe (next to normal)
DIANA:Maybe I’ve lost it at last.
Maybe my last lucid moment has passed.
I’m dancing with death, I suppose . . .
But really—who knows?
Maybe I’m tired of the game,
Of coming up short, of the rules, of the shame—
And maybe you feel that way, too . . .
I see me in you.
A girl full of anger and hope,
A girl with a mother who just couldn’t cope,
A girl who felt caught
And thought no one could see—
But maybe one day she’ll be free
NATALIE:It’s so lovely that you’re sharing.
No, really, I’m all ears.
But where has all this caring been
For sixteen years?
For all those years I prayed that
You’d go away for good—
Half the time afraid that
You really would.
When I thought you might be dying
I cried for all we’d never be.
But there’ll be no more crying . . .
Not for me.
DIANA:Things will get better, you’ll see.
NATALIE:Not for me . . .
DIANA:NATALIE:
You’ll see . . . Not for me . . .
You’ll see . . . Not for me . . .
You’ll see . . . Not for me . . .
(Diana grabs Natalie, and holds her. A moment, then:)
DIANA:Maybe we can’t be okay.
But maybe we’re tough, and we’ll try anyway—
We’ll live with what’s real,
Let go of what’s past,
And maybe I’ll see you at last.
NATALIE: I don’t believe you.
(Natalie turns to go. Diana watches her take a few steps, then:)
DIANA: Seventeen years ago your brother died of an intestinal obstruction. He was eight months old. I’m sorry we never talked about that. We wanted to give you a normal life, but I realize I have no clue what that is.
NATALIE:I don’t need a life that’s normal—
That’s way too far away.
But something . . . next to normal
Would be okay.
Yeah, something next to normal—
That’s the thing I’d like to try.
Close enough to normal
To get by . . .
DIANA:We’ll get by.
NATALIE:We’ll get by.
DIANA: Okay. Now go to your dance.
(They go, separately.
Lights.
Music changes.
Henry is at the dance, alone, standing there.
Natalie arrives, coat off, showing her dress for the first time.)
hey #3 / perfect for you (reprise)
HENRY:Hey.
NATALIE:Hey.
HENRY:You look like a star—
A vision in blue . . .
NATALIE:Oh, I do?
HENRY:And you are.
Hey—you came.
NATALIE:Well I said that I might.
HENRY:I thought we were through,
Me and you . . .
NATALIE:Not tonight.
HENRY:NATALIE:
Will your mom be okay?
Well, she might be, some day.
But for now it’s all fine?
She’s still on my mind.
Can you leave it behind?
Hey—
Stay.
Hey—am I crazy?
Let’s see this thing through.
I might end up crazy.
I’ll be here for you.
NATALIE:You say that right here.
But then give it a year,
Or ten years, or a life—
I could end up your wife.
Sitting, staring at walls,
Throwing shit down the stairs,
Freaking out at the store,
Running nude down the street,
Bleeding out in the bath—
(Henry grabs her and holds her.)
HENRY: Shh.
(He holds her a still moment. Then:
Music changes.)
Perfect for you . . .
I will be perfect for you.
So you could go crazy,
Or I could go crazy, it’s true . . .
Sometimes life is insane,
But crazy I know I can do.
’Cause crazy is perfect,
And fucked-up is perfect,
So I will be perfect . . .
NATALIE:Perfect . . .
NATALIE AND HENRY:Perfect for you.
(They kiss.
Lights.
Music changes.
Dan sits, alone. Diana enters, with suitcases.)
so anyway
